Random Thoughts

Like I'm sure many others are, I'm Covid-exhausted. I'm tired of hearing about it on the TV, seeing it on the internet, talking about it, worrying about it. God, just go away already.

I'm also sick of celebrities. Yes, the general population so needs lessons on how to stay home from overpaid egotistical assholes with 10,000 square feet mansions. Take several seats and STFU.

Sorry, I'm PMSing and I'm beyond exhausted from worrying so much and having distressing thoughts. I feel like one of these days I'm just going to implode.

Random Thoughts

The Oscars are on tonight. How exciting, watching a bunch of rich people pat themselves on the back and get goody bags worth more than most people's annual salaries and full of shit that probably none of them need and can easily afford on their own. 

For the past several weeks, every time I turn on my computer, the clock is off and I have to go manually sync it to the time server. It's starting to drive me nuts, especially because now there are days it won't even sync. My first thought was malware, but I have ran multiple scans and except for cookies, nothing shows up. I googled it earlier and it sounds like it could be hardware problem. Wouldn't surprise me, considering my computer is almost 6 years old.

As I say every Sunday night, I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I look at my work log every Friday afternoon before I submit it and want to cry. Knowing I am not pulling my weight is frustrating the hell out of me, because I don't like to feel like I am not equally participating. There's days it makes me feel so awful I just want to pack up all of my shit and walk out.

I haven't really been on much so I haven't gotten around to mentioning that the company gave us bonuses. Pretty damn decent ones. And I have never felt so undeserving of something in my life.

This right here should be incentive to take the Prozac. But it's not. I also suspect Prozac won't help me with That Thing, either. If anything needs to be tackled by medication, that is one of them! My mother said to me the other day when I was complaining about taking it that I won't know if it will make me gain weight or not unless I take it. Which is true. And yeah, if it starts to put weight on me, then I can just do like I did with birth control and quit it. But part of me fears that it will alter my body in some way that I won't be able to get the weight off and/or I'll keep gaining.

I wish I could remember how exactly it affected my weight the last time I took it and whether it affected my weight at all dosages or just a certain dosage. The only thing I distinctly remember is of all of the medications I took following my funny farm stay, it was one of the only ones that did something, albeit mildly, and for some reason, 20 mgs worked better than 40 mgs.

Thanks to the snow yesterday, I was in pretty much the whole day and was bored and feeling anxious and restless, so I started cleaning up things. And one of those things was paperwork. And I came across paperwork from when I was hospitalized and laughed when I came across the "Voluntary Admission" consent form. Voluntary admission my ass. If I was to go there now and admit myself, I would consider that a voluntary admission. But that time I would not consider that voluntarily. It was either sign myself in then or the cops would be called. Either way you look at it I was ending up in the hospital, so how is that voluntary?

Earlier I went through old journals to find any record of when I was on Prozac and couldn't find much, except a monumental amount of second hand embarrassment. Holy zombie Jesus, these journals need to be doused in gasoline and lit on fire. And then the ashes need to be burned. I want to crawl under my desk and die just thinking of some of the shit in there. Even on here, I can go through old posts and think OH GOD WHY and if it's still around years from now, I am sure I will go through these posts and think OH GOD WHY. But these journals are exceptionally bad.

And not only is there a lot of embarrassing shit, but there is a lot about That Thing. That alone makes me want to kill them all with fire. And myself, if anyone should ever read them.

Ugh

Cabin fever setting in and it's combining with what appears to be PMS. HELP.

I just saw multiple articles how another one of the Duggar fembots got married. Oh joy. Another one to spit out a shit ton of babies. I was ready to say who in the fuck gives a shit and then I remembered I actually am friends with people on Facebook who are legit fans of the family.

You know, I wonder what would happen if one of the girls ever had fertility problems and couldn't shit out a ton of babies. Then the family would probably shun her and blame her for her problems. And I guarantee if one of the boys in the family had problems with his swimmers, then it would still be the woman's fault. I try not to hate religions, but I loathe that religion. Fuck them and their anti-woman stance. And fuck them for blaming birth control for miscarriages. Do tell Michelle- if birth control causes miscarriages, then how do you explain your last miscarriage?

ONTD keeps posting all of these posts of celebrity Halloween costumes and after so many I just started to laugh. The heads of the SJWs must be exploding left and right at all of the "cultural appropriation". That place is getting ridiculous. I don't think it would be as annoying if it wasn't for the fact that the loudest SJWs are probably privileged white girls.

