Guess who is going back to work tomorrow? This bitch. Because nothing in my mind can ever make a damn bit of sense, I was depressed and bored being home. Now I'm depressed about going back. I am pleased to be getting back into a routine, though. And highly relieved that I am being brought back.
I was invited to a small cookout last Sunday and since then, I have been in overdrive of keeping an eye out for any potential symptoms. And believe me, every single little ill feeling, ache or pain, tickle in the throat or chest is a major cause for concern. And not helping matters is my period ended this past week, and typically after my period ends, I end up feeling somewhat under the weather.
Although it's been going on periodically for awhile now, I get this funny feeling in my chest like I'm going to start coughing heavily, but nothing ever comes. I often wonder if it's related to having reflux. I just hope I haven't let it go untreated so long that I've reached the point where I'm actually starting to aspirate acid into my lungs, although that's what I would get for not treating it for so damn long.
Although I have finally started treating it and now I'm having issues getting my medication. FML.
Showing posts with label Take This Digestive System And Shove It. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Take This Digestive System And Shove It. Show all posts
Sunday, July 12, 2020
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Random Thoughts
So (knock on wood) my stomach has been feeling much better. No more burning hunger feeling, no early satiety, etc. And not that I am complaining, but....why? Why is it feeling better now? Is it the stronger Pepcid prescription? It's odd that it improved towards the end of my period....were my hormones that out of whack and my period stabilized them? Or was it just the doxy and whatever it did to my stomach has finally healed? And the sad thing is, I'll probably never know.
I'm still waiting for the pathology report, but from what I read of my procedure report, everything looked good. And what surprises me most of all, with my family history of them and my long history of reflux, there is no mention of a hiatal hernia in the report. I of all people would have expected to have one.
But in the grand tradition of things, my relief in anxiety is short-lived. Folks, I'm freaking out over this Covid-19. And today it was announced that two people in my county have presumptive cases of it, not helping matters by any means. And it's not even so much that I'm worried about myself having it. I'm worried about getting it and passing it on to my family. That's what scares the living hell out of me. Before all of this blew up, I was starting to have issues with leaving the house, and this is just exacerbating it. Any time I'm out, I'm on edge so bad. In work, I'm a mess. This is going to blow my anxiety levels into the fucking stratosphere.
I'm still waiting for the pathology report, but from what I read of my procedure report, everything looked good. And what surprises me most of all, with my family history of them and my long history of reflux, there is no mention of a hiatal hernia in the report. I of all people would have expected to have one.
But in the grand tradition of things, my relief in anxiety is short-lived. Folks, I'm freaking out over this Covid-19. And today it was announced that two people in my county have presumptive cases of it, not helping matters by any means. And it's not even so much that I'm worried about myself having it. I'm worried about getting it and passing it on to my family. That's what scares the living hell out of me. Before all of this blew up, I was starting to have issues with leaving the house, and this is just exacerbating it. Any time I'm out, I'm on edge so bad. In work, I'm a mess. This is going to blow my anxiety levels into the fucking stratosphere.
Thursday, March 5, 2020
Random Thoughts
So I did it. I went through my first upper endoscopy, as well as my first experience with anesthesia. It was truly bizarre receiving anesthesia. You're awake one minute, then struggling to stay awake, next thing you know you're waking up in post-op. I'm relieved to say that ulcers have been ruled out. I still have to wait for my biopsy results, though, so not completely away from the edge yet.
And if my biopsy results come back negative, then what in the hell caused all of this? I've never felt anything like what I've been feeling in my stomach. Was it the doxy? Hell, I honestly wouldn't be the least bit surprised if my hormones were behind it, because I'm pretty sure I threw them out of whack during the holidays.
And as if this should come as a big surprise to anyone who knows my history of health-related obsessions....I'm fucking bugging over this coronavirus shit. I've said many times before that despite having OCD, I'm not particularly obsessed with germs, but I could see this instigating it. And now knowing it's in my state, I'm starting to get real freaked out.
And if my biopsy results come back negative, then what in the hell caused all of this? I've never felt anything like what I've been feeling in my stomach. Was it the doxy? Hell, I honestly wouldn't be the least bit surprised if my hormones were behind it, because I'm pretty sure I threw them out of whack during the holidays.
And as if this should come as a big surprise to anyone who knows my history of health-related obsessions....I'm fucking bugging over this coronavirus shit. I've said many times before that despite having OCD, I'm not particularly obsessed with germs, but I could see this instigating it. And now knowing it's in my state, I'm starting to get real freaked out.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
Random Thoughts
So....my doctor's appointment the other day. The doctor was nice, but I felt kind of rushed and never really got to tell the entire story of when all of this started, so that left me a little frustrated. He put me on Pepcid 40 mg twice a day, and I'm scheduled for an upper this upcoming Wednesday. I'm anxious AF to have it done, but I'm also nervous AF about having it done because one, I've never been under anesthesia and two, I'm scared what may be found.
Thursday, February 20, 2020
Random Thoughts
I was feeling somewhat good yesterday. I don't know what the hell happened. I woke up and I was so bloated I could barely breathe. Add in the heavy feeling in my chest and constantly feeling like I need to take a deep breath and I'm fucking miserable. I'm sitting here and having such a difficult time breathing. My stomach is one big distended hard ball. I look like I'm about to give birth. My chest is on fire, my throat feels irritated, and I'm nauseous. I also have a bit of a nasty sour taste in my mouth.
Five more days. I might not get an answer but at least I'll be closer to possibly being scoped. I never thought a day would come where I would say I can't wait to undergo an endoscopy. I'm so goddamn anxious and stressed over all of this. I can't concentrate for anything, which in turn is making me worry I'm screwing up in work, thus making my stress and anxiety levels even higher. The anxiety and stress is more than likely exacerbating any of the symptoms I'm feeling. I'm scared every time I eat. I might not even have an ulcer, but if my stress and anxiety keeps running at maximum levels, I'm ultimately going to end up giving myself one.
I so badly want to take the Carafete and/or Protonix to see how they work, but I'm so scared of the side effects, I keep avoiding them.
On a positive note- Mom did very well with her surgery.
"Father Figure" just came on. I still think about that dream every time I hear it. It bugs me to no end that I really cannot remember anything about it, just that I was in some big theater-type place and the song was playing, so why it haunts me so much is a real head-scratcher.
