Quote Of The Day

From the Palast Report email I received today:

"I get it: You’re stunned you elected an orange-stained, gelatinous bag of malicious mendacity, a snorting porcine pustule of bloviating bigot hinged to grasping little griplets, a bloated ball of gracelessness and cry-baby petulance as President of the United States."

I don't think I have ever heard Chump described so perfectly. Well done, Mr. Palast. 

Quote(s) Of The Day

The genius of Waterfall Sr. from "The Birdbot of Ice-Catrez":

Waterfall Sr.: Greetings, Econauts. I'm Free Waterfall Sr., founder of Penguins Unlimited. [The crowd applauds.] Whoa! No, no! No applause. Every time you clap your hands you kill thousands of spores that'll some day form a nutritious fungus. Just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. [The crowd thumbs-ups.] Please hold your thumbs until the end. Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker with a non-violent human circle.
Leela: [standing up] Why do we have to resort to non-violence? Can't we just kick their asses?
Waterfall Sr.: Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

Waterfall Sr.: If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. [He picks up some snow, puts his hand down his trousers and rubs it around.] If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right!

Waterfall Sr.: Good way to avoid frostbite, folks: Put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.
Leela: Uh ... I think I'll go check on Bender.
Waterfall Sr.: Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Waterfall Sr.: Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me, well, I'm gonna stay up all night singing songs about penguins in a fine, piercing tenor.

Leela: You can't shoot penguins. Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding?
Waterfall Sr.: Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures.

Quote Of The Day

From "Luck of the Fryish": 

[Scene: Flushing Downs Horse d'Oeuvres Outlet.] 
Paper-hatted salesman: [shouting] Get your piping-hot horse burgers, horse fries, horse cake and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth.
Leela: Hmm.

Hermes: It all sounds good.

Paper-hatted salesman: All our horses are 100% horse-fed for that double-horse juiced-in goodness.

Leela: I'll have the cholesterol-free omelette with horse beaters.

Paper-hatted salesman: And you, sir, how can I horse you?

Hermes: I'll have a horse coke.

Paper-hatted salesman: Horse Pepsi OK?

Hermes: Nay.

Quote Of The Day

From "Parasites Lost":

Fry-Droid: Your Excellency, have you ever been in love?
Worm Mayor: No. I thought I was once but then I remember our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.

Quote Of The Day

I just discovered this past week that we have FXX and have been watching reruns of the Simpsons every chance I can get. I have seen episodes I haven't seen in years, including the one where Smithers is sent on a vacation and Homer fills in for him. While most of the episode is pretty damn funny, this part made me laugh unnecessarily long:

Homer Simpson: Okay Mr. Burns, here are your messages: "You have thirty minutes to move your car." "You have ten minutes to move your car." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have thirty minutes to move your cube."
Homer Simpson: [Phone Rings] Hello?
Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?

Quote Of The Day

One of my favorite scenes from Beetlejuice:

[in the waiting room of the afterlife]
Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when *you* die.
[points at a gaunt man smoking]
Receptionist: That is what happens when *he* dies.
[points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading]
Receptionist: And that is what happens when *they* die. It's all very personal.

I guess it's just my morbid sense of humor, but I always laugh when the receptionist says "and I'll tell you something- if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident" and she shows her slit "across the street" wrists.

Quote Of The Day

From "Law and Oracle": 

Chief O'Mannahan: At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet 'cause I'm PMS-in' like a lumberjack.

Quote Of The Day

From "Max Jets":

Waitress: So, have you decided?
Francine: Um, I see it says kids eat free? Does that include kids at heart?
Waitress: Yes, it does.

Quote Of The Day

From "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven":

[Stewie's bedroom, the entire cast of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" are standing on his transporter pad, with Stewie standing beside the transporter controls, exhausted]
Stewie Griffin: [To the cast] This...was...exhausting. This whole experience, was absolutely...exhausting. You people have ruined Star Trek: The Next Generation for me, you are absolutely, the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with, I hope you all fucking die.
Patrick Stewart: I still have five prize tickets from the Carnival.
Stewie Griffin: There was nothing for five tickets. We've been over this!
Patrick Stewart: Well, but, LeVar and I were going to pool ours for the fuzzy troll pencil topper.
Stewie Griffin: Oh yeah? You gonna share that?
LeVar Burton: Yeah, we were gonna share it.
Stewie Griffin: Really? How's that gonna work?
Patrick Stewart: Three days at my house, three days at LeVar's, and alternating Sundays.
Stewie Griffin: For a pencil-topper?!