I don't know what happened to that place in general lately. It's full of trolls and more rules than ever and posts about Ariana Grande and Five Seconds Of Summer or whatever the hell they are called and all of these other people that I can't imagine anyone over the age of 15 cares about.

Also, why in the hell is the Blizzard of the Month one you can get all of the time? Why couldn't they have just heeded our begs to have the pumpkin pie one again? THE AUDACITY.

Random Thoughts

Well, our 4th of July cookout (on the 5th) was an experience. My dad was a miserable bastard because my grandparents, aunt, and my aunt's friend came. Our grill caught on fire. That was horrifying. Every time a grill is used, one of my biggest fears is it catching on fire and exploding, so needless to say when flames started shooting out of it, I was freaking out (internally) because all I could see were the flames hitting the propane tank and....well, you can picture the rest. And everyone in my family basically just stood around and watched it and I wanted to scream JFC people will you get the hell away from it?! I was shaking so bad for quite a while after it finally was put out. I am still horrified from it because I can't get the image of it out of my head and the thought of the flames hitting the propane tank.

I can't believe the weekend is going to be over already. And it was a sucky ass weekend. I did not do one thing of interest at all. Friday I did shit, except scrub my tub and clean the inside of my car. I am almost wishing I would have cleaned my bedroom. Saturday was the cookout, which ended up being pretty boring. No chance to go down the shore, no anything. Now it will be back to hell.

I am so damn furious over this whole thing with August. I can't even describe just how pissed I am. For one, I don't understand what our most senior employee being out on vacation that week has to do with me. We don't even do the same job (well, sometime she does what I do, but it's very rare). When she is on her vacation 2 weeks prior, one of our medical assistants is going to be out that same week. Why is it okay for her to be out that week as well? And really now- is my being out really going to affect the workload that much? In case my manager forgot, I am slow as shit.

I have said a million times before and I will say it again- I will never understand my manager's logic of thinking. Most of my coworkers take lunch between noon and one. On Thursday, I get an email from my manager telling me my FWA is taking lunch at 1 and I need to cover for her until I go to lunch at 1:35 and to let her know when I am going to lunch so she can have someone cover me. On what planet does that make any sense? Why not just have someone who already took lunch sit up front and cover for the whole 45 (55) minutes the princess is gone? And we had 3 medical assistants in the office that day and once again, I had to sit up front when we had patients. I don't understand on the days we have patients why one of the girls who deal with patients on a regular basis can't sit up front. Why is my manager such a fucking moron?

Another thing I don't understand is how when my FWA had a 30 minute lunch, she came back in 35, 40 minutes. Her lunch is extended to 45 minutes because she is a special little princess who expects the whole world to stop and cater to her every beck and call because she decided to fucking reproduce and she is now coming back in 55 minutes or more. What the fuck is wrong with her? I have never wanted to hit someone upside the head as much as her. I would love to know how other breastfeeding moms work their breast pumping in the workplace. It seems like my FWA just came back from maternity leave and told my manager that she is breastfeeding at this time and this time and this time and my manager just catered to her. Like she expects the whole workplace to just stop and allow her to do whatever she wants when she wants. Another one of my coworkers, the one who plays on her phone all the time, I wasn't there when she had just had her son, but I am pretty sure she wasn't granted these special privileges when she was pumping.

And that's another thing that annoys me- how my FWA has to constantly bring up that she is pumping. Every time she is going to the bathroom to do so, she has to say "I am going to pump", like none of us know by now that that is what she is going to do. Every. Single. Damn. Time. Or one day she didn't get to finish doing something and she said "oh I would have gotten it done if I didn't have to stop and pump". I felt like turning to her and saying "gee, FWA, do you pump? Because we never would have known. Also, nobody gives a fuck if you pump". She was telling me one day about how she wasn't making a whole lot of milk when she first had the baby. I tuned out right after she said "I wasn't making enough milk". I think she rattled on for about 15 minutes about it after that. All I wanted to do was scream JFC I don't fucking care!