Five more days. I might not get an answer but at least I'll be closer to possibly being scoped. I never thought a day would come where I would say I can't wait to undergo an endoscopy. I'm so goddamn anxious and stressed over all of this. I can't concentrate for anything, which in turn is making me worry I'm screwing up in work, thus making my stress and anxiety levels even higher. The anxiety and stress is more than likely exacerbating any of the symptoms I'm feeling. I'm scared every time I eat. I might not even have an ulcer, but if my stress and anxiety keeps running at maximum levels, I'm ultimately going to end up giving myself one.
I so badly want to take the Carafete and/or Protonix to see how they work, but I'm so scared of the side effects, I keep avoiding them.
On a positive note- Mom did very well with her surgery.
"Father Figure" just came on. I still think about that dream every time I hear it. It bugs me to no end that I really cannot remember anything about it, just that I was in some big theater-type place and the song was playing, so why it haunts me so much is a real head-scratcher.
Saturday, February 15, 2020
Random Thoughts
The upside- my grandfather does not have cancer.
The downside- I still have to get through Monday, when my mother has surgery for the 50,000th time.
I'm also still a mental case about what is going on with my digestive system. What's really making me anxious is this heavy feeling in my chest, like I constantly need to take a deep breath that is never satisfying. I also feel like I've been punched in the chest. The weird thing is that heavy feeling in my chest, I typically feel that that before I get my period.
And every so often, I start feeling discomfort in my stomach when I'm eating, almost like a full feeling, but usually once I belch I feel somewhat better. And it makes me anxious, because as I've said before, I never get full. And sometimes when I'm eating or after, I get a very slight but still noticeable feeling in my left upper quadrant that feels like that stitch pain you get when you don't breathe right while exercising.
Pepcid gives me mild to moderate relief, but it's far from perfect. However, it did a damn good job of getting rid of that horrible taste from the back of my throat. That was terrible. It seriously felt and tasted like something died in the back of my throat.
I still have to get through another 10 days until I see the GI. And even then I'm still going to be stuck in an anxiety-wracked limbo wondering what is going on until I get scoped. Even then, will I have an answer? And it still never ceases to amaze me how much more scared I am of being told I have H. pylori or an ulcer than being told I have cancer.
The downside- I still have to get through Monday, when my mother has surgery for the 50,000th time.
I'm also still a mental case about what is going on with my digestive system. What's really making me anxious is this heavy feeling in my chest, like I constantly need to take a deep breath that is never satisfying. I also feel like I've been punched in the chest. The weird thing is that heavy feeling in my chest, I typically feel that that before I get my period.
And every so often, I start feeling discomfort in my stomach when I'm eating, almost like a full feeling, but usually once I belch I feel somewhat better. And it makes me anxious, because as I've said before, I never get full. And sometimes when I'm eating or after, I get a very slight but still noticeable feeling in my left upper quadrant that feels like that stitch pain you get when you don't breathe right while exercising.
Pepcid gives me mild to moderate relief, but it's far from perfect. However, it did a damn good job of getting rid of that horrible taste from the back of my throat. That was terrible. It seriously felt and tasted like something died in the back of my throat.
I still have to get through another 10 days until I see the GI. And even then I'm still going to be stuck in an anxiety-wracked limbo wondering what is going on until I get scoped. Even then, will I have an answer? And it still never ceases to amaze me how much more scared I am of being told I have H. pylori or an ulcer than being told I have cancer.
Monday, February 10, 2020
Random Thoughts
Pretty much the following day after my last post, the burning hunger feeling started creeping back in, and I ended up scheduling an appointment with my primary the next day. I got the expected GI referral, as well as two prescriptions, one for Carafate and one for Protonix. I have both in my possession but yet to take any. Because I'm terrified of the side effects.
The same day as my appointment, the burning hunger feeling and nausea started to become so unbearable that I finally caved and took a Pepcid. I've been taking two a day for the past week and haven't noticed any increased anxiety or aches, so I'm guessing maybe it was not the Pepcid causing that before. As for what was, I have no idea. It's not perfect but Pepcid does seem to keep a lot of the acid in check, although right now I'm not feeling too hot. Not to mention it seemed like the issues with constipation were going away but did not have any luck today.
I have an appointment with a GI in two weeks. I'm very anxious about it but also quite desperate to go. Although I'm scared what might result from it, I'm very much anxious to be scoped already.
The same day as my appointment, the burning hunger feeling and nausea started to become so unbearable that I finally caved and took a Pepcid. I've been taking two a day for the past week and haven't noticed any increased anxiety or aches, so I'm guessing maybe it was not the Pepcid causing that before. As for what was, I have no idea. It's not perfect but Pepcid does seem to keep a lot of the acid in check, although right now I'm not feeling too hot. Not to mention it seemed like the issues with constipation were going away but did not have any luck today.
I have an appointment with a GI in two weeks. I'm very anxious about it but also quite desperate to go. Although I'm scared what might result from it, I'm very much anxious to be scoped already.
Saturday, February 1, 2020
Random Thoughts
I went to see my grandparents today. My grandmom is mega emotional and burst into tears as soon as we came in the door. I know they're both in their 90's, but sheesh seeing them look the way they do is tough. Same with my parents, my furry niece, etc.
Getting old really freaking blows.
Since I started taking Prozac, I feel like my disease crises have been minimal and short-lived. However, it seems it's no longer working. This obsession over what is going on with my digestive system and worrying that I have H. pylori is taking a toll on me right now. I stopped taking Pepcid the other day because it seemed like it was making my anxiety worse, it was giving me terrible back and leg pain, blowing me up to no end, and it was constipating me. I don't seem to be having terrible heartburn since then or the return of that godawful burning hunger feeling (knock on wood), but I still have an annoying feeling in my throat and that godawful taste coming from either my throat or stomach. I don't even want to talk to anyone because I'm so worried how bad I might smell from it. I'm terrified of eating, that it's going to make me sick/vomit, I'm going to get full easy (seriously, I never get full), that the burning hunger feeling is going to return, you name it.
Then I'm worried about the treatment if I do have H. pylori. Typically two antibiotics, which is like a damn nightmare to me, considering how bad one antibiotic affects me. It's not like I've never done two at one time. When I had endometritis, I had to take Flagyl and doxy. It wasn't the worse thing in the world....until the end, when I nearly got impacted. It was horrible. I could barely even sit. Let me just say thank god for enemas.
