Love Stinks (Yeah Yeah)

I have a year subscription to Readers Digest and in the most recent issue, there was a story from a teacher about a humiliating Valentine's Day experience, and it got me thinking about embarrassing "love" situations in my own life. None of them might seem that bad, but you have to remember that my self-esteem is practically non-existent and pretty much always has been, so these things did quite a bit.

There's the infamous Drew, who made my sixth grade experience a miserable one. But the thing is, he actually liked me in the beginning and asked me out. And I said yes. And then I am not real clear anymore what happened, I think I called a friend of his an asshole after he started making trouble, and Drew told me it was over. I was like well, okay. And then the rest of the year turned into being called a fat fuck, other names involving "fat" in them, being yelled at if I even looked over his way, being sexually harassed, having to hear him singing "Dude Looks Like A Lady" any time he saw me walking down the hallway, etc.

That same year, I developed a major crush on this kid Mark. And I was on somewhat good terms with a friend of his. And he supposedly went over one day while we were at our lockers and asked Mark if he would go out with me, and I saw him shake his head no. I was pretty crushed. But according to this friend of his, he supposedly made a rather not nice remark about me at some point, but he wouldn't tell me it was, so I am going to assume it must have been pretty nasty.

Then my first year in marching band, when I was a junior, a senior bandie named Scott wanted to go out with me. And I said yes. After a few weeks, it wasn't going anywhere, and one night he tells me he is so busy with his classes and getting ready for college and doesn't really have time to have a girlfriend. So we agreed to just not go out anymore. Only for him to ask a freshman named Barbara (another fellow bandie) out a few days later. Later he went around telling everyone that HE broke up with ME because and I quote he's an extrovert, and I was an introvert. Gee, Einstein if my being an introvert wasn't EXTREMELY obvious from the beginning, then that's on you! Pretty sure people on the International Space Station can see it.

The good things that came out of it- after "breaking up"and then asking this other girl out, a friend of mine threw a shoe at his head. Barbara and I became pretty good friends after they broke up. And then he went on to another girl who he later knocked up, and if I recall correctly, dumped her as well.

Then my senior year I had a crush on a freshman bandie named Ellis. A friend of his went and opened his big mouth to him that I had a crush on him and one day he starts talking to me and telling me pretty nastily that he wasn't interested in me. And then he asked a friend of mine Amber out. We had a band dance not long after that. He made sure every time he was dancing with her to do it right in front of me. Even if I moved across the room, he followed with her. It amazes me to this day that such a scrawny little dork thought so highly of himself. Let me just point out now that when people said he looked like Lock without his mask from the Nightmare Before Christmas, I totally see it now and have to ask myself WTF I was on.

Then there's a long string of guys engaging with me online. One guy responded with "that seems kind of fat" after asking my weight. Another guy accused me of being racist after I said I wasn't interested (it was his age, not his race. How could I be racist against someone if I have no idea what they even look like or what race they are??). And many others who disappeared any time any mention of my mental issues popped up.

On another note- we had a new girl start some time after the New Year. She always comes in wearing a mask. Then this past Friday she took lunch with my FWA, my manager, and another girl. I didn't see her wearing a mask the rest of the afternoon. So now we'll probably have another maskless idiot walking around the office.  I love the picking and choosing of wearing a mask. It doesn't matter if you put a mask when certain people are around you. When I go into my manager's office, she'll put a mask on. I don't understand what these people don't understand. You already sat there maskless, expelling all your nasty germ-filled particles out into the air before another person came over. They're not just going to disappear, they're going to linger!

I swear to God, sometimes I just really cannot deal with the world anymore.

Song Of The Day

 I never thought I'd come to like a song by the Weeknd.....but here we are:

Random Thoughts

I was driving home from work the other day and "The Speed of Sound" by Coldplay came on and was hit with a gut punching realization that this January 13th was 15 years since I was in the hospital. Fifteen years! And I still feel like it was just yesterday. And every time I think of being in there, I just don't even know how to handle it. It was such a disgustingly dark time in my life that I can't seem to ever shake.

And today while I was driving home, that old Jon Secada song "Just Another Day Without You" came on and it made me feel so depressed. I do like the song, don't get me wrong, but it's just so damn depressing.

I know I need to be patient, but between work and all these new variants, I can't get my second shot soon enough. And I know there's probably no point in dwelling over it- oh hell, give me a break. If you don't know I dwell over everything by now, then I don't know what to tell you. Not to mention I come from a long line of dwellers. But it just seriously pisses me off that my coworkers walk around with no masks. And although I am pretty much by myself most of the time, people do have to come back to use the scanner and they're far too close to me for my liking, even though it is probably at least six feet away from me. But no masks, folks!

And my FWA is the most annoying. Because not only does she come back with no mask, but she'll come back to scan shit and as soon as it starts, she whips out her phone and starts to play on it. And her shit will finish scanning. And she'll sit there and sit there and sit there, completely absorbed in her phone until I am ready to scream BITCH YOUR SHIT IS DONE. Just scan it and get the hell away from me

Random Thoughts

After I worked out this morning, I got in the shower listening to "I'm On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen on the radio. It ended not long into my shower, only for "My Heart Will Go On" to come on next. Talk about torture. I can't believe once upon a time I was obsessed with that song and the movie. Ugh.

