Random Thoughts

Continuing on with the shower, now on top of the almost one grand place rental, there is the cost of the shower favors, which has to be at least $150 since my sister's mother-in-law insisted on those expensive nonpareils (I tasted a dark chocolate one and it was good, but it tasted no different than the Hershey's special dark chocolates I gorge on every Christmas); balloons, another $60, because my aunt insisted on getting these two huge balloons worth $10 a piece; and now we have about $50 worth of white chocolate baby bottle lollipops, which my aunt also insisted on getting.

And you should see all of the gifts my aunt has bought. I think last time my mother and I counted, it was about 13 gifts. My sister is going to be pissed and embarrassed when she has to open all of those gifts and say "this is from my aunt". And when my mom said something to her about not leaving gifts for other people, her response was "I don't care". Good attitude, eh?

I am in a pretty bad mood right now. Those pills are making me feel like crap. And I almost passed out in the shower today. I started to feel nauseous, then light-headed, and then my vision started getting a little weird, so I turned off the water and sat down. It scared the hell out of me. And feeling so scared from it made my anxiety levels rise, so I started to feel even worse and more light-headed. I have had this feeling before, long before I even went on the birth control. Not all of the time. I have gotten plenty of showers and it doesn't happen. But every so often it does.

I am really worried why this happens. Why a lot keeps happening. And it's like fish bait for the Addison's fear. It starts to go away, something happens, and reels it right back in. I am so tired of feeling shitty that sometimes I wish whatever is wrong with me would just kill me already.

I read a post over on ONTD (I know, I know) about the Baby-Sitter's Club books. Man, I loved those books. I think I read pretty much every single one. Some of the books are still pretty clear in my mind, like the one where Claudia's grandmom dies, Stacey visits NYC, Mallory gets mono, Jessie signs up for the talent show or whatever it was and mimics her dorky teacher, Stacey and Maryann going down the shore with (I think) Mallory's family, Abby being suspended from school right before her Bat Mitzvah, etc. I read the Little Sister series as well. And I think I may have read most, if not all, of the California Diaries. I remember them being dark.

I also read Sweet Valley Kids and Sweet Valley Twins. Never really read the Sweet Valley High series, though. I may have read a couple books, but I am not sure. One of my favorite books in the series was the Sweet Valley Twins Christmas one, where the three ghosts visit Jessica.

I read pretty much all of the Goosebumps books, too. I also remember reading the Babysitter series by RL Stine. I think that is what it was called, the one where the babysitter keeps getting prank calls and eventually in one of the books it ends up being her or something. To this day, every time I hear the words "rock quarry" or "quarry", I think of those books.

There was also the Boxcar Children. I think I read pretty much all of those as well. I remember always wanting my own boxcar like in the books. Another thing I remember is as much as I loved the characters, their perfect behavior used to drive me nuts.

But nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever hold a candle to the Berenstain Bears. I have complete unconditional love for those books. And I still own every single book from my childhood.

All of this talk of books is reminding me that I really need to take a trip up to the library. I don't think I have been there since October. I am in dire need of some books to read.