Random Thoughts

I was reading about that mass shooting in California yesterday and apparently the kid was pissed off about having little or no friends and being a 22 year-old virgin and girls rejecting him. Now I feel for him for that part. But you don't fucking kill or harm people over it.

I just read a Tartlr feminist's response to another person's response to the shooting....oh honey, the embarrassment I feel for you right now is almost embarrassing. Then again, this is the same person who complained about Andrew wearing sweatpants in a recent show, but once said she would defend leggings as pants to the death. LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

With all of these mass shootings that have started occurring over the years, you'd think people would stop and rethink bullying someone. Like a bully never stops and thinks oh if I bully this person, there is a chance they could decide to go batshit and kill me one day? Or is that what a life without fear and anxiety is like? You don't ever worry about that shit?

I often hear stories about people running into their bullies years after high school and the bullies apologize for how they behaved. If the kid who made my life a living hell in sixth grade ever apologized to me, I'd tell him to go rot in hell. Too little too late prick. And I hate when people get on me for allowing him to destroy my self-esteem so badly. I was 12 to 13 years old. Do you know what the self-esteem of a girl that age is like? Like super soft clay.

But knowing what the people I went to high school with were like and how they still act based on the alumni page (not one of them has changed the least little bit), I'd never get an apology. That big headed (literally and figuratively) asshole would still think he did nothing wrong. Oh no. I'm guessing calling someone a fat fuck and singing "Dude Looks Like A Lady" as she walks down the hallway is always an appropriate way to talk to a pre-teen girl.

I went out on a girl's (and one boy) night last night and it wasn't too bad. Until about almost 10 when I started to get that panicky feeling that I needed to get home or else. I was ready to have a meltdown. And a little before that, it was getting close to 9PM, the time I usually have dessert on the weekends, and I didn't have anything yet and I was about to have a meltdown. This shit is ridiculous, living every aspect of my life by the clock.

Also, I finally get a three day weekend and I hurt my back. OH JOY.

Things I Don't Get

A cousin of mine recently had a baby and on an almost daily basis, she whines on Facebook about how she needs to sleep or needs a night out or whatever. At that party I went to a couple weeks ago, I heard her admit to my mother that she wishes she had waited a little longer. She loves the baby, but feels her marriage isn't the same. But she was so desperate to have a baby!

All I ever hear are new parents whine about how much work it takes. Why does no one ever seem to realize how much it involves before they have a brat? Even I realize it takes A LOT of work to raise a baby. Like mind-blowingly a lot. Are people really that dumb? It's a human! A human that has absolutely no idea how to do anything! Why does no one seem to ever really think through having a child? Of just how much it involves?

I have thought a lot about what it takes to raise a child and I am not equipped for it. For one, I don't want to pass on my genes. Especially if I were to have a daughter, because the women in my family seem to get the brunt of health problems.

I would also be a physical and emotional wreck constantly worrying about something happening to the child. Most people are, of course, but it would be a thousand times worse for someone like me. If I had a child and he or she died, I would never be able to handle it. That is the one time I am absolutely sure I would commit suicide, because no matter how my child died, I would blame myself for it. I did something wrong to cause it to happen. And heaven forbid my child inherit my mental disposition and was to commit suicide. I would never forgive myself for it.

I also would not be able to handle knowing my child is being bullied. And bullying back in my childhood does not hold a candle to bullying today. Kids are vicious nowadays. I can't even nor do I want to even begin to imagine how much worse it would get in the future.

I also don't get this pain I keep getting across my upper back. And my stomach has been on fire. I have heartburn the past week, but haven't botherered taking anything. I woke up this morning with such a bad burning pain, and it was one of those pains where I knew if I drank water, I would have been in tears from the pain. I wouldn't be surprised if I have an ulcer. 

I keep saying I am going to end up with cancer somewhere in the digestive system, and it seems that I am the one who would be bringing it on. Why am I so noncompliant? I really don't know.

Random Thoughts

Ahhhh, finally that glorious day has come- Friday!

I have been noticing ever since that lousy death of that young man from Rutgers, bullying has become a very hot topic. Now everyone gives a damn? I was never bullied, but what I went through in sixth grade was close enough. Actually, it was more like borderline sexual harrassment. And I hate how people can stand there and nag that oh you can't let it bother you and you need thicker skin and oh you are just too sensitive and sticks and stones can break your bones and blah blah blah, but there is only so much one person can take. Do various structures not collapse once too much weight is placed upon them? And why the fuck can't people just get with the times already? It's not that hard to comprehend- being gay is not a choice!

I am a nasty person, but I guess there is still a sensitive side to me because I can't stand when some people are treated cruelly. I was reading an article in work about that Angelina chick from Durrrsey Shur and how mean everyone was to her. Now the one time I actually watched the show- okay! the several times I watched clips of it- she got on my fucking nerves. That voice, the excessive sleeping around.... oy (although I did laugh my ass off when she told Mike that he looks like a 40 year old man and that he should get Botox)! She seems like a world class skank. But if anything in this article is true (which, with someone like her, you kinda have to take with a grain of salt), wow. Just wow. Calling her fat? Come on. That is just ridiculous. That girl is not fat. And then in the comments section, someone actually said all of the girls were huge and fat. Come on! Snookie is the only girl on that show that could be remotely considered fat.

And I am shocked- SHOCKED- if Vinny actually said things like that. The rest of them? Not so much. Especially Ronnie. He puts me in the mind of someone who likes to go around calling people whales, but since he is pretty much a whale himself, I guess he really has no room to talk now, does he? But Vinny is supposed to be closest thing to human....like. What the hell, man?

I also keep coming across articles criticizing Bristol Palin on her weight and as much as I dislike that family, the comments are getting to be annoying. Yes, she is not "thin" but she is not that heavy. It's a sad day when I am actually kind of starting to feel sorry for the girl.

Back to the Shur article, I found this lurking in the comments:

he's only staying because of his popularity w/all those young, skanky gals who would bed him in a minute

I resent that. I am not skanky.

I went to a pizza place last night and there was a delivery boy there that reminded me of a skinny version of the Situation and I kept trying to look at him, but of course, every time I would sneak a peek, he would look at me and I would have to turn away real quick. I didn't want to get caught oogling him. But I did want to rip my clothes off and jump him behind the counter.

I found this link the other day. So the Sitch is a tighty whiteys man, eh? Oh myyyyyy.

I have been going nuts trying to find a clip of this Geico commercial I hear every once in a while in work. It has this British guy and it goes something like this:

You know what else is shocking? I'm not the gecko. Ah, you think just because I have a British accent and am talking about Geico that I am a little green gecko. Well, I'm not! I'm a human being! And you know what else is shocking? I wear pants! No, not tiny little lizard pants; big man pants!

It makes me laugh my ass off.