Quote Of The Day

From the latest celebrity to come down with a case of the batshit:

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available 'cause if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off, and children will weep over your exploded body

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

This is fantastic. Every time I don't think Charlie Sheen could possibly say something crazier and more outrageous, he opens his mouth again and proves me wrong. If this keeps up, I am going to have to start a whole new category. I shall call it "The Charlie Sheen Quote Of The Day".

Random Thoughts

What a sucko weekend and it is already Sunday. Huzzah. I ran some errands earlier and I stopped at home half-way through to drop some things off and then ran out the door again. When I came home about 2 hours later, my mom asked me if I just came in the door. I said yes. Apparently, neither of my parents realized I had been out. They thought I was in my bedroom.

A few years ago I heard the song "Nighshift" by the Commodores and thoroughly enjoyed it. I never got around to downloading it- I do not remember what the reasons were- but did finally obtain a copy (yes, legally) the other day and the first few times I listened to it, I never really paid much attention to all of the lyrics, but I just basically assumed, by the chorus alone, that it was a sensual love making song. Well, I just looked up the lyrics to it and actually started to cry a little reading the extremely touching lyrics. Boy, did I ever misconstrue this song! It turns out the song is actually a tribute to Marvin Gaye and Jackie Wilson.

I have been irritatingly emotional today. If I didn't just get over it, I would think it was going to rear its ugly head again. I cried reading those lyrics, I had Cold Case on while eating dinner and it was the end and it was showing two gay men getting married and I got all emotional over how nice it was and that it is absolutely disgusting that people do not want to allow gays to get married. Then while I was out on my errands, I stopped at McRat for ice cream and since it was dead in there, I decided to sit in there. And then while I was driving home, I thought about how fucking depressing it was, the whole situation. Nine thirty on a Saturday night, a 27 year old young woman sitting alone in a fucking McRat with a book. And I started to cry.

Quote Of The Day

This part from Bender's Big Score has been in my head all day:

[A Bender in a tux appears from the timesphere]
Bender-2: What the? Who are you?
Bender-3: I'm Bender from way at the end. I came back to put this rub-on time code on Fry's ass.
Bender-2: So what are you now, a butler? Spot of tea please, jerkwad!
Bender-3: It's called class, you yokel. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a buttocks to tattoo.

Video Of The Day

YouTube - Muse - Uprising

It only took me about a year to finally appreciate this song. I remember always hearing it back when I was doing the file room at work and it used to give me the creeps.

Don't ask why, but there is something about this song that makes me want to pull on a skimpy little burlesque outfit and do some kind of risque dance.

Random Thoughts

Ugh, I don't want it to be Sunday already!

But good news- the bridal shower went well! My sister was definitely very surprised.

I have bitched about her a lot, I know, but my acquaintence in work really drives me up the wall. I am starting to notice more and more that she tends to talk to me like an idiot. And I do not appreciate it, especially considering how much I rant and rave to her about how much I cannot stand someone else talking to me like I am a fucking moron all the time. Either she does not realize she is doing it, she is just a bitch, or she is just doing it to push my buttons. I said something one day about how much I loved the warm weather we were experiencing last week and I get this back in an email "sorry to ruin your parade, but [name omitted] said it's going back into the 40's next week". First off, I was simply saying I was enjoying the weather. Second, I do not live in a bunker. I watch the news and the weather. I know it is going to get cold again. Fuck!

Every week, it seems like she is having a pregnancy scare. And then I have to hear her whine and complain about how she is not prepared to have a baby. Ugh. Really now. Here's an idea if you are not prepared to have a baby- keep your fucking legs closed. And for the love of God, please spare me the details of how condom sex is no fun and that is why you only use birth control.

And speaking of beating dead horses, last week I was having a great week with my stomach. And now it is right back to where it was. And what was going on last week? I was on it. I never thought the day would come where I would say I wish I could have my period all the time. Anymore it seems to be the only time my stupid insides seem to want to work somewhat.