Earlier, 104.5 posted an article titled How Well Do You Know Imagine Dragons? on their Facebook page and....look, I know a lot of 104's fans aren't fans of them but I was pretty surprised at just how much people seem to hate them. I can understand disliking their music, but for the most part, who exactly do they hurt? I almost never, if ever, hear anything about them. They seem like really nice, down-to-earth guys. Same thing with MGMT. I very rarely read anything negative about them (I rarely read anything about them period) but when I do, it can be pretty hostile. And again, who do they hurt? And knowing what both front men are like (Dan having anxiety and depression, Andrew talking about having performance anxiety and other issues from album criticism), it makes me feel extra bad. It's not like they are out being obnoxious pricks like Kanye West or something or spreading messages of hate or anything horrible like that.

Dude, No.....Just No

Wayne Coyne Fires Back at 'Pathological Liar' Kliph Scurlock

Have a seat, Wayne. A whole stadium full.

And stay away from my sweet curly haired king. He doesn't need your influence or that scum-covered tongue hillbilly's.

Random Thoughts

Just showed Mom the "Alien Days". I told her Andrew's ex was in it and half way through the video my mom says "she looks more like his sister than anything". I don't always see a resemblance, but that one part when Andrew is juggling (well, attempting to) and she is over by the clothes line and laughing at him, she looks EXACTLY like him when he smiles.

I was just looking at some pictures of Andrew from their Coachella performance earlier tonight. They were glorious. Of course, while I enjoy looking at pictures of him playing with his eyes closed, I would have appreciated more pictures of him NOT with his eyes closed.

And what is the deal with this Coachella thing anyway? Is it a musical festival or it is some haven for non-A listers to dress like assholes and congregate? Ugh, they all look so punchable. Especially Vanessa Hudgens. I can't stand that girl and I don't even know why. I think it's because every time I see a picture of her, she's doing that goddamn duckface. I think I disliked her after her nudies "leaked". What is it with these Disney tarts after they become legal? Why do they all have to rebel and try to shed their good girl image? What is so terrible about being a good girl?

Last weekend I was snapping out over my neighbor's stupid kid and her kicking a soccer ball around the street and my mom told me I have too much anger on me. Well, duh, I already know that. I have way too much inside of me. I don't even know how it all fits. And the thing is I don't even know if I am really full of anger or if I am so emotionally exhausted from having OCD and anxiety that I just am short-fused from it. I don't even know how I function as much as I do, with all that is going on in my head. This is what it basically feels like in there all of the time.

And speaking of anger.....I need to get a new computer before I smash the hell out of this one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Kanye West: "Am I the Only One That's Not Crazy?"

Below that article is an article on Vanessa Hudgens. Who the fuck cares about her anymore? She actually has fans still? What does she even DO? Every time I see a picture of her in her stupid hippie outfits and duckface, I want to punch her in the face.

Yeah. Okay.

Kings of Leon give girl advice to One Direction

Judging by their dating history, they should have just saved the time and wrote this:

Go for models and models only. Never mind the fact that if it were not for fame, these girls wouldn't give you a sixty-fourth of a glance. You are just too great and wonderful now to lower yourself to date anything else.

 Why I Regret Vaccinating My Kids

I have to admit that even though it was fiction, that episode of Flashpoint I watched on Sunday made me a little leary of vaccinations. Are there tainted ones that are just swept under the rug? Kind of scary when you think about it. But this part:

In knowing how radically vaccines have increased in both timing and amounts over the years, I couldn't help but wonder if this was contributing to the widespread increase of ADD/ADHD, allergies, asthma, seizures and chronic illnesses occurring in our children today.

Yeah, because the rise of ADD/ADHD and other mental illnesses have nothing to do with Big Pharma pushing their crazy pills onto everyone. And getting controversial here, why does no one ever question the rise of all of that shit due to the influx of IVF? I mean, really. I know it's an unfavorable opinion and I am nothing but some baby hating pro-abortionist who doesn't believe the sun shines out children's asses, but come on. I'll always support science to the death, but IVF is just creepy. You are playing God. Clearly there is some reason someone cannot have children.

And speaking of women problems, this cramping in my back is pretty bad right now. It is such a deep burning pain. It feels similar to menstrual cramps, but I am also wondering if it could be intestinal. I'm nauseous. Moody as anything. I came so close to blowing up on my boss earlier. Or walk out the door. But more on that later. I drove home in tears. I wish my period would come.

Ugh, my FWA just posted lyrics on Facebook. The particular lyrics are her new motto. Highlighted them and googled them. They are lyrics from Katy Perry's "Roar". Really? My ears are offended. Just gonna turn up "Mystery Disease" to ear shattering decibels.

