Video Of The Day

I don't know why I have been loving this song so much lately:

Video Of The Day

Another song I know strictly from Radio 104.5...."Letters From The Sky" by Civil Twilight:



Such a sad song. If someone wants to bring me to my knees and howl, play the part when he wails "only here" (2:07). More times than I can count have I bawled to that part.

Random Thoughts

Finally it is Friday again!

I have had such an irritating day, I could scream. It seemed like almost everything I attempted to do today malfunctioned or was just plain wrong. The scanner stopped working at one point and wasn't being read by my computer and I thought oh holy day! It's finally happened! The poor thing finally burned out. But I got it working again. Then my keyboard stopped working at one point and I had to restart my computer and it was fine. And a whole host of other shit happened.

But the ultimate came after lunch, when I did something so monumentally stupid I cannot even bring myself to mention what I did because every time I think of my stupidity, I want to scream. I can finally say I understand what people mean when they want the earth to open up and swallow them. And I am so mortified by my stupidity, I cannot even bring myself to talk to someone about it, even though I need to, although if my friend Sam didn't drop off the face of the earth, I certainly would have came home and immediately pounded out an email to him about it.

It has been over a year since I heard from him and it is still bugging the shit out of me of what happened to him. Did I do something wrong? Did something happen to him? I don't know, I more than likely will never know, it annoys me not knowing, and it annoys me even more knowing that I probably never will know what ever happend with him.

Video Of The Day

YouTube - Depeche Mode - Suffer Well (Video)

Random Thoughts

I am so sick and tired of snow, I could scream! Wasn't last winter enough, for God's sake?

We had a pretty hefty snowstorm last night. The news said we received like 9 inches of snow or something, but judging by what I (and my parents) spent 4 hours shoveling, it was more than a foot. And it was such a big old mess, I had no choice but to call out of work.

I was doing some research on slow transit constipation earlier, because apparently that is what I have been diagnosed with as of now, until maybe one of these days I can get a colonoscopy, where nothing will be found and I will just be slapped with the vague generic diagnosis of IBS, and a lot of people have had surgery for it. And I was absolutely horrified at some of the shit I was reading. I'd say on almost every webpage almost every person who has said surgery sang praises of it despite all of the complications and you know what? That is still not enough for me to ever consider it. I might be miserable now with a malfunctioning digestive system (my stomach produces too much acid, my intestines produce too little crap), but would I exchange that for whatever side effects and complications of a partial or total colectomy? No fucking thank you.

I am just beyond fed up with this. We all know I have serious self-image problems and when my stomach acts up, it shows up on the scale. This morning I was 2 or 3 pounds heavier than Saturday and I know damn well I have not eaten bad enough to gain that much weight. And despite knowing that when my stomach acts up, it affects my weight and more than likely is not true weight gain, I still freak out and panic that I gained actual weight. Which is what I am doing now. I am absolutely bugging out at what the scale said. I can't take this. And to make matter worse, I am becoming a slave to the scale. I am getting on about 2 times a day and even knowing that weight flucuates, the illogical part of my brain still causes me to flip out. Just like what I talked about here in the last paragraph. There seems to be this thing in my brain that attempts to override my logical thinking. And for some reason, I picture it looking like the Lamisil monster.

Does any part of my body function properly? Let's see:

- My brain doesn't
- I'm horribly nearsighted
- My ears are constantly clogged and popping (more than likely eustachian trouble)
- I have a deviated septum and nose trouble
- I have acid relux
- I grind my teeth
- I supposedly have a heart murmur (that remains to be seen- I was diagnosed with it by a cardiologist, but an ultrasound said I did not)
- I'm fucking constipated all the time and nothing helps
- I have unmentionable troubles with my bladder and prone to infections
- my uterus puts me through hell during that time of the month
- I have a crap back

I think that is it? Okay, so my kidneys, lungs, liveralone, gallbladder....am I missing anything?....all seem to function okay. Knock on wood. Seriously. But those few issues alone is enough to really bring me down. Looking at bad or no treatments for most of them, most of the time I feel like I should commit suicide. But then again, it doesn't take much to convince me to say the hell with it. It's sad how little value I place on my life. I hear these stories of these people who end up with these horrible infections that cause multiple amputations and they're all holly fucking jolly that oh no they lost all their limbs, but by golly they are still alive! A few months ago, I heard this story about this lady who literally lost half her fucking body due to an infection from giving birth and she was all ho ho ho I am still alive though. Not to be mean, but I just laugh at these people. Really? They are truly happy? Not me. I'd rather be fucking dead.

