Random Thoughts

It has not been a good past few days. I have been one miserable agitated bitch. Friday I felt so shitty that the whole drive home all I could think was how bad I wanted to hit the gas pedal and slam into a tree. Yesterday I woke up feeling very anxious and agitated and ended up taking an Ativan before I went anywhere. I went down the shore for the day with my family and it was able to get my mind off of some things for a little bit, but as soon as I came home, I started to feel bad and depressed again. And I am still feeling really bad.

And once again I don't know what is causing it. It could be the post-period miserableness I sometimes get or it could be due to the increase in medicine. Which you would think would show up sooner, but it was a few weeks before Wellbutrin turned me into a paranoid mess that wanted to asphyxiate herself with carbon monoxide. And if it's the Prozac, it's going to be a while before I feel any better, thanks to it having such a ridiculously long half-life.

And once again, can people now see why I was so resistant to going back on medicine? 

Also, despite feeling hornier than fuck at times, I have been unable to have an orgasm.

Last year, we had a new MA start. And lately it has become apparent that she is one of the ones my boss allows to have special privileges. One of my coworkers said to me one day that she doesn't think this chick has worked a full 40 hour week since she started. And now that I think about it, I am starting to think it's true. She missed 3 days of work in January, conveniently got a doctor's excuse the day before a snowstorm, complained her knee was bothering her yet was able to exercise and then go skiing over a weekend where she supposedly got into an accident and broke ribs and then was out a whole week, and she just got back from a week long vacation last Monday and then had a doctor's appointment Wednesday and ended up not coming in the whole day, came in late Thursday and then left a half day, and then was out all Friday. She is also constantly coming in earlier if she has to leave early for an appointment, despite the fact that none of us are allowed to do that anymore (which I blame my FWA for that privilege being taken away).

And while I like this MA, there are times I am really starting to question whether I can trust her or if she is just like the MA she replaced, the one I worked with before I started back- a real trouble maker. Also, she is always in such a hurry to get work done, it's always being done half-assed (although I suspect a lot of times it's not so much she is in a hurry as much as she just simply doesn't feel like doing it) and then I have to clean it up and she is constantly texting on her phone or taking personal phone calls.I can't tell you how many times I have been waiting to use the scanner and she is back there supposedly scanning her own shit but is too busy texting on her phone. I'm telling you- it was better when the job of scanning was left to one person.

But the best part has been listening to my FWA complain all week about her and how much shit she gets away. Glass houses, FWA, glass houses.

On Friday, my FWA's friend posted some article about how chronic lateness might be a medical condition. Oh, that is all she needs to hear. No, honey, it's not a medical condition, it's just called you're a fat lazy slob who can't take responsibility for anything.

And going back to yesterday, aside from feeling so on edge, it was a nice day. A little chilly, but it was sunny and the sky was a flawless blue. More stores were missing from the boardwalk that I liked. And there was one restaurant that I have been going to since I was a kid that while they didn't have the best food (minus their outstanding apple crumb pie), I always liked the atmosphere of the place. And it is now gone. I was heartbroken when I found out last month that it had been sold and then to actually see it closed down was just depressing. I guess this is the fun of getting older, is it? Watching everything you like slowly disappear?

JFC

BREAKING: Possible Ebola Case Identified in Washington, D.C.

Okay, now it's getting way too close for comfort. I don't even know what I will do if I hear a case or possible case of it is in NJ. This is like a fucking nightmare. And I am tired of hearing people say it is not as contagious as it is made out to be- it's fucking Ebola!

And yes, I may want to die more often than not, but dying of a disease that can make you hemorrhage from various parts of your body is not my idea of how I would want to die.

God, I feel like my heart is going to come out of my chest and I want to rip my fucking skin off right now. I have taken a total of 4 faux Midol pills (240 mg of caffeine), plus had 2 cups of half caf coffee (probably 100+ mg) and a can of soda (46 mg?). I always forget how much caffeine is in those damn period pills, but it's not hard to when you feel like you have a gang of Celtic dancers stomping on your uterus and on your lower back.

