Random Thoughts

Is there ever going to be an end in sight to this damn pandemic? I'm beyond over it, as I am sure plenty of others are. I will forever wonder how bad it would have been in this country had we had someone competent in charge and not some vile pathological lying fat pussbag. 

And then these damn anti-maskers. I can't with them. Really, I want someone to explain to me how wearing a piece of material across your face is taking away MAH FREEDUMB and MAH RIGHTS, because I'm really failing to see how it does so. I don't know about anyone else, but I put mine on and then I go about my business. I go to the store, I go to work, etc. I do almost everything I did before, and the only reason I say almost is because there are things I am in no hurry to do and that's not because of wearing a mask. 

I wonder how many of these anti-maskers are good wittle Christians. Do you really think Jesus would have had a problem wearing a mask? I'm far from religious nowadays, but from what I recall from my days of CCD of what he did for humanity, I can't imagine the son of God having an issue with it. 

On another note....how is it September already? This year has only been a few centuries long.

What The.....

Clearly I have not been paying much attention to the synopses of books lately. Usually when I check out books at the library, if they are not by someone whose books I have read in the past, I check out the cover (I know, I know....) and then brief over the summary and maybe check out a few pages, and then I decide whether I want to check it out. When I started reading The Stars Shine Bright, I had no clue whatsoever that it was going to turn preachy. And I still wouldn't have known it for the first 100 or so pages either (that is the religious-free zone) had I not read reviews of it. 

I just started another book, Southern Fried Sushi, and I have come to find through reviews that this book is also Christian-themed. I reread the summary on the back of it and realized that I somehow missed the mention of God and "Christian fiction" on the back. And just like The Stars, it started off with no hint of religion. I am on page 185 and it has started getting quite religious, but so far it is tolerable. Now how much more religious it will get, I don't know. For different reasons, I can relate to how Shiloh feels when she gets to Virginia. The only thing I might complain about is the ridiculous Southern stereotypes. I don't doubt that they exist, but this book seems a little absurd. I could see maybe the deep, deep South, but this is Virginia. Also, how on earth does Shiloh, a Cornell graduate, not know what iced tea is, what sheep are, or what "amen" means? Come on.

And the constant mentions of Cracker Barrel are not helping my craving for it! 

ETA 5:55PM: Okay, so I made it through. Overall, it was actually a cute book. It did get a lot more preachy, though. Look, I don't like to condemn people for their religious beliefs (unless it is being pushed on me or it's the type of religious beliefs right wing "religious do as I say don't do as I do" fanatics like to preach), but I found it really difficult to not roll my eyes at certain parts.

I just started to read my second to last library book (Picture Perfect by Janice Thompson).....only to discover it too can be classified Christian fiction. What the....DAFUQ was I on the last time I went to the library?! My.....uh....God. So far it is nothing like the other two books, though. And as someone with Irish running through half of my blood, I like the constant Irish talk.

ETA 7/31: Made it through Picture Perfect. It was not nearly as preachy as the other two books. Overall, it was a cute book. Just kind of sickeningly sweet. My teeth and pancreas were hurting after I finished it. Also....quick engagement much?

Random Thoughts

I just finally finished this insufferable book I started last week. It was The Stars Shine Bright by Sibella Giorello. It started off okay, then I read reviews of it and discovered that there were mentions of Christianity in it. Not long after I read that review, the religious crap started coming. Now despite no longer calling myself Christian, I have read books that discussed Christianity in the past and some were way too preachy, and then there were some that were actually pretty good. And at first the book wasn't too bad. Then I got to the section where Ashley was discussing having an abortion and Raleigh was being all judgmental about it. I almost stopped reading it then, but I decided to push on. Then I got to the paragraph about evolution and I was tempted to throw the book into the pool. Are you kidding me, Ms. Giorello? I really would have stopped reading the book right then and there if I wasn't dying to know who the suspect was.

I had to laugh at the part when Raleigh is in her apartment and someone talking about global warming comes on the television, so she decides to open up her refrigerator and freezer door out of spite. Ooo, you sure showed them, Raleigh, you badass!

