Random Thoughts

I switched back to strictly just Colace and I am half-tempted to take back what I said in that I'd rather be constipated than feel like I did. I do feel slightly better, but now I am bloated, the scale is back up and I can't go to the bathroom and I just want to scream. On the Peri-Colace/Miralax regimen, my stomach felt great but I felt like crap, off the regimen, I feel better but my stomach feels like crap. THERE IS NO GODDAMN WIN.

And for all I know, it may not have even been the regimen making me feel horrible. It could have just been a fluke thing. Hormone-related, etc. Even so, I still can't stay on the regimen forever. I've been hesitant to be on it as is. My intestines are lazy enough as is!

Yesterday was Apple Fest. It ended up being kind of a disappointing day. For one thing, it was insanely crowded. And a lot of the people that go are so damn snooty and rude. And I just have to laugh at the hordes of middle aged women dressed like teenagers. It's hysterical. There was one point I had a woman in front of me who was dressed in head to toe Love Pink shit, Ugg boots, and had teal streaks in her hair. I just looked at her and rolled my eyes, thinking oh typical teenage girl today, only to be surprised to find out she was a late middle-aged fake tanned to the gills woman when she turned around.

Actually no I wasn't really that surprised.

And then this bitch with one of those stupid double wide SUV strollers was next to me and on each side of the monstrosity were tags that said "Please wash your hands before you touch mine". Really? Are you kidding me? These people with their obsessions of kids being exposed to germs need to sit down. How are your brats ever going to develop an immune system if they're never exposed to germs? Sometimes I wonder if this is why there are so many kids with freak allergies and shit nowadays. Back when I was in school, I hardly knew anyone, if at all, that had food allergies, let alone severe ones. Nowadays you have kids you can't even say the word "peanut" to without them going into anaphylactic shock.

Random Thoughts

Two days down, three more to go until the weekend. Although I am dreading the closer to the weekend I get, because I just know my sister is going to say something about going to the Strawberry Festival and I wouldn't mind going again, but really don't want to drive up there with her husband.

Not this past weekend, but the prior weekend I went to Dairy Queen to try the salted caramel truffle Blizzard (very good) and while I was waiting in line I was reading the menu and they had 3 anniversary flavors, one of which was one of my favorites from back in the day- the brownie batter Blizzard. So this past weekend I wanted ice cream and decided I wanted that. And while I was waiting in line, I started to read through the menu again.....and happened to notice how short the Blizzard menu has gotten. And then I realized quite a few flavors that I like were no longer on the menu- mint Oreo, Oreo cheesequake, etc. DAIRY QUEEN, I AM DISAPPOINT.

I don't know what May's Blizzard of the Month will be, but I definitely want to try that brownie cookie dough one at some point. That looks heavenly. And if they'd bring back the Kit Kat Blizzard, that would be fantastic. And all I know is, I don't care if it's their 75th anniversary, the pumpkin pie Blizzard better be there in October!

I feel so damn bloated and swollen right now, I can't even stand it. You name it- my hands, my feet, every possible place imaginable. My stomach feels horrible. I have still been taking the Prozac every day and I keep thinking I need to cut back on it, but I get so wracked with guilt if I don't take it, that I end up taking it. And then I curse myself out later on when my stomach feels horrible. My anxiety levels are sky-high and my concentration levels are the pits and I don't know if it's hormone-related or possibly due to the increase in medicine. I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO ANY OF THIS. And it's driving me frigging mad.

Random Thoughts

Oh my Lord this week is dragging.

And once again, it is a week where everyone is in the office and it's getting on my last damn nerve. THEY NEVER SHUT UP. And naturally my poor excuse for a manager never puts a stop to it, because god forbid she actually manage instead of trying to be everyone's friend.

I have been so damn depressed and miserable the last few days, I am starting to get on my own nerves. I think I am probably miserable because I am so anxious over my period not coming on time and I am also probably miserable because it's coming. I had some signs of it earlier, so hopefully it's coming and not just fucking with my head.

