WHY

WHO says 'we cannot let our guard down' after China pigs study

Shit

I am starting to get really anxious that I am going to come down with the flu again.

I really hate Sunday nights. I hate going to bed when I am not ready to.

Also, it is snowing again. The temperature is supposed to rise and it is supposed to switch to rain, but it is still making me nervous.

Random Thoughts

So Thursday night I decided to get on my bike for 15 minutes. I did the same thing on Friday. Today I rolled out of bed at 11:45 (can I just say how nice it not only was to sleep in, but to actually sleep pretty damn good?) and got on my bike for 20 minutes, then later on I did another 10.

Over a week later and I am still not feeling well. Still have a tickle in my throat that is making me cough, still congested, still nauseous, still have a bad taste in my mouth that is making a lot of foods taste funny, still not much of an appetite. I think that last one was why I got on the scale today and was 120 pounds, down 3 pounds since the last time I was on there. 

And I am still feeling as depressed as ever. I have been feeling pretty damn miserable for the past few years but I don't remember feeling this bad in a long time. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in the house (preferably in bed). My grandfather's 90th birthday party is coming up in a couple weeks and I am not even looking forward to it. I have no interest in helping planning it or going out and buying things because I am just so goddamn exhausted.

I hate work and my coworkers so much right now. Especially my boss. She's still hacking like crazy and I swear every time I see her hacking, she isn't covering her mouth. Like you work in a medical office, have worked in several hospitals before, what the hell is wrong with you? COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. And yet I am not supposed to 100% suspect her of getting me sick? She told me the one day that she is tired of still feeling crappy and that last Monday (the Monday of the week I got sick) she was so fed up with it that she just decided the hell with it and came into work. I felt like saying oh okay, well, thanks to you doing so I ended up getting sick.

I don't understand why this is making me feel as bad as it is. It was just the flu. A flu that came and went pretty quickly without any complications. What is wrong with me?

What. The. Hell.

My God, am I off the wall today. I am so anxious and on edge and emotional. I kept breaking out on warm flashes, especially when I was talking with anyone. I am super nauseous and have the worst taste in my mouth. I decided to take soup for lunch and I always love this brand of chicken noodle and was looking forward to eating it, but when I opened the container I felt like puking from the smell of it. It didn't taste bad, but I felt like puking the whole time I was eating it. My coffee made me want to puke. I opened up a banana and felt sick to my stomach from the smell of it. Nearly everything I have eaten today has turned my stomach. I couldn't concentrate on my work for anything. I'm exhausted. The eyebrow area above my right eye is still hurting every time I move my eyes. The sock on my left foot drove me nuts the whole day.

I don't understand what is going on with me. It's not like I caught fucking Ebola or something. All I had was the flu that was at its worse 2 days tops. For the flu, I think I fared through it amazingly well and quick. Nothing severe. And it really rattled my nerves.

And I thought of something last night- is this sudden overabundance of anxiety from not exercising? I have never gone 4 days straight of not exercising. Maybe exercising was keeping my anxiety in check more than I thought. I can't stand it, I just want to get back to exercising.

Oh For The Love Of....

I am actually physically shaking right now thinking about going back to work.

Whenever I move my eyes around I have pain above my right eye so now I am worried I might have gotten a sinus infection. And because I can't leave well enough alone, I had to read up on sinusitis. And the complications that can occur from one.

Someone please shoot me already.

7:25AM: well, it's nice when you're supposed to be resting and taking it easy....and you barely slept the night before going back to work.

Random Thoughts

Thanks to getting sick, I forgot to mention that I did get paperwork to go have bloodwork done before my appointment next week and I was supposed to go Saturday morning but I felt so horrible I ended up having to go today. The order form was for my TSH+T4, estradiol, lutenizing hormone, and FSH levels. I have read that it's recommended to have certain hormones tested on the third day of your cycle, which I have already passed, but there was nothing specifying I had to have it done any particular time, so let's hope everything comes out okay. And thanks to being sick, my mind has not even thought much about menopause.

My temperature is still running in the 97 range, so I guess my fever has officially gone away. I just still keep getting a nagging cough and I am super congested. I can't even breathe through my nose right now. I have to breathe through my mouth and if I so much as even shut my mouth, I start feeling panicky and like I am going to suffocate. And my nose keeps running like crazy.

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I am feeling so anxious right now and my heart is racing about going back and relapsing or picking something else up.

And I swear, if one person says to me OMG WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU, I am going to flip my fucking lid. If you're that worried about me, that is what the phone or Facebook are there for!

Random Thoughts

A story just popped up on my Facebook newsfeed of how a girl's Ugg boots saved her foot from amputation after she was ran over by a car. I guess that will be more incentive for people to continue wearing those stupid ass boots.

It's amazing- you never know how hateful people are until they have a Facebook account.

When I went to bed last night, my temperature was at 97.9. It was the same when I woke up this morning, although my mom said I still felt warm. It pretty much stayed around that temperature all day and I haven't felt achy or anything all day, just have a nagging cough and congestion. Before I got in the shower earlier, it was 97.2 and then a little while later it was up to 98.0. And my mother just said I felt a little warmer than I did earlier. This is frustrating not knowing how accurate my thermometer is and whether I am actually running a fever or not.

And having anxiety and getting sick, especially when you're someone who very rarely gets sick, is not a good combination by any means. I am starting to feel anxious over how long it's going to take for this to go away and I am going to feel very anxious about exerting myself or being around people for fear that I am going to end up sick again or catch something else. I also made the mistake earlier of reading an article on Yahoo earlier called "Got The Flu? Here's When To Head To The ER" that talked about developing sepsis with the flu. Not a good idea by any means, because now I have myself all stressed out that I am going to get sepsis.

I said something to the nurse yesterday that my boss was sick and I think I might have gotten it from her and she said that while it was possible, I also could have picked it up from anywhere and hearing that was enough to rattle me. Now I have never found my OCD problems to revolve around germs, but this is enough to start me down that path. If I could pick something like this up that easily just being out in public, what the hell other illnesses could I pick up?  

Ugh Ugh Ugh

Well, my horrible feeling didn't go away yesterday and I was aching everywhere and coughing some and my temperature had climbed into the 99 range. Woke up today and felt even worse, took my temperature and it was 100.8. Went back to sleep, woke up and took it again and while I was in the midst of taking it I started to feel nauseous and light-headed and like I was going to black out and had to lay down on the bathroom floor until the feeling passed. My temperature was still 100.8. I finally decided to go to a walk-in clinic and was confirmed to have the type A flu. Oh freaking joy. The nurse also had asked me what my temperature had read and I told her and then she took mine and said that she didn't think my thermometer was very accurate and that my temperature was actually 101.9.

I'm so disgusted. I can't even remember the last time I was sick like this, but it's been an incredibly long time. And I am worried how contagious I am and whether I will get anyone else sick, even though everyone in my family has all had the flu shot. Plus, my whole weekend is shot. It was cold today, but a really nice day and I had to stay in the whole day. And not being able to exercise is aggravating me and I probably won't be able to exercise for about a week. Oh, and I have to stay home at least Monday. Yay, I love using my personal time for being sick.

And I'll tell you something else- I will never refuse to get a flu shot again.

8:19PM: took my temperature around 7 and it was 99.2, so some good news (I guess, now that the accuracy of my thermometer has come into question). I took ibuprofen as soon as I got home from the clinic and 2 hours later, took some Tylenol, then 2 hours after that I took ibuprofen again, so maybe that is what is helping. I also no longer feel as achy.