So many days I am just ready to throw in the towel. I'm not depressed right now, but I am just cranky and tired. I always have this feeling that if I were to ever commit suicide, I would probably be absolutely elated, probably at the full height of a manic episode.

Random Thoughts

Ugh, every time I think people couldn't possibly get more annoying, I get proven wrong.

Something went on with that girl from work today and she was in the boss lady's office for a very long time (leading me to be one cranky little bitch at not having any work to do). I don't know how her Facebook postings were brought up to the boss lady, but they were and....you know, I really have no idea what the hell went on because whenever anyone explained it to me, they whispered and I can't hear worth a shit, so I missed most of the stories. But anyway, I came home to find myself defriended on Facebook and all I could think was, really? She defriended me?

Okay, so everyone complained to the boss lady about her and while I did my fair share of bitching, I never complained to my boss about her. It takes a lot for me to bitch to a boss about something. In fact, I just did my first actual bitching yesterday. Other than that, I tried to stay out of it. I always try to stay out of office politics, but somehow, I always get drug into them. This happened at my last job. I got drug into the fued between the girl who trained me and our assistant manager (or whatever she was). And once again, here I am, drug into the middle of drama.

I only have one response to this whole, um, situation:

A Third Quote Of The Day

I swear, they just keep on coming today. TMZ member haha on MTV:

Yeah, once upon a time in the good ole days, MTV used to play music videos. One day, an interesting little show called The Real World was born. The Real World was just a snowflake before the avalanche.

Soon, MTV didn't play videos anymore and the children of the kingdom cried. "Don't worry," said MTV's mommy and daddy, "We're having a baby!" And they named her MTV2-where the music's at. And the children were happy.

Sadly, their joy would not last, for it wasn't very long before MTV-where the music's at started to look and act just like her big sister.

And all the poor music loving children of the land were left with was MTV-where the music was and MTV2-where the music used to be.

The End

*sniffs* That was beautiful, man. Absolutely beautiful.

I don't know about the rest of you, but in addition to MTV, MTV2, MTV Jams (which plays jams all day long) and some Spanish MTV channel (which is basically like regular MTV, but with Spanish music and Spanish reality shows), we have MTV Hits as well, which does play music ALL OF THE TIME. HOWEVER....judging by whatever is on there whenever I turn it on (generally some variety of crunk or Katy Perry) , I'd rather MTV not play music ever again.

Another Quote Of The Day

From this article:

If I can feel the bass thumping from your car in my chest as you drop your kids off, I can only think this is not OK for your kids' ears. Particularly if said bass is accompanied by lyrics about bustin' caps, pimpin' hos and icin' whitey.

I keep getting bad cases of the giggles today. These comments left in response to this cracked.com article still have me laughing my ass off:




















I am not even going to discuss what immediately popped into my head at that last one.

Four sweaty naked men in a sleeping bag....*spaces out*

Anyway, and the one that almost made me lose it completely (I believe I laughed for, at the very minimum, 20 minutes straight) was this retweet on Joel McHale's Twitter page:

Quote Of The Day

One of my favorite lines, from one of my absolute favorite movies of all time, Clueless:

Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt anybody would miss you.

What a great line. Probably something I would say to a potential suitor of my child as well.

(Another) Quote Of The Day

This was in the comments section of this article:

pardon the previous comment's grammer - I'm typing this while driving a small bus full of handicap children down an icy, twisting mountain road.

Quote Of The Day

From "April In Quahog":

Man: All right, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna ask you a series of questions to determine whether or not you can be impartial jurors. First off, do any of you have any prejudices you feel the court should know of?
[Peter rises his hand]
Man: Yes, you sir.
Peter: Ants. I hate ants.
Man: What?
Peter: That's right, you heard me. I'm an ant hater. Just like my daddy and his daddy before him. So, if this is an ant trial, forget it. No way I'm gonna be fair. Always making those cocky little hills. Moving around all single file and stupid. All ganging up and walking my pie off the picnic blanket.

