The Awesome Of The Day

Like you didn't see it coming!

Oh No They Didn't! - MGMT Halloween Poast

I briefed over the comment section earlier and this exchange had me laughing hysterically:

nice wig
what's it made of?
YOUR MOMS CHEST HAIR

I don't know why, but there is still something that makes me giggle at your mom jokes. And at that first picture of Andrew. He looks like a woman in the midst of a mind-blowing orgasm.

I am feeling pretty miserable and stressed, since it's the last day of having health insurance unless I decide to go with COBRA, so I think I am going to say the hell with my diet right now (even though I have pretty much said that the past few days) and I am going to go get a pumpkin pie Blizzard! One last hurrah with one since I will have to wait another year to get one.

HAPPY HALLOW-HEEN EVERYONE!!!!

Video Of The Day

The WTF Of The Day

The Awesome Of The Day

"Kids" on the new episodes of Beavis & Butthead? Totally would have NEVER seen that coming.

*sniffs, voice cracking* My heart is swelling with glee.

Quote Of The Day

From "Godfellas":

[Scene: Bender "swims" through space to The Blue Danube.]
Malachi: Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer.
[Bender sighs.]
Bender: [irate] Yes, Malachi, what is it this time?
Malachi: My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.
Bender: Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Random Thoughts

Week 1 of unemployment down....an unknown amount more to go. Just sitting here, enjoying an angel food cake. A non-moldy one this time. Blech. I happened to look at the date on the box the next day and it said sell by October 3. Cripes. No wonder it was freaking moldy! And just like with googling it, it probably would have helped if I had looked at the date before eating it, right?

And now I get to look forward to getting two more cavities filled tomorrow. Huzzah! But that should be the last of them, because I had my entire mouth x-rayed when I had my teeth cleaned this past Tuesday and that was all that was seen. So, all in all, I haven't had my teeth cleaned since 2009 (which absolutely kills me, because I have always been someone who faithfully went every 6 months, until I lost my initial dental insurance), and I had 4 total cavities. I guess that is not too terrible, but still. I do try to take care of my teeth. I never ever brush my teeth less than twice a day- for the full 2 minutes. I am not so good with the whole flossing, although I do try to do it every night at least. And I suspect that is my whole problem, because all of my cavities were in the very back molars, where I have a lot of trouble keeping and getting food out of.

I was on Facebook yesterday (actually I always am; I don't really do anything, I just never log out; but that is beside the point) and my WA sends me a message that the office is chaotic and everything. Apparently a lot of stuff that is supposed to be done in our sister office is still needing to be done there. And then she tells me that she and another coworker are doing my job. Now I know I don't always have the best reactions to things, but I got very upset when she told me that. It was like a fucking punch to the stomach. I don't understand why she would tell me that. Especially since she knew how upset I was over losing my job and seen me cry many times about it.

But later on it occured to me that on my last day she happened to ask our boss who would be doing my job (there would still be some to be done) and my boss says that she would be doing it and my WA actually turned and said "oh well I won't be billing anymore so maybe I can learn". I was just like really? You are honestly saying this on my last day of work? I was already ticked off because right before she had came in my boss was talking to me about it being my last day and to just let her know if I need references or anything and my WA comes in and just stands there listening. I felt like snapping do you fucking mind? This conversation does not involve you.

Every single time I think I am starting to maybe come out of this black hole, something drags me back down again. That set me off yesterday, then I was out and I happened to look down at my hands and they looked a funny color and I could feel my anxiety levels rising and I stopped in the restroom and was looking in the mirror at my face and seeing things that more than likely are not there and my anxiety levels started to reach nuclear levels and I felt like I was going to blow from it. This goddamn fear of Addison's is just not going away for anything.

Now I don't know if this is something that is just part of certain mental illnesses or not, but having the fear not going away only ignites another fire, one of almost paranoia- why is it not going away?! Why cannot I not stop worring about it? Is it some kind of sign?