I was sitting thinking the other day how maybe I really need to consider getting a colonoscopy done. I do not know how much one costs in total, but I would imagine at the very minimum, $3000. So I did some math and based on that, my deductible is $1500. So that would leave $1500. My insurance will pay 80% of what remains after the deductible is met, so that would leave me to pay $300, plus whatever is left over of my deductible (my employer gives $750 towards the deductible). With what is currently in my HRA and the 20% of what is left over, I am looking at probably paying around $1000. I guess that is not too terrible, but I am still not thrilled to put out that much money. Especially when I know they are probably not going to find anything. I'll probably just be diagnosed with IBS. The only other thing I could possibly have is diverticulosis. Most of the pain I get is in the lower left area right above my hipbone, so it's a possibility.

But more than likely it's just another disorder I have to chalk up to being "functional".

Quote Of The Day

One of the best parts of "The Honking":

Calculon: The year was 2019, and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab. I was working on Project Satan, a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world. The steering wheel from Hitler's staff car, the left-turn signal from Charles Manson's VW, the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider.
Fry: Knight Rider wasn't evil.
Calculon: His windshield wipers were.

Random Thoughts

I was talking with someone the other day about my problem with having Peter Parker Syndrome (brilliant but lazy). It's not that I do not like learning. Oh I do. I just like to learn what I want to learn. When I have to learn things I know will never have relevence in my life, I get turned off.

Ever since I was little, I have loved medical topics. I read my mom's medical book constantly, when I was little. I'll still consult it every so ofte, even though the book is about a gazillion years old and outrageously outdated. Now I have the internet as well. I am on Web MD, Medlineplus, and the Mayo Clinic constantly. I often like to steal my sister's nursing books and read them. If I am in work and I come across a medical term or disease I have never heard of, I am right on Google looking it up. In work, back in our stockroom, we have shelves of orthopedic books and I can't tell you how much I want to go back there and bury my nose in all of them. I love to learn about diseases. Why? I do not know. But I have been like that since I was little. When I was in sixth grade, I was the only one in the entire class that knew the proper name for lockjaw was tetanus. Just the other night, I was reading a 20 page article on Guillan-Barre Syndrome. I already knew what it was (learned much about it back when I was scared I had MS), but I just felt like brushing up on my knowledge of it. Why? No particular reason. I guess simply because I could.

I was forced to watch some of the Grammy's on Sunday and was happy the Queen was there! Wow, Aretha has lost a lot of weight. And one of the first things I thought was, whoa, what do those massive chi chis look like now? I mean, for God's sake, my boobs were nearly nowhere as big as hers before I lost weight and....look, I might as well be honest with everyone- they look bad. I was about a DD before I lost weight and now I am a 36B and they have no elasticity at all. I hate it. I am very much against breast implants, but I am starting to reconsider now.

I have a sudden urge to go listen to "We Built This City". I have no idea why.

Quote Of The Day

Peter's letter to Life cereal:

Lois, take a letter- dear Life cereal: Where do you get off? Part of a balanced breakfast AND delicious? Who do you think you are? By now you may have guessed that I'm speaking ironically and have nothing but good things to say about what you do. Life cereal, do not change a thing. Signed, Peter Griffin. Dictated but not read.

Lyrics Of The Day

My favorite part from "Born To Run" by Bruce Springsteen:

Beyond the Palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
The girls comb their hair in rear-view mirrors
And the boys try to look so hard
The amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist

I hate to admit it, but whenever I listen to this song, I feel a little bit of NJ pride. It's purportedly about Asbury Park, but it makes me think of all of the shore areas. I have only been to Asbury Park once and that was after it became a ghost town. It was pretty much dead when I was there, except for the occasional homeless person. I remember seeing the half-built condo building and getting the chills. It was fucking creepy there, which is a shame because I imagine it was an incredible place when it was fully functional. Most of the stories I go by are all from Weird NJ.

