Random Thoughts

Wow, I'm really starting to slack anymore. Since I have last posted:

- I did end up having to attend the deposition. It was a huge waste of my time, although at least I was still paid. Judging by the questions I was asked, if this is what is being taught in law school, good God. The best part was when her attorney asked me what day of the week did the accident happen and I said a Friday. Kind of threw all of the attorneys in a tizzy. Apparently the accident report had the day before. I'm unsure of a lot of things but I'm 99.99% sure that ice storm happened on a Friday, even came home that day and pulled up weather archives, which said freezing rain happened on Friday January 10th. Now the date could have been an honest mistake on her part. But someone else wasn't doing their research and fact checking. I even went back to previous posts on here and sure enough, it definitely sounded like it happened on a Friday.

- The tooth behind my root canaled one was starting to really give me trouble a few weeks again. I ended up having to have another root canal. Yay me. I had it done at another office this time. Apparently my dental office doesn't refer to the other place anymore. Not sure why, but I'd certainly like to know. The dentist at first seemed hesitant on doing it because I suck so much at describing my symptoms but once he went in the tooth, he said oh I definitely would have needed it at some point. Pretty sure I heard him say I had irreversible pulpitis. And he confirmed the crack in my tooth. I was pretty annoyed though when he looked at my x-rays and said one of my canals in my first root canaled tooth wasn't fully filled and he wants to keep an eye on it. Why was it not done properly in the first place? It wasn't like some general dentist did it, an endodontist did it. It should have been done properly! And if there was an issue, then I should have been told about it, although for all I know, I very well could have been, but since I could barely understand a word she said, who knows?

And that's really been it. Not much has changed. A month later, I'm still feeling blue from the holidays, I still wish I'd get hit by a tractor trailer on the way to work. There are just no words to describe how much my coworkers get under my skin. And this manager needs a reality check. I don't how the fuck she's ever had managerial positions before, because she's a piss poor excuse for one. I can understand having good relations with your employees, but she is way too fucking chummy with people. Especially my FWA. Again- I really and truly don't understand how anyone tolerates my FWA. Even just sitting there doing nothing I want to punch her in the face.

It's weird- I feel so goddamn stupid all of the time and my job makes me feel really inadequate and yet I feel like I deserve better. I basically feel like I'm lowering myself and settling working in this office. There's no kind of incentive in that office. No promotions, no ladder, nothing. And despite how stupid I feel, I feel like I can, and should, make something much better of myself.

I've been following the Weather Channel off and on today, because even though it doesn't affect my area, I'm interested in following the severe weather coverage. All the years I've been reading the Storm Prediction Center, I think only two or three (give or take, I can't remember) times I've seen a high risk day. Especially in the winter months. And I know the last time I was on there, all three of the tornado watches that were in affect were PDS. Scary, scary shit.

And one more thing- after this weekend, I'm so proud of my gender, despite the fact that it's 2017 and we should not have to be marching demanding equality and rights. I also love how on Facebook every single time I see someone criticizing the women's marches, it's always a man. 

Random Thoughts

The heat sensitivity seems to have settled down some. Still hurts to chew on that side though. And I've tried (multiple times) sticking a swab over each tooth and biting down and of course that never elicits any pain, so I can't even figure out what tooth it is, although I am almost positive it's the root-canaled tooth.

I don't know if it's just the post-period miserable or what, but I have been one cranky ass bitch this past week. I certainly don't feel like I am taking Prozac anymore. Which means I probably need to up my dosage but am still too chicken (I did up it to six days a week, but that lasted two weeks).

And I'm so damn annoyed with work. I keep telling myself to be happy I have a job, but I still drive in to work every morning hoping an 18 wheeler will nail me. My coworkers just get under my skin so damn bad. And lately it's been really bad.

My FWA has had a bit of an attitude problem this week and I'm about to put my foot up her ass. And I guarantee if you asked her what is up her ass, she'd be all I haven't slept WAH the baby hasn't slept WAH. At which point I'd have to walk away because I'd want to give her a look that would make Medusa proud and ask her if she really expects any fucking sympathy from me. YOU wanted to be a mother so bad, YOU constantly go on about how much "it's so worth it", YOU feed your kid junk food all of the time....sit the fuck down.