And if I do have it, I'm going to be wracked with guilt wondering if I may have infected anyone with it, since it apparently is contagious. And if I did, I'll feel horrible.
What never ceases to amaze me is how when it comes to these disease crises, it's never anything that is really that substantially big. It's not the least bit impossible for me to have cancer, yet it's not even on the top of my list of things to worry about.
On another note, happy birthday to the beautiful Mr. Vanwyngarden (yes, I do still have a megacrush on him and despite coming to the conclusion that I'm basically asexual....I still would.)
Getting old really freaking blows.
Since I started taking Prozac, I feel like my disease crises have been minimal and short-lived. However, it seems it's no longer working. This obsession over what is going on with my digestive system and worrying that I have H. pylori is taking a toll on me right now. I stopped taking Pepcid the other day because it seemed like it was making my anxiety worse, it was giving me terrible back and leg pain, blowing me up to no end, and it was constipating me. I don't seem to be having terrible heartburn since then or the return of that godawful burning hunger feeling (knock on wood), but I still have an annoying feeling in my throat and that godawful taste coming from either my throat or stomach. I don't even want to talk to anyone because I'm so worried how bad I might smell from it. I'm terrified of eating, that it's going to make me sick/vomit, I'm going to get full easy (seriously, I never get full), that the burning hunger feeling is going to return, you name it.
Then I'm worried about the treatment if I do have H. pylori. Typically two antibiotics, which is like a damn nightmare to me, considering how bad one antibiotic affects me. It's not like I've never done two at one time. When I had endometritis, I had to take Flagyl and doxy. It wasn't the worse thing in the world....until the end, when I nearly got impacted. It was horrible. I could barely even sit. Let me just say thank god for enemas.
And if I do have it, I'm going to be wracked with guilt wondering if I may have infected anyone with it, since it apparently is contagious. And if I did, I'll feel horrible.
What never ceases to amaze me is how when it comes to these disease crises, it's never anything that is really that substantially big. It's not the least bit impossible for me to have cancer, yet it's not even on the top of my list of things to worry about.
On another note, happy birthday to the beautiful Mr. Vanwyngarden (yes, I do still have a megacrush on him and despite coming to the conclusion that I'm basically asexual....I still would.)
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Random Thoughts
I realized over the weekend that my three year anniversary at that place is coming soon. God bless me for making it that long. I don't know how I have done it, except for the fact that as I said before, I am really no better than my coworkers and stick around because there's stuff I get away with there that would not fly at other places, except unlike my coworkers, mine still involves my actual job. They won't leave because they know they won't get away with coming in or coming back from lunch whenever they feel like it (e.g. my FWA), taking numerous smoke breaks, vaping in the office, standing around bullshitting for large amounts of times, house or clothes surfing on the internet (again, my FWA), multiple personal calls (guess who)....the list goes on.
And now I get to do it all over again! And our most senior employee is on vacation this week, so it should really be a fun week. Listening to the radio all day (e.g. hearing the same shit over and over and over again), more talking, etc. Yay! I can't freaking wait.
I've been taking those Nature Made probiotics for over a week now. I don't feel like I've been as bloated feeling as usual, but so far they're doing nothing for the constipation and irregularity issue. I know probiotics can take some time to kick in, so I'll at least give them another week and decide where to go from there. I'm also considering adding the acidophilus that I've been taking for years back into the mix. All this having to play around with medications is a real pain in the ass. Intestines! Why can't you just function properly?!
Against my better wishes, I went to the local diner for dinner. And just as we were finishing up, who ends up being seated at the table caddy corner to us? The kid I went to school with. The one who two years ago I was repulsed at seeing. Can't say I felt much different tonight.
My God, there is a special place in hell for me.
And now I get to do it all over again! And our most senior employee is on vacation this week, so it should really be a fun week. Listening to the radio all day (e.g. hearing the same shit over and over and over again), more talking, etc. Yay! I can't freaking wait.
I've been taking those Nature Made probiotics for over a week now. I don't feel like I've been as bloated feeling as usual, but so far they're doing nothing for the constipation and irregularity issue. I know probiotics can take some time to kick in, so I'll at least give them another week and decide where to go from there. I'm also considering adding the acidophilus that I've been taking for years back into the mix. All this having to play around with medications is a real pain in the ass. Intestines! Why can't you just function properly?!
Against my better wishes, I went to the local diner for dinner. And just as we were finishing up, who ends up being seated at the table caddy corner to us? The kid I went to school with. The one who two years ago I was repulsed at seeing. Can't say I felt much different tonight.
My God, there is a special place in hell for me.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Random Thoughts
Well that was unsurprisingly a quick 3 days off. Quick summer as well. Boo. I was always one to look forward to the end of summer and the start of fall. Now I hate when summer ends. And I think it has to do with 5 years ago when I was going through such a rough time and then ended up being laid off on top of it. My mental state was really not in a good place then and I think I have been subconsciously associating that with fall since then.
I had no one to do anything with last night so I just did my own thing. Went to Popeye's like last time. I was in there with my book and 3 old people. Then I ran to a few stores and came home and at in front of the boob tube and read. It was depressing as fuck. I felt like going and buying a gun and blowing my brains out. Still feeling like that, actually. More so because I have to go back to work. And because of visions of horrible things happening playing nonstop in my head. I swear to God some days when they're really bad I want to take an ice pick and jam it up my fucking nose.
And to make my suicidal thoughts more depressing....it's apparently National Suicide Prevention week. I saw that earlier and thought, Jesus that would be fucking ironic.
I'm beyond frustrated with this bloating and left lower abdominal distention. Every time I put my pants on I want to cry because they feel so tight on me. I'm so disgusted with myself and disgusted with myself for starting to think I'm fat again. I really should go to the doctor and request an abdominal CT scan. That way it could show the digestive system and female organs. An ultrasound wouldn't do much for me unless there is definitely something going on in my women parts.
I bought Nature Made Advanced Dual Action probiotics the other day. I haven't tried them yet, as I am still finishing up the last few of my usual probiotics. I hope they do something good, though.