Quote Of The Day

From "Raging Bender":

The Masked Unit: I'm gonna open a file of whoop ass on you!

Webpage Of The Day

Every time I think I can't find a funnier page, I get proven wrong:

After 12 - Party Fails and After Hours Hijinks

My favorites are the ones of someone passed out and there is a pile of junk on them, like this.

Webpage Of The Day

I thought this article was absolutely hysterical:

Bummed Out: The Colon Cleansing Prank

Random Thoughts

Alright, I had way too damn much caffeine today. I feel like every nerve in my body is vibrating and it feels horrible. Now I have drank this much, if not more, before and I have never felt like this. But then again, I have just not felt good the past week anyway.

I did a little bit of shoe shopping earlier for my sister's wedding. I am just not having luck at all. The thing is, I cannot wear heels. For one, I have man feet. Two, I have a fear of falling and breaking my neck. So I am looking for flats. Something silver. And failing. I ventured into Nordstrom's for the first time tonight and I actually found a pair of flats that were decent and my sister liked them as well. Problem? They're $138. Now I do actually have the money to buy them. I just don't want to spend that much money for shoes. My dress cost $170, for God's sake.

I'm starting to consider looking, if you get my drift. I just can't deal with the people anymore. I wouldn't, and couldn't, trust any of them with my life. They all fucking suck.

And the girl who is my "friend"? I hate to sound like an elitist snob, but for God's sake, she is seriously dumb as shit. I can't think of all of the examples off of the top of my head, but this one from the other still gets me. We have 2 Wegman's in my area. One on 70, one on 38. I mentioned to her in email that I had been at Wegman's on Saturday and about how crowded it was. And she said something about she never goes there because it is too far and unless she is at the Target there (which would be the one on 38). Other than that she goes to Pathmark across from the mall. So I write her back and ask her if she knows that there is one on 70 right up the road from the Pathmark and from where she lives. She writes back no and what shopping center. So I explain how to get there and what other stores are in the shopping center and she writes back that she knows what shopping center I am talking about and that she has been in there several times, but never noticed Wegman's. I laughed. How do you not realize there is a Wegman's there? This isn't some tiny little Hallmark or something. It takes up half the friggin shopping center.

This is why I take everything she tells me with a grain of salt. I think she is full of shit.

Someone help me! I was playing around on that Cheezeburger site and I chose this background called "you see me rollin" and since I had seen a similar caption on many pictures on that page, I looked on knowyoumeme.com to find out what the deal is with that caption. Here it is referencing to some Chamillionaire song that goes "they see me rollin, they hating" and under the profile, they had this Youtube video posted of an 8 minute long video of a tractor trailer being chased by the police. Since I practically orgasm at anything police chase related, I watched the video. And since then I have had that damn song stuck in my head all day! *cries*

Video Of The Day

I don't know why, but I freaking love this song:



Alright. Your sexual frustration has reached dangerous heights when Pitbull starts to look good.

Does anyone else think this would be a fantastic song to masturbate to?

*glances back and forth, grabs Dec/Jan issue of Men's Fitness (c'mon, give me a break- my pickings are slim right now), dives under covers, and turns up iPod*

The WTF Of The Day/Signs Of The Apocolypse

'Jersey Shore' star The Situation schools Justin Bieber in 'Never Say Never' promo video

*eye twitch*

I think my brain stroked off again. The last thing I remember hearing is "my name is Professor Situation" and then I woke up with my face planted in my keyboard and the video was over.

Holy hell! Look at his face! Every time I see Mike anymore, his face looks so damn bloated. There was a picture of him in the new TV Guide and I swore I saw a second chin going on. Look at him!:


















Look at his face compared to it *searches frantically for older picture* here. And hey, look! It's Moe, Larry, and Curly! Bwahahahaha! Don't know where Shemp is, though.