And this horniness needs to calm down. I can't deal with it anymore. It's pretty sad that 3 orgasms a day, several times a week isn't doing anything to calm it down. And there were some pretty damn good ones in there, too. You position your body a certain way right before you are about to orgasm in addition to holding off before letting go.....fucking hell, man.

I guess this is what happens when you're a 30, almost 31 year old virgin.

ETA 10:17PM: I just saw a news headline pop up on my newsfeed. Judging by the sick (literally and figuratively) feeling I felt.....That Thing is coming back.

Never mind about the whole Ebola thing. Right now I would welcome a bad case of it. Hopefully one that wouldn't affect anyone else and would kill me in less than 24 hours.

Also, some kid I kind of "dated" in high school just friended me on Facebook. I accepted it but I feel super awkward now. I don't know why. What the hell made him friend me?

ETA 12:21AM: My mom started to tell me about the story earlier and she just kept going on and on and on and on about it until finally I couldn't take it anymore and I snapped "YES I HEARD THE STORY ALREADY!" And then she got all upset. Now I feel even worse than I already did. I can't believe I am going to have to go through this again. And it all started due to a dream. About someone else. Someone who is perfectly able-bodied.

I can't believe these words are going to come out of my mouth, but I would much rather have my sick twisted mind focused on early perimenopause. Or even Addison's disease again (which if I recall, was what originally took my mind off of it). FML.

And screw my anti-medication stance right now. I am taking an Ativan. Almost wishing I would get the guts to take the whole bottle with a bottle of vodka.

Random Thoughts

Well, it's that time again already. Hopefully this week won't be bad. It's already been a hundred times better with my FWA out. I mean, it sucked having to do her job with no inkling of how to do it and having someone show me how to do it who has no idea how to do it either, but ugh, it's so nice not having to hear her screechy voice bitching about everything (I know- pot, kettle, but unlike her, I am the first to admit I am miserable human being; plus 99.99999% of the things she bitches about, she is in the wrong) and every fucking detail of her pregnancy.

I didn't have a bad weekend; it was actually somewhat nice. Unfortunately, my head was running a marathon of horrible images so I felt pretty miserable. The good news is, IT appears to be finally coming on, so maybe when it fully comes on, I'll feel a little better. I was about to lose it if it didn't come soon. This is ridiculous having to worry every month that I am never going to see it again.

And speaking of seeing....I haven't seen my commercial since last Sunday *sad face*

I started taking different probiotics last night. I know, I know, I said before I was never going to change them again after my experience with the ones from BJ's, but these are those ones I took last winter from Wal-Green's. I don't remember having any real trouble with them, so I figured I'd give them a shot again. I did forget about how when I started them, I was extremely congested for a few days. Hope that doesn't happen again. I had also questioned whether they were causing the cramping in my lower left abdomen....we now know they were not, since I continue to have it.

Getting my permanent crown this week finally. This temporary crown is driving me bananas. I am so worried about loosening it. Hopefully I won't feel as nervous once the permanent is put on. I am still pissed I had to have it done in the first place. I just wish I knew if I was going to be numbed or not. If they clean the tooth, I hope to God I am! And ugh, I am so ready for next weekend already. I plan on having a hunk of carrot cake. And I promise I will not throw it up. I've been doing good, haven't done it since Christmas (unfortunate I felt I had to do that). And dammit I am ready to go down the shore! I am ready to cram my face with shore food!

"Alien Days" just popped up on my iTunes. I watched that video the other day for the hell of it and it made me feel kinda.....sad. Especially the part when they're sitting at the table and are just looking at each other. Then I slapped myself across the face for having such, uh, alien feelings.

And another thing- I just realized it has been an incredibly long time since I have had an orgasm, minus waking up to them every so often. Jesus. No wonder I have been so grouchy. Unfortunately, I hurt something in my back earlier so getting one tonight is out of the question.