And other things that annoy me with them are really just my petty side rearing its ugly head. Like how I always like making my favorite doctor a pot of coffee whenever he is in. But for the past week and a half the MOB has been making coffee (apparently she "lost" her travel mug so she's had to make coffee in work instead of just, oh I don't know, BUYING A NEW MUG) so I haven't gotten to make it for him. And it's really grinding my fucking gears. Also, it's pretty funny how twice we've had birthday cake since my birthday and she's eating the cake both times. AND IT'S THE SAME EXACT CAKE AS WHAT I HAD. In fact, almost every morning this past week I've seen her eating a piece of cake from my FWA's birthday cake that was in the fridge. Yeah, okay.

And I'm annoyed how my lunch half hour is no longer mine. I have Jabber Jaws take lunch the same fucking time as I do and normally if I need some peace and quiet and the weather isn't bad, I might go and sit out in my car and have lunch. Except now even that isn't a pleasant experience because not only does my manager take lunch the same time, but she'll also sit in her car. And 99% of the time she's parked next to me. And it feels incredibly awkward sitting in my car right next to her.

On another note....it's snowing out. WTF????

ARGHHHHHHHHHH

I don't know if it's because I am on my period (which came 45 days this time, another 2 days later than before; hello again, premature menopause fear), but I am in one hell of a bad mood.

For starters, I'm incredibly pissed with this heat sensitivity. I'm not scared to have root canal done again, since now I know how incredibly not scary it is, but I don't think I should be facing the possibility of having to have it done again. An endodontic specialist did it, for fuck's sake. Root canals are her specialty! And when I went for my 6 month check-up, she had them do a 3D x-ray on me (boy, can't wait to see how much that is going to cost me) and after she viewed it, she went on this long string. And I couldn't understand anything she said because 1) she talks on the very low side of LOW and 2) she's got a very heavy accent. And I, of course, am too proper and spineless to speak up and say I'm sorry I don't understand what you are saying to me.

I am so scared of getting an infection, or possibly having one that is symptom-less, or getting one that ends up spreading to my jaw or brain or causing sepsis or whatever else scary could happen.

And then every goddamn night I have to hear my mother go on about this ailing her or that ailing her and about the ringing in her ears and buzzing in her head and how there is probably something wrong with her and she can't afford for anything to happen to her right now and I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Not the kind of stuff you want to hear when you worry all of the damn time as it is. Especially when the shit is coming from one of the most important people in your life.

I can't take all of the fucking worrying. I can't take worrying something bad is going to happen to my loved ones while I am at work or whenever I am out or whenever anyone else goes out. I can't take worrying that I am going to make a massive mistake in work and get fired. I can't take worrying about identity theft all of the goddamn time. I can't take worrying about my health all of the time. I can't take worrying about my weight. I can't take worrying about tornadoes and other destructive storms when the warm weather comes. It's time like this I wish I would just get the guts to end it all. Anything to stop all of the NOISE.

Random Thoughts

By luck, my iPad is working again. My brother-in-law got me to try something that I was going to try before but didn't think it would work, but it surprisingly did. And I managed to get the iPad discharged from that account and created an iCloud account with the proper email address.

I can recall as far as early January noticing heat sensitivity on my lower right side that would come and go. But over the past week it has been really bad. And I'm pretty sure that it is my root-canaled tooth. Even food that is lukewarm is setting off pain. Room temperature, cold, freezing, none of that bothers it. Just warm to hot. And then I read about how heat sensitivity can come from gases being released by bacteria and I've got myself scared shitless. I'm about ready to take a pair of pliers and yank the fucking thing out myself.

Random Thoughts

My period was expected to come yesterday but still nothing. Except major crankiness, depression, and cravings for all things sweet and salty. I wish it would come soon.

My tooth is still bothering me every time I chew food on it. And it is sensitive to cold stuff. As far as I understood, a root canaled tooth should not feel any sensitivity so either something was not done correctly or it's another tooth. And unfortunately it's hard to distinguish. Words can not begin to describe how enraged I will be if I have to eventually end up having this tooth pulled.

Also, a molar on the top right is hurting when I chew on it and feeling sensitive. GRRRR.

A while back I upped my Prozac dosage to 5 days a week and it seemed like it was helping some, but now it seems to once again be crapping out on me. I give up with this. I really do. I think I am just not meant to ever be happy.