Do you know what time I ended up going to sleep on Monday night? Sometime after 4AM. I was so upset over my tooth that I couldn't fall asleep. Then a thunderstorm rolled through for over 2 hours. And during that time, there were periods where I would start to doze off and a big crack of thunder would boom and scare the bejesus out of me. That was a nasty storm system that rolled through. It was one of those systems where it storms for a while, then gets quiet and you think it ended, and next thing you know, it's thundering and lightning again and then it starts pouring all over again. And I normally like to fall asleep to the rain, but the rain was pounding so hard on our roof that it was keeping me awake.

I had to get up early on Tuesday morning because we were heading down Wildhood for a couple days. It was a nice couple days. Except for a few cranky moments, cutie patootie nephew was very pleasant. I was honestly dreading sharing a room with an infant, but he slept well. Hell, I slept pretty well, which is a shocker. My only complaint is I also had a guest decide to come along on my mini-vacation. That bitch doesn't seem to want to stay home on any of my vacations anymore.

My other complaint is breakfast on Thursday. I don't really want to get into details, because the image is etched in my brain forever, but I'll say this- if you are a fat blonde bitch with 3 kids and probably your mother who ate at Jimbo's restaurant in Wildwood on Thurday, July 25th and had the nerve to leave the table with your child's vomit on a plate without telling anyone, and then have the nerve to leave a $2 tip- you are a horrible person.

I like that Wildhood enacted that ban on droopy pants. Pull your damn pants up! I see plenty of other clothing horrors that could use a banning down there as well. I can't decide which shore site has more revolting sights- Wildhood or Seaside. It's a tough call.

On the way home, I started to feel kind of blue and I was going to bring up a few things to my sister, but I never did. I have always had difficulty in the past talking out my feelings to people, but lately I have become completely incapable of doing so. I don't know why. I go to spill my feelings and it's like my brain just completely freezes. And it bothers me that I can't talk to people. Especially my own family. I shouldn't feel like I can't talk to my own family. But I do. Especially because my current method of dealing with my issues and problems (internalizing everything) is clearly not working and is just making everything worse.

And finally, good news! DownloaderHelper updated the other day and since then, I have no longer had any trouble with Shockwave Flash. I had a feeling the previous update was what was causing it, but I wasn't about to get rid of DH. Now I know it was. And no longer having trouble! Huzzah!

Video Of The Day

Since a new pope was picked today, it reminded me of one of my absolute favorite Family Guy scenes.....ever. MAAAAAAAAAAN:

Random Thoughts

I am far from a religious person. But somewhere in the deep depths of my rotten evilness, I feel some faith. I don't know if there is a God or not, though. I really don't know what to believe.

Tonight's episode of Family Guy aired on my birthday, and I remember feeling just as annoyed with it as tonight. We get it, Seth- you don't believe in God. I don't understand why he has to be so fucking obnoxious about it. He is just as bad as the obnoxious Bible thumpers he likes to condemn. Can the nativity story be used in comedy? Sure. I thought the Simpsons did the story well and without being tacky. But this....this is just obnoxious.

Also, I am sick of seeing previews for that movie 21 and Over. I feel like brain cells die every time I see commercials for it. Which is about 2 or 3 per commercial break.

I started watching Pretty Little Liars back when it first aired and for a while, I kind of lost interest in it and just had it on for background noise. But now I watch it pretty faithfully, despite how annoying the show can be. Those girls can be so fucking stupid! I've had a girl crush on Lucy Hale since Privileged aired, but Aria can be really annoying. Emily is an awful actor. Hanna is a fucking cow, especially towards her mother. I really can't tolerate how she treats her mother. I have a love/hate for Jenna. Most of the time I can't stand her, but occasionally her bitchiness makes me laugh. Mona is just....my God, that girl is awful at playing a villain. I think I would probably like Mona if someone who could pull of playing a villain played her. The only tolerable person on the show is Spencer. And her breakdown this season is giving me a lady boner of the highest order. I am loving it. And she's absolutely right- why do they care about Alison? Alison was such a frigging bitch. I wish Spencer would just go completely crazy and kill Mona.