And you know what else? "Professor" is spelled wrong on the chalkboard.

I first seen this article when I was on lunch at work and when I read the first comment by yerkiddingright I had to fold my arms on my desk and stick my head into them because I was laughing so hard and god forbid should my sinister laughter disrupt some people.

I found this picture of him and one of the first things I thought was, after questioning why he was with the mayor and has sunglasses and no shirt on, if I was to press one of my boobies up against a window, they would be roughly the same size as his man boobies. Do not ask. Just do not ask.

I say, are those stretchmarks I see? And is his shirt pink? Come to think of it, I think I remember reading somewhere that he took his shirt off because he left the tag or something on it. Or I'm having pipe dreams again. I don't know. I am so damn forgetful, I'm starting to have difficulty remembering what is real life and what have I dreamt anymore. Damn psych drugs!

Thanks to him, every single fucking time I hear or read the word "situation", I think of him (for some strange reason, this also always comes to mind). One night I was in the shower and I had a CD playing that I burned a few years back and Yaz came on and I was dancing in the shower. And then I realized what the name of the song was. My eye started to twitch violently. One night on Action News, they were talking about the gas line explosion in Philalphia that killed a gas worker and I swear to God, every other word out of the reporter's mouth was "situation". Finally at one point, I screamed "SHUT UP!" at the TV screen and my mom comes in and says "what the hell is your problem?!". I don't remember what the answer was I gave her. I don't know if she knows his name now, after that little debacle at dinner that one night, although she did say to me at dinner one night "guess what your boyfriend said?" and proceeded to tell me how she read in a magazine that he says in his book that he likes to put girls in the hot tub to sterilize them before he hooks up with them. I'd already read it in a Newsweek in work, so I just laughed. Mom's never made any comments about him before, but I do not think she was very pleased with that.

But really now....where does he get off? I hope he gets in the hot tub as well because if anyone needs to be sterilized, it's El Sitcho here. Good God. Fucking pig. Fucking sexy pig.

Jesus. I'm sorry, but he looks really fucking hot in that video. Nerdy glasses, girly scarf, bloated face and all. I don't know. I think he looks good with extra weight on him. Like with Lady Miss Kier- ah, ya'll thought I forgot about her, didn't you *laughs, the turns serious* NEVER!- it reminds me that he is in fact, human. Well, something close to it. *sits on desk in cliche naughty school girl outfit, crosses legs, and pulls 2 apples out of bra* I'm ready for my lesson, Mr. The Situation.

Did I really just say that? Ugh. Oh well. *whistles "Don't Stand" by the Police*

Random Thoughts

I am in a hideous mood right now. I am in such a hideous mood, I actually have an unhealthy urge to go get completely and utterly hosed. I need to stay away from booze, though. I am scary enough sober. I shake in my boots at the scenarios that could erupt should I ever become drunk.

I haven't quit the 'lax yet so my stomach is still fucking with me. I was laying on the bed watching The Simpsons and I dozed off and when I woke up, my chest basically blew up like a volcano. It's bad. It really is. I really believe I am going to have cancer one day. What part of the digestive system I don't know. The even sadder realization of all of this is how little I care.

People annoy me so much. My mother sent invitations for my sister's bridal shower and I think we're lucky if 10 people have RSVP'd so far. Almost 50 invitations were sent out. Why do people think it is okay for them to just completely ignore invitations? We need to know here, people! We are paying for this damn bridal shower PER HEAD. Just pick up the goddamn fucking phone and call and say "I am coming" or "I am not coming". It's not that frigging difficult.

And then I sent an email to one of the bridesmaids with my home phone number and when I can be reached. Today I check my cellphone while I am on lunch and find I have two voice messages. One is from Mom and the other is from the bridesmaid. I assume she got my cellphone number from my sister, which I am going to have to have a talk with my sister. I don't want my cellphone number giving out. And also, she called during the time frame I said I was unavailable.

