Random Thoughts

Well, another Christmas over. And I have my usual post-Christmas blues. I am also feeling unusually blue about my birthday being over also. Not really sure why. Maybe because I am turning 30 next year and am not looking forward to it. I am not upset because I am getting older. That is inevitable. It's going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it. I am not happy with where my life is. If I went back in time to my senior year of high school and was asked to guess where I would be in life at 29 years old, my guess would have been nowhere near reality. And it depresses the hell out of me. Which makes the act of changing a million times harder.

I mentioned I went out on Saturday with my sister and brother-in-law for my birthday. Sunday I went to dinner with my parents, but didn't do anything else. Christmas Eve we did our usual going over my grandparent's. That got a little screwed up at first. My sister and brother-in-law came over about 6PM to head over with us and my sister was upset because earlier in the day she had had water running down her leg at one point and she was afraid her water had broken. Now this is where it gets odd and a little irritating. My sister has been a nervous wreck pretty much her entire pregnancy of something going wrong. If she doesn't feel the baby moving, she gets upset. She would not even tell anyone she was pregnant for the longest time until she was past a certain point. And not the usual point people wait (six weeks, is it?). Long, LONG after that point. And when she said something to her husband about the water, he told her she was fine. She who works with pregnant women and worries about every little thing, but decides to listen to her husband. Eventually she gets herself so worked up that he finally agrees to take her to the hospital. She was fine, of course, but I can't wrap my mind around the whole situation.

And that is one of the things that really aggravates me about my brother-in-law sometimes. He just brushes everything off all the time like it's nothing. Okay, so maybe everyone in my family has the tendency to worry a little too much, but having such a laid back and stubborn mentality can be a bad thing too. Like his stubbornness of not pulling over to let someone else drive when he can't stay awake. Or his blatant disregard for cellphone laws.

And what is it about a pregnancy that everyone just loses their freaking minds? Every time we are around family or whatever, people are so fucking weird with the things they say and do. My grandmother says she talks to the baby every day. I just.....I can't with that. And people talk to the baby in the womb, which in itself isn't too odd I guess, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't even think if I was pregnant I could bring myself to talk to it. It certainly would hear a lot of music, though. That is about the only thing that makes me sad about not ever being pregnant- I have always wanted to play music for my unborn child. It's kind of sad that that is about the only thing I am upset about. I talked to the ultrasound picture once, though. A day when my sister was being exceptionally bitchy and everyone in my family was being obnoxious, I picked up the picture when I was home alone and said "I feel sorry for you".

And the whole blame the baby for everything, from farting to cravings.....*eye roll*

But anyway, eventually they joined us at the g-rents, we ate, had my cake, blah blah blah. Christmas day, everyone came over our house. Same thing, everyone ate, blah blah blah. I ate way too much and I have about 4 days worth of bad food just sitting in my intestines and making me bloated and miserable and I can't go to the bathroom for anything. Two of those days involved corn, which is making everything a million times worse. I am tempted to take Milk of Magnesia, but I am really trying to just let this bad bout of constipation run its course and resolve itself.

Sorry. And in continuing with TMI, I appear to be spotting again. I am not quite sure how long it would take for birth control to stop it, but I am not quite sure how long I want to stay on these pills. My breasts are sore, I am still getting nausea, and I am getting increasingly moody and emotional. On Christmas Eve, I was doing a 15 minute bike ride and while I was on it, I had Too Cute on and it cut to a commercial break and this commercial came on for the Humane Society and I was getting increasingly emotional with each animal being shown and then they showed this clip of a guy running in the snow with a club at a seal and I was like what the hell is he doing OMFG he is going to club that seal to death and I lost it. I sobbed almost the entire 15 minutes. And I could not stop. Didn't help when towards the end of the commercial they show a white seal up close and it was just so damn adorable, especially when it blinked its big black eyes. That scene of the guy running at the seal has been haunting me since then. I can't stand feeling so emotional, but damn, this is about the closest to feeling human I have felt in a long time.

I'd like to kick that guy to the ground and start hitting him with a club. Not kill him, of course, because I am not a monster like him, but beat him and see how he likes it.