Anyway, I am currently reading Robopocalypse by Daniel Wilson. I had bought a copy of Amped in the Dollar Tree back in July and I was very interested in it and then I read some reviews on Robo and thought it sounded intestesing, so I checked it out of my local library. I am simultaneously fascinated and freaked out by it. Definitely enforces my belief that technology is great until it malfunctions. It also makes me think of the "Mother's Day" episode of Futurama. Hey Hey! Ho Ho! 100110!
I had no one to do anything with last night so I just did my own thing. Went to Popeye's like last time. I was in there with my book and 3 old people. Then I ran to a few stores and came home and at in front of the boob tube and read. It was depressing as fuck. I felt like going and buying a gun and blowing my brains out. Still feeling like that, actually. More so because I have to go back to work. And because of visions of horrible things happening playing nonstop in my head. I swear to God some days when they're really bad I want to take an ice pick and jam it up my fucking nose.
And to make my suicidal thoughts more depressing....it's apparently National Suicide Prevention week. I saw that earlier and thought, Jesus that would be fucking ironic.
I'm beyond frustrated with this bloating and left lower abdominal distention. Every time I put my pants on I want to cry because they feel so tight on me. I'm so disgusted with myself and disgusted with myself for starting to think I'm fat again. I really should go to the doctor and request an abdominal CT scan. That way it could show the digestive system and female organs. An ultrasound wouldn't do much for me unless there is definitely something going on in my women parts.
I bought Nature Made Advanced Dual Action probiotics the other day. I haven't tried them yet, as I am still finishing up the last few of my usual probiotics. I hope they do something good, though.
Anyway, I am currently reading Robopocalypse by Daniel Wilson. I had bought a copy of Amped in the Dollar Tree back in July and I was very interested in it and then I read some reviews on Robo and thought it sounded intestesing, so I checked it out of my local library. I am simultaneously fascinated and freaked out by it. Definitely enforces my belief that technology is great until it malfunctions. It also makes me think of the "Mother's Day" episode of Futurama. Hey Hey! Ho Ho! 100110!
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Random Thoughts
So update on my digestive issues (not that anyone cares)- I stopped the Miralax, upped Peri-Colace intake, had some success and was back to an acceptable 123, 124 pounds on the scale last Saturday. Was doing okay but now I'm feeling miserable again. Of course I ended up getting my period sooner than I expected (which is good, because I'm going down the shore for a few days soon and won't have to worry about it coming now) so that might be contributing to it, but I'm worried that this is going to be an ongoing thing. And if it is, what is causing it? And for the love of God, how can I get it to go away??
I suspected all of the past week that my period was coming. For one, that one Saturday I had a bout of really heavy discharge and usually it comes about two weeks after that occurs. And two, I was so drained feeling and miserable that I kept thinking, there is no way it's not coming soon. And sure enough, it graced me with its presence on Friday morning.
And I should know that when I want to rip my coworkers' faces off more than usual that I'm due for it. And Thursday I was really feeling it. My FWA comes strolling in at 10. My manager says nothing to anyone about her coming in late and considering the stupid bitch is our front desk person, I think my manager kind of should let people know. But it's not like it's the first time she's lacked communicating with her employees about things. But this is the best part- not only does my FWA come in at 10, a few minutes later I hear her go out with the rest of the smokers for their 10 o'clock smoke break. Barely even the fucking door and she feels entitled to take her break still. And then not even two hours later, they're out on another one.
And would my manager say anything to her? No. She was right out on the smoke break with them. Them two are so fucking chummy with each other it's disgusting. You're her manager, you stupid bitch! She is your employee! Not your fucking BFF!
Don't get me wrong- I'm glad to finally have a manager who doesn't spaz out over stupid shit like, but my God, this one has less cojones than my old one.
I suspected all of the past week that my period was coming. For one, that one Saturday I had a bout of really heavy discharge and usually it comes about two weeks after that occurs. And two, I was so drained feeling and miserable that I kept thinking, there is no way it's not coming soon. And sure enough, it graced me with its presence on Friday morning.
And I should know that when I want to rip my coworkers' faces off more than usual that I'm due for it. And Thursday I was really feeling it. My FWA comes strolling in at 10. My manager says nothing to anyone about her coming in late and considering the stupid bitch is our front desk person, I think my manager kind of should let people know. But it's not like it's the first time she's lacked communicating with her employees about things. But this is the best part- not only does my FWA come in at 10, a few minutes later I hear her go out with the rest of the smokers for their 10 o'clock smoke break. Barely even the fucking door and she feels entitled to take her break still. And then not even two hours later, they're out on another one.
And would my manager say anything to her? No. She was right out on the smoke break with them. Them two are so fucking chummy with each other it's disgusting. You're her manager, you stupid bitch! She is your employee! Not your fucking BFF!
Don't get me wrong- I'm glad to finally have a manager who doesn't spaz out over stupid shit like, but my God, this one has less cojones than my old one.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Random Thoughts
I had my period while I was on vacation. Usually within a week or so after it ends, my mood stabilizes (well, what could be considered stable for me). It's almost two weeks since it ended and I'm still a miserable, irritable, depressed bitch. What in the hell is wrong with me?
I'll tell you what isn't helping- this bloating. It's certainly making me miserable beyond belief. Was still about 127, 128 pounds on the scale yesterday. I pulled my stomach in and my lower abdomen was significantly more distended, especially on the left side. And it's a lot harder if you press on my lower left side. I have rumbling, am able to pass gas, nausea but no vomiting, and my appetite is more than fine, so I doubt I have a blockage. But I'm definitely feeling pretty, um, clogged. I was able to actually go some yesterday and I felt marginally better, but obviously nothing to sing about it.
And I'd love to take a full stimulant laxative (hell, at this point I'm ready to do a colonoscopy prep) to get everything out, but the last time I took them, I had a rather unpleasant experience afterwards for two plus weeks. And I'm afraid of having that problem again if I take them.
I also mentioned on Friday how I had a pulling pain in my lower right pelvic area. Well on Saturday I had one instance of a very heavy amount of discharge. Not sure if there is any connection with that. (e.g. mittelschmerz or whatever).
My God, I'm starting to sound like an old person.
I'll tell you what isn't helping- this bloating. It's certainly making me miserable beyond belief. Was still about 127, 128 pounds on the scale yesterday. I pulled my stomach in and my lower abdomen was significantly more distended, especially on the left side. And it's a lot harder if you press on my lower left side. I have rumbling, am able to pass gas, nausea but no vomiting, and my appetite is more than fine, so I doubt I have a blockage. But I'm definitely feeling pretty, um, clogged. I was able to actually go some yesterday and I felt marginally better, but obviously nothing to sing about it.