Picture Of The Day

I read this article on Cracked.com and when I came across the picture of Vinny in the hot tub doing God doesn't even want to know, I had to (try not to laugh at the poor Paintshop job):














Is he seriously putting mini-Vinny in the jetholes?

I love the Forever Alone Guy. That's me. Alone. Always. Forever alone.

Song Of The Day

The full version of the Futurama theme song:

Random Thoughts

Right now I am torn between just mindlessly rambling as usual or throwing a pity party. But those pity parties tend to simultaneously leave me feeling relieved and also incredibly depressed. But while I am deciding, I have come to the conclusion that I need to take a lesson from Stewie Griffin. I was watching Family Guy one night and it was one of the episodes where he has one of his sexy parties and I thought, you know, it would be absolutely fantastic if I could just get a bunch of hot shirtless men together *cough* and have one of those sexy parties. And whenever I am feeling lonely or I am super horny or just for absolutely no reason at all, I could just yell "this calls for a sexy party!" and all the men will come running. Maybe I'll flash a signal up in the sky like the Bat-Signal in Batman, except it will be the male symbol or a penis or something. Now then. The big decision is, do we dance around to the same music Stewie has in his sexy parties or do we dance around to "So Many Men" by Miquel Brown? Jesus. What in the hell am I even talking about?

I'm beating a dead horse here, but once again, the overwhelming loneliness feeling is rearing its ugly head. I don't know where or who to turn with it. It's reaching suffocating levels and I am afraid of what I might do if it gets too overwhelmingly suffocating.

Random Thoughts

Thank God it's Friday! Although I am sure Monday will rear its ugly head in no time.

I had a busy as shit day in work today. I came very close to picking up the phone and calling the hospital and telling them to hold me a room because I would be showing up after work. Someone- we will not mention any names- was driving me up the wall.

My coworkers and I were discussing another coworker on Wednesday because frankly, we are all tired of her shit. She comes in late, leaves early, and generally does not do her work the way she is supposed to. And the boss lady just let's her get away with it and when the BL was confronted about it by one of my coworkers, her answer to the complaint was so unbelievable I cannot even repeat it for fear I might go out into the kitchen and stab myself from the unbelievableness of it. We had a delayed opening on Wednesday. We all came in at 10 and left our normal times. She rolls in at 11 and leaves at 3. The minute we found out she left, we all went apeshit.

I think I know why she isn't being fired. Judging by the comments she has been making lately, a little thing called the race card will rear its ugly head if she were to be fired. No. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that YOUR WORK ETHICS FUCKING SUCK, you dumb cunt.

And sometime during the conversation, I found out she had sent a demeaning email about me to our boss. See, once upon a time, a certain job task was delegated to the person in her position, then one day my boss decides to delegate it to me. And sometime after that she delegated it back to my coworker. And failed to tell me. So I was still doing it every once in a while and eventually my coworker said something to me. But just being the oh so nice person I am, I still gave her a hand every so often when I would see it building up or I was reaching the point where if I had to organize one more file, I was going to stick my finger an the electrical socket. Well, apparently that does not fly well with her, for someone to give her a hand. So she ratted me out to the boss, saying I "do not understand" my job description or some other bullshit. I was livid. I flipped out. This coming from someone who basically makes her own schedule and does whatever she fucking feels like. I never knew much of what her work ethic was like until I was given a new job. My work depends largely on her work. And I like to get my work done. Because I am an anal retentive cow. And when my work starts suffering due to someone else's laziness, then the short tempered Neopolitan in me comes out. Which she has seen a brief glimpse of back when this happened.

No, honey, I understand my job description perfectly fine. I was just raised by parents who taught me how to be a team player and to help others out in the workplace if it seems like they need it, despite the fact that almost no one in that place ever bends over to fucking help me.

