FML Part 6

I got into a pretty heated argument with my mother earlier. Once again over how I am sick and tired of her comparing my problems to hers. She claims she does not. She's a fucking liar. And three or four times she came after me and I grabbed her arms and held her back. I probably could have easily have knocked my mother out and while it was extremely tempting, of course I did not.

Many times when I get pissed off, the amount of anger that runs through me terrifies the hell out of me. Sometimes I want to laugh thinking how people assume I am this timid little chicken and how much I would surprise them if they pissed me off enough, even though it is not funny at all. I would never go after someone unprovoked, but if someone were to try to harm me or something, I am a little afraid of what kind of damage I could do.

I feel like my mother stopped short of telling me she despises me. My sister says she doesn't, and that she worries about me all of the time, but you wouldn't know it after the argument. After we stopped screaming at each other, I ended up having a panic attack and I think I seriously strained something in my neck. It hurts really bad. Of course, now I am worried it had nothing to do with that and that it is actually meningitis. Although honestly, right now, I would welcome meningitis to kill me. I would like nothing more than to go to bed and not wake up ever again.

My FWA was whining on Facebook that why is it called morning sickness when you have it all day wah wah wah. As if she never needed enough excuses to leave work early before; now she'll probably use her pregnancy as an excuse to leave early constantly. Listening to women who choose to get pregnant whine about their symptoms is like someone drinking a bottle of vodka and then whining because they are drunk. Or someone eating every single item at a six course meal and then whining because they are full. And then everyone started in with the comments about this old wives tale and that old wives tale and oh she'll make such a great mother and other vomit-inducing drivel. She still doesn't even have a properly functioning car! The thing breaks down half of the time she drives! Priorities! She doesn't have em! JFC, my period needs to come. ASAP.

8:20PM: Neck still hurts, I'm nauseous. My brain is taking advantage of that, and add in the multiple mosquito bites I received the other day....now I am worried I have West Nile fever. The meningitis fear is still lurking as well. I've been analyzing every spot on my body for petechiae or purpura. I've been constantly taking my temperature (no fever). Something needs to be done about this. I need to get that advance directive completed before I completely lose my mind. And I think I have reached the point that I do not need a clinician to tell me I have hypochondriasis.

Good god. I wish I had some vodka.

9:01PM: Finally resorted to taking a single Tylenol PM to maybe knock me out for a little bit, or at least calm me down.

10:15PM: Pill has done NOTHING. I feel like scratching my skin off.

Random Thoughts

After my 11:30 snack, my back turned red and itchy. I wonder if I am allergic to something, which is making me really anxious and now I feel itchy from head to toe.

And speaking of itching, I went outside earlier because I was going nuts being in the house and within a few minutes, I was bitten about 5 times. So I [angrily] went back inside. And while I was in the bathroom, I happened to look at the back of my right calf and there was a HUGE bite right at the top of  the Achilles tendon area. It had to be at least 2 inches wide and 1.5 inches in height. It was disgusting. I wanted to throw up when I saw it.

And speaking of gross things, I had a big blister on the top of my foot the other day. And even though I know it's a really bad thing to do, I couldn't resist- I pressed on it. Son of a bitch squirted water everywhere. Then the skin came off. I have been keeping it clean with alcohol (holy mother of God does that hurt to pour on! But it's the only thing I trust) and Neosporin, but I am really anxious that it will get infected. And earlier it was hurting and I said something and my mother says "don't start". My family will never get OCD, hypochondriosis, whichever it is.

I did find out that I can return those probiotics, even though they are opened. I really hope they are what is causing this bloating and that it will go away when I go off of them. I haven't felt this fat and miserable since I was on birth control. And I am wondering if by chance, they have something to do with the itching. Sure, allergic reactions can spring up overnight, but it's weird that this started after the pills. Note to future self- the next time you consider changing probiotics, do not. Just stick with the Spring Valley acidophilus.

The weather has been great the past week. And now it's going to get hot again. I think it will only last a few days, but I want this nice weather to stick around. Forever.

I was reading about different hurricanes last night and one article said that Hurricane Sandy was the second costliest hurricane in US history. And it made me wonder- she did so much damage and this was without the tornadoes hurricanes and tropical storms can spawn. I think I remember reading that if it was not for the cold weather and low/limited instability, the tornado threat would have been huge. How much more damage would Sandy have done if she had spawned tornadoes? Would we have surpassed Katrina in damage costs? I hate to think about it.

I am dreading one night that the news will report a hurricane hitting us. All that damage last year. I was just down Seaside this past weekend and so much of it is back. The whole boardwalk is pretty much back, minus piers, some of the bathrooms, and the ski lift. And still nothing on whether the Beach Bar is going to be rebuilt. I hope it is; I liked that place. The food was good. The Beachcomber has good food, but I liked the food at the Beach Bar better. Saturday we ate somewhere else and the food.....meh. Probably won't eat there again.

I wasn't particularly happy about going down. It was a nice day, but I kind of had my fill of shore food and cheese in general for a little bit. Not to mention on our way down, my father starts to make a left hand turn while a car is coming, my mom yells at him, and he says "I have the right away!". Uh, no you do not. My mom kept yelling at him and finally he admits that he was wrong. And then still can't accept he was completely at fault and says "oh well the other cars were slowing down!". That's not the point, old man! My father is turning into a goddamn road hazard.

Okay. I have been to Wildhood and Seaside three times each. Now maybe I can finally get to Ocean City, goddamn it! I want Manco and Manco pizza! Plus, I always get Dairy Queen when I am there. I can get DQ at Wildhood as well, but I am a huge fan of Hassles Ice Cream Parlor and I'd rather have that. Not that I can't get DQ at the mall, but I try to avoid that mall as much as possible.

And last but not least, my boys are going to be on Letterman this week! Thursday, I think. Yay!

An Angry Letter To A Mosquito

Dear Stupid Blood Sucker:

Could you have picked a worst spot to bite me? Right on the sole of the foot? Who in the hell gets bit there, besides an idiot like me? UGH.

Sincerely,
S-Cubed