Quote Of The Day

From "Parasites Lost":

Bender: Yo, old guy, why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? Can't you just shrink us?
Farnsworth: Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money! Leave me alone!

Quote Of The Day

From one of the best Spongebob episodes ("Survival of the Idiots"):

SpongeBob: I don't get it! How does Sandy survive these intense conditions every year?  
Patrick: Maybe she just ignores it.

Quote Of The Day

From "Clams":

Mr. Krabs: Do you know what this is?!
Squidward: A very dirty dollar?
Mr. Krabs: No, this is my one millionth dollar earned! Every crab's goal in life is to make a million dollars, and now I got mine! Congratulations, sir! You have just given me my one millionth dollar!
Sandals: Ha, great! Uhh, what do I win?
Mr. Krabs: Nothing! Now get out!
Sandals: Uhh, what?
Mr. Krabs: Get out! Everybody get out, you're spoiling me moment!

Quote Of The Day

From one of the greatest Futurama episodes (Roswell That Ends Well):

Farnsworth: Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. 

Fry: But-- But won't that change history?
Farnsworth: [sarcastic] Oh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Quote Of The Day

In honor of Mother's Day, but I couldn't choose just one, so here is the whole damn transcript:

Transcript:Mother's Day

Quote Of The Day

From user Red Polygon in response to this article:

Everything about that photo doesn't just scream "pretentious", it hauls every marching band on earth to the top of Mount Everest and roars "pretentious" into a 200,000 watt megaphone.

What is this Deadmaus dude's problem anyway? I could see if Win Butler specifically called him out, but he didn't. He just made a general statement and this douche, as usual, gets all butt hurt and flies off the handle. I thought I went through life with a ridiculous amount of anger in me, but I don't hold a candle to this ass. Chill out, dude, before you have a fucking stroke.

Quote Of The Day

From Andrew:

I still feel anxious onstage, and I wish I could just open up and be free, but I think the lyrics and music for the new album is just so personal and writing it was, well, let’s just say that I find the best thing about the music that Ben and I make is that it’s a result of a very special combination of our two personalities. We’re not prolific. We don’t produce a lot. So whatever comes out are like the little, condensed versions of our lives at that time. It means that the music is very personal and watching crowds who aren’t connecting with it or feeding off of it can be strange.

Well, that is depressing. I figured there was some reason why he is so.....awkward on stage. I saw what people were talking about, about how the band barely interacts with the audience, when I was at the Electric Factory show. Either it was just considered a lot to me or Musikfest was just a rare moment, because like I have said before, I thought Andrew was pretty chatty.

Also, I don't know why I keep forgetting to bring this up, but at the Electric Factory show, during "Congratulations", I happened to look further down the bar and there was this middle-aged black woman (WHAT?) in a fur coat with her hands up in the air, her eyes closed, and swaying back and forth like she was in church. It was one of the greatest scenes I saw all night.

Hope everyone had a nice Zombie Jesus day. Or whatever you celebrate. Mine was nice, minus the fact I had a bad case of PMS. And I did not see that kid I graduated with today, thank God. I think if I had, I probably would have had an epic meltdown. My mind is itching for one and Lord knows what is going to bring it on one day. Also, all I keep thinking about is my FWA pumping for information on Friday whether the work is caught up and I want to hit something. And I want to hit something because I am pissed that I am allowing a comment made by some low life bitch who decided to get try and get pregnant because birth control was getting too expensive to bother me.

Quote Of The Day

Not sure if it's the exact quote, since I am pulling it from memory and we know how things get screwed up once they enter into my head, but one of the funniest scenes from American Dad:

Roger: Breaking bad news is part of the job, Wheels. It's a part of life! You gotta do it! That's why I volunteer at the cancer ward every Sunday.
(cut away to Roger standing outside of a hospital with a megaphone)
Roger: (yelling into megaphone) YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR DOCTORS ARE LYING TO YOU!

Quote Of The Day

From "The Route Of Evil":

Cubert: Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today?
Farnsworth: Eh, wha? Oh! This is my latest invention; a device that lets anyone sound exactly like me!
[Cubert speaks into it.]  
Cubert: [Farnsworth's voice] Good news, everyone! I'm a horse's butt!
Farnsworth: I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Quote Of The Day

From "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles": 

[Time Lapse. Farnsworth sits down. Fry, Leela and Bender are already eating. Farnsworth gets out his teeth and puts them on the table. Leela covers her eyes in disbelief.]

Leela: Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor.

Farnsworth: Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear-powered!

[He presses a button on a remote control and the teeth start chomping his food. They bite Fry.]

Quote Of The Day

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