I read an article a few years ago about how college is not for everyone and how the trade industry needs people. While I am still not ready to surrender to college not being for me, I have seriously contemplated learning a trade while figuring out what to do with my life. But being a woman in these fields could be a little scary. If I were in a trade where I would have to be sent to houses, I'd be fearful every time I go that someone would try to kill me or rape me or something. Or that people wouldn't trust my judgment, simply because my chromosomes are two X's.

We went to the local diner tonight for dinner and I was set on getting a slice of carrot cake while I was there, even though it is not the best carrot cake. Wouldn't you know they were out of it? Argh! I would much rather have it from somewhere else anyway, but I am still annoyed they were out of it. I don't know who has good carrot cake. The two places I have had really good carrot cake are Jones in Philly and the Metropolitan in the Borgata in Atlantic City. Unfortunately, they are both a bit far, although I wouldn't mind going down Atlantic City right now. Wouldn't mind going to Jones to eat again, either. Their food, especially the carrot cake, was good!

I bet the Cheesecake Factory has good carrot cake. Unfortunately, I am not going to eat a slice of cake that is more calories (over 1500) than I normally eat in a day. The carrot cake cheesecake is good, but I want just plain carrot cake and I don't think it far behind in caloric value. Dammit, I just want a piece of carrot cake! And I still want Popeye's, too!

The WTF Of The Day

'Bigger Boobies' Hallmark Card For 13-Year-Olds Provokes Angry Protests On Twitter

That card is stupid. What in the hell was the person thinking who created that? I find Hallmark cards offensive anyway. For one, they have been putting out the same cards forever. Every time I shop there (if I have no choice but to buy a card there), I have to spend about 5 minutes trying to figure out if I have bought it before. And second, have you seen some of the stupid ass events they sell cards for? There is a whole line of "Mommy" cards and they are the stupidest things I have ever seen in my life. All full of "sanctimommy" and "woe is me I decided to procreate".

You know what offends me the most about this article? The morons in the comments. The ones who are whining and crying that this nation has turned into a bunch of whining and crying politically correct babies while simultaneously using the section as their platform to whine about the war on Christmas. I am so sick of hearing about this stupid fucking war on Christmas. I think everyone is ridiculous in the whole situation, but face it- it's America. There is more than Christianity in this nation. We are giving the freedom to practice whatever religion we want. So everyone else is allowed to be offended, just as long as the pwecious wittle Christians aren't offended? Get bent.

On another note, I have fell completely in love with this jacket (the black and white). I WANT.

Random Thoughts

More days are passing by. Still no calling anyone for help. What is wrong with me? Well, for one, I am torn on whether to go to a psychiatrist or to go to someone who I would just talk to. I am so divided on what to do about the whole medication issue. I am not entirely against medication, but probably more reluctant than not to start taking any. I know what they can do. I have seen the ugly side effects those medications can bring more times than I would have liked.

The more I think about it, one of the big problems I have with medications are that they mask a lot of the problems (when they work). They don't really do anything to get to the bottom of the issue. When I first went on medication, which was that monster Effexor, I saw a noticable difference in my sociability. I talked to people who I never would have before, I spoke up in class, etc. I am sure I would have never have joined marching band if I hadn't been on that medicine. But once it started to diminish in effectiveness (at the highest allowed dosage), and then when I went off of it, that was the end. I was right back to square one of being terrified to talk to people.

I discussed this with my sister yesterday and she suggested that why don't I give going to someone to just talk to a shot, and if they feel that there are things that I might benefit from medication with, then to go to a psychiatrist. Which makes sense. Now it's just a matter of finding someone who I can just talk to. My doctor only provided me with a list of psychiatrists.

Lately, there have been so many nights where my anxiety has started getting so bad, I have actually considered getting into my car and finding a nondenominational church. I am not expecting religion to do anything for me, though. Faith is a strange thing, because I really don't know what to believe in. But there have been many times, especially recently, where I wished that someone or something would just come to me and tell me everything will be okay. Back during my last breakdown, I had a dream one night that my uncle who was killed in Vietnam was with me and he told me that everything was going to be okay. I was still a mess even after that, but I constantly wish something like that would happen again. I don't care who or what it is.

