Random Thoughts

I keep seeing all of these parodies popping up on the internet of that "10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman" video. I am so glad people find it so fucking funny for a woman to be treated that way. I wonder how the men making all of these parodies would feel if it was their own female flesh and blood in that video. I bet they would be real thrilled.

Also, I am sick of seeing that "Ebola nurse". I thought we were finally done having to hear any more of her incessant whining, but then my local news talked about her last night. Bitch, you worked with Ebola patients. Stop whining and sit the fuck down already.

Last night I was in Target and I was looking at ice cream and I saw pumpkin pie ice cream (Market Pantry brand) and it was not only just 130 calories for a half cup, but it also said it had pie crust pieces in it, so I decided to buy it. Oh my god it is SO GOOD. Almost like a pumpkin pie Blizzard.

Friday night I must have been really tired, because I could barely stay awake past 1:30AM and except for waking up once to pee, I slept until 11:45AM. I haven't slept that late in a long time. And I was pissed because I missed Sea Rescue. And yet somehow I was still very tired all Saturday. I was also so damn moody and depressed yesterday I couldn't stand it. And then going out and seeing all of the Christmas decorations everywhere only made me feel worse. It would be nice if one goddamn Christmas season I could feel pleasant and not like wanting to end everything.

I couldn't even feel pleasant last week at Apple Fest. I felt miserable and depressed then, too. I am so damn tired of it. I just want to feel happy for once. Not that I even deserve to.

And speaking of Peddler's, every time I am in the Pine Wreath & Candle store, I always think of that time I was in there and heard "A Song Can Change Your Life" for the first time. I have been listening to that song a lot lately again. There is something about the line "we start to see the end of endless nights" that always gets to me. I don't really know why.

I feel like since That Thing came back into my life, I have been seeing a lot more stories in the news about paralysis. It might just be me paying more attention to it and there really aren't more stories, but either way you look at it, it's getting on my last nerve. I was doing a report on Friday and I came across the term "dermatomes", a term I have never heard, so I googled it. Not a term I needed to come across. Not that we see a lot of injuries like that (I think of the 3 years I have worked for that company, I have only seen maybe 3 cases at the most), but honestly, working in orthopedics is not a good thing for me, because it kind of just fuels the fire in that it gives me more access and opportunity to research this stuff. If I have an orthopedic website opened on my computer, I doubt anyone will really question it, because I do need to research stuff often.

I haven't done any research on spinal injuries lately, but I can't tell you how hard and torturous it is to resist doing it. I finally had to clear out both of my browser histories to make it less easy to access the information. Of course I can still go back to the websites and read up on it, but it's easier to resist when it's not right there in your browser history to bring up. It's very hard to resist though. Like having head to toe poison ivy and not being allowed to scratch it. Not that I have ever had poison ivy to know just how itchy it is, but you get the drift.

And going back to the abasiophiliac thing, one thing I always wonder is, how exactly do disabled people actually feel about it? Is it flattering? Offensive? I am guessing if I polled people, it would probably go both ways. If I had someone tell me they were attracted to my mental issues, I am not sure how I would feel about it. I don't think I would feel offended, but I also don't think I would feel too flattered, either. Probably more shocked, if anything. And maybe a little creeped out.