And it may just be because I am PMS-ing hard, but I really loathe work right now. I swear, I don't understand how so many deluded lazy people can be in one place. Even after getting lectured by Ms. Croquette and having a new a manager, my FWA still continues to come in late. She still continues to take a lunch longer than an hour. And comes back close to 2:30, despite us getting an email that lunches can end no later than 2. Oh and the best part is she comes back after an hour and eats lunch at her desk. WHAT THE FUCK does she do the entire hour she is gone?!

And on Friday, Ms. Hail to the V was in the office and if she wasn't off talking or playing on her phone, she spent pretty much her whole 7 hour shift planning a trip to NYC on the internet. Nice, huh? I also have to laugh how when she works a long day, she is given two 45 minute PAID breaks. Most of the time she is done with patients by 11:15AM and takes her first break and then comes back and goes right to lunch. I don't understand why she needs to be given 2 long paid breaks like that. Yes, I understand it's a long day but her job as an MA is not that fucking taxing (she doesn't even actually take care of people) that she can't still work during the break in patients. I hope to God she never plans on working in an actual health profession where people have to work 12 hour shifts because she wouldn't last a day not being able to get her paid breaks like that.

It's going down to about 29 degrees tonight. I am absolutely not ready for the cold!

Random Thoughts

I'm still alive. Nothing new.

My tooth still hurts when I chew on it. It doesn't linger like before I had the root canal, but it still gets a rather sharp pain when I bite down on food. I'm so damn frustrated with everything that I am ready to yank the damn tooth out. And every time I think of my dental insurance trying to fight paying for treatment I want to chew nails.

Work is the same old shit. For 45 minutes today, from the start of our shift, I was the only one working while everyone stood around talking. Even the new manager.

I have PMS. My heart won't stop racing. I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. I was on my bike earlier and I got extremely out of breath. I never get out of breath like that. But for some reason before my period, I always get this heavy feeling in my chest and feel like I have a hard time taking a deep breath. And I do get heart palpitations and my heart rhythm feels wiggity wack, but nothing like this. And I don't even want to bother going to the doctors because I am just going to hear the same old song and dance.

I swear, once you get that scarlet letter A- aka anxiety- no doctor ever takes you seriously.

Random Thoughts

So we might be in the path of Hurricane Joaquin. Nothing is definite yet, though, so that means I will be spending a lot of time on my 3 usual weather sites keeping track. Oh joy. Someone from the NHC just had to go and open his big mouth last week and jinx everything, didn't he?

Tomorrow is the day I finally get my permanent crown. Let's hope the temporary stays where it's at in the meantime and everything goes okay. Although I still have to get this issue settled with my insurance, because I got another letter yesterday and the bastards are still trying to insist it wasn't necessary. I'm also worried that I am over-stressing the left side of my mouth and that my permanent crown on that side is going to break again. It's been feeling kind of sore, which has me really worried that it will. Or that another tooth will crack.

I had my annual last week. I was seen an hour and a half past my appointment time. The next time one of our patients complains because he or she isn't being seen within 10 minutes of their appointment time, I'm going to throw a clipboard at their heads.

And speaking of work, I can't even put into words how I feel about it right now. Our most recent MA went through all of her PTO before the year was even a third done, plus more and she put in for a vacation in November and it got denied. And she was pissed. So last Wednesday she was on the road and still wasn't back when I left for the day. The next day I see a note attached on my FWA's from the one who claims she always tells it like it is saying that she'd be working with this MA's doctor that day. So I assumed the MA called out. Then she wasn't in Friday. I come to find out on Friday that apparently she did come back Wednesday when everyone was gone and apparently tripped over my FWA's desk chair and fell into the filing cabinet and hit her head. I think she was trying to get a worker's comp case so she could be out of work. But then she must have realized her little scam wasn't going to work and she texted our new manager sometime on Friday that she quit. So now once again we're even more short-staffed than usual.

And the staff that is there is just getting under my skin. My FWA just being in my presence annoys me. Every time I walk by her car and see the forward-facing car seat I want to throw a rock through the window. Not only is that baby 6 months under the required age, but she's also almost 6 pounds under the weight minimum as well. She's so damn stupid, it gives me second hand embarrassment.  I seen her actually smoking for the first time today. I honestly never thought she could look more white trash than she already did.