I just wish I could get to the bottom of why I feel so lousy physically, because all my stupid problems feed into each other. There are times when I can tell what physical symptoms are from getting anxious. I know for a fact that when I start getting really anxious, my hands go numb. I remember during Hurricane Irene, during one of the many tornado warnings, my hands and left arm went numb and all I could think is oh god, leave it to me to have a heart attack in the middle of a hurricane. I wasn't, of course. It was anxiety. And I have experienced it many more times after that, always during really bad anxiety attacks, so I know that is from anxiety. But the rest are harder to judge, especially when it comes to lightheadedness.

Something that never occured to me until recently was back in August, right before I went on vacation, I had a sore throat and generally felt lousy. Everyone I was down the shore with was sick. I never actually got sick, but it was a couple weeks later that all of this feeling lousy started, specifically on the same day the earthquake struck. What if that sore throat has something to do with it? For the most part, I have a super immune system. For someone who was never breast fed, I have an immune system like my mother. Neither of us ever gets sick. And I certainly am not complaining, because I hate being sick, but there are times where it almost concerns me that my immune system is a little too strong and is one day going to rebel against me. But paranoia aside, what if I had gotten a virus that laid dormant and just sent my body into chaos?

Maybe it is all just in my head, but I really and truly do believe something is wrong. My mind has me wondering if it's Addison's, and whether it is or not, I still think something is not right. My mother thinks that if I did really have something wrong with me, I would be getting worse. Which makes sense, since Addison's is progressive, but then I read things like "The gradual onset and nonspecific nature of early symptoms often lead to an incorrect initial diagnosis of neurosis" (source) and "Unfortunately, the slowly progressive chronic symptoms are usually missed or ignored until a sudden event like a flu virus, an accident, or the need for surgery suddenly precipitates a dramatic change for the worse because of the deficient response from the adrenals to one of these stresses" (source), and then I feel bad all over again.

I will admit that I do feel better than I did when I left work. I can sit without feeling like the entire room is rocking back and forth, or feeling like I am going to fall on my ass every time I walk. I do still get dizziness every once in a while, but not nearly as bad as I used to. But the thing is, I have gotten rid of symptoms, but new ones took their place. And that seems to consistantly happen. I get rid of one, another comes along. Some reappear. Some come for a little bit during the day, then disappear. All seem to disappear when I am on the rag. The only thing that has seemed to not go away is I don't feel as coordinated as I used to. You should see me dance now. I was hideous dancer before, but now I am a hideous, uncoordinated dancer. I look like I am drunk.

I have finally gotten the blood pressure compulsion under control, and have been able to stick with taking it once a day, although Sunday night I did slip and take it a second time. But the whole skin analyzing is still harder to control. I have actually started going to the bathroom with the lights off as soon as it gets dark outside, so I can't sit and analyze my skin.

And now I am starting to get afraid that if I go too long without eating, I may get hypoglycemic, which will offer further proof that I could maybe have it. And even though I have had my blood sugar actually get low enough to give me hypoglycemic symptoms at times pretty much all of my life, I haven't had it happen in a very long time.

And I am fearful almost every day now that my period is going to reappear again sometime soon. If it comes again in a small amount of time, I am probably going to absolutely lose it.

My mother had me look up holy basil, which can be used to anxiety. And now I am considering giving it a try. That alt medicine doctor I saw suggested creams for me that I would rub along my back, but they're kind of pricy and I would look for them online to see if I could get them cheaper, but I am having a difficult time deciphering what she wrote. I want to do a little more research before I try anything. All I know is I want something that makes me feel like this.

Please Collapse Already!