And I'd love to take a full stimulant laxative (hell, at this point I'm ready to do a colonoscopy prep) to get everything out, but the last time I took them, I had a rather unpleasant experience afterwards for two plus weeks. And I'm afraid of having that problem again if I take them.
I also mentioned on Friday how I had a pulling pain in my lower right pelvic area. Well on Saturday I had one instance of a very heavy amount of discharge. Not sure if there is any connection with that. (e.g. mittelschmerz or whatever).
My God, I'm starting to sound like an old person.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Random Thoughts
One week later, still bloated beyond belief. Still having constipation. Super nauseous. I'm so damn miserable. I finally decided to try doing an enema last night and obviously didn't help, otherwise I wouldn't be here bitching still. I JUST WANT TO PROPERLY GO!
I wish I knew if there was any link to my hormones behind it. I've been having cramping and heavy discharge all this week. Off and on tonight, I've been getting this annoying pulling pain above the bikini line on the right side. I'm wondering if I could possibly have a cyst.
I'm also very unhappy with the scale. I was about 127 when I got on this morning. And of course all I keep worrying about is the numbers are going to keep going up and nothing will be able to stop it, or my Prozac finally decided to say fuck it and make me start gaining weight.
I wish I knew if there was any link to my hormones behind it. I've been having cramping and heavy discharge all this week. Off and on tonight, I've been getting this annoying pulling pain above the bikini line on the right side. I'm wondering if I could possibly have a cyst.
I'm also very unhappy with the scale. I was about 127 when I got on this morning. And of course all I keep worrying about is the numbers are going to keep going up and nothing will be able to stop it, or my Prozac finally decided to say fuck it and make me start gaining weight.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Random Thoughts
I can't believe tomorrow will already be one week since my vacation ended. Two weeks since I left for vacation. Where on earth does the time go?
Not sure if it's post-vacation blues, post-period blues, or a mixture of things, but I have been so freaking miserable this week. I feel overwhelmingly depressed and the littlest things are making me want to lie down and just sob. I feel very unhappy right now.
And apparently I was wrong about Miralax messing with my period, because my period came 44 days this month. And right while I was on vacation. And since it came later than I expected I decided to go back on the Miralax and Peri-Colace regimen for a little bit. And it helped some during vacation, definitely helped this past Saturday, and some on Sunday. And since then I have not been able to go to the bathroom once. And I don't understand why. I'm taking two Peri-Colace pills a day, drinking tons of water, and Miralax- how the fuck is that not helping me go to the bathroom? Especially when it normally does! I'm so bloated and miserable and am starting to seriously worry I'm going to end up with a blockage.
Not sure if it's post-vacation blues, post-period blues, or a mixture of things, but I have been so freaking miserable this week. I feel overwhelmingly depressed and the littlest things are making me want to lie down and just sob. I feel very unhappy right now.
And apparently I was wrong about Miralax messing with my period, because my period came 44 days this month. And right while I was on vacation. And since it came later than I expected I decided to go back on the Miralax and Peri-Colace regimen for a little bit. And it helped some during vacation, definitely helped this past Saturday, and some on Sunday. And since then I have not been able to go to the bathroom once. And I don't understand why. I'm taking two Peri-Colace pills a day, drinking tons of water, and Miralax- how the fuck is that not helping me go to the bathroom? Especially when it normally does! I'm so bloated and miserable and am starting to seriously worry I'm going to end up with a blockage.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Random Thoughts
Although that Web MD ovulation calculator refused to calculate my results and implied I could possibly not be ovulating....I'd find it hard to say I'm not ovulating right now. I still do not understand why my period is coming a week later every month, though. I can't figure out what could possibly be causing it to come so late anymore.
On Tuesday I felt like crap the whole day in work. My heart was pounding hard and kept doing that thing where it felt like it would stop and then start with a big bang. I was nauseous. I was achy. I came home from work and took my temperature but it was only 96.3. Wednesday morning I woke up for work and while I was in the bathroom, my heart started to really race and I slapped my Fitbit on and watched my heart rate steadily climb as high as 113 BPM. And the higher it climbed the more nauseous I felt and then I started to feel really lightheaded and like I was going to black out, so I went in and woke my mom up and she took my blood pressure and it was something like 83/63. I ended up calling out of work and going back to sleep for a little bit. When I woke up, not long after I got out of bed, my heart started to race again and I felt achy all over and I took my temperature again and it was 98.1. A little later I ended up going to the doctor. Had an EKG and blood work done. Haven't gotten the results on either yet.
I feel a little better today but not great. My heart is still racing and I still feel somewhat nauseous. I don't know if my body is trying to fight some kind of virus or what is going on. Plus my allergies are bothering me as well.
I stopped taking Miralax on Sunday and have been pretty constipated. My stomach feels horrible. There is never any win. It's either diarrhea or constipation. Never a happy medium.
I'm ready Cemetery Girl by David Bell. It's my third book I've read by him and since the first two were pretty good, I expected this one to be as well. Definitely not the case. I've never hated so many characters in a book as I do in this one. They're all terrible people. If I got to the end of it and they all died in a horrible fiery crash, I'd cheer.
On Tuesday I felt like crap the whole day in work. My heart was pounding hard and kept doing that thing where it felt like it would stop and then start with a big bang. I was nauseous. I was achy. I came home from work and took my temperature but it was only 96.3. Wednesday morning I woke up for work and while I was in the bathroom, my heart started to really race and I slapped my Fitbit on and watched my heart rate steadily climb as high as 113 BPM. And the higher it climbed the more nauseous I felt and then I started to feel really lightheaded and like I was going to black out, so I went in and woke my mom up and she took my blood pressure and it was something like 83/63. I ended up calling out of work and going back to sleep for a little bit. When I woke up, not long after I got out of bed, my heart started to race again and I felt achy all over and I took my temperature again and it was 98.1. A little later I ended up going to the doctor. Had an EKG and blood work done. Haven't gotten the results on either yet.
I feel a little better today but not great. My heart is still racing and I still feel somewhat nauseous. I don't know if my body is trying to fight some kind of virus or what is going on. Plus my allergies are bothering me as well.
