FML Part 6

I got into a pretty heated argument with my mother earlier. Once again over how I am sick and tired of her comparing my problems to hers. She claims she does not. She's a fucking liar. And three or four times she came after me and I grabbed her arms and held her back. I probably could have easily have knocked my mother out and while it was extremely tempting, of course I did not.

Many times when I get pissed off, the amount of anger that runs through me terrifies the hell out of me. Sometimes I want to laugh thinking how people assume I am this timid little chicken and how much I would surprise them if they pissed me off enough, even though it is not funny at all. I would never go after someone unprovoked, but if someone were to try to harm me or something, I am a little afraid of what kind of damage I could do.

I feel like my mother stopped short of telling me she despises me. My sister says she doesn't, and that she worries about me all of the time, but you wouldn't know it after the argument. After we stopped screaming at each other, I ended up having a panic attack and I think I seriously strained something in my neck. It hurts really bad. Of course, now I am worried it had nothing to do with that and that it is actually meningitis. Although honestly, right now, I would welcome meningitis to kill me. I would like nothing more than to go to bed and not wake up ever again.

My FWA was whining on Facebook that why is it called morning sickness when you have it all day wah wah wah. As if she never needed enough excuses to leave work early before; now she'll probably use her pregnancy as an excuse to leave early constantly. Listening to women who choose to get pregnant whine about their symptoms is like someone drinking a bottle of vodka and then whining because they are drunk. Or someone eating every single item at a six course meal and then whining because they are full. And then everyone started in with the comments about this old wives tale and that old wives tale and oh she'll make such a great mother and other vomit-inducing drivel. She still doesn't even have a properly functioning car! The thing breaks down half of the time she drives! Priorities! She doesn't have em! JFC, my period needs to come. ASAP.

8:20PM: Neck still hurts, I'm nauseous. My brain is taking advantage of that, and add in the multiple mosquito bites I received the other day....now I am worried I have West Nile fever. The meningitis fear is still lurking as well. I've been analyzing every spot on my body for petechiae or purpura. I've been constantly taking my temperature (no fever). Something needs to be done about this. I need to get that advance directive completed before I completely lose my mind. And I think I have reached the point that I do not need a clinician to tell me I have hypochondriasis.

Good god. I wish I had some vodka.

9:01PM: Finally resorted to taking a single Tylenol PM to maybe knock me out for a little bit, or at least calm me down.

10:15PM: Pill has done NOTHING. I feel like scratching my skin off.