Catholic pastors directed to distribute anti-health reform materials at mass

Commentator LoriQ says it simple, but best:

How typical of the Catholic Church to show more concern for the unborn than the well being of the living

I hate the Catholic church more and more everyday. I am so sick of abortion being dragged into every goddamn conversation imaginable when it comes to the Catholic church. I better make sure that when I get to writing my living will (which apparently is turning to the 12th of never), that I state that I, on all grounds, refuse to have a mass at a Catholic church and I refuse to be buried in a Catholic cemetary. It's not just the extreme misogyny. It's not just the condemning homosexuals while touching little boys. It's not just the NOT stripping the priests of their priesthood, but rather sending the little boy touchers to another parrish. It's not even their ridiculous take on abortion to convince me on that. It took a story a friend of my mom's told of a priest strangling and killing a 9 year-old girl and instead of stripping him of his priesthood, they just sent him to another parrish! But abortion is wrong? Fuck them.

It's sad because I really never thought I would despise the Catholic church the way I do now. It used to irritate me when my father would rip it apart, but now I see how right he was.

And unbaptized babies go to hell? What the fuck kind of assinine thinking is that?

Keep politics out of church and keep church out of politics.

Quote Of The Day

Audubon resident and author K. Scott Schaeffer, on gay marriage and religion:

The No. 1 reason is there aren't many Bible verses addressing it -- Homosexuality is not the mega issue of the Bible. It gets four Bible quotes, whereas greed and oppression of the poor gets 107 verses in the Bible. That's the mega issue of the Bible, and yet a lot of Christians today and our politics are supporting the greed and the interests of the wealthy and the powerful and their greed, but we're acting like homosexuality is issue No. 1.

The WTF Of The Day

Boehner Hate Crimes Position: Sexual Orientation A Choice But Religion Isn't

Religion isn't a choice?

WHAT on EARTH is this man babbling about? Even if it did end up turning out that sexual orientation is a choice (which it isn't), how is religion not a choice?

It's all good, though. By next week, he'll have some other bullshit to spew. Quite possibly the complete opposite of what he just said. Afterall, that seems like all many Republicans do. One week, they say one thing. The next week, it's the complete opposite. Or god forbid, they offend Rush Limbaugh. Then it consists of insult Rush Limbaugh, then apologize for it.

I Hate The Catholic Church

Bishop punishes mom for daughter's abortion

Does Daddy get any kind of condemning from the bishop?

What a bunch of....ugh. I don't know which religion I would like to see collapse more- Catholicism or Evangelism. However, unlike the "whiny liberals trying to bring down religion", like that email I received the other day claims, I don't want to try to bring it down. No, I'd rather just watch religion crash and self-destruct on it's own. Oh, how I will laugh on that day.

For once, my father was 100% correct on something. The Catholic church is bogus and nothing but a bunch of greedy boy touchers. I wish I had listened to him before I wasted my time making my communion and confirmation.

I read in the paper today that people who have a religion has dwindled in numbers. Can't wait for the conservatives to get a hold of that news. Did they ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, no one is trying to bring religion down? That maybe, JUST MAYBE, people are actually wisening up and realizing how disgusting and hypocritical most organized religions are?

Here Comes Another Failure!

I have that job interview on Monday (I originally had it for last Monday but I had to reschedule) and I am in no way, no how even remotely prepared for this. I can't even think of questions that could possibly be asked. Last time I had the questions all planned out, I was thrown for a loop and asked questions I have never been asked before in my life (it could ruin my chances of ever securing a job with them, but Target asks the most ridiculous questions in their interviews; I can normally keep my cool, but by the middle of the interview, I was ready to stand up and scream "are you fucking kidding me? All this to stand around and fold clothes? A fucking monkey could do this job!". It just completely blew my mind that a stupid mediocre job like that could be so hard to obtain, especially when I see so many fucking morons working there.)

I don't know how I went all through school and I came out with absolutely no knowledge of how to do a job interview (I had 2 during high school, but they just asked me a couple of questions and I was hired). I don't know how to "sell myself". I don't know why you should hire me. Put me to work and find out for yourself why I should be hired. You will not be disappointed. Unless you are expecting me to do brain surgery. Not only will you not hire me, but you will also be sued.

And one of the things that ALWAYS gets me is "do you have any questions?". Every single one I have just flys the coop. And then I think of them several hours later.