9:58PM: Just finally saw my commercial again! Yay!

Random Thoughts

As I have said, I have been pretty damn horny lately. Like maximum level horny. So I just decided to take care of some that and managed to have three pretty damn good orgasms. Particularly the last one. I think if someone else had managed to give me one that good, I probably would have inflicted some body harm from the intensity of it. But I started to cry after the first one, and even harder after the last one. I am so damn frustrated with not having love, and even more frustrated that I probably never will because I am so damn incompetent when it comes to relationships with other people. I know what will happen- I will become way too attached, fly off the handle at the slightest sign of abandonment, hate love hate love, become ridiculously anxious about something happening to the person and become overprotective, etc. I'm a fricking mess.

And then I started thinking about how I have mentioned several times before that I envy crush's and unrequited love's significant others. I don't think I should, but I do. Maybe it's a normal feeling, I don't know.  Mostly, though, I think it's not that I am really jealous but more because these people are significantly more attractive than me and it makes me feel really bad about myself (because I don't do enough of that already). And whether I have a chance with the person (real life) or a snowball's chance in hell (celebrity), it still fucking hurts like hell. But there still is no reason whatsoever for someone who is almost 30 years old to look at her celebrity crush's girlfriend and think Jesus, she is perfect, you will never be that tall, never that thin, never that gorgeous, never good enough, you should just go kill yourself already.

Every time I think I have finally fully comprehended just how fucked up my mind is, some new thought comes along and knocks me for a loop. Why is it I am fully aware that certain thought processes are wrong and fucked up, yet it still doesn't change the way I feel?

And one thing I do not understand is why I feel envious of a male crush's female significant other, but if it is another male, or if it's a female crush, I don't feel the least bit envy. I'd almost say it is because I can't compare myself to a male, but if a female crush had a female significant other, I still wouldn't feel envious. I don't know, I can't make sense of it.

Let's not get into how bad I am still feeling over the refusal to do a transvaginal ultrasound on me.

I have made one mention on here of Tamar Myers' Magdalena Yoder series. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue reading the first book I read, but I did. And I am actually on my eighth book. They're kind of silly, but they can be pretty funny. I like Magdalena's constant references to "sturdy Christian underwear". I don't know why that makes me laugh so hard, but it does. I pulled out a pair of panties the other day and immediately thought of the books. I don't wear sturdy Christian underwear, but in this day in age of thong thong thong thong thongs, they're pretty conservative (I wear low rise briefs, sometimes bikinis, depends on how fat I feel).

The latest one I am reading, though, Batter Off Dead, I am just not feeling it. Her psuedo stepdaughter Alison is really starting to get on my nerves. I know she is a teen, but her grammar (double negatives; so many double negatives) makes me want to chew nails. Magdalena's new found confidence is so damn annoying. And the hundreds of the references to breast feeding or about Magdalena's boobs being engorged.....oh my god who the hell cares?

I know there was something else I wanted to talk about, but....slipped my mind.

Random Thoughts

Damn, I have had mild cramping all day. It's on the left side right about where the ovaries show on a diagram. And it's been spreading to my back and down my left thigh. I am really starting to think something is going on with my women parts. I want to scream.

And one day I was thinking about having the transvaginal ultrasound and a horrifying though occurred to me- what if I have no trouble getting it in and in the midst of the test, I have an orgasm? I don't even know if that could happen, but lord, that would be embarrassing.

Earlier I ran to the market after lunch, figuring it would be somewhat safe since it was still during work hours. Not the case. The market was a madhouse. And when I was finished, I saw a checkout lane that was just finishing up with it's last customer and I started to walk up and this woman with a cart full of groceries walks right in front of me and goes in the lane. I had 4 items! And I am 98% positive the dumb cow saw me walking up to the lane. I hope her cookout is a disaster.

