Maybe Some Good News?

Whatever this thing is with me worrying about my health all the time, whether it is just still simply part of having OCD or it is undiagnosed hypochondria, I have mentioned before that I will do things to check whether I could possibly have [insert disease of the moment] or not. Like checking my skin and taking my blood pressure repeatedly. I will also read articles over and over again to find things to try and assure myself I do not have it.

I was in the bathroom at work earlier and I started to think about those cysts I have had (don't ask, I tend to think of things in the weirdest places. Like last Sunday I was in the shower and while I was washing my hair, I realized that I completely forgot about trying the California cheesesteak sandwich at the Cheesecake Factory). They form during ovulation and I started to think, well, if I am getting these cysts, is that a sure sign I am ovulating? So I googled it. And found this:

If you do not ovulate, you will not form functional cysts. (from the Cleveland Clinic)

So I am definitely ovulating then? I mean, I can tell....but there is still always that doubt.

On another note, my perfect cousin with the perfect life posted an article about Victoria's Secret kicking out a woman breast-feeding her spawn and how she is never going to shop there again. Yes, I am sure they will miss your business. It's not like there aren't hordes of Love Pink-wearing college-aged girls and overly tanned bleached blonde middle-aged women (usually the former's mothers) to make up for your woe is me I am so oppressed strike.

WAH WAH WAH

I just saw some article about some moo whining because she was blocked from Facebook for posting pictures of herself breast-feeding. I don't give a fuck if it's a natural thing, why do you need to post pictures of yourself feeding your brat? It's a beautiful act? Do you know what else is a beautiful act? Taking a shit after a week of being constipated. But you don't see me posting pictures of myself on the toilet. I am so sick and tired of hearing these whiny ass breast-feeders whining about everything, of how oppressed they are. And staging their stupid protests in stores. Wah! Woe is mommy! The world isn't revolving around me because I chose to fulfill biology by doing something gazillions of living beings do! Shut the fuck up.

And do you know what makes me stabby? That fucking Luvs commercial with the bitch breast-feeding in the restaurant. And she keeps giving the poor waiter this arrogant look like yeah, I am breastfeeding, you got a problem with that? Yeah! I do! I want to smack that cocky bitch so hard!

And speaking of disgusting, someone on Facebook posted a picture today of a naked Adam Levine laying backwards on a motorcycle. I was in the midst of drinking coffee and almost sprayed it all over my monitor. It didn't even show anything, but that didn't stop it from being revolting.

Also....hey USA, you want to get off of NCIS's dick already? Cheesus.

NOOOOOO!

I got a friend request on a medical forum from someone who is the epitome of a moo. I spent five seconds briefing over her profile and this is what I got from it:

- MY BRATS!
- I SPAWNED CATER TO ME!
- MORE ABOUT MY BRATS!
- MY WHOLE WORLD IS COMPLETE AND I NEVER KNEW ANYTHING UNTIL I HAD CHILDREN!
- EVEN MORE ABOUT MY BRATS!
- OMGZ BREASTFEEDING IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD AND IT'S NATURAL AND IF YOU DISLIKE IT YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And in the grand tradition of things, no moo profile would be complete without a main profile picture of one of her spawns sucking on her naked tit, as well as all her moo friends defending it.

If I could, I would post a screenshot of her profile and post it on here.

The Bitch Please! Of The Day

Michelle Hickman, Mom Organizing Target International Nurse-In To Take Place December 28th

Wow, I guess you are showing Target, now, ain't you?!

I read part of this article and I couldn't even finish it because all I heard was WAHHHHHHH!

*face palm* Go find something truly important to whine about, you stupid nipple nazis.

Hey, sex is a natural part of life. Does that mean every time I see a hot guy and I want to push him on the floor, rip my clothes off, and screw him right in the middle of the store, I should do so? I've been repressed too damn long, dammit!

The WTF/Bitch, Please! Of The Day

This Bitch Is Not Lovin' It

Damn. I love chicken Mcnuggets- I could probably eat about 200....but come on. Calling 911? McDonalds should have just given her the money back. Who the hell ever heard of all sales final in a fast food restaurant? And how does a worker not know they are out of chicken Mcnuggets? How does McDonalds run out of chicken Mcnuggets anyway? That's as bad as going to Burger King and them being out of burgers or going to Pizza Hut and they are out of pizza.

Driving and Breast-Feeding Nets Charges

I wonder how long before the nipple nazis start flooding the comments section, complaining about how repressed breast feeders are. There is already the flood of how everyone needs to mind their own business or how back in their day, they didn't even have car seats! Never mind the fact that had she gotten into a car crash, the kid would have gone flying through the windshield or crushed between her and the steering wheel. God, people are so incredibly stupid.

Kiss My Ass, Nipple Nazis

I have mentioned this before and for some unknown reason today, it has been eating at me.

Radical breast feeders. What the fuck is the deal with them? I just cannot fathom the attitudes of them. I cannot believe that not only are there bitches out there who want hospitals to stop giving out formula, but there are ones who want formula to be done away with all together and made prescription only and then only available to people who absolutely cannot breastfeed.