I am starting to feel like I am losing my grip on reality and eventually all ties to reality are going to be cut. And it's scaring the hell out of me. I am absolutely terrified of losing my mind.

I am also starting to get really scared that something really malicious is going on in my brain. Anxiety is powerful, but I am having a hard time believing it could cause this much trouble.

An even bigger annoyance is I already have another one waiting in the wing. One that previously terrified me before, but is pretty much on par with Addison's, maybe just a little scarier.

Quote Of The Day

From "Crimes Of The Hot":

Van: Calling all scientists, calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.
[A man runs to the van]
Man: I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Van: You've got a degree in baloney! [sprays the man with a water cannon]

Video Of The Day

Also from the episode of American Dad with "Electric Feel":

Quote Of The Day

From "A Pharoah To Remember":

Bender: Come on, guys. Pharaoh's countin' on us. Work faster, like this. [He pushes a block up the side of the tomb and the Osiran runs after him, whipping as he goes. He stops to catch his breath.] You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this.
[He takes the whip and whips himself.]

Video Of The Day

Roger? MGMT? Together? *head explodes*

Ick! Ick! Ick!

I opened up an angel food cake and found mold near the end, so I ripped off a piece with the mold on it and sniffed the rest of the cake. Smelled fine. I ate it. Tasted fine. Then I decided to google whether it was safe to do so (yes I probably should have done that first, eh?). Find out not so much. So I immediately panic and run right for the bathroom and do something I haven't done in a while- force myself to throw up. So now I am not only nauseous from what I read, but I have a burning ring of fire in my stomach! Not to mention that I happen to be allergic to penicillen!

I know you all enjoyed learning this, right? RIGHT?!!!!!!!!!

See what happens when you become unemployed? You share stupid inane shit!

Random Thoughts

It's already been almost one week since my last day of work. And I am already about to lose my mind Not that being in work was any picnic, but at least it was something to do! I am bored out of my skull! And I am getting more stressed the closer I get to losing all of my benefits.

This is like a nightmare to me. Honestly, I knew it was bound to happen. With the way things were going on in my workplace, I knew eventually something would happen and we would all be out on our asses. What I didn't expect was 1) for only some of us to be thrown out and 2) for it to happen so soon. I don't doubt that come mid-year in 2012, the remaining workers will be out on their asses as well, but it's still hard to not take it personally. Especially when you look at some of the people that were able to keep their jobs. AKA my WA. Who I seen online on Facebook for almost 20 minutes the other day during work hours. I wanted to message her with "wow, nice to see you spending 20 minutes on FB during work hours while I am sitting at home having to collect unemployment".

I'd love to know how much time she goes and spends talking to her friend now without as many people working in the office. I won't deny that she did get her work done when needed, but I would love to know is how accurate her work really was. Between the stupid shit that came out of her mouth all the time and the many lies I caught her on (and taking that into consideration, did she really ever have all of her work done?), it really makes me wonder. I did see her work one time and then I looked at what she reviewed and it was not even correct. By any means. It also used to piss me off how she would stand there and say all of her work was done and there was nothing else for her to do. I generally always had to hear this after she would receive yet another email about talking too much. Bitch, please. If there was one thing that place was never without, it was plenty of work. There was always work that needed to be done in that place.

And yeah, I am probably just getting really nitpicky here, but another thing that royally pisses me off that she got to keep her job is the fact that I know she is a pot smoker (like that brain needs any more damage). And I often wonder if any of her work ever looks like some of the emails she sent me. She used to send me emails that hardly made any sense due to all of the typing mistakes. There were so many times I felt like replying back with "that email made no fucking sense. Please send me one that makes sense". I know I am far too anal retentive, but I am tired of people not using proper spelling and grammar when typing. There is no excuse for it.