It's bad enough when she sent me an email before lecturing me on the job I was doing. Well, you know what? I work with what I am given! I can't help it if the shelves are packed to the brim. And my back is crap after doing that damn project back in the spring. But to say I don't understand my job description? You know what? My job description has that as part of my job. I thought she was cool with me and apparently she is just like the rest of the assholes in the world.

God I hate people. Is there anyone I can trust? And I have just about had it with the double standards. Shit I would never get away with in work others do. It's fine for everyone else to do shit, but if I do it, I get in trouble. If I bad mouth someone, the other person immediately defends said bad-mouthed person. But the person who I said the negative comment to can say the same thing and everything is fine and dandy (example- I can say something negative about my father to my mother, she will defend him, and not long after she will say the same negative thing.)

Ugh, I am getting annoyed with people and my weight. I went to dinner with my sister earlier and we were discussing her wedding and she says to me "you don't plan on losing any more weight do you? Just maintain? Otherwise your dress will be gigantic again" (I had to exchange my bridesmaid dress for a smaller size because my first dress almost fell to the floor every time I put it on). She is about the fourth or fifth person to say that to me and it is really starting to piss me off. Not one single person has said anything to her about not losing weight. No one says to her "oh you don't want to lose too much weight and have your dress be too big". Noooo. Only me. Why only me?

Speaking of craziness, I went to see Black Swan last night and....well, it was interesting. That girl on girl scene was something. I won't deny it- I would almost say it was kinda hot. Mila Kunis is very attractive. I was a fan of That 70's Show back in like 2005 or so and I kinda had a girl crush on her then. All in all, aside from the asshole teenagers who sat behind us that (we draw them, I swear) didn't stop giggling the entire movie, it was pretty good. I generally enjoy movies where the main character has a severe case of the batshit. And Nina certainly fullfilled that. Hell, I felt almost entirely sane during and briefly after watching that movie. It felt fantastic.

I saw this preview for some movie and the trailer played "Panic Switch" and I have to say that song is absolutely fantastic at ear shattering decibels. Too bad the movie it was playing for looked so profoundly stupid, I wanted to kick some random person's (the 4 teenagers behind us) ass for it.

Okay, so it should be pretty clear by now that I am not a child person. I guess it's a little extreme to say I hate kids (not that the words have never slipped from my mouth), but I do not like many. Well, one that pisses me off- and I think I may have brought this up before- is the child centric mentality of this country! A tragedy is terrible, but should it involve a child, then it's OMG so horrible. Take, for example, the recent shooting in Arizona. I know 6 people have died. But the only one I hear about is the 9 year old girl. I know absolutely nothing about the other victims. Why do those other victims not deserve the same amount of attention? Look, I can understand that losing a child would be horrible. I would be beside myself if I had a kid and something happened to it. But I would be just as grief stricken if the same thing happened to a family member.

Now I have had well over 100 oz of diet Coke today so I am a bit jumpy and extremely hyper. I was going through the channels and The Wendy Williams Show was on and the Situation was one of her guests, so I left it on for a few minutes. The first thing that came to my mind was, his face looks like it's getting fat. The second thing I thought was, it's absolutely terrifying what I would let him do to me. If he told me the only way he'd screw me is by doing it up the ass, I would silently pull down my pants and bend over. And I would never ever do anal sex under normal circumstances because I believe nothing, absolutely nothing, should ever be inserted into that area (One time when I was going through a really bad bout with constipation, I finally couldn't take it anymore when even ex-lax wasn't working and bought an enema. However, it still took several days for me to finally break down and allow somone to give it to me. And then the first time I went to the GI doctor, my mom decides to inform me the day of the visit- which I suspect was on purpose so I couldn't cancel- that they do rectal exams on the first visit. I almost died. And yes. Yes I did have to have one.). If he came into my work place and told me the only way he would do me is on top of the file shelf in front of everyone with "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship blasting (the fuck?), I would turn up the radio, rip my clothes off, jump on the shelf and let him screw my brains out. All I know is whatever I allow him to do to me, I want it rough. Somehow, though, I have this sneaky suspicion that sex with him would be largely unsatisfying and utterly disappointing.

I'm telling you right now the only two things that I know for an absolute fact I would not do with him- sleep with him in that house and sleep with him on TV. No way. I have no desire for fame. And I would not tell a soul, not even my own family, if I did sleep with him. Well, until the first signs of an STD show up. Then I might say something to my sister and even that would be vague.

