Random Thoughts

I was going through my daily gossip site pages earlier and I came across an article about John Stamos taking a young woman to Disneyland. The girl had contracted meningococcemia and lost all of her limbs. I haven't gotten anxious over meningococcemia in a while, but reading about it has reeled it back into my life. I get so fearful that one day I am going to contract something like that, lose consciousness, and someone is going to go against my wishes of not amputating anything. An advance directive may ease some of the anxiety, but I still wouldn't feel completely at ease. I have made it clear to my family that if something like that happened to me to NOT, under absolutely any circumstances, allow any amputations. Whether they would actually follow through on my wishes, I don't know. And I don't like that uncertainty.

And speaking of uncertainty, I am annoyed with how lousy I have been feeling. And this fear coming back into the picture is not helping matters. I wake up every day feeling exhausted and like I am hungover. And I have been sleeping okay. It's just been taking me forever to fall asleep because my head just runs and runs and runs. And I have been having some weird dreams. Can't remember most of them, but I do remember having a dream one night I was hospitalized with Amanda Bynes. Whatever that was about. The stranger part is, it's not the first time I have dreamt of being hospitalized in a psych hospital with a celebrity, either.

And during the day, I just feel lousy overall. My head feels strange and I get random pains in different spots throughout the day. The pressure in my ears constantly fluctuates (especially in the left). I keep feeling like someone is blowing in my left ear. Every time I cry, I get so stuffed up I can't breathe. I imagines it has to do with my allergies/sinuses. But nothing in my area is high.

I just read some article over on ONTD about some ugly ass old bitch who says any woman who is happy to not have children is a liar. O rly? You know what? I am getting REALLY tired of these miserable ass bitches- probably mostly all women who hated that they took on the role of motherhood- saying that child-free people are selfish, miserable, etc. I just do not understand why it is such a big fucking deal to choose to not have kids.

JFC, if it's that big of a deal for someone to shit out a kid, then fine, I'll do it. And since I'd make a lousy mother, and assuming I do not have endometriosis, I am probably fertile as a cockroach. So not only will I reproduce, I won't stop at one. I will pop out a whole bunch. And I will go on welfare. But who gives a shit? I fulfilled my biological duty, right????

Ew, I just saw a picture of two cockroaches doing the nasty. And I am trying not to laugh.