I stopped taking Miralax on Sunday and have been pretty constipated. My stomach feels horrible. There is never any win. It's either diarrhea or constipation. Never a happy medium.
I'm ready Cemetery Girl by David Bell. It's my third book I've read by him and since the first two were pretty good, I expected this one to be as well. Definitely not the case. I've never hated so many characters in a book as I do in this one. They're all terrible people. If I got to the end of it and they all died in a horrible fiery crash, I'd cheer.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Random Thoughts
I switched back to strictly just Colace and I am half-tempted to take back what I said in that I'd rather be constipated than feel like I did. I do feel slightly better, but now I am bloated, the scale is back up and I can't go to the bathroom and I just want to scream. On the Peri-Colace/Miralax regimen, my stomach felt great but I felt like crap, off the regimen, I feel better but my stomach feels like crap. THERE IS NO GODDAMN WIN.
And for all I know, it may not have even been the regimen making me feel horrible. It could have just been a fluke thing. Hormone-related, etc. Even so, I still can't stay on the regimen forever. I've been hesitant to be on it as is. My intestines are lazy enough as is!
Yesterday was Apple Fest. It ended up being kind of a disappointing day. For one thing, it was insanely crowded. And a lot of the people that go are so damn snooty and rude. And I just have to laugh at the hordes of middle aged women dressed like teenagers. It's hysterical. There was one point I had a woman in front of me who was dressed in head to toe Love Pink shit, Ugg boots, and had teal streaks in her hair. I just looked at her and rolled my eyes, thinking oh typical teenage girl today, only to be surprised to find out she was a late middle-aged fake tanned to the gills woman when she turned around.
Actually no I wasn't really that surprised.
And then this bitch with one of those stupid double wide SUV strollers was next to me and on each side of the monstrosity were tags that said "Please wash your hands before you touch mine". Really? Are you kidding me? These people with their obsessions of kids being exposed to germs need to sit down. How are your brats ever going to develop an immune system if they're never exposed to germs? Sometimes I wonder if this is why there are so many kids with freak allergies and shit nowadays. Back when I was in school, I hardly knew anyone, if at all, that had food allergies, let alone severe ones. Nowadays you have kids you can't even say the word "peanut" to without them going into anaphylactic shock.
And for all I know, it may not have even been the regimen making me feel horrible. It could have just been a fluke thing. Hormone-related, etc. Even so, I still can't stay on the regimen forever. I've been hesitant to be on it as is. My intestines are lazy enough as is!
Yesterday was Apple Fest. It ended up being kind of a disappointing day. For one thing, it was insanely crowded. And a lot of the people that go are so damn snooty and rude. And I just have to laugh at the hordes of middle aged women dressed like teenagers. It's hysterical. There was one point I had a woman in front of me who was dressed in head to toe Love Pink shit, Ugg boots, and had teal streaks in her hair. I just looked at her and rolled my eyes, thinking oh typical teenage girl today, only to be surprised to find out she was a late middle-aged fake tanned to the gills woman when she turned around.
Actually no I wasn't really that surprised.
And then this bitch with one of those stupid double wide SUV strollers was next to me and on each side of the monstrosity were tags that said "Please wash your hands before you touch mine". Really? Are you kidding me? These people with their obsessions of kids being exposed to germs need to sit down. How are your brats ever going to develop an immune system if they're never exposed to germs? Sometimes I wonder if this is why there are so many kids with freak allergies and shit nowadays. Back when I was in school, I hardly knew anyone, if at all, that had food allergies, let alone severe ones. Nowadays you have kids you can't even say the word "peanut" to without them going into anaphylactic shock.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Random Thoughts
Sometime after my last post, I was in work one day and received an email from my new manager to check if medical records had been reviewed in a summary I had done. Apparently the client had sent medical records and there was no hide or hair of them in my summary. So I looked over the medical records and compared to them to what I had typed and sure enough they weren't summarized. And do you know why they weren't summarized? Because they weren't part of the records. Because they were never collated. Because they were never printed out. And who had the job of printing out the medical records for that patient? None other than my FWA.
This is exactly why I want to punch every person who tells me that I need to ignore it all and just go in and do my job. Every time I bitch about how my coworkers take a million breaks or sit around and talk or not do anything at all, I get the same song and dance, that the best thing I can do is to just ignore it and just go in and do my job. Which makes sense to a degree, but it starts to get a little hard to just ignore and just do my job if I have to constantly clean up the person's incompetence. I swear, I am getting so sick and tired of having to fix my FWA's measurements of charts. Apparently her concept of any type of measurement- be it time, inches, etc- is fucked up. I constantly come across charts that she printed out and has down as 0.25 inches that are so clearly 0.5 inches (or more) even Stevie Wonder could see it.
I have really not been feeling well the past week or so. I'm tired. I'm cranky as shit. I'm cold as hell. I feel out of breath. I feel like my heart and pulse are racing- earlier I looked in the mirror and could see my pulse pounding out of my neck. Often when I stand up, my vision darkens and I feel like I am going to pass out. I'm nauseous. My legs burn and are twitchy and feel weak. Three times I have taken my blood pressure since Friday and it averaged about 93/60. And I am starting to worry that this Peri-Colace/Miralax regimen is behind why I am not feeling well. Surely having diarrhea often cannot be good for the body. I think I'd rather be constipated than feel like this.
Earlier in work, I was collating a chart and came across a surgical admission sheet from back in February. And right after it was a death certificate. Apparently the person went in for elbow surgery, arrested, and died sometime not long after. I've felt so horrible since I read it. Sure the person had a shit ton of health problems, including cardiovascular ones, but still. You're cleared by your doctor to undergo a fairly benign procedure and you fucking die?
Man, I miss the Treehouse of Horror marathon that was on last week. I was on that like ugly on an ape. Kind of sad that Halloween is over already, especially because now will come the full blown Christmas assault.
This is exactly why I want to punch every person who tells me that I need to ignore it all and just go in and do my job. Every time I bitch about how my coworkers take a million breaks or sit around and talk or not do anything at all, I get the same song and dance, that the best thing I can do is to just ignore it and just go in and do my job. Which makes sense to a degree, but it starts to get a little hard to just ignore and just do my job if I have to constantly clean up the person's incompetence. I swear, I am getting so sick and tired of having to fix my FWA's measurements of charts. Apparently her concept of any type of measurement- be it time, inches, etc- is fucked up. I constantly come across charts that she printed out and has down as 0.25 inches that are so clearly 0.5 inches (or more) even Stevie Wonder could see it.