And some people tell me they will help me prepare for it, but boyfriend is more important. I don't care that my sister has a boyfriend; he is nice (when he feels like it; most of the time he is just miserable as shit), but she is one of these people who will automatically change for a guy and put him above everyone else. Maybe I am wrong, but I grew up with the notion to never, ever put anyone above family (unless family is a bad thing, of course). When my sister has a boyfriend, she will barely ever hang out with me and if we make plans, she will ask me- right in front of him-if he can come along. What am I supposed to say? And if he isn't around, she will rush everything so she can get home to him. BUT- and this has happened with every past boyfriend, if they break up, she is right around, wanting to hang out all the time. She even told me with her last boyfriend that she invited me to come along because she didn't want to hang out with him alone (their relationship started to get tense towards the end). In other words, I was being used. I got used enough by friends in high school; I don't need my own sister doing it as well.

She just promised to help me prepare for it and when I said something the other day she completely blew me off. I got this instead- "please, you are being spoon-fed this job!".

Sorry, I have been in a really bad mood, for different reasons. One, I really don't know why. Two, because after repeated attempts of telling a friend I do not want any political email, I received another yesterday, whining about how the liberals are trying to destroy religion. After losing my temper, I just decided the hell with it and banned him from emailing me. I warned him once and I warned him twice. Three strikes you are outta here. I hardly want to hear this kind of shit coming from a man who cheated on his wife over the internet. I was one of the few who actually stayed talking to him and he couldn't just do me that one goddamn favor.

Ugh, how I wish the world would end already. The whole reaction to that stupid Bachelor show the other night just further fueled the fire that I wish it would happen. People honestly think that show is real? Really? Unbelievable. I feel absolutely no ounce of sympathy for the pathetic cunts who go on the show. I love the ones who are like "oh, I haven't even met him nor do I know anything about him, but I already know he is my soulmate!".

Ugh! And then to make everything worse, it's daylight savings time weekend! That gives me one less hour to prepare for this interview. Oh, and I just signed into my secondary Myspace account and received a message that one of my pictures has been deleted because young users use Myspace. It was a Deee-Lite picture. First off, the picture is in an album only viewable by me. I keep them there for back-up. Second, no one is naked in the picture. She has a shirt on! I have seen less clothing on teenagers than this picture. I don't know if it has anything to do with what she is doing in the picture, although what that is is not very clear.

Amazingly enough, the picture where Lady Miss Kier is actually naked, covered up appropriately though, is still there! That was the one I thought was deleted.

Stupid fucking kids. They shouldn't even be on computers in the first place.

Lyrics Of The Day

"Jesus He Knows Me" by Genesis:

You see the face on the TV screen
coming at you every Sunday
see that face on the billboard
that man is me

On the cover of the magazine
there's no question why I'm smiling
you buy a piece of paradise
you buy a piece of me

I'll get you everything you wanted
I'll get you everything you need
don't need to believe in hereafter
just believe in me

Cos Jesus he knows me
and he knows I'm right
I've been talking to Jesus all my life
oh yes he knows me
and he knows I'm right
and he's been telling me
everything is alright

I believe in the family
with my ever loving wife beside me
but she don't know about my girlfriend
or the man I met last night

Do you believe in God
cos that's what I'm selling
and if you wanna get to heaven
I'll see you right

You won't even have to leave your house
or get outta your chair
you don't even have to touch that dial
cos I'm everywhere

And Jesus he knows me
and he knows I'm right
I've been talking to Jesus all my life
oh yes he knows me
and he knows I'm right
well he's been telling me
everything's gonna be alright

Won't find me practising what I'm preaching
won't find me making no sacrifice
but I can get you a pocketful of miracles
if you promise to be good, try to be nice
God will take good care of you
just do as I say, don't do as I do

I'm counting my blessings,
I've found true happiness
cos I'm getting richer, day by day
you can find me in the phone book,
just call my toll free number
you can do it anyway you want
just do it right away

There'll be no doubt in your mind
you'll believe everything I'm saying
if you wanna get closer to him
get on your knees and start paying

Cos Jesus he knows me
and he knows I'm right
I've been talking to Jesus all my life
oh yes he knows me
and he knows I'm right
well he's been telling me
everything's gonna be alright, alright

Jesus he knows me
Jesus he knows me, you know...