And then I saw something yesterday that made me feel even worse depressed. The one girl who used to work at my place and I had worked with before I was laid off posted some picture of some [nasty-looking] soup she had made and all of my coworkers commented and apparently sometime this month, they are all invited to go over her house for dinner. I shouldn't even care, but it was like a punch in the gut. Especially because my FWA and her friend (the one who was fired back in the winter) are invited as well. All the other 3 do/did is/was badmouth the latter. Especially the one who invited them for dinner. I think it's hilarious that the 2 of them even believe the other 3 are their friends. And the thing I hate the most is that I am allowing it to bother me.

We did end up going to Apple Fest on Sunday and it was a nice day, minus the usual wanting to smack the BIL. It wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be; in fact, I don't even think it was as crowded as when we go on Saturday. It was just cold as hell. We stopped at Longhorn on the way home and did that turn into an adventure. They took my fav off the menu, the Parmesan crusted chicken sandwich, so I decided to get a burger. I asked for it well-done with just bacon and American cheese, no lettuce, tomato, onions, or anything else. First it came out with pickles, so I sent it back. Then it came out with Cheddar cheese and was probably about medium rare, if not almost rare, so that time we got the manager, who apologized and supposedly made the burger for me (it finally came out perfect). And not only did I get my meal for free, but I got 2 $10 cards. I of course feel horribly guilty for complaining (nicely, of course) and getting all that stuff as well.

And all of this Christmas stuff is getting to me already.

Random Thoughts

It's raining like hell out, so obviously we didn't get to go to Apple Fest. I AM SO BORED.

I saw this article earlier on Yahoo about some woman who came out of a coma or something and delivered a baby or something. I don't know, I didn't pay much attention to the article because I was more focused on the picture of her in a hospital bed with what looked like an NG tube. What on earth possesses people to take a picture of someone in a hospital bed? Or someone's horrific injuries after being injured? Like if someone is assaulted and someone takes a picture of their injuries and I am not referring to police photos either. I swear to God, if I ever ended up in the hospital with some bad injuries or illness and someone took pictures of me, there would be hell to pay after I recovered. Especially if said pictures ended up on social media and/or the news.

Yesterday when I submitted my worklog to my boss, I have to say I was a little pleased with it. I knocked out a lot more work this week than usual (just praying my work was done properly). Of course, the amount of reports I did in 1 week is what the rest can knock out in 2 days, but still, it was better than it has been. And they were some decent sized charts, too.

I pass by a synagogue every day to and from work and yesterday when I was coming home, they had a sign outside advertising their annual Oy Vey 5K. Best race name ever.

We went over my sister's last night and my sister has a 6 person dining room table. One side of it is very close to her china hutch and I was siting in the one seat next to the china hutch and my nephew's high chair and my aunt was sitting at the head of the table. It was just the 2 of us, so do the math- 4 seats open including 3 in a large open space. My mom asks if anyone if they want coffee and my grandfather says he'll take some. When it's done, he comes over to the table and asks me if I could move in because he is going to sit in the seat next to me or if I was going to move over. Now might I remind you I was in a seat next to a china hutch and high chair, a very tight space, and the seat next to me was also next to the china hutch. And there were 3 open chairs on the other side- in a very large open space. I am not going to bother bringing that up so I just tell him to sit in my seat and I'll go sit somewhere else. He doesn't even let me get the hell out of the way and starts moving into the seat before I am even out of the way and I bumped into the high chair and that was the point that I got really [silently] annoyed. And of course everyone got mad at me for getting annoyed, and maybe I am in the wrong and of course now I feel like crap, but for god's sake, it made it no goddamn sense to me! There were 3 fucking open seats!

I try to remember that my grandparents come from a different generation, but the way my grandmother acts like women should cater to men and the way my grandfather acts like women should do everything really fucking pisses me off sometimes.

