Happy Mardi Gras! The AOL logo must have showed it's boobs off today. It has beads. See?!I just walked out in the kitchen where my mom has Oprah on and the father of the octuplet mom is on. He doesn't understand why people are focusing on the negatives. Really? You don't understand why? Un-fucking-believable. The American people are outraged because our tax dollars are going to this delusional selfish cow who is using the money to fatten up her lips and for manicures. Not to mention many of us would like to know how she paid for IVF and how can someone with such a bad back be able to carry 8 babies. This bitch is delusional beyond belief to think that obtaining her masters degree is 1. automatically going to get her a job and 2. going to give her a job that pays enough to cover the care of 14 children. Too bad. If this was Idiocracy, she would be declared an unfit mother and the children would probably be taken away and placed in the custody of Carl's Jr.
Is a day ever going to come again when irresponsibility stops being rewarded? Why are none of my irresponsible actions ever rewarded? Am I not irresponsible enough or something?
Speaking of irresponsibility, each day that goes by, I get more and more tempted to just pack everything up and move. I am completely and utterly bored with my life and even going back to work is not going to solve the problem. I want change and since suicide seems to be out of the question, I want to get out of here and just start over somewhere.
I need to call back about the call center job I mentioned before. I can't let this slip through, but I feel like I am being punched in the stomach every time I think about calling. And trying to talk to someone about how fearful I am is useless because they just do not get it. No matter how many times I tell myself that I shouldn't take getting screamed at personally, that I am surely not the first or the last to get screamed at on the phone, it still does not help. One of the worst things to do is to just give in to the social anxiety, but I can't just throw myself into a high contact social situation either, unless I would like to experience another mental breakdown again.
I have been in a horrible rut the past few days. I sleep about 10 hours and barely can get up when the time comes. My head feels like its stuck in the mud and I am exhausted the entire day, yet when I finally climb into bed, my mind starts running and I toss and turn for over an hour. I just want to climb into bed, pull the covers over my head and never leave. I am starting to get the same feeling I had after I got out of the hospital- just say the hell with life and go to a psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life. I'm done with this life thing.