And the one who claims she always tells it like it is is starting to really get under my skin. Not only does she make an obnoxious amount of noise doing basically everything, but especially when she is collating (she goes through the pages really loud; I'm tempted to ask her one day if she is trying to start a fire), but I never realized just how fucking condescending she is. No one is as perfect as her. All she does is bitch and bitch about everyone else's mistakes. Guess what, sweetie? You make them too. I can't tell you how many times I want to ask her and the miserable older bitch if it's lonely up there on their pedestals.

Ugh, people are so annoying. And my sister has a stick up her ass and doesn't feel like being around anyone. Because she is hormonal. Because she is pregnant again.

Random Thoughts

My new manager seems nice. But I can tell you right now that little, if anything, is going to change in that place.

I am starting to become convinced that my tooth is cursed. As I said before, the temporary crown cracked and broke my last full day of vacation. When I had the root canal done, the assistant told me that it wouldn't be a big deal if it came off. What I was failed to be informed was that by the crown not being on there, my tooth could shift. I think I might remember reading that before, but it never crossed my mind. So when I went on Tuesday to get the permanent, of course it didn't fit properly anymore. And broke in my mouth. So now I have to wait even longer to get the damn permanent. And hope that the new temporary doesn't break in the meantime. I can't believe my tooth shifted that much in 4 lousy days.

And as if I wasn't upset enough, I come home to a letter from my dental insurance informing me that "A licensed Utilization Review Agent has reviewed all of the available documentation submitted for clinical review.  It has been determined that the services requested do not meet your dental benefit plan's clinical review criteria for being a necessary dental service" and that "Documentation does not support the need for a crown or onlay. There is no evidence of an excessively large existing filling, decay or fractured tooth on x-ray".

Let me find everything wrong with this. First off, I am so glad that this "licensed Utilization Review Agent" who has never been in my mouth can make the determination that this crown was not necessary. Second, if this is a dental professional, then he or she should know that fractures are notoriously hard to diagnose and often don't show up on x-ray. There being a crack in the tooth was determined by the fact that whenever the bite stick was placed on a certain spot of the tooth and I bit down, I nearly flew off the seat from the pain.

Now all I need to do is to receive a letter telling me the root canal was not necessary and I'll really hit the roof. And that's another thing- the tooth underwent root canal. There is no debate that I need the crown now.

Oh and now there is a lump between the cheek and gum on my lower left side. It's not visible in a mirror, but I can feel it and I don't have any tooth pain or anything (knock on wood) and it only feels a little sore if I press on it really hard, but I'm terrified that it's an abscess. And I'm so jaded with going to the dental office anymore that I don't even want to call about it, but I also don't want it to be an infection and end up spreading or something.

Random Thoughts

So I did it. I made it through my first root canal. And yes, it was not nearly as bad I thought it would be. Although it is not quite as long, I actually think getting fitted for a crown is more annoying than a root canal. When it was started, I wasn't quite numb enough so I had to get another shot and then the fun started all over again. The actual procedure of removing the nerves and filling the canals seemed to take no time. But when I was x-rayed half way through, it took the assistant 3 times to finally get an x-ray of my tooth with the full root area showing, because apparently I have some long ass teeth roots. And thanks to those long ass roots, I had to spend a little more time getting more filling put in the canals. Then the tooth was filled. And then my temporary crown was put back on. And then I was finally done! And $316 poorer!

I was afraid when they went in, that an infection or something would be found. Luckily there was no infection or abscess or necrosis or anything, but the nerves were apparently very inflamed. 

I was given an ibuprofen 600 pill to take before the numbness wore off and prescriptions for the same and for Vicodin. I still have ibuprofen 800 pills, so I probably won't bother to fill the 600 and I am definitely not filling the Vicodin (I have a horrible fear of opioids and addiction). I haven't even really had much pain. Occasional soreness but that's about it. And all of the cold sensitivity is gone. Woohoo! I am still afraid to chew even soft things on that side of my mouth, but I am also worrying that I am going to put too much stress on my other teeth and crack more.

More Teefs Update

The tooth is still bothering me. Last night I spontaneously woke up at almost 1:30AM and my tooth was hurting. Not anything terribly serious, maybe a 3 or 4 on the VAS pain scale at the most, but annoying enough to make my climb out of bed and take a Motrin 800 (prescribed by my dentist before I went down the shore) and lay awake for a while, although I think my anxiety over the pain was keeping me awake more than the pain itself.