I love my family, I really do, but I really dread being around them anymore. And I honestly hate feeling that way, but they're just so....overwhelming.

God, I really wish my computer would kick the bucket already so I can buy a new one! I am tired of its slow ass. See? This is what I get for taking good care of a computer! And my iPad isn't even much of an option considering Safari crashes EVERY 5 SECONDS.

Random Thoughts

I just finished watching Corpse Bride and I don't know why, but every time I watch that movie, I feel overwhelmingly depressed. Just everything that happens to Emily is sad.

Also, all these Christmas commercials are depressing me, too. Nick took Spongebob off at 7AM, so I am back to watching I Love Lucy and every day it's "THIS MANY DAYS UNTIL COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS!". Ugh, I dread those movies come back, because my parents basically watch EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM and they're all so damn saccharine and corny and ugh. And every year they tell me about A Dog Named Christmas and I have to tell them yes, I have seen it and I have actually read the book!

And what the hell is with the weather forecasted for Saturday? It's Apple Fest! All week it was supposed to be cold, sunny, and windy. Now all of a sudden it's going to rain? GR!

Random Thoughts

I woke up with a little irritation down below this morning, but it eventually went away. And so far I haven't had much, if any, and no bladder irritability. Hopefully it will stay like that, although I'd still like to know what caused it. I still have the heart palpitations, though. And every time I feel hot, I start to panic, which in turn makes me hotter, which makes me even more anxious, and so on. Anxiety is a real bitch. A real powerful bitch.

I had originally wanted to go to the Peddler's Village blueberry festival yesterday, but since my anxiety levels have been so bad, I didn't push to go because I didn't want to go to something that I have been wanting to go to for a couple years feeling miserable as shit, so we ended up not doing much of anything yesterday except spending an exorbitantly amount of time in a Super Wal-Fart and then going to dinner at Longhorn. But we decided to go to Peddler's today and despite being hot and somewhat overcast, it was a nice day. Plus it wasn't mad busy like when we go to Apple Fest.

And now it's back to hell tomorrow. Ugh. At least my manager is out on vacation this week, so it should be a little bit less stressful. After Friday, I am glad she isn't going to be in. She was a real fucking pain in the ass on Friday, especially with what she did in the morning. I was working on a chart and I get an email from someone at our sister company telling me she just wanted to let me know that more records came in for the person's chart I was working on and my manager was included in the email and she writes us both back letting the other person know that I'd print them out and work on them. So I start to print them out and my FWA asks me if I was printing medical records and I said yeah and she asked me who and I tell her who and she tells me she is printing them out. I said "What? Why are you printing them out when [manager] asked me to print them out?" and she says she got an email from her asking her to print them out. I said "well, that doesn't make any sense!" and then my manager came out and I said "why is FWA printing out the same medical records you asked me to print out?". I was so damn tense and anxious that the whole thing just really pissed and I didn't really give a shit how I talked to my manager. And she acted all dumb and a few minutes later she comes out and says it was her fault. Uh, well who else's would it be? But this is what pissed me off- she went up and apologized to my FWA.

I don't understand how someone sends two different people an email asking them to print out the same person's medical records. How fucking stupid is that? I could see if she asked and then maybe just forgot. But you have the damn email right in front of you! I don't understand 99% of the shit that dumb bitch does. Just like the whole thing with lunch the Thursday before the Fourth of July. How on any planet did that situation make sense? And she has the nerve to complain about all of the stupidity at our sister company? Throwing stones and glass houses and all that.