So That Is Why They Make Good Villains....

Catholic Abbot Says Disney Indoctrinates Kids

Disney is evil. Not exploiting spirituality; rather, it's just greedy and promotes an undeniable amount of mediocrity. It exploits and lies to its clients as well. Telling them they are talented. Ha! What a fucking joke. Disney needs to go back to making cartoons and enough with the High School Musical and Hannah Montana shit. I don't care if it's "what works" or that times have to change; this is not what Disney was started with. Walt Disney must be rolling his grave.

And obviously, I am not defending the Catholic church either. If it were left up to me, I'd destroy them both. It just will be extremely difficult to decide which one I'd like to bring down first.

Random Thoughts

First....Happy Turkey Day!

Right now I am going to talk about my dog, as seen to the left. Yes, she does have a political Democrat donkey toy. Yes, I bought it for her. She is actually my sister's dog, but we all consider her as the pet family. Her name is Sammie and she just turned 5 on November 7th. Don't let the adorable face fool you. She is a devil and a half. I gave her a bath earlier and right in the middle of sudsing her entire body, she decides she is going to jump out of the tub and shake all over the place. I had to chase her all over my bathroom, which is not big by any means. She's just sneaky like that.

It was a week ago, but I never got around to talking about my cousin's funeral. Not that there is much exciting to talk about. I never cry at funerals. I think the last time I cried at one was back in elementary school when my Pop Pop Al died. I haven't cried at any since then. I just don't find death to be such a bad thing. Now, of course, I did not cry at this funeral either, but when I got home, I certainly did. Suicide is sad. It really is. Knowing that someone else out there that I knew personally was feeling similar to how I have felt many times, but actually went through with it....it's depressing. And people can stand there and say "oh well maybe he should have got help" or "maybe he shouldn't have been so selfish". He did get help. He was on medication. People do not seem to grasp how antidepressants probably never really help people who pretty severely depressed. Also, not many people seem to realize that antidepressants can INCREASE the risk of suicide. I can vouch for that from when I took Wellbutrin. I am not even going to bother commenting on the second one. I can talk until I am blue in the face and some asshole will stand around and complain about the selfishness of suicide.

And if you have ever heard of the fun of going off of Effexor, I can vouch for that as well. It is pure hell. The first time I went off of it, I did it smartly- weaned off little by little. I still got sick to my stomach, dizzy, and felt like I was being electrocuted in my head every time I moved my head or eyes. The second time, I did it stupidly. I dropped from 75 mg to nothing. I had no money to go to the doctors and get a prescription, so I figured I'd ride out the withdrawal. How, to this day, I did it is beyond me. I felt like hell. I was sick to my stomach and dizzy. I had violent mood swings. Every time I drove to work or school, I wanted to floor my car into a tree or railguard or whatever strong structure was close by. Every time I moved my head, my whole body felt like it was being electrocuted. I had internal chills and would put something on to warm up and in no time, I was soaked. I had migraines. I really believe I could have seriously hurt someone if I was pushed enough. I honestly advise anyone to stay as far, far away from this drug as humanly possible. I STILL get the brain zaps to this day and I truly believe I have not been the same since quitting it.

Anyway, back to the funeral, when the actual cemetary part came, someone brought a radio to play songs and wouldn't you know the first song they played was "Dust In The Wind"? I wanted to bust up laughing, because the first thing that came to mind was Will Ferrell singing it at Blue's funeral in Old School and then screaming "you're my boy, Blue!".

The minute I step into a church, every funny thing possible floods my head. I think of the episode of The Simpsons when Bart photo-copies his ass and then places the copies in all of the church books. I think of the episode of Family Guy when Stewie dresses up as a devil and tries to scare someone in church. I think of the time I went to a funeral and my father fell asleep in the church and started to moan loudly (just for the record, he did fall asleep at my cousin's as well; just no moaning).

Hey. No one said I was normal. I mean, this is the same person who has "My Shiny Teeth and Me" by Chip Skylark (from The Fairly Oddparents) on her iPod.