I hate when I have to go down the self pity party road, but....well, that is what I am about to do. I am so fucking tired of people and pretty much everything. I am so tired of every time I get together with my mother and my sister, it's like I don't even exist. My mother spends the entire just talking and talking and talking and I never can get a word in and when I finally do, I either am interrupted by her or my sister. I am also tired of people telling me that they would die if I anything ever happened to me and then can't even be bothered to give me the time of day.

I also am tired of telling people about how horrible I feel and everyone brushing me off. Okay, I understand that I have cried wolf many times in life. And I understand how it could be frustrating to others. But how does my family- particularly my mother- think I feel? If anyone should know how aggravating and frustrating it can be, it should be me! And it makes me very angry when people get upset with me. Which in turn brings out my nasty catty side. The whole time I was scared I had Addison's, there were quite a few times I would get angry and think "okay big fucking deal if I do. Let no one believe me and if I do, and I happen to have a crisis and die, then everyone will feel bad that they didn't listen to me". When I am going through these situations and other people complain to me about their ailments, I feel like snapping "I don't give a fuck!"

I am a horrible person. I really am. Although I can take comfort in the fact that whenever I watch the news, I find that there are a hell of lot worse people out there than me.

I am still not over the whole Addison's thing either. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but I am still finding myself having to look in the mirror and inspect every inch of my body or prying my mouth open looking for hyperpigmentation, or having to take my blood pressure, or panicking at every sign of fatigue or lightheadness or salt craving. I think my period may have been a lot of the reason why I was acting so....irrationally. But not entirely. Since my period is over. And the fear is still here. Somewhat. Annoying me to no end. GOD JUST GO THE HELL AWAY.

I am tired of my brain. I want to rip it out of my head and get a new one. I haven't felt such a deep depression like I have been feeling in a long time. I can't seem to get out of it for anything. I am so fucking miserable. And I keep thinking of the future and I just feel so bleak and hopeless. How I keep somehow making it through every day is astonishing to me.

Last holiday season was the first in a while that I did not feel miserable as shit. It was one of the first New Years in a very long time that I didn't spend the rest of the night crying and seriously considering suicide. And I dread this year is going to be right back to that situation again.

Something needs to be done. I really don't think I can take anymore. I could go to my doctor and demand a test to rule out Addison's. But then I feel like I am just giving into the OCD. And if it comes back normal, all is well! That is....until the next disease crisis! I am sick of it. If nothing is done and I allow the OCD to continue, with the potential to worsen, I am going to eventually actually make myself fucking sick! Not to mention that there is a ever growing likelihood that one day I am finally not going to be able to take it anymore and I'll attempt suicide. Oh, and not to mention I will put myself into bankruptcy demanding all these damn tests!

To Hell With This

Being unemployed sucks eggs

Random Thoughts

Every single time I start to think I have reached the point that I can't cry anymore, somehow I manage to still do so. I have went through bad times before, but I had no idea it was physically possible to cry as much as I have in the past week. I cried five times alone in a 4.5 hour span on Friday. Which the reason for crying then is understandable. It was my last day at my job.

As for the other reasons? Oh, different things:

- Being scared I have Addison's
- Looking at a strange spot on my arm and my imagination running wild over what it could be (flesh eating)
- Still not feeling well, not knowing why, and only having two weeks left to try and get an answer
- Only having two weeks left to take care of other insurance issues
- Only having two weeks left of health insurance PERIOD
- Trying to apply for unemployment online, only to come across the webpage and get the message "This Connection is Untrusted. You have asked Firefox to connect securely to njsuccess.dol.state.nj.us, but we can't confirm that your connection is secure. Normally, when you try to connect securely, sites will present trusted identification to prove that you are going to the right place. However, this site's identity can't be verified", and I am too afraid to use the webpage now, which means now I either have to go up to the goddawful unemployment office or call over the phone
- Reading through the unemployment handbook
- Getting an $80 bill from my GI doctor office because my insurance refuses to pay the bill due to "pre-existent conditions"
- Trying to figure out how my vision plan works with getting contact lenses
- Trying to order contact lenses online and not being able to understand what is on my prescription and realizing I threw out the package that my trial pair came in
- Realizing my printer is out of ink

And a ton of other things. Pretty much all things no one in their right mind would cry over.