Earlier in work, my "friend" and I were emailing back and forth and complaining about the weather and I had made some comment about how at least the furry little rat had seen his shadow. Well, the email I got back shocked me. I had to read it like 3 times to make sure it was real. She actually snapped out over the groundhog and how she doesn't understand why people take it seriously and that it is still 6 more weeks regardless of whether he sees it or not and made some kind of smarmy comment of "sorry to disappoint you". I wanted to email her back and say bitch, are you for fucking real? It was a fucking joke! I do not believe what the groundhog has to say, but I do always look forward to hearing what he ends up seeing. And in typical S-Cubed fashion, I got pissed as shit. I seriously wanted to just go up to her office and blow up on her. Normal reaction? Certainly not. But do I ever react normally? Ha. Right. But I was simply making a joke. And I don't appreciate being given a bitchy attitude like that.

A couple weeks ago, she was mad in work because she had asked our boss if she would be able to leave work early once a week while school is in session and the boss was giving her a hard time about it and she bitched about it all day and then later on, had made some comment on Facebook about it and I left a comment about how much it sucked and the next day I see there was a response to my comment. This was the response "it is what it is". I swear, if I could have reached through my computer and sucker punched her in the face I would have. I don't know what made me angrier- the fact that she bitched about it all day and then suddenly the situation turns into "it is what it is" or the fact that she said "it is what it is". I fucking hate corny ass positive mumbo jumbo sayings like that and "everything happens for a reason" and shit. I'd like to put my foot up someone's ass whenever I hear someone spout assinine shit like that.

I am sick of my personality. I am not normally one to ever self-diagnose myself (usually I am the first one to curse people who do that), but with the way I have been behaving lately, I'd almost swear I am heading into borderline personality disorder territory. I don't know what my problem is. I suppose I should go back to therapy, but what is the point of therapy when you don't know what your problem is? I mean, I could see my personality if I had been raped or molested or experienced some other horrible trauma as a kid. But I didn't. I don't recall anything traumatizing happening to me as a kid, except for being brutally bullied in sixth grade by that kid. I don't see that being enough to cause this mountain of problems. It certainly is almost the whole reason behind my self-esteem issues. But not the rest. How do you solve something when you don't know what the problem is? It's like telling someone to solve a math word problem and not ever giving them the actual word problem. I guess. Is that even a logical comparison? I don't know.

I was never a fan of Smallville, but I was blown away the first time I heard the theme song ("Save Me" by Remy Zero) and every time I listen to it, especially now, I can't help but think about how much I want someone to come in and save me. And I don't mean the Jebus save me type of saving. I want someone- outside of my family- to make me feel beautiful and not want to smash my fist into the mirror every time I look in it and to actually make me feel like I deserve to be amongst people and to even just be worthy of being on this earth in general.

Wouldn't it be absolutely fantastic if almost all of my problems disappeared if I got just got laid?

Oh Take This Digest....You Know The Rest

I don't know what is going on with my stomach this week, but....what the hell, man?!

Okay, so it probably has to do with restarting Miralax again. I was cranky on Saturday, so I said what the hell, I'll take Miralax for two weeks again (I have to take two FULL- by which I mean all the way to the top of the cap, not just to the 17 g line) and maybe I will feel better.

Well, that would not be the case. Since I started taking it again, I have been bloated to the point of wanting to scream, I have heartburn so bad I feel like my esophagus could burn a hole right through my chest (that would be something, wouldn't it. I'm still waiting for the day for my esophagus to say "bitch, I'm tired of you not doing anything for me" and up and leave), I get light headed if I over-exert myself (happened the last time I took it, so I know the Miralax definitely is behind this side effect), I have heart palpitations, I'm nauseous, I have been emotional as shit. Yeah, it has not been fun. Oh, and it is not helping me by doing what it is supposed to do.

I want to cry. I don't understand why one thing cannot just not work for me.