Random Thoughts

Can I just say how glad I am that the expected "snowicane" did not hit as bad as it was supposed to? My area received maybe a half a foot. I don't know if there had been more. A good amount melted by the time I woke up. I am so sick of snow, I could scream.

The other day I was thinking about the upcoming spring/summer and I thought, I wonder if this winter is any indication of what s/s will be like- will it follow the whole adage of "worse before it gets better", will the same constant jet stream trouble bring a summer not unlike the winter, but in the form of severe thunderstorms and tornados? Tonight on my local news, they discussed the upcoming s/s weather and the expected forecast is a lot of instability, cooler temps, and an increase in severe weather. I wanted to cry. I was a nervous wreck enough last summer. If this summer is going to be worse, I am going to have a nervous breakdown.

I saw the movie Never Been Kissed on the other day and I thought back to when I saw it in the movies and how I thought that I hope I never pass Josie Grossie in the whole never been kissed arena. Unfortunately....I have. Yes. I am 26 years old and I finally passed her. We all know I have never had sex, but I have also never really been kissed. Most of it can be contributed to nonexistant self-esteem, fear of meningococcal disease, and severe social anxiety. A small part of it, but probably the start of the snowball rolling down the hill, was when I was 14, a boy asked me out and that same night, he tried to make out with me and every time we tried to, he kept criticizing whatever I was doing. I was 14 years old and it was my first kiss. What the fuck did he expect? This was not long after I started to show signs of depression and my self-esteem and ego were already pretty bruised, so needless to say, my confidence in kissing took a huge hit after that and then add the rest of the ingredients and BOOM, you have me. Twenty-six and never been kissed.

And frankly, I don't even care anymore. I have come to the conclusion that I just don't even care if I ever have a significant other or even get married. My life needs to get back in order first. At this point, my main goals are to get some type of degree and get the hell out of the house.

You want to know something strange? Most parents cannot wait for their kids to get out of the house. My mother was devastated when my sister left. I think it's mostly due to worrying and due to how she feels about my father, although since his surgery in January, you would never know this is the same woman who constantly talked about how much she hates him and would like to put a pillow over his face while he is sleeping. She's become devoted little 1950s housewife, waiting on him hand and foot. The way he is acting after the surgery, I am absolutely amazed Billy West was able to interview on Adam Corolla two weeks after having the surgery. But then again Billy West is also a healthy eater and roughly half the size of my father.

By the way, the going out with that kid- whose name was George- lasted 2 days. I panicked at the idea of being tied to someone and ended it. Cripes, at 14 freaking years old I was already having issues with being held down. I think I am just not a person who is meant to date.

I think I mentioned back during the holidays what I received as gifts. One of my gifts was a $20 gift card to Starbucks from my sister's boyfriend. I decided to register it online so I can get something free on my birthday and I noticed the purchase date was November 16th. I know there is no way in hell he would have purchased it more than a month before my birthday, so I think it is safe to assume it was probably given to him by a friend or customer and he decided to regift it and give it to me. Neverminding the fact that I have not been to Starbucks since a month before the one person I used to always go with was killed. Oh, but in a a few weeks I am going to have to shell out my money for a gift for him for his birthday. Who cares that he didn't even spend a cent on mine? Really. Am I wrong to be pissed off here, people?