I feel like I am "one foot in the hole, the other on a banana peel" close to having another nervous breakdown. And I REALLY do not want that to happen again. Between losing my job and not feeling well, I feel like I am really about to lose my mind. The dizziness temporarily subsided is coming back again, I feel completely uncoordinated whenever I attempt to do anything, my chest hurts, I have been noticing trouble with my vision....what the hell is wrong with me?!

And if I have to read one more post on Facebook from my WA bitching about it being a miserable week at work, I am going to punch her. You didn't lose your job, bitch, so STFU!

The Headline Of The Day

Not so much people getting hurt, but....it speaks for itself:

16 zombie actors injured on 'Resident Evil' set | 6abc.com

Random Thoughts

Good god is this nightmare ever going to end?

I am getting to the point that I am ready to go to the ER just to get any type of relief, whether it be from some type of testing or someone drugs me up. But there is the whole how much it is going to cost me. There is also an unsettling feeling that someone there will try to deem me a danger to myself and try to have me commited, despite the fact that I have no desire to harm myself.

I spotted something new looking in the mirror on Monday- the tip of my tongue looks like a strawberry! Not the color, but it looks like the tastebuds on the tip have popped up and they are bright red and look like the seeds of a strawberry. And my tongue feels hot and my lips have been burning. I am almost starting to wonder if I am experiencing a vitamin deficiency. The mouth thing was the first thing to make me wonder it again. My nails also look suspiciously a lot like it.

I certainly don't want anything wrong with me, and a vitamin deficiency is certainly serious, but I would be very relieved if this is what it was. My diet sucks big time, so it would hardly come as a surprise. If I had thought about it at the time, I would have asked to have my vitamin levels checked. My B-12 level was tested in 2006, and it was normal, but a little on the low side (it should be 200 to 1100; mine was 343). My diet had a lot more variety then.

IT came on today, so I am kind of hoping that this is part of the reason why I feel so lousy mentally and physically. But on the way home from work today, I felt so lousy that I just wanted to start crying and never stop. I feel so horrible. And I am very upset that no one is taking me seriously about this. It's all "just anxiety". Yes, I will admit that some of it more than likely is, but this has been going on far too long to be just anxiety. I'm very upset over why I feel so horrible and I just want to know why I feel so lousy so I can stop feeling so anxious and making myself feel worse.

I always seem to be okay in the morning and then things start occuring and I start getting anxious. I started feeling nauseous once again midmorning and more than likely it is just due to my period being here, but try to convince my mind of that. And I could feel my anxiety levels starting to rise. And then that brings on other symptoms. And when more symptoms start flaring up, THEN the urge to start the compulsions comes on. I started feeling lightheaded and like I was going to lose my mind- just from getting anxious over feeling nauseous- and then I started thinking omg, I have to take my blood pressure to see if it's low and since I had no access to a BP machine, my anxiety levels started to rise even higher.

And if I can't engage in one compulsion, I have to go after another. And then that is when I get up and go into the bathroom and start looking all over areas of my body and in my mouth for signs of hyperpigmentation. It's fucking sick. And I realize that as I am doing it and I get upset over THAT as well and....well, it's just amazing that I have not had a stroke in the past couple weeks with as stressed as I keep getting. Even now, explaining it all is making me very upset.

I just want to lay down and cry for hours on end, because I am so upset at the person I have become and that I feel so lousy and over feeling so hurt that no one believes me on how lousy I feel. I have spent so much time crying in the past few days that I am starting to look as shitty as I feel. The good thing is I really can't cry anymore, because I look like hell right now. My eyelids have are still very swollen. I have bad circles under my eyes. I look like a freaking raccoon!