I called the office again today and was squeezed in at 1PM and was only in there for a few minutes before I was sent next door to an endodontic office. Where root canal was strongly recommended and I am scheduled to have done a week from today. And I am fucking bugging over it. I don't even think I am so much scared of the procedure itself as I am of the post-procedure part. All I know is I better not even THINK of googling root canal complications.

I also called the dental office because the gum around one of my upper molars is red and sore and I am panicking that I have an infection and/or abscess. I mentioned it repeatedly and it was not addressed once. In either office. And I am very anxious about it. I am anxious that my cracked tooth will get infected and/or develop an abscess before next Wednesday. I am worried either place will get so infected it will spread to my brain or blood. I am worried I will get an infection following the root canal. It just never stops.

And I never though I'd say this but I'd rather be worried about premature menopause right now.

FMT Part Infinity

So I have my temporary crown now....and it still hurts to chew on it. I don't know if the nerve is still just irritated from before and having my tooth drilled down to fit the crown or there is something going on that is not being caught. All I know is I am really freaking frustrated and am ready to get a pair of pliers and yank the damn tooth out myself. At this point I don't even care if I have to undergo root canal because I just want to be able to eat on that side of my mouth without pain. And preferably before I go away in a couple weeks!

Random Thoughts

Two days without a manager. Three of my coworkers- the one who talks all the time about how she speaks her mind and then doesn't, the miserable hag, and my FWA- have already taken more than their allotted breaks both days (we're allowed 2 10 minute breaks).

I also just found out that my FWA is smoking again. Which is funny because I just listened to a spiel not that long ago of how when she got pregnant and quit she never had any desire to pick up a cigarette even after birthing out her brat and how she freaked out on her boyfriend's mother for smelling like smoke and holding the baby and blah blah blah (I tuned out after so long). But I guess if she doesn't smoke, she can't be one of the cool kids now, can she?

Had my cleaning today. The good news- no cavities! The bad news- as I said, my tooth hasn't been bothering me all that much lately....until today. I don't know what brought it on but after lunch, my tooth started to feel sore and continued to feel sore and was super sensitive to cold. It seems to have calmed down some but now I am really nervous. It's been a lot better, so why in the hell is it suddenly more painful then it's ever been? Now I am worried that I might have irreversible pulpitis. Thursday can't come soon enough. I hate that I have had to wait this long to have it done. I would have much rather have had it done sooner.

Random Thoughts

So my boss is officially no longer my boss. This should be interesting from here on out.

Oh, and that Friday my FWA had to leave early for her "personal appointment"? She posted almost 100 pictures from the Franklin Institute on Facebook that day. Personal appointment? Sure. I hope to God when we get a new manager (if ever) that someone puts this stupid whore in her place.

One day she posted a picture of the baby eating cupcakes and wrote how much she loves her cupcakes and a little while later how much she loves her ice cream. One day her mother brought the baby in to work and my FWA gave her Pop-Tarts to eat. Another time she posted a picture of the baby eating a big lollipop. AND YOU WONDER WHY SHE DOESN'T SLEEP?! Bitch, you're on fucking WIC! Give her the healthy food you are supposed to be buying with it! JFC!

She told me Friday that she and her stupid boyfriend were taking the baby to Eagles training camp today. Exactly what interest will an almost 1 1/2 year old have in football practice?

It was nice to be able to go down the shore this year knowing that my days off were approved. It was a fairly nice trip. Minus my nephew's temper tantrums (and my sister's over his). I love him to death but good God, I FULLY understand where the term "terrible twos" comes from. I dread Myrtle Beach in a few weeks, because this time it won't just be my sister hollering at him, it will also be my brother-in-law losing his patience with him every 5 seconds.

Man, it was nice last Sunday knowing I didn't have to get up for work the next day. I still had to wake up early, but I didn't have to go to work!

I also have my teeth cleaning Tuesday and then have to go for my crown fitting on Thursday. Yay! And my tooth hasn't even been bothering me all that much lately. It still hurts if I stick a cotton swab in and bite down on it, but I have been able to chew food on that sign with no real pain. Which of course makes me nervous that I damaged the nerve.

While I was away, I was annoyed at being constipated so I decided to retry the Mira-Lax/Peri-Colace regimen again. It didn't help much, but it does seem to be working somewhat better. I have actually been able to go to the bathroom every day. I'm still feeling bloated but not quite as bad and since I have finally been able to go, I definitely feel a lot better than I did on Friday.

