Ughhhhhhh

I woke up feeling very warm and anxious this morning and my heart was racing.At first I thought it was just from not taking medicine for the past 2 days, but I woke up feeling the same way on Sunday. I felt so bad that on my way to work, I seriously contemplated pulling over and calling my boss and telling her I'd be late because I was going to head to the ER. More than likely they wouldn't have done anything for me, but maybe someone could have given me a little bit of help. I ended up just heading to work and a few hours later I caved and took an Ativan.

The bloating has seemed to calm down some and while I am still getting waves of nausea, it's not nearly as bad. All day long, though, I kept feeling warm and I feel like the whole inside of my body is shaking. So far my return to psych meds has not been a positive experience, which is not going to help my mistrust of them by any means.

And it's not just the physical side effects bothering me. I have been having some pretty unsettling emotional thoughts as well. Like getting so frustrated from the side effects that I start to think why I should I even bother trying? Why shouldn't I just say the hell with it and end it all?

And yet, people think it's so easy to treat mental illness....