OMG I can't believe I am going to be seeing them again in a little over two weeks. I can't believe it's that close already. Excuse me, I have to go squeal like a little girl.

Random Thoughts

Good god, I cannot believe what happened down Seaside. Aside from the pier, that end of the boardwalk had not been nearly as damaged as the rest of the boardwalk after Sandy. And now it is gone. It's cruel. And if it was arson, then that is beyond cruel. My heart was broke watching the raging fire on the news on Thursday. It looked like what I would imagine hell to look like.

The Beachcomber is now gone as well. Now I really wish I would have ate there the last time I was there (the place I ate last time I was there is gone as well). And do you know what really pisses me off? How its claim to fame in the papers is that it is where that vile orange cockroach got punched in the face. I think what offends me the most about her is not only has she and her fellow roaches given a bad name to Italians, but she is not even Italian! And sorry, being raised by Italians does not make you Italian. I could be adopted by Japanese people, but it still won't make me Japanese. I will still be a half Italian, half Scotch-Irish white as freaking Christmas nutcase.

Gee, do you think you can spare us with the hurricanes this year, Mother Nature???

So I don't know how the job interview went. I don't think I bombed, but I don't know if I sold myself enough. And when I answered the phone and found out a man was interviewing me, I got even more nervous. And sometimes I had a hard time hearing what he said. And the previous night, I researched how to answer several typical interview questions. Except the two I was actually asked, one about salary and the other "why do you want this position". I completely brain-farted on the last one and spewed some bullshit answer.

And then I had a list of questions to ask, since that apparently is important to do, and once he asked me if I had any questions, I realized none of these questions were appropriate for the interview. They were too formal and the interview was pretty informal. Plus, this was a third party interviewing me. I don't even know if they could have actually answered the questions.

I kicked myself in the ass after getting off the phone for not pushing more about my previous experience working there. And I was pretty sure the interview was going to keep me up all night. I was positive I was going to be obsessing over it. Instead, I thought about and berated myself over an interview I did in 2005 that I bombed really bad. Just.....don't even ask.

And while I am excited about possibly going back there (it's close to home; that's major brownie points), but then I keep thinking about working with those people again and I'm like meh. At least the trouble-causing racist ass bitch isn't there anymore, although I know she does come in for lunch sometimes and frankly, I don't want to ever see her face again.

I had the chocolate covered cheesecake Blizzard on Saturday night. It was awesome. Worth the 690 calories. But I really cannot wait for the pumpkin pie Blizzard next month.

ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Thoughts

This neck pain needs to go away. Now I don't know whether it is a sprain or a strain, but I was reading about neck sprains and it was not very encouraging. Most symptoms will decrease in 4-6 weeks? Are you kidding me? It hasn't even been a week and I am already annoyed. I don't think I can take another 3 to 5 weeks of this pain. I like how some of the symptoms listed are irritability, fatigue, difficulty sleeping and difficulty concentrating. I have been extremely irritable, yes, between having my period and this pain. Also due to being exhausted from not sleeping due to not being able to sleep properly. No matter how I lay, it irritates my neck even more.

I don't know why, but every time I manage to injure something, I get incredibly irritable and sullen. It's like my body being injured somehow personally offends me or something.

I still cannot figure out how I could have possibly strained/sprained my neck from having a panic attack. But it had to be from that, because not long after it happened, I started having pain. And I don't want to do anything wrong with getting this to heal and mess up my neck. I already screwed up by not icing it in the beginning. Wish I would have spent a little more time Googling neck sprain or strain instead of meningitis and West Nile virus. Cripes, if someone needed solid evidence that I could very well be a hypochondriac, I would print out my entire Google search history.

I was reading an article on Cracked earlier about horrible people and one of the listed was perfectly able bodied people parking in handicapped spots. And while I certainly agree it isn't right, especially when some of the sights I see parking in them, the argument is a little tiresome. Clearly people are still going to be assholes and do it. And if anything is offensive when it comes to handicapped parking, it's when I see a car parked crookedly and on the lines where a wheelchair lift or ramp can come out. THAT is offensive. How is someone in a wheelchair supposed to get out if a car is parked in the lines? And most of the time it is done by some enormous boat driven by some fossil that probably has no business on the road in the first place.

And speaking of taking up closer parking spots, I won't even get started on those stupid "mother with small children" spots. Give me a fucking break.