I love Too Cute. I am one big pile of squeeing mush when I watch it.

After the CT shooting, there was that big controversy over that Kesha song. I think the whole thing was ridiculous. I don't even like Kesha, so it pains me to defend her. It's a harmless song.The song was out long before the shooting happened. Who gives a shit if she was bragging about the lyrics before the shooting? Did the word "before" lose its meaning or something? It was before the shooting. Before! Before! Before! But I was on a webpage with an article discussing the whole situation and someone that I follow on posts (big MGMT fan) posted a comment slamming the song and its message. Something about glamorizing partying and dying young. Something probably millions of artists have written and sang about before. But then something occurred to me. And I started laughing. Um, may I remind her of this:

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars

This is our decision
To live fast and die young
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run it's course

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Hahahahahaha I can't with this. I have to go listen to the song now. As will you:

Random Thoughts

Well, I knew my fear of having Addison's disease wouldn't stay away for long. I have been having issues with feeling light-headed when I stand at times over the past few days, so right away that reeled it back in some. I give up. I really do. I have no idea what to do for myself. What in the hell did I do on vacation that made it go away? Is it something in my diet? The only two things I did not have on vacation was sugar free Jell-O and the angel food cakes. Could one of them being doing it? I won't know unless I try cutting one or the other out for a week or so.

And I have been so goddamn depressed the past few days, I am beside myself. When I read that story the other day about Chloe, that dog that was set on fire, I cried for more than 20 minutes. I looked at the picture of her on the WPVI page and that was it. I started sobbing and choking from crying so hard. I was on the floor the next day stocking up on toilet paper and I had my iPod playing and "I Found A Whistle" on and I thought of Chloe and I started sobbing again. I just cannot fathom setting an animal on fire. Or any kind of abuse. How cruel can you be?

Goddamn that song for making me cry every time I hear it. *narrows eyes* And goddamn me for not being able to keep my weaknesses a secret.

I ran to Wal-Fart earlier and the one road I have to turn off of is a real bitch to make a right hand turn from. I was hot and not feeling good and very depressed and anxious over not feeling good from the heat, so I said fuck it, I am not even going to bother trying to turn. Next thing I know, the lady behind me honks and I look in my rear view mirror and she is pointing at me to turn. I was really not in the mood for people's assholish behavior, so I gave her the finger and I decided I definitely wasn't going to turn, just to piss her off (don't point out my hypocrisy). And then I see her pull out and she actually went around me and made the turn. I was like are you for real? I thought she was going to start trouble with me at first, which would not have been a good idea. I don't even want to be around myself in the heat. Lord knows what I would have said or done. But come on, no one says you have to turn on red, for god's sake. Chill the hell out.

This has not been a good week for me to like people. My sister and my parents had a huge miscommunication about a moving truck, which lead to small arguments, my sister refuses to admit she is at fault, and I had to listen to my sister bitch that she wishes she could divorce family sometimes. Yeah. Nice way to thank us for all of our back-breaking work helping you move.

An Angry Letter To A Sick Fuck

Dear Sick Fuck Who Set This Poor Innocent Creature On Fire:

Are you proud of yourself? How much of a real badass did it make you feel to set a poor innocent creature on fire? I hope karma really does exist, because someone needs to pour accelerant all over you, set you on fire, and leave you to die. And I hope you die a slow and painful as hell death.

Rot in hell, you evil piece of scum.

Rest in peace, Chloe. No monsters can hurt you anymore.

God I Hate People

Johnathan Ramsey Case: Remains Found Identified As Starved Boy, Police Confirm

GOD, WHY DO YOU PEOPLE FUCKING HAVE CHILDREN?!!

These stories have really been pissing me the hell off a little too much lately. I am so sick and tired of hearing these stories of parents- whether they be the real parents or a stepparent- abusing children like this. There is no excuse for it. I am considered selfish for not wanting to have kids! For knowing I would not make a good parent, although I can say I would never abuse a child.