I have really not been feeling well the past week or so. I'm tired. I'm cranky as shit. I'm cold as hell. I feel out of breath. I feel like my heart and pulse are racing- earlier I looked in the mirror and could see my pulse pounding out of my neck. Often when I stand up, my vision darkens and I feel like I am going to pass out. I'm nauseous. My legs burn and are twitchy and feel weak. Three times I have taken my blood pressure since Friday and it averaged about 93/60. And I am starting to worry that this Peri-Colace/Miralax regimen is behind why I am not feeling well. Surely having diarrhea often cannot be good for the body. I think I'd rather be constipated than feel like this.
Earlier in work, I was collating a chart and came across a surgical admission sheet from back in February. And right after it was a death certificate. Apparently the person went in for elbow surgery, arrested, and died sometime not long after. I've felt so horrible since I read it. Sure the person had a shit ton of health problems, including cardiovascular ones, but still. You're cleared by your doctor to undergo a fairly benign procedure and you fucking die?
Man, I miss the Treehouse of Horror marathon that was on last week. I was on that like ugly on an ape. Kind of sad that Halloween is over already, especially because now will come the full blown Christmas assault.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Random Thoughts
So my boss is officially no longer my boss. This should be interesting from here on out.
Oh, and that Friday my FWA had to leave early for her "personal appointment"? She posted almost 100 pictures from the Franklin Institute on Facebook that day. Personal appointment? Sure. I hope to God when we get a new manager (if ever) that someone puts this stupid whore in her place.
One day she posted a picture of the baby eating cupcakes and wrote how much she loves her cupcakes and a little while later how much she loves her ice cream. One day her mother brought the baby in to work and my FWA gave her Pop-Tarts to eat. Another time she posted a picture of the baby eating a big lollipop. AND YOU WONDER WHY SHE DOESN'T SLEEP?! Bitch, you're on fucking WIC! Give her the healthy food you are supposed to be buying with it! JFC!
She told me Friday that she and her stupid boyfriend were taking the baby to Eagles training camp today. Exactly what interest will an almost 1 1/2 year old have in football practice?
It was nice to be able to go down the shore this year knowing that my days off were approved. It was a fairly nice trip. Minus my nephew's temper tantrums (and my sister's over his). I love him to death but good God, I FULLY understand where the term "terrible twos" comes from. I dread Myrtle Beach in a few weeks, because this time it won't just be my sister hollering at him, it will also be my brother-in-law losing his patience with him every 5 seconds.
Man, it was nice last Sunday knowing I didn't have to get up for work the next day. I still had to wake up early, but I didn't have to go to work!
I also have my teeth cleaning Tuesday and then have to go for my crown fitting on Thursday. Yay! And my tooth hasn't even been bothering me all that much lately. It still hurts if I stick a cotton swab in and bite down on it, but I have been able to chew food on that sign with no real pain. Which of course makes me nervous that I damaged the nerve.
While I was away, I was annoyed at being constipated so I decided to retry the Mira-Lax/Peri-Colace regimen again. It didn't help much, but it does seem to be working somewhat better. I have actually been able to go to the bathroom every day. I'm still feeling bloated but not quite as bad and since I have finally been able to go, I definitely feel a lot better than I did on Friday.
You know, I love visiting the Berry website, but I am starting to feel like everyone on that site is a future alcoholic. What is their obsession with booze? It's a little scary. Also, what is the obsession with Bill Murray on both that site and the Chive?
Oh, and that Friday my FWA had to leave early for her "personal appointment"? She posted almost 100 pictures from the Franklin Institute on Facebook that day. Personal appointment? Sure. I hope to God when we get a new manager (if ever) that someone puts this stupid whore in her place.
One day she posted a picture of the baby eating cupcakes and wrote how much she loves her cupcakes and a little while later how much she loves her ice cream. One day her mother brought the baby in to work and my FWA gave her Pop-Tarts to eat. Another time she posted a picture of the baby eating a big lollipop. AND YOU WONDER WHY SHE DOESN'T SLEEP?! Bitch, you're on fucking WIC! Give her the healthy food you are supposed to be buying with it! JFC!
She told me Friday that she and her stupid boyfriend were taking the baby to Eagles training camp today. Exactly what interest will an almost 1 1/2 year old have in football practice?
It was nice to be able to go down the shore this year knowing that my days off were approved. It was a fairly nice trip. Minus my nephew's temper tantrums (and my sister's over his). I love him to death but good God, I FULLY understand where the term "terrible twos" comes from. I dread Myrtle Beach in a few weeks, because this time it won't just be my sister hollering at him, it will also be my brother-in-law losing his patience with him every 5 seconds.
Man, it was nice last Sunday knowing I didn't have to get up for work the next day. I still had to wake up early, but I didn't have to go to work!
I also have my teeth cleaning Tuesday and then have to go for my crown fitting on Thursday. Yay! And my tooth hasn't even been bothering me all that much lately. It still hurts if I stick a cotton swab in and bite down on it, but I have been able to chew food on that sign with no real pain. Which of course makes me nervous that I damaged the nerve.
While I was away, I was annoyed at being constipated so I decided to retry the Mira-Lax/Peri-Colace regimen again. It didn't help much, but it does seem to be working somewhat better. I have actually been able to go to the bathroom every day. I'm still feeling bloated but not quite as bad and since I have finally been able to go, I definitely feel a lot better than I did on Friday.
You know, I love visiting the Berry website, but I am starting to feel like everyone on that site is a future alcoholic. What is their obsession with booze? It's a little scary. Also, what is the obsession with Bill Murray on both that site and the Chive?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Random Thoughts
Man, I am really getting bad with keeping up on here. I've just become very disinterested in the internet lately. I still come on, but am not spending nearly as much time as I normally do. I have stopped visiting a lot of sites I normally go to simply because I am just bored with them and I am considering not visiting others anymore as well.
Because I wasn't about to be put in the same position as last year, a few weeks ago I sat down with my boss and discussed taking off a few days in August. And luckily she approved them, so I can actually go down the shore this year with my family and not have to feel like shit.