God, I really do have problems, don't I?

*points thumb into corner* I think I'll just go sit in the corner and cry for the next 4 hours.

The Awesome Of The Day

Knucklehead News: Are Little Green Aliens Real? – 98.1 WOGL

A Futurama picture? That's just...it does....

THAT'S IT. The Breakfast Club can do no wrong. EVER.

Quote Of The Day

A tweet from Joel McHale's Twitter account:

East Coast: I whipped up 26,000,000 gallons of hot chocolate 4 your cold night. Anybody have 10 million gallons of Bailey's 2 spike it with?

Video Of The Day

The Professor and his Angry Dome!



I so want one of those. At home and in my closet office at work. I really could have used one today.

Video Of The Day

I know this song from, believe it or not, a commercial that was played several years ago for The Fairly Oddparents. Took me forever to find out who sang it:

Quote Of The Day

From "A Pharaoh To Remember":

Bender: (in reponse to the eulogies read at his "funeral") Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap! I croaked, now show me some love!

Bender: Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job. Master? Do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one. Or better yet one-half?
Osiran: Good idea, slave. [He whips Bender and counts quicker.] One-half, pull! [He whips them.] One-half, pull! [He whips them.]
Bender: Now we're slavin'!

Random Thoughts

This unrelenting feeling of loneliness is starting to just annoy me now. I really can't stand it. Face it- I have never been in a relationship. We all know that. I am fucking starved for one. It is starting to reach dangerous levels. To the point where I have to fear if a cute guy just as so much glances at me sexily, I am going to rip my clothes off right then and there and scream at him to fuck me or else. Or even worse, I will sleep with the first guy who asks me if I want to fuck. I am starting to get to the point where I am about to go hunt down some random stranger in places a socially inept retard (oh noes!) like me would never normally venture near just to get laid.

I feel sorry for the man who takes my virginity. A 27 year old sexually frustrated virgin with sadistic fantasies? I pray he has good health insurance.

One day I would like get all of my coworkers into the conference room and say to them "I have one simple question- how in the hell old are all of you?". Most of my coworkers are quite a bit older than me and they all act about 15. Petty backstabbing gossiping bitches. The two worst are 32 and 36 years of age. One has two kids, the other has one on the way. This is exactly why I hate office work. Most of the time the large majority of the workers are women and they are all backstabbing bitches. I have worked in enough offices to know that all too well. Really now. If I wanted to deal with this teenage shit on a daily basis, I would re-enroll in high school.

Just as I expected, the machine I use in work started making noise on Friday. Not really surprised. I have been using it nonstop for a few days and I have been waiting anxiously for it to start smoking and then burst into flames (I swear, if that had happened, I would have laughed until I choked to death). So I said something to my boss and apparently we might be getting a better one. Which means- oh noes- "the man" is going to have to put out even more money, instead of just not being so fucking cheap and spending a hell of a lot of money for a bigger machine in the first place. I mean, really. These people are so goddamn cheap they make me look like a spendaholic.

I was annoyed on Wednesday because it was the first day I was doing this job and my boss decided to have a meeting and then she told me I already knew pretty much everything she would talk about so I need not come. Then a little while later, she changed her mind. I spent 40 minutes in a meeting that, as expected, I already was well aware of all of the information given. At one point, I just said I had too much to do and can I get back to work. I cursed up a storm as soon as I got out of the meeting room. Really? Why did I have to go? It was a waste of my time! And I was also getting annoyed because at one point, one of my coworkers started making jokes about "the man" and while I would never defend him and probably agree with most of them, when the jokes start turning homophobic, then I get annoyed. And they did. I don't know why my coworker gets a gay vibe from him. I just get a giant asexual asshole vibe.

Jesus Christmas! How could I forget about this?!:

Aretha Franklin: 'The Problem Has Been Resolved' | PopEater.com

She's okay! The Queen of Soul (and boobies) is okay!

*bursts into tears, falls on knees, and throws hands in air* Hallelujah!