And when I was first in the parking lot, I stopped at the crosswalk to let these two older men, one using one of those ride on carts, and when they went by, they thanked me for stopping. I just kind of shrugged and smiled. Why wouldn't I have stopped? It's the law. I probably would have stopped anyway, but it just kind of made me feel bad that they thanked me. I don't know why.

Earlier I almost started a fight with my mother. My father had been cooking something and I had my tray of food on the counter, waiting to go in, and after he gets his out, he turns the oven off. And I started complaining and my mom starts nagging on me, that he didn't know blah blah blah. Well, there was a reason my food was sitting there! My bad. I forgot that it is only okay for her to ever talk bad about him. I am really getting tired of double standards, because I know damn well if my father had done the same thing to my mother, she would have thrown a bigger fit than I did.

And since my father got that diagnosis, it's worse. My mother babies him. And I guess I am clearly a horrible person, because I don't care what he was diagnosed with- if my husband treated me the way my father treated my mother, I would not raise one finger for him.

And I had a thought earlier- if something ever happens to my grandparents and my father dares tries to offer any kind of comfort or sympathy to me, I don't even know what I will do.

And since I am already making myself look bad, I may as well keep going. I am tired of hearing that story about that girl with cystic fibrosis and the lung transplant. Enough is enough. And it's all fine and dandy that she got lungs, but the whole story unsettles me. You can't get what you want, so you sue? How many other people have waited for organs and never got them? It just seemed all so convenient. The parents whined, sued, and next thing you know, the kid is getting lungs. I think there is something missing whenever this story is told on the news.

And of course the first day they announced she was getting lungs, I made a comment and my mother was right there defending, because she is one of those people who just things kids are just OMGZ so wonderful and special! And I said to her, "answer me this- if I was on a transplant list and it was either me or some kid, you would rather the kid get it than your own child?" and she said "well, that's a tough one". I just looked at her. I clearly don't have much respect for my own life and probably wouldn't bother with an organ transplant anyway, but nice to know my mother would rather an organ go to some brat she doesn't even know over her own child.

Ugh, I really do not want to go to this party. Really, really do not want to.

Random Thoughts

Ugh, I am sitting here and can feel that cramping starting up again. I can't quite describe what it feels like. All I know is it is across my back and lower abdomen, mostly focused on the left side, and it always starts right around the time I am probably ovulating and continues up until it comes on. Sometimes the pain spreads to my hip. It's an odd pain. It's not excruciating, but it is kind of annoying. It feels like a mixture of intestinal and menstrual cramps, more like the latter. And when I lay on my stomach, it intensifies somewhat and I feel like something is just sitting in there. I have no idea what is going on in my body, but I would like to know.

And speaking of pain, I guess I must have slept on my right arm and hand the wrong way last night. I was exercising earlier and when I went to lift weights, this sharp pain shot up through my hand and I almost dropped the dumbbell out of my hand. It kept up for about 10 minutes and then just stopped. But later on at night, I felt it again. It doesn't hurt when I type or anything. Weird.

Earlier I saw something that made me horny as hell. I practically bounced off the walls waiting for the Simpsons to get over so I could release some of the frustration. I had one orgasm. That's it. I always strive for 5 (there is something with me and the number 5, I can't explain why. If I am eating candy like M&M's or Reese's pieces, I always have to have 5. And saying "strive for 5" sounds just like the whole eat fruits and veggie things. Damn.), but today, despite how frustrated I felt, I somehow kept [whatever the female equivalent of cock-blocking] myself, and I could not get past that first one. I was so disgusted. And still frustrated.

FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

This is all I have to say about my day right now:















Tonight calls for orgasms. Multiple ones.

Webpage/Video Of The Day

Say hello to the latest Cheezburger page:

The Bros of Failblog: Celebrating Guidos, Bros, Frat Boys and Bro Culture

Pssst. *whispers loudly* The turtleneck picture is on there. Laugh, bitches! It's funny!