You know, I love visiting the Berry website, but I am starting to feel like everyone on that site is a future alcoholic. What is their obsession with booze? It's a little scary. Also, what is the obsession with Bill Murray on both that site and the Chive?

Random Thoughts

Got Food Factory on right now (if FYI doesn't make up its mind soon of what days they're going to play this show, I am going to lose it) and they were discussing black forest cake earlier (made by the company with the hot son for VP). I really want black forest cake now.

Every time I have this station on, some new reality show is going to be premiering and every single one is just terrible. They have one on now called Chef vs. Kid and judging by the hundreds of commercials they play for it, every single person on the show looks like they are irritating beyond belief. Especially the one kid. He looks like a real little snot.

I had to go back to the dentist on Thursday for an update on my tooth and I am going to have to get a crown. Unfortunately I have to wait all the way until August 13th to get the damn thing done. Oh, and I also have my cleaning scheduled 2 days earlier so I'll be there twice in one week (they must be so sick of seeing my mug; the dental assistant joked with me the other day about reserving me a room there and/or putting me on their payroll). I'm going to be a nervous wreck until then. I am trying not to chew on that side but I also don't want to stress my other teeth as well, especially the crown I just had replaced. But I am absolutely terrified of doing damage to the nerve and ending up having to get root canal or ending up with an infection or whatever else can go wrong when something tooth-related isn't taken care of ASAP.

Man, I am so glad to be on vacation the next few days. I desperately need a break from my co-workers or else I think I'd punch them in the face. 

Random Thoughts

Man, I am really getting bad with keeping up on here. I've just become very disinterested in the internet lately. I still come on, but am not spending nearly as much time as I normally do. I have stopped visiting a lot of sites I normally go to simply because I am just bored with them and I am considering not visiting others anymore as well.

Because I wasn't about to be put in the same position as last year, a few weeks ago I sat down with my boss and discussed taking off a few days in August. And luckily she approved them, so I can actually go down the shore this year with my family and not have to feel like shit.

Well, minus the whole issue with my tooth. I went back last Thursday with continued pain upon chewing, I got shot up with Novocaine AGAIN, the filling was redone, and I thought maybe that was going to be it. Nope. Still had pain the next day. So I called the office the next day and kind of snapped out on the phone and got an appointment for Saturday. So I went Saturday, an x-ray was taken, more shit was drilled down, and my dentist told me if that didn't work, then it's likely the tooth has a crack and I'll need a crown. Which is what I have been suspecting all along. And it's still bothering me when I eat, so guess I'll be getting another crown.

I'm going to frigging lose my mind with 2 crowns. I better ask about the price of a night guard when I go Thursday before I end up with a mouth full of crowns from grinding my teeth .

Work is about to make me lose my mind. My coworkers are starting to really get under my skin. Yesterday my FWA emails me, whining that she requested a half day on Friday for a "personal appointment" and that our boss denied it due to insufficient PTO and she doesn't understand what the problem is since she doesn't have a PTO problem (no, no problem at all- that's why if she was to get fired tomorrow, she'd owe the company almost a whole week of PTO money) and that it's all because of our newest MA abusing her PTO and wah wah wah. I so badly wanted to write her back and tell her that I really didn't care. Then she tells me that our boss was going to discuss it with her boss (the one who denied me going down the shore last year). Today she emails me (God, why does she have to email me?!) and says that our boss's boss approved it. I wrote her back "Oh. Well that's nice!". My response was hemorrhaging sarcasm, which went right over her stupid head. No matter what, that little bitch always ends up getting her way somehow, doesn't she? God, she is such an insufferable little twat. I want to punch her so hard.

When I went to the gyno in February, the doctor suggested a regimen of Miralax and Sennokot-S to treat my constipation issues. I've been putting it off and finally decided to try it this week. Two days in to it, I am so bloated and full of gas (sorry) I want to scream. Guess I'll be discontinuing this regimen soon. Or stick with it a few more days to see if my body adjusts. I have no idea what to do. Why can I not just find one damn regimen that works properly?

FMT

The "T" stands for teeth.

