Showing posts with label The Neighbourhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Neighbourhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Random Thoughts
I don't know what it is about their music, but every time I listen to the Neighbourhood- all of the 2 songs I know- it reminds me of the shore. God, do I love the song "Afraid". It's such a great song, although I have to say the first time I watched the video, the lead singer looked absolutely nothing like I expected. I pictured some dorky skinny preppy thing, not a skinny guy covered in tattoos and 2 different hair colors. I should listen to their album sometime.
Come to think of it, the first time I saw a picture of Andrew, he was nothing like I expected either.
Well, my shore trip is done and over with. And it had a big black cloud over it. I tried to push the whole fiasco with work out of my head, I really did, but it just would not budge, along with it's fellow cellmate premature menopause. And I am really pissed at myself for allowing both to ruin my trip. On my last day, I felt so horribly depressed and hopeless I felt like I was going to suffocate from it. It was so unbearable I kept wishing I would just drop dead or that I'd get the guts to kill myself because I couldn't stand feeling so horrible.
The whole situation with work probably doesn't sound all that bad, but it just has me feeling so down and horrible and I am dreading returning to work on Monday. I wish I didn't have to go back. My concentration levels and work productivity were bad enough before all of this happened. It's going to be worse because this will now be weighing on my mind.
It just pisses me off because the whole situation was unnecessary. Everyone knows damn well my boss would have probably approved it. I hadn't had a personal day off since February because I was too damn afraid to take off while my FWA was out on maternity leave. I did fucking overtime every time I was asked, overtime to pick up the slack of everyone else who was off and enjoying their time. All I wanted was 3 days off. Three goddamn days. That's all.
And I keep feeling like this whole thing will not be over when I return. And I dread what kind of emails I may return to. I wish I still had the link to check my mail like when I used to work there before (I deleted the link after I was laid off). All I know is I better not find my email response back to my boss's boss about being told not to enter anything into our pay system missing from my mailbox. Sure it sounds paranoid but I wouldn't put it past those assholes to play dirty like that. And the last thing I am in the mood for right now is playing dirty.
My boss is supposed to come back sometime this week. I don't even want to look at her right now. Actually, none of us do. We're all pretty pissed with her right now.
The first day down the shore, it seemed like my period had ended, but then later on I started bleeding again some and that, of course, lead to a freakout. And my bladder didn't seem to bother me at all during my whole period, now it's bothering me again some. The corners of my eyes are itching like crazy. My eyes have been feeling irritated for about a month. And since I came home, my back has been itching like crazy, as well as my arms and belly. Something new is always coming along and further convincing me of early menopause. And the severe depression and anxiety are only convincing me more. During one of my most recent meltdowns I started to think "am I having this meltdown because I am in perimenopause?" which lead to a bigger meltdown. I am so done with this. I honestly don't know how much more I can take.
And during one of the many times I broke down in tears, my mom was hugging me and she said "I'm sorry I gave you mental illness". I never felt so horrible in my life.
Other than these problems ailing me, and minus the nightmare with my nephew on the first night (he would not go to sleep and screamed ungodly for at least a good 2 hours; I love my nephew, but that scream has got to go), it was a nice 3 days. Too much delicious bad food. I was disappointed the night we went to Hassle's for ice cream because all I wanted was a sundae with mint chocolate chip (best mint ever), hot fudge, and wet walnuts and we get there and they were out of mint chocolate chip. A whole year of waiting to have that sundae!
Come to think of it, the first time I saw a picture of Andrew, he was nothing like I expected either.
Well, my shore trip is done and over with. And it had a big black cloud over it. I tried to push the whole fiasco with work out of my head, I really did, but it just would not budge, along with it's fellow cellmate premature menopause. And I am really pissed at myself for allowing both to ruin my trip. On my last day, I felt so horribly depressed and hopeless I felt like I was going to suffocate from it. It was so unbearable I kept wishing I would just drop dead or that I'd get the guts to kill myself because I couldn't stand feeling so horrible.
The whole situation with work probably doesn't sound all that bad, but it just has me feeling so down and horrible and I am dreading returning to work on Monday. I wish I didn't have to go back. My concentration levels and work productivity were bad enough before all of this happened. It's going to be worse because this will now be weighing on my mind.
It just pisses me off because the whole situation was unnecessary. Everyone knows damn well my boss would have probably approved it. I hadn't had a personal day off since February because I was too damn afraid to take off while my FWA was out on maternity leave. I did fucking overtime every time I was asked, overtime to pick up the slack of everyone else who was off and enjoying their time. All I wanted was 3 days off. Three goddamn days. That's all.
And I keep feeling like this whole thing will not be over when I return. And I dread what kind of emails I may return to. I wish I still had the link to check my mail like when I used to work there before (I deleted the link after I was laid off). All I know is I better not find my email response back to my boss's boss about being told not to enter anything into our pay system missing from my mailbox. Sure it sounds paranoid but I wouldn't put it past those assholes to play dirty like that. And the last thing I am in the mood for right now is playing dirty.
My boss is supposed to come back sometime this week. I don't even want to look at her right now. Actually, none of us do. We're all pretty pissed with her right now.
The first day down the shore, it seemed like my period had ended, but then later on I started bleeding again some and that, of course, lead to a freakout. And my bladder didn't seem to bother me at all during my whole period, now it's bothering me again some. The corners of my eyes are itching like crazy. My eyes have been feeling irritated for about a month. And since I came home, my back has been itching like crazy, as well as my arms and belly. Something new is always coming along and further convincing me of early menopause. And the severe depression and anxiety are only convincing me more. During one of my most recent meltdowns I started to think "am I having this meltdown because I am in perimenopause?" which lead to a bigger meltdown. I am so done with this. I honestly don't know how much more I can take.
And during one of the many times I broke down in tears, my mom was hugging me and she said "I'm sorry I gave you mental illness". I never felt so horrible in my life.
Other than these problems ailing me, and minus the nightmare with my nephew on the first night (he would not go to sleep and screamed ungodly for at least a good 2 hours; I love my nephew, but that scream has got to go), it was a nice 3 days. Too much delicious bad food. I was disappointed the night we went to Hassle's for ice cream because all I wanted was a sundae with mint chocolate chip (best mint ever), hot fudge, and wet walnuts and we get there and they were out of mint chocolate chip. A whole year of waiting to have that sundae!
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Song Of The Day
"You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway, you make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs, it hurts but I won’t fight you, you suck anyway, you make me wanna die"
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