Because sometimes a little bit of luck comes my way, it appears my vaccine appointment having to be cancelled was a good thing, because I was able to get another appointment with another facility. This past Friday I got my first dose. I've been pretty tired and having a mild headache the whole weekend, although I am not sure if it's due to the shot, my period (because it decided to grace me with its presence on Thursday), and/or both. I go back in three weeks for my second dose. It's exciting, but I am also feeling on the shitty side that I took it from someone who could really and truly use it, even though I was eligible to schedule my appointment and where I had it done, the general public cannot make appointments with. All the articles I keep reading about my fellow New Jerseyans having trouble getting appointments, it's not like I took an appointment from them, since they can't make the appointments there anyway, but I, of course, still can't help but feel guilty. 

Sometimes I think the sole act of just existing makes me feel guilty. 

Article Of The Day

As Biden addressed the world, an unknown man in uniform stood watch over his son Beau’s grave

Where did this barrel of onions come from and why is it next to me?

Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'S GONE! THE ORANGE NIGHTMARE IS NO LONGER PRESIDENT!

Peanuts Dancing GIF from Peanuts GIFs

Song Of The Day

Random Thoughts

As I mentioned before, I had pre-registered with the NJ Vaccine site. I was surprised to come home on Wednesday to an email telling me I could schedule my vaccination. I got right on it and although most places were booked, I was finally able to find a pharmacy that wasn't ridiculously far who could do it on February 8th. Although I was feeling guilty about scheduling already, I had this sense of....I guess you could call it almost relief. A feeling that I was finally maybe, just maybe, not going to have to feel quite so scared anymore (because lets face it- I'm still going to be scared even after I am fully vaccinated).

So you can imagine what a punch in the gut it was to open my email the next day to find an email from the pharmacy asking me to cancel my appointment through the NJVSS booking site, because they were still so booked with 1a phase people and could not accommodate me at the time. Which I completely get and they totally deserve the spots over me. But I still can't help extremely disappointed. And I am getting extremely frustrated because when I scheduled the appointment, the NJVSS sent me a confirmation email and in the email, there were links to change or cancel your appointment. I have been trying since I received the pharmacy email to cancel my appointment so I could make a new one somewhere else and every time it takes me to the page, they ask you to enter in your birthday, but when I try to, there is no box to fill it in! 

The other day, NJ opened up new categories of people who could get vaccinated. Smokers? Really? You knowingly CHOSE to put your lungs at risk! Why the FUCK should you get priority over certain other groups?! It's not like people choosing to smoke nowadays aren't aware of the risks like older generations were. It's well known to be a filthy DANGEROUS habit, so why anyone is still picking up.....I'd like to know the answer to that. My asshole coworkers walk around with no masks on, but because they smoke, they should have priority? 

I read an article earlier about people who have medical conditions that don't qualify yet. One girl had Addison's. Uh, they have to take steroids? That compromises your immune system! Why on earth is Addison's not on the list? Another condition that's apparently not on the list, cystic fibrosis. Are you even kidding me with that? Newsflash- it is a disease that AFFECTS YOUR LUNGS.

I don't understand the world. And don't even get me started on Inauguration Day.

Song Of The Day

Never particularly been a fan of Sublime, but there's always been something about this song that has just always drawn me in:

The Stupid(s) Of The Day

The 147 Republicans Who Voted to Overturn Election Results

via GIPHY

Video Of The Day

Although we're status post Christmas, never a more perfect time to post this: 

Gesu Maria Giuseppe

People....for the love of God....what in the love of all that is holy do we even call that despicable chaotic nightmare that went on in the Capitol Building today?

I gotta hand it to Chump, because there is one thing that he excelled at- making America look like a giant ass to the rest of the world. And he not only did it extremely bigly once (the Covid response), but he did it extremely bigly twice with this nightmare of an election.

Semi Woohoo!

Joisey opened up the Covid vaccination pre-register either yesterday or at some point in the past couple days. I was ready to roll over and go to sleep last night when my sister texted me that it was open, so at midnight last night I was pre-registering to receive the Covid vaccine. Lord knows when I'll get it though. 

The whole criteria is so confusing. Obviously I do not fall under the categories of 1a and 1b, but I can't seem to figure out if I fall under the 1c category anywhere. Although I was furloughed due to lack of work, my place stayed open, as it was deemed "essential". We do have doctors who perform exams but don't provide care (and most of the doctors in my particular office are retired and no longer practice). Trying to figure it out is like 

Video Of The Day

I have no idea why I find this commercial so damn funny, especially the two guys freaking out over the blue-hair dude:

Random Thoughts

Cripes, I am not looking forward to this week, although I went 15 weeks of being furloughed, then went back to work and made out just fine. Hell, I went years of not working and went back to work and made out just fine. So, I will survive, but that doesn't mean I won't still bitch and moan about it.

We have a new person starting tomorrow. I can't wait until the first time she does something less than perfect and my coworkers start ripping her apart behind her back. I mean, they're all so perfect, doncha know?

I was just listening to "Fortunate Son' by CCR and it reminded me of an article I read a few weeks ago in which John Fogerty criticized Chump for using it. I mean, really, is Chump that stupid to not even realize what the song is about? Another thing that makes me laugh is how much my grandfather hated Clinton for not serving in Vietnam. He blames Clinton for his son (my uncle) dying in Vietnam. Yet he is a Chumper. Chump of the five deferments. Captain Bone Spurs. The logic, I just can't.

I'm getting so sick and tired of hearing that damn man whine and cry about election fraud. Jesus God, just face it already - people hate you! We no like you! GO AWAY.