I don't normally get enraged over stories, especially ones with children, but every time I think of that story about that little boy from Phildelphia, Khalil Wimes, I want to punch a hole in the wall. And I know I remember reading somewhere that the monsters known as his "parents" said they did not even want kids. Then why the fuck did you have so many? And if you didn't want them, put them up for adoption! Don't fucking abuse them! And DHS? I won't even touch on that. I feel terrible for his former foster parents and other relatives, because they did everything to keep DHS from taking the kid away and returning him to those monsters.

I can't even look at pictures of those disgusting monsters, thinking what they did to that poor little boy. They make me want to punch my monitor. They are the kind of "people" you hope have "little accidents" in jail. And by "little accidents", I mean shanked to death by a fellow prisoner. They deserve to burn in the deepest level of hell, along with the DHS workers and any other asshole involved in the case that allowed that poor child to be killed.

I swear, the apocolypse cannot come fast enough.

The Bitch, Please Of The Day

From my local news station's FB page, a comment left in response to an Eagles article:

Not a fan of what Vick did, but he paid his fines and did his time (my church teaches forgiveness).

Oh, save me the pretentious bullshit. Your church teaches forgiveness. Give me a break. I love these people who preach that you should always forgive. Maybe I am wrong, but you know what? There are just some crimes that are not forgivable. What Michael Prick did to those dogs was....well, I can't even think of a word for it. But unforgivable is one of them.

Imagine the outrage if the same abuse was done to a child. Oh, sure. Then these dipshits would be all over Prick like ugly on an ape. And forgiveness would not even be mentioned.

An Angry Letter

To the sick fuck who shot 2 dogs execution style:

I am keeping this short and simple- I pray to God if someone finds you, they shoot you the same horrible way you shot those poor innocent dogs.

Otherwise, drop dead and rot in hell you lousy piece of scum.

Random Thoughts

Damn, I can't believe it is April already. Where is this year going?

Last week, I went into the den to tell my mother a story and a car commercial was on and I thought, wow, that song sounds pretty cool and then I realized it was "Major Tom (Coming Home)" and I thought, shit, finally someone put that song in a car commercial. I have always thought that would make an awesome song for a car commercial. Unfortunately, they couldn't have just used the original version by Peter Schilling. They had to butcher the song with some voice synthesized chick, once again furthering my belief that a law needs to be made that states that some songs are absolutely positvely just not allowed to be covered.

I know this has been on my "Things That Annoy Me" list before, but I am seriously going to go postal if I see the term "preggers" or "preggo" on more time. It's pregnant! Prego is a fucking pasta sauce and preggers is just stupid! And one excuse I read on Yahoo Answers is that the woman (the answerer) uses "preggers" because she is too lazy to type out pregnant. Apparently too lazy to learn math as well. "Preggers" has the same amount of letters as "pregnant", dumbass.

You know, I never get why a woman being beat is made out to be such a big deal. Yeah, that sounds wrong, but just hear me out. But if a man is being abused by a woman, less of a deal is made over it. And the ones that make the most racket over a woman being hit are the sames one who are making the most racket over women being treated fairly. Because we are female, we should be the only ones not ever hit? Get real. It is not okay to hit anyone, regardless of sex.

Did Chris Brown really find it necessary to go off on Rihanna the way he did? No. He had no business beating her the way he did. But if the rumors are true that Rihanna hit him, she had no business hitting him either. But no one will say that because it apparently is okay for a woman to hit a man.

A sign of getting old is radio stations. I grew up listening to Oldies 98.1 and I still listen to it because they play some good ass music. However, one day I was listening to it and they said the greatest hits of the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Eighties! They are already onto the eighties! How many more years until 90s stuff starts playing? Will some time from now I will turn on 98.1 and "Groove Is In The Heart" will be on? Pft, probably not. No radio station seems to play it anymore. I keep hoping 106.1 will one day, but still no luck. But no radio station ever stops playing that "Too Close" by Next. I want to adminster major ass whoopings whenever it comes on.

I posted on a forum one day and mentioned that I didn't have a job yet to join a gym. Someone told me she got a job as a personal trainer even though she had no formal training and suggested I look into. It actually would be cool. Lose weight while earning money? Great. Sign me up yesterday! Only problem is someone would take one look at me, laugh hysterically and then probably say "bitch, please! I am expected to take weight loss advice from you?".