I am also very angry over the fact that my aunt said on Sunday when I got really upset at one point that she would talk to my mother about doing something that I wouldn't dare ask her myself to do. Has she done it yet? No. And I should know better. I should know she never fucking keeps her promises. I guess maybe this is a small part of the reason why I am so reluctant to ever go after help- does anyone actually give a shit if I do? I understand the whole notion that I need to want help to get it, and I do want help, and it is probably a very fucked up way of thinking (but then again this is me we are talking about here), but I also would like to feel like people care enough about me to want me to get help. Otherwise, what is the point?

I love my aunt to death. But frankly, I am sick to death of her promising to do things and then never following through with them. One of her best friend's children (who are close to my age) see my aunt more than I do. And sorry, my bastard of a father does not get all of the blame here.

Oh and losing my job and health insurance shortly. Can't forget that one. I just checked my email and I had an email about how I have to have a meeting with someone from HR on my last day and it finally dawned on me how real this is. Forget the whole notion that I can't cry anymore.

And completely off topic here- does anyone know how tall Mark Foster is? I don't know if it's just the way he dresses or what, but every time I see pictures of him, I feel like we would be of equal height if I were to stand next to him, and I'm only about 5'3.

Picture Of The Day

see more Monday Through Friday

Random Thoughts

My blood work came back all in range. The momentary relief lasted all of one day. And then I was right back to where I started after reading something that gave me the impression that these normal ranges don't always rule Addison's out. And if I recall, my doctor even told me that if my blood work came back with normal ranges, it would pretty much rule out a diagnosis of it. But I was so distressed that day I don't even remember if he actually said that.

I don't know what I can do to convince myself that there is probably nothing wrong with me and this is all a product of the monster known as OCD. I don't want to run back to the doctor to ask for another test. But it's getting to the point of I don't know what else to do to get rid of this. I am mentally and physically exhausted from stressing myself out.

My anxiety levels have not been this bad since right before I was hospitalized. This was basically how I was acting when I thought I had MS. And I blamed Wellbutrin on that. What is my reasoning now? I am not on any psychiatric drugs! The little other difference is I am not suicidal this time around. I don't want to commit suicide or harm myself in any way nor do I have a plan. But the idea of dying by an outside force is a fucking dream right now.

This weekend has been a nightmare. I did go through periods where I did feel a little better (and oh shocker! many of the symptoms disappeared or lessened as soon as this happened). And then something, like feeling lightheaded or extremely fatigued or seeing a strange looking spot on the skin (I can't even tell you how much time I spend looking in the mirror examining my skin and mouth on a daily basis; it's sad, it really is) or feeling nauseous or looking at something salty and wanting to devour it, would set everything off again. And then I start wondering if the symptoms I am feeling are real or a product of the OCD and that only exacerbates my anxiety (and the symptoms I am feeling) because I start wondering if I am on the verge of losing my mind.

I want to actually sit and make a list of all the reasons I think I could have it and why I may not. Whether this will help at all, I don't know. Okay, so why do I think I would have it?

1) I have been craving salty foods just like I always do before IT comes. Not quite as bad, though. I mean, before IT, I am talking there are times I will actually drag my finger across the bottom of a bag of pretzels and lick the salt off my fingers.
2) my head and legs feel funny and my heart pounds when I stand up from sitting (it feels different from the times I have experienced orthostatic hypotension- antidepressant usage, spending too much time in the heat, right before IT comes)
3) digestive disturbances, going to the bathroom more than usual (gee, whoever would have thought a day would come when I would complain about using the bathroom?)
4) mood and psychiatric disturbances
5) decrease in blood pressure numbers when standing up
6) vertigo
7) cold sensitivity
8) leg cramps every so often and lately my legs have been feeling very heavy and tight, like they are about to spasm

Things that are on the fence:

1) areas of my skin look like hyperpigmentation to me. Whether they are the clinical pictures of Addison's, I don't know. My mother's and grandmother's skins look pretty similar, so that right there says to me that my skin is normal. But there are areas I wonder about. Old scars espcially get extra analysis. I have not seen anything that resembles this, though (you all do realize writing that last part is causing me excessive amounts of anxiety?)
2) digestive disturbances could be due to stress and anxiety, as well as whatever else I have (IBS, GERD, possible diverticulosis)
3) the lightheadness and vertigo continues when I sit down
4) the lightheadness and heart palpitations whenever I stand up could very well possibly be a product of anxiety, since I get anxious every time I have to stand up that I am going to feel what I usually do when I KNOW for a fact that I am actually experiencing orthostatic hypotension
5) I'm nuts anyway. I have a long history of being nuts. However, Medscape's "Diagnosis may be delayed because of comorbid depression or other psychiatric illness" does not help in any way.

Things that would make me think I do not:

1) no unexplained weight loss (I actually was up a couple pounds the last time I was on the scale)
2) my appetite has been fine, except for the times I am really stressed. Otherwise, I have been eating like a pig. I also am craving sweets. I'd like to eat an entire cake right now. Particularly the good-bye cake we had in work on Friday. OMFG was that good.
3) no loss of hair on the underarms or pubic area
4) normal CBC/metabolic panels (from what I know; I don't know my exact level readings yet)
5) no genetic predisposition or risk factors
6) no overwhelming fatigue (minus the after effects of crying hours on end)
7) no apparent weakness
8) blood pressure has been consistantly normal (and a little high at times)
9) the vertigo I experience sounds very much in line with BPPV
10) other symptoms I experience make me think a lot of these symptoms I am experiencing could be more of a cardiovascular or neurological nature. My feet turn kind of a bluish purple color whenever I am sitting. Now here is something I should probably have some concern over and yet I don't. Goes to show you just how good my priorities are, right?

Did that help? Not so much. A little, but at the same time not at all. Especially since I came home today and I felt really hot, so I took my temp and it was 98.8, which is high for me, and I immediately panicked, thinking oh god it's the start of an adrenal crisis.

I so badly keep trying to convince myself that this is probably a product of OCD, but I don't know for certain if it is. And until I know, or something comes over me to make me realize it is, I am not going to stop stressing over it. And to make matters worse, just like last time, I feel if I finally come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me WITHOUT having some kind of physical evidence and I stop worrying, I am only jinxing myself.

Also in the grand tradition of things, I wish I had the tooth abscess fear instead.

Video Of The Day

It's been the Lyrics Of The Day before, but what better time than now to make it VotD?

Silversun Pickups - Panic Switch - YouTube

Video Of The Day

Shhhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone. I really freaking like this song:

"Welcome to the Black Parade"

I always get emotional at this part. It's not that it makes me want to cry, but let's just say it's a good thing no one has ever caught me in work whenever it comes on 104.5 (which lately it keeps coming on after MGMT songs and all I can think of is this and I lol. I had to impose a limit on how long I am allowed to look at those pictures. Especially the 2nd one. *starts swaying* Oh god, stared too long. Must. Turn. Away. But. Cannot.). What? Don't make fun of me!

"Because one day I'll leave you
A phantom to lead you in the summer
To join the black parade"

A Third Angry Letter To The American Media

Dear American Media:

Please, for the love of all that is holy, STOP USING THE TERM BABY BUMP! Ugh!

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

Picture Of The Day

Random Thoughts

Here we go once again. This is what, the fifth time in a little over four months, that I have myself sick that I have something wrong with me. I don't even remember how I came across Addison's. The only thing I could think of when I was researching why I was craving salt. I don't really have that craving much anymore. In fact, the idea of it actually makes me nauseous right now. But I came across it, didn't think much of it, and then how the idea came back into my head is not something I can recall. Or what in the hell caused me Monday morning to pull out the medical book and look it up. Or why I felt better on Monday than I have in a long time, mildly worrying about it, only to wake up with a leg cramp on Tuesday morning and start the snowball effect.