When I had my last cleaning, I was told I had to have a filling replaced on one of my lower teeth. When I got to the front desk at the end, all that got scheduled was my next cleaning. So when I had my permanent crown put in at the end of June, the assistant said I had to schedule to have my filling replaced. Which I had done this past Monday. I was fine Monday, Tuesday, and most of Wednesday, with the exception of food seeming to easily snag on a corner of the tooth. But later on Wednesday night, I started to feel a little pain whenever I chewed a certain way.

Come Thursday I was still feeling pain, so after dinner I called the office and they squeezed me in and did the bite test and drilled down the areas that were showing up blue. When I had a snack later on, at first I thought oh joy I am not feeling any pain, maybe my filling was just too high. No such luck. I started feeling pain a few minutes later whenever I chewed a certain way.

I am so damn frustrated. I am hoping that maybe my tooth is just a little irritated from the filling being high, but I probably won't be that lucky. I have had pain in this area before the filling was redone, but this pain feels different. I feel like I should have just left it alone, like maybe there was a reason why the appointment never got scheduled when it originally was supposed to.

If I have to have the filling redone, I am going to scream.

Random Thoughts

So the good news is I didn't have to deal with any pain when I went to the dentist on Monday, seeing as I got 2 shots of Novocain. I also found out that I was not having my crown replaced right then and there; rather, I'd have to go through a temporary crown again for 3 weeks and then get the permanent. Had I known that I would have probably have just said forget it. I ended up spending nearly 2 hours there. Then when I finally get back to work, I take a look in the mirror at my crown and realize that in one spot there is a giant space between my gum and the crown, like a piece had chipped off and the girl stuck it on there like that. So I call the office back and they tell me to come back in after work (I was not about to go back up right then and lose more time).

So I head back up after work and once again I have to get numbed (only one shot this time) and a new temporary crown was made and put in. My cheek and the area around my crown were super irritated and sore afterwards; my cheek is no longer bothering me and the area around the crown is just finally starting to feel better. I'm so damn annoyed. Had I known all of this, I would have just kept my permanent crown as is.

My anxiety levels were so bad on Monday- between what they would be doing to me at the dentist and whatever this post-menstrual rise in anxiety levels thing going on lately- that I was physically shaking sitting in the dentist chair. I don't think it was until around Wednesday that I finally started to notice a decrease in my anxiety levels and heart palpitations.

I am starting to wonder now if when I upped my Prozac dosage and felt off the wall if it was really the Prozac or if it was because I was at the end of my period. Or possibly both. But I am starting to think it more because I was at the end of my period. I'm back down to every other day and still felt off the wall when I was at the end of my period. I still cannot seem to get back to that feeling I had when I first started Prozac every other day. It was nothing to brag about, but I still felt somewhat more relaxed and not as off the wall. And I can't seem to feel that way anymore.

My boss's son's funeral was on Wednesday. Surprisingly the company not only allowed us to attend any of the services, but actually paid us for it. I went in the morning with my FWA, the coworker I no longer trust, and my favorite doctor. While we were sitting in the church, I kept looking at the coffin and I started thinking of having to face this one day with my own family members and my chest would start to tighten and I wanted to start screaming.

I borrowed the book Gone Girl from my sister and I have never been so infuriated by the end of a book in my life. I would say the book was pretty good, but the end of the book completely ruined it. Amy was such a terrible person I wish Nick would have killed her at the end. No, scratch that. I wish both of the main characters died at the end. Slowly and horribly. 

Random Thoughts

Wow, I didn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. Not like there is anything exciting to report anyway. I have felt like crap. I'm just getting over my period and having the increased anxiety, nausea, and heart racing that has been coming on at the end lately. Because I didn't already have enough anxiety, nausea, and heart racing the whole week before and during.

We've had a stray cat with kittens running around our neighborhood for about a month. The first weekend of May I had seen an adorable baby bunny in our yard in front of our shed, about the size of a softball. Later on that night, I saw the cat skulking around our shed. We never saw the baby bunny again after that.

This past Monday when I woke up, I felt incredibly nauseous and on edge (from hormones; my period came the next day) and when I was heading out to my car to leave, the mother cat was standing out in the street, watching me with this shady look on her face. So I kept staring at her and then looked under my car to make sure the kittens weren't under my car. Nothing was under there, so I started my car and headed to the back to take out some recycling, all while she kept her eye on me. When I got in front of my mom's car, I saw why she was watching me- there was a gutted rabbit next to my mom's car. I was horrified. I was already nauseous as it was and when I saw that, I had to do everything in my power to not throw up.