I can't believe I actually like another song by her:



This song is not good for a sex drive that is in overdrive. Music generally tends to have a big impact on my sex drive and let's be honest here- I'd say 99% of my sexual fantasies involve being the dominant partner and well, sadistic. I am such an introverted submissive passive person in real life that fantasies of being domninant tend to run amok, particularly when it comes to things of sexual nature. Listening to this song, however, has the direct opposite impact. This song makes me want to lay back and be completely submissive. Nothing rough or sadistic. The only other song I can think of that had a similar effect was "Cry Little Sister" by Gerard McMann. Surprisingly, as much of an impact music has on my life, I have never actually listened to music when doing my usual thing and I tried it for the first time tonight with "E.T." and would hold off until the "kiss me" part would come and let go from there and....OH. MY. GOD.

Random Thoughts

I saw an article earlier over in Dlisted about the new People magazine with Catherine Zeta Jones on the front cover and I had to laugh at this quote in regards to her diagnosis of bipolar disorder:

There is no shame in seeking help

Then why are you suddenly just coming to light with getting help for your alleged bipolar, Catherine? Where were you all the time before? Just suddenly diagnosed with it? Bipolar does not just spring up over night like a frigging zit. Oh, I guess it is easy to push people to get mental health care when you are loaded with money. Not when you are some poor little "common" person with shitty health insurance that limits your psychiatric and therapy visits to so many visits a year and increases your co-pay or doesn't even cover mental health care at all. Fuck you.

I hate celebrities. They are slapped with some diagnosis and suddenly turn into advocates and experts on the disease. Fuck celebrities and fuck the psychiatric world.

I was driving home from work earlier and I was thinking about having mental illness and I started to wonder- will I ever get to be truly happy? I mean, actual genuine natural occuring happy. Not happy caused by pills regulating brain chemicals or electrical shock therapy or whatever new thing the field of psychiatry creates to make a profit while destroying peoplep's brains. And I realized that no, I probably never will know what it is like to feel genuine happiness. And I felt like letting out a scream loud enough to break my car windows.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel like I am in a room I cannot escape from. Basically the worst prison imaginable. And I cannot, no matter what I do, get anyone to even get one inkling of understanding of what this nightmare is like. I just can't get through to anyone. I don't know how much more screaming I can do until someone finally HEARS ME OUT.

That last line reminded me of "Written In The Stars". I absolutely cannot get enough of that song. I downloaded it off of Walmart.com on April 7 and since then I have listened to it 279 times:









I absolutely love this song yet every time I listen to it, I just want to fall on the floor and cry. I mean, like loud howling sobs. I don't know why. It makes me sad for some reason. And I can't place my finger on why, but the line "but I will never change" always hits the hardest.

On another note, I was doing my usual thing on Monday night to pleasure myself and I made it to two orgasms and then I cannot remember what I thought of, but whatever it was it somehow caused me to [whatever the female version of cockblock] myself. I could not get anything at all afterwards. I was pissed beyond belief. The same thing happened on Tuesday night as well. The third orgasm is usually the best. I am talking *imitates explosion* It's fantastic.

Random Thoughts

HORRIFYING NEWS OF THE DAY! Out of curiosity, I decided to play around with an ovulation calculator to try to sync up particular symptoms I experience with my period and ovulation and apparently, I am at my most fertile right now. And since we all know I do not want any babies, I should not dare plan on or even contemplate having sex right now!

I almost fell on the floor and wept when I read that. The idea of me having a baby is just too horrifying. I don't understand why those closest to me still like to give me a hard time when I say I do not want children. They have seen me in action. Do they really think I would make a good mother? I know I won't. I want someone to tell me what exactly is wrong with knowing I would not make a good mother BEFORE I actually shoot out a baby instead of doing stupidly like so many idiots that get themselves knocked up AND THEN find out they make terrible mothers? I would so much rather regret NOT having a little snot than to have one and regret it.