An Angry Letter To Sarah Palin

Dear Sarah:

The Daily What

You and your supporters are a bunch of sick motherfuckers. Hit lists? Really?

See you in hell one day, bitch, although I am sure I am not even evil enough to go to the level of hell you will be going to.

Quote Of The Day

From this Cracked article:

But of course in the prequels, we see that eternally prepubescent voice of Anakin Skywalker gets injected with a full dose of James Earl Jones after a well-deserved lava bath in Revenge of the Sith. This was such an improvement to the character that we kind of wonder why Jake Lloyd didn't immediately fling himself into lava the moment he appeared on screen in Episode I.

Quote Of The Day

From Futurama episode "Anthology Of Interest":

Bender: Hey, I called this city! Quit touching my stuff!
Zoidberg: Tell it to claw.
[He holds up his claw to Bender.]
Bender: Bite my colossal metal ass!

Farnsworth: (to Leela) That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die, you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh my yes. Incredibly wealthy. The day I die. Because you're so unimpulsive.

The last one is funnier when you actually hear the Professor say it. I think he goes on for about 10 minutes. Plus, he says "oh my yes". I love when the Professor says "oh my yes".

Random Thoughts

I don't know what came over me yesterday, but I was fine most of the day and then I was hit like a ton of bricks by this horrible depression. I was always someone who prided myself on being single, but I can no longer deny that it is really starting to get to me now. I felt so goddamn lonely yesterday it was unbearable. I want a relationship, but I have never been in one so I am absolutely terrified of obtaining one, mainly because I really am clueless on how to build one. I think I will be so worried about having my heart broken that I won't really ever be able to put the effort into that I should. Plus, is there really someone out there who will be able to love me just the way I am? I try to think I am not that bad of a person, but hell, I can't even put up with me most of the time.

For some reason, I thought back to high school about all of the guys I would have given the world for, but could never be bothered with me. Not one freaking guy was interested. And it is still the case. I pulled up to work today and saw that the group of guys was in and I thought, ooh, maybe the cute one is in. And sure enough he was. And guess what I found out today? Apparently, he is married now. My response when an acquaintence told me was simply "of course he is". I never would have pursued anything anyway, even if he was single, but I still couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. And silly! I always wore something other than scrubs on the days I saw they would be in just in case he was one of the ones in and some other little things to try to get him interested. All for nothing. I am sure my actions were pretty pathetic anyway.

What a naive idiot I was, to think someone like him would ever flirt with me. God do I suck.

"The man" was in today and everyone waits until it's almost time for me to leave to teach me how to do something. It's going to be a freaking joke. Really and truly a big freaking joke. Figures. Just when I was starting to feel somewhat content with my job. Now it's going to probably suck big time. I was so frustrated and annoyed that I was seriously thisclose to saying fuck this and walking out the door. This job is going to be impossible to do. For one, it's going to take forever. And I cannot stand being talked to like I am 5 years old and I also cannot stand for someone to try and argue with me over something I know from using the goddamn machine every day!

At one point, "the man" made subtle remarks about me finding something else to do while the computer was under remote control. Something I could do outside the computer. Certainly; I can fist pump you in the face, I wanted to say. I am sure that would have went over very well with him. I would have more than likely been fired right on the spot, but I am sure with the way I was feeling, I would have said "all righty then!" and cartwheeled out of the building.

My coworkers would have liked that. The punching in the face, that is.

Quote Of The Day

From Family Guy episode "Don't Make Me Over":

Peter: Stand aside. Its time for me to fufill my fatherly duty. HAHA I said duty! But no time to laugh about it now!

Random Thoughts

Happy belated New Year!

It's absolutely amazing. This is the first New Years in many years I did not end up in my bedroom sobbing after the ball dropped. Brain, whatever is going on up there....keep it up. Please.