What is the definition of one who absolutely cannot breastfeed anyway? A woman who has had a masectomy? I suppose in the eyes of these dumbasses, a woman on medication is not an exception to breastfeeding. Yeah, because we should force women whose lives are pretty much sustained from their medication to go off of it because a group of nazi breast feeders want to tell us all what to do with our bodies and children. I guess the woman whose life is made semi-normal by being on lithium or some type of antipsychotic should be taken off of it. Whatever.

Gee, I wonder how many of these women are pro-choice.

So my message to La Leche League and any other breast-feeding "it should be the only way" promoting group of assholes....I don't care if you want to promote breast feeding, but knock off the fucking nazi and "I'm so superior because I breastfeed" behavior and let us women decide how we want to take care of our children. If I choose to not breastfeed my child (which I will not), that is my decision and I would appreciate you keeping your nose out of my fucking business. Come up to me while I am bottle feeding a baby and bitch me out and I will knock you so hard on your ass, you won't know what hit you. Show me all the evidence you want of how much healthier breast feeding is and I will take the evidence and shove it up your ass. I don't believe any of it anyway.

And don't give me the crap that we are given breasts and nipples for a reason because, as I do recall, men have breasts (technically) and nipples as well. People are given brains, but that doesn't mean they always use them.

Things That Annoy Me Part IV

Donna from That 70's Show- she was supposedly this die hard feminist yet never thought twice of using her tits to get anything

People who abuse animals- PETA needs to quit harrassing rich women and start throwing paint buckets at some of the assholes that appear on Animal Cops and Animal Precinct. If anyone is deserving of a bucket of paint to the face, it's these low life pieces of scum. Go through some flour or paint on Michael Vick. Better yet, put him in a yard full of rabid hungry pitbulls.

Radical breast feeders- mothers are bitching about Facebook banning photos of nursing babies now. Give me a fucking break. Some nursing mothers really get on my nerves. Why do you need to post a picture of yourself nursing or why do you have to whip out your boob in the middle of a crowded place? I thought nursing is supposed to be a private, bonding thing. People who believe nursing is better than bottle feeding are idiots anyway. I don't care if all the "scientific evidence" shows it is because if it is, explain to me why almost every kid I come into existance with has been breastfed and has horrible allergies and asthma and stomach problems and all that. There are women out there who believe that hospitals should do away with formula to encourage (e.g., force) women to breastfeed their babies. Just like with abortion, please do not make a decision for me. If I choose to not want to breastfed, that is my decision. As for women who do it to lose weight quicker- when you breastfeed, you need to eat more so both of you get adequate nutrition!

Commercials- I hate 99% of them. Especially that stupid one for Pillsbury where everyone clicks their heels. I like the Wizard of Oz, but why oh why can some movie references just not ever die? And some they just play over and over again. One time the one for freecreditreport.com came on when he is singing about being a pirate in this restauraunt and unknowingly I started to sing along with it and I knew it word for word. I hear it so much I actually subconsciously memorized the words to it. That is bad. I also hate the multigrain Cheerios one, the IKEA sale one, the rollover minutes one, and the Suave ones with the opera singing.

People who text and talk on the phone while driving- don't give me the bullshit that oh you're just good at multi-tasking. I am the queen of multi-tasking and I still will not text and/or talk on the phone while driving. Why? Because I am not about to kill someone because I feel the rules of the road do not apply to me.

Overrated songs- songs like "Don't Stop Believing" and "Living On A Prayer. I have nothing against Bon Jovi or Journey- I do like Journey a lot- but....god, I especially hate "Living On A Prayer".

Myspace!- Once again, another Deee-Lite fan page I was friends with has been deleted and now Project Playlist cannot be used on the site anymore. But the RIAA is to be blamed for the last one. I hate the RIAA. After Disney and religion, I never known an empire I would like to see crumble more than the RIAA.

Jim Carrey- seriously. Hang it up already. I thought Ace Ventura was hilarious once upon a time until I realized you use the same brand of humor in almost every single movie you appear in.

Actors who once did really vile comedy and now do stupid kid comedies

Metrosexuals- I could never date a man who cares more about his appearence than I care about mine

Stores like Hollister and Abercrombie- and the best part? One of my local malls is getting the largest Hollister store in America! Yay! Actually, most stores get on my nerves, but these ones take the cake.

The bratty more than likely teenagers who leave stupid comments on AOL's fashion page stating who are they tell them what to wear and what is good fashion- um, if you never like what they have to say, why do you read it?

People who use the excuse of jealousy when someone dislikes another- it's an excuse created for lazy people who cannot think of a good excuse. I dislike most music artists today because they all suck and good talented people are passed over for shits like them. Where is the justice in how quick it took to give Paris Hilton a record deal and how it took Deee-Lite several years to get one?

Israel and Palestine and every other country in the Middle East- Enough already. Find something better to do with your time than to constantly fight with each other.