On Wednesday, I took a chart to do and apparently at some point the person had passed away and our doctor wanted the autopsy report. And that was what was in the chart. And I read the report. Why? I don't know why. Just morbid curiosity, I guess. I felt sick afterwards, though.

Then on Thursday, my boss left work unexpectedly in the morning after receiving a call that she needed to come home. We got a call at work a little while later that her oldest son had passed away. My boss drives me up the fucking wall, but JFC she didn't deserve something like that.

I told the girls in work that I would keep an eye out in the newspaper for his death notice (since apparently I am the only one in the office who reads the newspaper) and when I was checking it today, I got to the second page and there was an obituary that no lie took up half the page. And then I looked at the name and gasped- it was a kid I had been in marching band with. He had graduated the year before me, so I was only in band with him for one year. But damn, he was intelligent and talented as hell and a really nice guy. Oh, and I had a massive crush on him after seeing him without a shirt on for the first time (he was one of those guys whose body looked nothing special with clothes on but take them off.....humina humina)

This is the THIRD guy I have had a crush on who has passed away. And not just passed away, but passed away tragically (the first was killed in a motorcycle accident, the second was murdered, and this one fell off a fucking cliff). It's starting to give me a bit of a complex.

We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday. And of course my father had to start his shit days before it. My mom is beyond furious with him. The day before she was crying and saying she didn't even want to go to dinner. She was upset the next day and kept breaking down in tears throughout the day. We did end up going to dinner (minus my father) and then coming back and having cake. Aside from all of the drama, it turned out nice.

I swear, if I ever won the lottery, the first thing I would do is buy my mother her own house.

I am not looking forward to having my crown replaced tomorrow. I have myself an absolute wreck already over whether it's going to be painful or not. How sensitive my tooth underneath will be. Ugh.

UGH

Earlier I was eating dry Cheerios and the lower left side of my mouth started to feel funny. After I finished the cereal I ate a banana and while I was eating it I felt something grind in the back on the left side and then felt something really hard in my mouth. I spit out a hard piece of beige and thought oh no, I hope that is not my crown. And sure enough when I looked in the mirror, part of my crown was chipped off. What a great way to start out my three day weekend. FML.

5/23: I was awake at 9 this morning so I called my dentist office to see what to do and the girl told me I could come in at 11, but I might have to wait a while to be seen. I ended up only having to wait about 40 minutes (which is nothing compared to my gyno office; I had a follow up scheduled on Tuesday for 10:15 and I wasn't seen until almost 11:30) and the chipped area was sanded down some and the dentist offered for me to come back and have it replaced for free. Technically I could leave it just the way it is, but I opted to have it replaced.

Random Thoughts

There is a trending story on my Facebook page about a dentist being charged with the death of a patient who was having 20 teeth pulled. Twenty teeth? What the hell does someone do in their life to have to have that many teeth pulled at one time? Even if you can't afford to go the dentist, toothpaste and toothbrushes don't cost that much damn money!

Speaking of Facebook, earlier one of my cousin's wives posted something about today being her daughter's first cheerleading competition (followed by "been waiting for this since they said "it's a girl!""- I can't tell you how hard I side-eyed that). Why are there so many girls in cheerleading anymore? And if it's not cheerleading, it's dance. And not cute dancing, like ballet. Dancing where they have more make-up on than a clown and dance like little fucking pole dancers. Does no one enroll their kids in music or art or ballet or anything traditional anymore?

I rolled out of bed earlier this morning to go and get my blood work done, so that is out of the way. Now I just have to await the results of my numerous tests (LH, FSH, prolactin, metabolic, CBC, ANA, erythrocyte sedimentation rate, and a urinalysis. And yes, despite my best efforts, I managed to piss all over my hand doing the last one. As usual.). I am also still waiting on the results of my biopsy. Not sure why I am so anxious to see my results for any of these test- we all know everything will probably come back normal anyway.

I finally got a free weekend after 2 busy weekends and it's frigging snowing again. I thought maybe we were lucking out this winter, but apparently that is not the case. And my sister is still at work for another half hour. I am a nervous wreck about her driving home. 

Ooo! I just realized it is Food Factory marathon time! Woooooooo!