Speaking of babies, we received an email in work the other day discussing plans for a baby shower for one of my coworkers. The people who are planning are basically demanding $25 from each of us. Now I am not hurting for money right now, but I do not want to put out that much money. I have much more important stuff in my own life to use that money towards than for someone I hardly know all that well. Frankly, I think they have a lot of BALLS to demand $25 from people in this economy. Then we are expected to bring food as well! Seriously- what the fuck?!

So the Sitch was near my neck of the woods on Friday night, at the Parx Casino. Would I liked to have gone? Sure. But unfortunately, the only way you'd get me in the same room as him is by force or by accident. Despite all of the oh you are so prettys I get and regardless of whether his vile treatment of women is for entertainment, I would stab myself repeatedly before I would ever voluntarily show my face to him. If Mike himself called me and told me he wanted to meet me, I still would not show my face to him. Those thoughts depressed me severely last night.

And as spacey as I have been lately, I could probably sit and have a 45 minute conversation with him and not even realize it was him. Unless he was flashing those abs of his. Which somehow I doubt I am worthy of being flashed the original Situation.

Why should I feel inferior around him anyway? I don't care if he is on one of the biggest reality shows on TV or how many things he is invited to or how much fucking money he is worth....he is still nothing. Is he really going to look back one day and be proud of what he is famous for? Which I have still yet to figure out what exactly that is. His abs? Big whoop. Walk on any beach and you can see tons of young hot toned male stomachs, many probably better looking than his. Is he smart? I don't know. Judging by his behavior on Durrrsey Shur, I'd give a big fat NO. He is dumber than a sack of bricks, by basis of the show. But is he really? I don't know. Part of me wants to say no, he is far from dumb. The other part wants to say no, he just got lucky.

And I may find him cute in some pictures, but every so often the voice of reason pops her head in and reminds me he is NOTHING to look at (in between her mission of trying to dethrone this bastard of his reign as supreme ruler in my world of celebrity crushes). He's greasy, an odd dresser, he's too top heavy, and frankly, he looks like he smells bad.

Speaking of the devil, over on the website TV Squad, every week I looked forward to reading the weekly recap of Durrrsey Shur because the article writer guy is just fantastic. I didn't expect one this week; however, he did write one and he wrote this gem of a sentence:

I thought the most interesting revelation, and accompanying assumption, was that Mike liked to dress his girls up just like him, and how narcissistic that was. The fact that he was sitting like he was visiting the gynecologist for a check up, and looked like a Muppet whose Muppeteer was drunk, made it all the more amusing.

I saw a couple minutes of it and Mike was, indeed, sitting like he was visiting the gynocologist. He always does. Every time I see him on TV, he is sitting with his legs spread apart like he is at the gyno. I already bitched about this before, of how I would like to climb into the TV with a megaphone and scream SHUT YOUR LEGS BOY or something of that nature.

And I am only about 5 months late in asking this, but why is his book called Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore? Isn't creeping like stalking? Actually I have no idea what it means because there is about a million definitions to it when I googled it and I certainly will not buy his book to find out what his definition of it is. Or rather, whoever actually wrote the book he is getting credit for. Wait, what am I talking about? We all know he spent hours slaving over a hot monkey brai- oops, Futurama is really starting to take over my brain- because we all know he spent hours and dedication writing this Pulitzer worthy novel. But hey, I will be honest- if someone gave me a copy, I might just read it. I am sure when I would actually sit down to read it, I will make it to about the first paragraph before I start screaming "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!".

I don't know why I would even bother reading it. It's not like I need lessons on how to creep on chicks, avoid grenades, and get my GTL on at the Jersey shore.

And what is this I hear about Rutgers havingthat cow Snookie speak at the school? I just can't with the whole college drop out NOTHING speaking at a college, so I'll go after the next outrage -$32 FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS?! From the student activity fees?! WHAT THE HELL, RUTGERS? I am very pleased to hear students and parents are outraged. Now I would not say I am human, but I like to think I resemble a little something closer to human than this orange retard, and if I was paid all that money and people were outraged by it, I would make sure to return some, if not all, of that money. That fat bitch isn't hurting. Celebrities really need to remember that their fans are a big part of making them who they are and it can easily be snatched away.