What I do know since then is I have been in OCD hell. I am taking my blood pressure constantly, flipping out at the slightest signs of lightheadedness whenever I stand up, in the mirror constantly looking for signs of hyperpigmentation, flipping over the fact that my stomach is acting up. My stomach was on FIRE all day in work and just a complete mess and of course, I immediately associate that with Addison's. My extremely freckled shoulders are hyperpigmentation, despite the fact that my mother's look exactly the same. This morning, I checked my blood pressure and it was 122/71, then I decided to stand up and immediately take it again and it was lower, so I am flipping out over that. Any other time I have taken my blood pressure it's been in normal range, probably a little on the high side. Usually systolic is anywhere from 115 to 125. I went to the doctor yesterday and when he took my BP, he said my diastolic was a little high (it was 80, I think). One calf or the other hurts if I stand on my toes. The back of my right thigh feels like it wants to cramp.

And unless my blood work comes back normal, the sad thing is, there is really nothing that can convince me that there is nothing wrong with me. And it's affecting every single waking moment of my life. I am down to the nitty gritty with work and I could be accumulating mass amounts of overtime, but I am so physically and mentally exhausted from stressing over this, and my concentration level is just about alive because I am so focused on this, that I am not even working up to par. In fact, I probably have to make up time this week and I am trying to figure out how in the hell I am going to do it when all I want to do is be home and be in bed. I don't even know how I made it through today because I was in so such a terrible state of mind.

And that is the other thing that once again has to be asked- how much of what I am feeling is real and what is psychogenic? And unfortunately, I called today to find out if my results were in from my labwork (I knew they wouldn't be, but I have gotten them next day before), only to find out that not only was it not in yet, but I would probably have to wait until at least Friday or Monday. I was seriously close to losing it at that point. Damn the doctor for wanting a Lyme test. I even decided to be a pain in the ass and find out if there was any way to get the CBC/metabolic panels sooner, but apparently that is not possible. Those are the only two I want to know. I don't even know what in the hell else I got tested for, besides the usual CBC, metabolic, and then thyroid and Lyme. I know one time before my usual doctor ran blood work on me and he tested me for about a bazillion things. Including syphillis. I lol'd at that one.

I don't even want to get the bill for this one. I was counting on just getting CBC and metabolic, which would have been covered under my HRA account. TSH is about $100, so maybe some of that would have been covered. As for the Lyme test, I have no idea how much that cost and I am sure I am going to flip when I get the rest of the bill, since I still have to meet $500 of my deductible. You know, before I lose my insurance shortly. I just hope it isn't as bad as my last blood work panel that cost $855. The bulk of it was the Celiac test, at a whopping $535.

But anyway, I have no idea how I am going to not completely lose my mind waiting for the test results. And if they come back normal, or not showing anything serious (to me), then I am going to do something I really do not want to do- seriously contemplate going back on medicine. What medication, I have no idea. But the only thing that ever really had any effect with the OCD was 20 mg of Prozac (I was on 40 mg at one time, but for some reason that had no effect). And if I have to give it a try again, I guess I will. Because something has to give before a time comes where I might decide to do something a little more drastic.

Picture Of The Day

I went to the eye doctor tonight and several hours later, I have to ask....

Song Of The Day

I think the song is actually about a relationship, but something is always wrong. A few years ago, it was diabetes, then a retinal detachment, then MS. A few months ago, it was a general foot stress fracture, then it was a navicular stress fraction, then meningococcemia/septicemia (a fear that tends to be reoccuring), then a tooth abscess....now it's Addison's disease.

I really and truly don't know how much more I can take of this.

An Angry Letter To Antenna TV

Dear Antenna TV:

WHERE WAS MY MARATHON OF THE THE THREE STOOGES LAST NIGHT? And why am I not seeing it listed on this upcoming Friday as well? Where are my weekend Stoogeathons, dammit?!

They're not on anymore, are they? ARE THEY?!!!!!!!!!!!! *falls on floor and starts to cry*

Sincerely,
S- Cubed