I don't remember why I was discussing high blood pressure with someone one day, but it made me think back to the day after I was admitted to the hospital. A nurse came and told me the dietician would be coming and talking with me due to my blood pressure being a little high when I was admitted (they do all kinds of fun shit when you are admitted to a crazy place- temperature, weight, height, BP. Make you strip down to your underwear and shake out your bra and underwear. Yes. Because my method of suicide*, which was spelled out clearly to the crisis counselor, would have fit into any place in my body.). Let's review all of this for a second. I am stressed to the point of being suicidal over the ideation I have MS. I am told I have to "voluntarily" admit myself to a psychiatric hospital for 96 hours (after being told by my therapist at the most a 48 hour hold) or else I will be taken to an ER by a cop and more than likely involuntatily admitted. I had to strip down to my skivvies in front of some cow who I don't know from Adam.

Hm. Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I certainly cannot see any part of that story that would be the reason behind my blood pressure skyrocketing.

*carbon monoxide poisoning by stuffing my car exhaust pipe

My mother has a big mouth. Both Friday and Saturday my sister was around and the four of us went to dinner on Saturday and my mom starts telling me this story about guess where "my girlfriend" went and I demand to know which girlfriend she is referring to and she says Elisabeth Hasselcrack (her being "my girlfriend" is news to me) and apparently she went to Seaside or something and saw Snooki (or something) and then my dad mentions about one of the guys being arrested and my mom goes "oh is that your boyfriend who was arrested?" and my sister goes "who is your boyfriend?! Ronnie?!" and I said "no!" and then she says "who is it? Mike "the Situation"?!" and looks to my mom, who says "I don't know his name" and then my sister says "he was the one on Dancing With The Stars" and my mom goes "oh yes!" and it turned into this whole big fiasco of my sister laughing hysterically and telling me she now can hold this against me whenever I and I quote "make me feel guilty for watching Jersey Shore" and making some comment about how greasy looking he is (which he is. Good God, I saw Durrrsey Shur on one night and it was just him in that side panel thing putting words together and his face was so fucking shiny. I shouldn't laugh at this, but it's fun to laugh at him). I swear to God, she didn't leave me alone about it for about 2 hours. When we got home she was still ribbing me about it and I went off to use the bathroom and all I heard was loud guffawing and when I came out, the new issue of the TV Guide was in my place at the kitchen table and it was opened to the cast picture and she drew a heart above him. I slammed it shut and yelled "oh you can all kiss my ass!". That only made everything worse.

This is exactly why I told my mom to never say anything to her.

Ugh, my right wrist hurts. I am certainly not looking for it, but I keep waiting for the day when carpal tunnel syndrome rears its ugly head on one, or both, of my wrists.

Speaking of ugly head rearing....I swear, I will never agree to be part of a bridal party again. The one bridesmaid who I anticipated wouldn't do shit is not disappointing. My mother went ahead and planned the bridal shower without really discussing it with anyone else, although to be fair to her, every time we tried to get the phone numbers of the bridal party, we were pretty much ignored. But she was so goddamn determined to book the shower because my cousin's daughter decides to book her wedding a week after my sister's, so my cousin is harassing my mother wanting to know when the shower is. I told her fuck my cousin (who is also my "godmother") and fuck my second cousin. But my mother makes the plans anyway and puts me in the absolute awkward position of having to inform the other bridesmaids that oh my mom planned part of the bridal shower. And now my mother wants to get the invitations out and no one is giving us addresses and she is getting all over me about it. I don't know what to tell her to do! Everyone keeps promising us addresses and no one is providing them to us. Never, ever do I want to do this again.

I started this entry off in a great mood. But now I am getting really freaking cranky because I am freezing my ass off, my mother has been on my ass all day, and I realized something that was supposed to be lighthearted and fun is starting to turn into something I am taking a lot more seriously than I wanted. And it's bugging the hell out of me.

I can't go through it again. I just can't.

I don't understand my brain at all. It's like my brain is working as two different sides. One side lets me know it is ridiculous for something to bother me, but then the other side battles with it. Goddammit, it is really hard to explain something without going into detail. Oh wait, I know a good example- the guy I was head over heels for a couple years ago. I knew deep down I never really had a chance with him and frankly, I didn't know him really all that well. I think I was more in love with an image of him. But I was so freaking devastated to find out he was engaged. And I knew I was being ridiculous and I even said it out loud repeatedly and yet I still could not help bursting into tears whenever I saw him or any wedding stuff. Why did I know I was being ridiculous, but I still reacted irrationally? I have never been able to solve that mystery.