I thought about watching them, but I decided against watching the MTV Music Awards this year. No MGMT, no Of Monsters and Men, no fucks given. I was far more interested in watching the Futurama marathon and listening to the New Music Show, which featured "Your Life is a Lie" again. I did receive a text message at one point from my sister, who was watching it, telling me to put it on and see Miley Cyrus. I just can't even muster enough energy to rip into that mess. Plus, if I spend time talking about it, then I am giving her exactly what she wants- attention. All I can say is that girl is repulsive on so many levels. She has a wicked case of the try hards. It actually personally offends me that she is more popular than my favorite bands.

My sister and brother-in-law were stanning for Bruno Mars earlier. Ugh, I do not get the big deal with him. I think he is talented, but his music.....you can have it. I was forced to listen to the CD one day when I was in the car with them and I wanted to jump out so bad. His music always reminds me of doo-wop, which I grew up listening to and actually still liked....until a few years ago. Now every time I listen to it, I want to stab my eardrums. So maybe once upon a time I would have liked his music. Well, there was that one I did like a couple years ago, "The Other Side".

It's weird how music taste can change. Like I used to love listening to Billy Joel, but now his music seriously annoys me.

The weather has been really nice the past couple days and now it's going to get warm again. And there is talk of possible severe weather on Tuesday and/or Wednesday. Yay. Can we please be done with the severe weather? I know last year we had two instances in September of moderate risk severe weather days. Also, I think that one tornado warning last year was in September as well. It would be nice if either of those didn't happen again. However, now it's time to worry about hurricanes, tropical storms, frankenstorms, etc. Damn, it's a shame no one decided to officially call Sandy Frankenstorm Sandy instead of Superstorm Sandy.

Goddammit, I dread going to sleep tonight.

Ugh

Dlisted | One Of RiRi’s Fans Shows Her How Much Her Performance Is Worth

Chips? Surely there are better things in the world that could have been hurled at her. Surely someone in the audience had to have been wearing a heavy heeled shoe that could have been aimed right for that giant fivehead of hers. Of course now I just thought of that video of MGMT at the US Open of Surfing when James tells everyone to throw their left shoe (who is he? Stitch?!) and one shoe comes flying at warp speed and just NAILS him. That was hilarious.

Yeah, keep on pissing off your fans, Rihanna. And then she stands there and acts like she did nothing wrong. Oh no. Showing up late to a concert without a justified reason for the umpteenth time is not cool. I'll let MGMT slide for a lot of things, but if they showed up hours late to a concert because they just didn't feel like getting there on time, I would be livid. Like maximum livid, where I'd come home and throw my CDs, my 2 t-shirts, and my tickets from Musikfest into a bin and light them on fire. Then I would delete all of their songs and the 785 pictures of them off of my computer. Yes, I said 785 pictures. Don't judge me. She just keeps on biting the hand that feeds her, which frankly I hope she keeps it up so that one day the ungrateful cow ends up flat-ass broke. Self-centered cocky "celebrities" like her are a joy to watch fall from grace. As for the "epic fail" comment, the only "epic fail" in this situation is that this alien-headed idiot is even a celebrity.

And really, God? All of the celebrities.....and you choose Cory Monteith?

Comment Of The Day

This perfect comment in response to this article:

I get so tired of hearing people whine that celebrities aren't there to be role models and parents should learn to parent blah blah blah. And while I agree that celebrities shouldn't be role models, guess what? They are. And judging by the pattern of society nowadays, it is very unlikely to change. It's the one time in my life I actually find the saying "it is what it is" appropriate.

On another note, there are actually people who find a role model in Rihanna? Seriously? And I would love to read what Rihanna's response to the first article the reporter wrote, but every time I see anything that girl writes, my brain hurts for days. I don't normally like to knock uneducated people, but there is no excuse for someone as rich as her to be so fucking uneducated. She has so many more resources at her disposal than say, an inner city kid. There are people who would give anything to have her resources to become educated.

ETA 7/7: I just saw an article with Rihanna's response to the original article. Wow. Blah certainly hit the nail on the head. Rihanna whined that being a role model isn't something she set out to do. Sorry, honey, that comes with being a celebrity, whether you like it or not. There are going to be young girls who will [stupidly] look up to you, whether you like it or not.

And do you know what else comes with being a celebrity? Being criticized. And if you don't have the backbone to deal with the public criticizing you, then get the hell out of the kitchen now.