I don't know what I am missing something here, but I cannot fathom the "celebrities" of today that have this mentality that any publicity is good publicity. Are all of these people really and truly going to look back one day and be proud of their antics? I am not going to lie; there are some days- okay, a lot anymore- where I get so frustrated with my job and my life and consider throwing away all of the goodness (what little of it I possess) and morals and goody two shoe behavior. But then the voice of reason pops in her head again (she's a very busy girl anymore) and reminds me- would I really be able to live with myself down the line? Would it really be worth it?

And how do these people- with their clothing lines and books and fragrances and whatever other shit- live with themselves taking money for things that they probably had absolutely no hand in creating other than slapping their names and faces on the products?

And you know what really bugs the shit out of me? These people that watch these shows because they are "like watching a car wreck" and then stand there and bitch about the stars' astronomical pays. NEWSFLASH- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. You are part of it all!

And now that I have called the kettle black, I am going to go punch myself repeatedly.

I really need to get a handle on whatever is ailing me, because I am starting to get increasingly belligerent and it's bothering me. The way I have been speaking to people is awful. The only comfort I find in it is if I were to be admitted to the hospital, I have a little more of a backbone than the last time I was there and I will not keep my mouth shut like I did last time when the mental health technicians spoke down to me because if there is one thing in this world I despise, it is being talked to like I am 4 years old. And I keep flying off the handle over everything. I had a dress fitting on Friday and for two weeks I have been a nervous wreck about going back and trying on my dress and not much to my surprise, I could not breathe in the dress when I put it on. I have not gained weight and if anything, the scale was down a pound or two since my first fitting. So naturally I burst into tears and had a meltdown. And then trying to explain this shit to people who barely speak English and were not understanding me only frustrated me more. And forget even trying to get across to these women about having stomach problems and how you can wake up, have one cup of coffee, and your abdomen expands about 2 inches.

I need to get laid. I really do. But since I do not have a sex buddy, I need to just settle for the fact that I am in desperate need of an orgasm right now and I am just too damn tired to try to do so.

And for some bizarre reason, that whole sentence made me think of this scene from Family Guy:

Random Thoughts

Man, that half day of work today could not last long, could it?

Actually, work has been semi-pleasurable. Except for Monday when I had a minor blow-up. Now my boss's pet (we'll just call her BP from now on) was already on my shit list that day, seeing as every once a while I would go out and look at the shelf and more files would be missing, but the 3.25 inch one was still sitting on the top. So before lunch, I just say oh fuck it, guess it is mine and take it back. While I am on lunch, I see BP leave for the day. When I come back in, I find a small file sitting on my desk with a note attached saying "highlighted and stamped already, can you finish it?". I reread it and then said loudly "are you fucking kidding me?!". And then I look at the due date- November 17th. The fucking thing doesn't need to be back for more than a month. That is when I went apeshit. The one who gives me my work just looked at, said he doesn't work that way, and then I don't know what happened with it after that.

If it needed to be back this week or something, okay, yeah, I would have done, albeit with plenty of cursing under my breath. But November 17th? Hell no! There is absolutely no excuse she could not finish it another day. I rarely ever finish my work before I leave and I simply just leave it on my desk and finish it the next day. And somehow I have a feeling the little bitch still got away without doing it, which fucking infuriates me. She just gets away with everything.

I was reading an article the other day and someone happened to say that the female orgasm is a myth. I say, WHAT?! A myth? No way. An orgasm is an absolutely indescribable feeling. It's absolutely extraordinary. The physical feeling is actually kind of uncomfortable, but the emotional and mental feeling? Astonishing. If I could take a pill that consistantly releases whatever hormones are released during an orgasm, I would be the happiest person on earth. It is just incredible how I feel in that short span of time.