And I love how she just allows people's mistakes to be swept under the rug like nothing. I was working on a chart that same Thursday and it kind of ended abruptly and I thought it was odd so I pulled up the original set of medical records and found several visits and legal paperwork that were not in the chart I had in front of me. Here when it was printed out by the coworker who plays on her phone all the time, she missed printing out at least a good half inch of records. Probably because she was too busy playing on her phone or on the internet while she was doing it. And my manager said something to her about it and that was it. Guess who had to reprint it out and organize it and everything? Not her. And this isn't the first time I have found medical records that were printed out by her that were not completely printed out. I don't know how she works as a medical assistant, but as a regular employee she fucking sucks. I am far from a perfect worker and I make mistakes, but she is just freaking ridiculous. And I know damn well it's because she probably plays on her phone or on the internet when she is doing this stuff.

And I could probably rant about my FWA for about another hour, but I am too damn tired to do so. But I have to laugh how every time she posts something on Facebook her mother and her boyfriend's mother get into these mini spats. You're 2 freaking middle-aged women! Grow the hell up already! And the time her mother said that breast fed babies don't get colic make me laugh and laugh and laugh. Uh, yeah they do. I don't even have babies and I know that. Now I know where her daughter gets her stupidity and obnoxiousness from.

And speaking of parenthood, I can't stand that Apple iPhone commercial with that annoying living the life of dreams song. That song is so fucking annoying! I can just picture a twee Zooey Deschanel-looking hipster thing singing it. It sounds like some Juno hipster crap. Now I actually liked Juno, but the music in it.....lol noo. And that new singing Wendy's commercial....FFS.

And speaking of Apple, I don't know why people bitch about Internet Explorer sucking as a browser (I am not referring to the security complaints) because Safari does a pretty fine job of sucking eggs itself. It crashes constantly, you open a tab, go back, and it reloads itself. Dafuq, Apple?

Also, I am feeling a little irritated and hot now. And here comes the anxiety.

Random Thoughts

Hallelujah, it finally came. It's a sad state of affairs when you actually have to be excited your period finally came. Unless you had unprotected sex and didn't want to be pregnant. Apparently I may finally have gotten over my fear of Addison's disease at some point, yet since last week, I was still getting upset that my period hadn't come by the expected day and I was thinking good god please don't let me be going through early menopause already.

I figured it would probably come at some point today. I was moody as hell and very crampy. I had such an irritating day in work to top it off. Of course, I am not sure if it was actually irritating or if it was just my impending monthly bitch. Or both. Probably both. Work is never not irritating.

My manager dumped some chart on my desk last night after I left for me to work on today. That's the thing I have to love about my manager- pretty much everything is done after everyone leaves for the day. We leave with empty in-boxes and come in the next day to some stupid scathing email. They're almost NEVER sent during actual work hours. And work is almost never distributed during working hours, either. But back to the chart- it was a bunch of psych notes and I don't deal with those that often (if I have ever) and since they're not really pertinent to our doctors, I asked my manager what to do with them. That, of course, couldn't be a simple thing. Then she decides to ask our most senior employee what to do. She confuses me even more. And then my manager says "there you go, it will be an easy one to do" and just as I am about to say I still didn't fully understand, she walks away from me. I felt like grabbing my stuff, saying fuck this shit, and walking out the door. Every fucking time I ask my manager for help I end up either 1) feeling like an ass for asking for help 2) even more confused or 3) both. Usually both. But I am never supposed to be afraid to ask for help. Yeah. Okay. Whatever.

And in that little "meeting" on Friday, my manager also told me we need to watch what we say in the center (we sometimes tend to bitch a lot). I found out from one of my coworkers that this girl who works out of our office every so often apparently heard one of us say something about her and ran crying to our manager about it. I honest to God have never heard anyone say anything about her. And no, I swear it was not me. I have never had anything bad to say about her. Well, that is until now, because now she is being a little pissy bitch towards everyone. She's getting an attitude with the wrong person, because I was not the person talking about her.

This weekend is Strawberry Festival at Peddler's Village. I went last year and wouldn't mind going again this year. My sister texted me earlier asking about it. I want to go, but how do I tell her I don't want to go with her husband? He's annoying to go anywhere with. ARGH.