Well, minus the whole issue with my tooth. I went back last Thursday with continued pain upon chewing, I got shot up with Novocaine AGAIN, the filling was redone, and I thought maybe that was going to be it. Nope. Still had pain the next day. So I called the office the next day and kind of snapped out on the phone and got an appointment for Saturday. So I went Saturday, an x-ray was taken, more shit was drilled down, and my dentist told me if that didn't work, then it's likely the tooth has a crack and I'll need a crown. Which is what I have been suspecting all along. And it's still bothering me when I eat, so guess I'll be getting another crown.
I'm going to frigging lose my mind with 2 crowns. I better ask about the price of a night guard when I go Thursday before I end up with a mouth full of crowns from grinding my teeth .
Work is about to make me lose my mind. My coworkers are starting to really get under my skin. Yesterday my FWA emails me, whining that she requested a half day on Friday for a "personal appointment" and that our boss denied it due to insufficient PTO and she doesn't understand what the problem is since she doesn't have a PTO problem (no, no problem at all- that's why if she was to get fired tomorrow, she'd owe the company almost a whole week of PTO money) and that it's all because of our newest MA abusing her PTO and wah wah wah. I so badly wanted to write her back and tell her that I really didn't care. Then she tells me that our boss was going to discuss it with her boss (the one who denied me going down the shore last year). Today she emails me (God, why does she have to email me?!) and says that our boss's boss approved it. I wrote her back "Oh. Well that's nice!". My response was hemorrhaging sarcasm, which went right over her stupid head. No matter what, that little bitch always ends up getting her way somehow, doesn't she? God, she is such an insufferable little twat. I want to punch her so hard.
When I went to the gyno in February, the doctor suggested a regimen of Miralax and Sennokot-S to treat my constipation issues. I've been putting it off and finally decided to try it this week. Two days in to it, I am so bloated and full of gas (sorry) I want to scream. Guess I'll be discontinuing this regimen soon. Or stick with it a few more days to see if my body adjusts. I have no idea what to do. Why can I not just find one damn regimen that works properly?
Because I wasn't about to be put in the same position as last year, a few weeks ago I sat down with my boss and discussed taking off a few days in August. And luckily she approved them, so I can actually go down the shore this year with my family and not have to feel like shit.
Well, minus the whole issue with my tooth. I went back last Thursday with continued pain upon chewing, I got shot up with Novocaine AGAIN, the filling was redone, and I thought maybe that was going to be it. Nope. Still had pain the next day. So I called the office the next day and kind of snapped out on the phone and got an appointment for Saturday. So I went Saturday, an x-ray was taken, more shit was drilled down, and my dentist told me if that didn't work, then it's likely the tooth has a crack and I'll need a crown. Which is what I have been suspecting all along. And it's still bothering me when I eat, so guess I'll be getting another crown.
I'm going to frigging lose my mind with 2 crowns. I better ask about the price of a night guard when I go Thursday before I end up with a mouth full of crowns from grinding my teeth .
Work is about to make me lose my mind. My coworkers are starting to really get under my skin. Yesterday my FWA emails me, whining that she requested a half day on Friday for a "personal appointment" and that our boss denied it due to insufficient PTO and she doesn't understand what the problem is since she doesn't have a PTO problem (no, no problem at all- that's why if she was to get fired tomorrow, she'd owe the company almost a whole week of PTO money) and that it's all because of our newest MA abusing her PTO and wah wah wah. I so badly wanted to write her back and tell her that I really didn't care. Then she tells me that our boss was going to discuss it with her boss (the one who denied me going down the shore last year). Today she emails me (God, why does she have to email me?!) and says that our boss's boss approved it. I wrote her back "Oh. Well that's nice!". My response was hemorrhaging sarcasm, which went right over her stupid head. No matter what, that little bitch always ends up getting her way somehow, doesn't she? God, she is such an insufferable little twat. I want to punch her so hard.
When I went to the gyno in February, the doctor suggested a regimen of Miralax and Sennokot-S to treat my constipation issues. I've been putting it off and finally decided to try it this week. Two days in to it, I am so bloated and full of gas (sorry) I want to scream. Guess I'll be discontinuing this regimen soon. Or stick with it a few more days to see if my body adjusts. I have no idea what to do. Why can I not just find one damn regimen that works properly?
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Random Thoughts
Still feeling bloated as hell, crampy, spotting, and flat-out miserable. And the scale reflected the bloating earlier so now I feel even worse depressed.
Before my boss's son passed away, my FWA had put in a request for some days off. They were still not approved when my boss went out (sound familiar?) so she had to put the request through my boss's boss. She was denied at first, but eventually the little princess got her vacation approved.
Thursday I was doing random things and I happened to notice at one point that only one of our at-home workers was working. A couple of hours later, she was still the only one working. I come to find out that the bitchy at-home worker had off that day. Come Friday, my FWA and the bitchy at-home worker were still off and right before noon, we get a call from my boss's boss that the other at-home worker called out the rest of the day, leaving me the only one to do the job. I was livid. I felt like calling up my boss's boss and yelling WTF is this shit?
My FWA should have never had her vacation approved if the bitchy at-home worker had been approved to have off. Two people can be out in my workplace, but not if they do the same job. And it just infuriates me because I couldn't get 3 lousy fucking days off last August because someone who does not even do my job (except in down time) was also going to be off.
I'm telling you- if these people run our sister company anything like they try to run our office, no wonder their turnover rate is through the fucking roof.
Before my boss's son passed away, my FWA had put in a request for some days off. They were still not approved when my boss went out (sound familiar?) so she had to put the request through my boss's boss. She was denied at first, but eventually the little princess got her vacation approved.
Thursday I was doing random things and I happened to notice at one point that only one of our at-home workers was working. A couple of hours later, she was still the only one working. I come to find out that the bitchy at-home worker had off that day. Come Friday, my FWA and the bitchy at-home worker were still off and right before noon, we get a call from my boss's boss that the other at-home worker called out the rest of the day, leaving me the only one to do the job. I was livid. I felt like calling up my boss's boss and yelling WTF is this shit?
My FWA should have never had her vacation approved if the bitchy at-home worker had been approved to have off. Two people can be out in my workplace, but not if they do the same job. And it just infuriates me because I couldn't get 3 lousy fucking days off last August because someone who does not even do my job (except in down time) was also going to be off.
I'm telling you- if these people run our sister company anything like they try to run our office, no wonder their turnover rate is through the fucking roof.
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