Random Thoughts

I am currently staring at something my sister posted on Facebook. And so it begins....the mommy crap. I am still sore with her after I posted something one day about having a nice day and she responded with something about she didn't, having to deal with poop. I had to leave my computer because I was so tempted to tear her another one over it. I mean, seriously. I don't care, I don't need to know that. And why, for the love of God why, can I never say something about having a good time or enjoying something without someone dampening my spirits?

I briefly wondered one time if once the baby came, if maybe there might be a chance of me changing my mind. Nope. I adore my nephew, but hell, I definitely don't want kids now! My sister was over one day last week and the baby was in a cranky mood and all he did was scream and cry for hours. All I could think was, NO WAY IN HELL DO I EVER WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT.

And god, I hope one of these days things go back to normal when people get together. That conversations will finally be about something other than babies! It's like everyone is completely incapable of discussing anything other than the baby. I feel like I am on another planet! There really is not that much exciting stuff to discuss when it comes to babies. In fact, it's mind- numbingly boring! Sure, some are cute, but that can only be discussed for so long.

I just stopped by ONTD and someone posted a Hilary Duff post. What is with all of the paparazzi pictures of her? Does anyone- besides the ONTD poster- even care about her anymore? What does she even do? I bet she is one of those celebrities that bitches about the paparazzi, but secretly keeps them on speed dial. I don't trust any celebrity that bitches about the paps. You know damn well most of them enjoy it and would drop dead from lack of attention.

And I always laugh at the ones who give them the middle finger, because it's always the most inane celebrities. Some has-been or reality show cretin. And speaking of annoying, what is the point of those celebrity pictures where they point at each other? It's so stupid!

Last night I got really angry with someone and I don't know why. The person did absolutely nothing wrong, but for some inexplicable reason I just got really pissed off at them and am still feeling really angry towards them. I don't understand why I am so angry with this person.

I'm starting to think I should probably stop trying to ever make sense of my feelings. All I know is I don't want to feel them anymore.

And going back a couple of posts, I decided to finally google what the female equivalent of "cock block" is and apparently it is clam jam. Okay then.

The WTF Of The Day

40 strangest rock star rider requests

Since when are some of these people considered "rock stars"? To even call some of these people "singers" is really stretching it, let alone rock stars.

Some of those requests are indeed strange. And a little funny. And some are just downright ridiculous. And do you notice how the more diva-ish the demands, the less talent the entertainer has? You want your coffee stirred anticlockwise, Miss I'm Still Jenny From the Block? Oh, you will get your anticlockwise-stirred coffee.....right after I take a nice long piss in it.

Now I want to watch Brain Candy. "Is that cappuccino ever gonna be ready, or do I have to come in there and grind the beans with your head?" God, what a great movie.

Random Thoughts

Lauryn Hill gets 3 months for failing to pay taxes

I don't understand celebrities who don't pay their taxes. However, let me get this straight- Lauryn doesn't pay her taxes like she is supposed to and has to serve three months in prison. But Lindsay Lohan does countless stupid shit, many of which put other's lives at risk, but never has to go to jail. My God, the legal system in this country can be really fucking stupid.

ONTD's favorite model lands another magazine cover.

Hahahahahahaha, I love reading through the comments of a Kate Upton post. All the criticizing of her body. Then hop over into another post related to weight and there is "OMG STOP WITH THE BODY SHAMING WAH". It just makes me laugh. Never change, ONTD. Never change.

And speaking of shaming, I'd like to find the person whose bright idea it was to start adding "shaming" to the end of things and punch them in the face. Every fucking site I go on anymore, it's always "stop with the [insert whatever]-shaming!". Everything is shaming nowadays. And bullying. No criticizing of anything. Especially of children. Heaven forbid. I hate being criticized with the passion of a gazillion fiery suns, but that doesn't stop people from doing it. I still get criticized a lot. And I do the same thing I have been doing for years- I get upset, I consider suicide, and then I dwell on it for years. I don't even know what I am talking about anymore.

Anytime a post is made anywhere on the internet regarding weight, you know damn well it is going to get ugly. And frankly every argument is annoying. People get annoyed with the whole "real women have curves" and the description of curvy. Clearly women do come in all shapes and sizes and I do agree that naturally thin women should not be discounted as less than real. And a lot of women who use the term curvy to describe themselves clearly do not understand the word "curvy". And when it comes to the world of modeling and fashion, I tend to see a lot of the "body-shaming" shit come from naturally thin women. But I have always been under the assumption that people condemn modeling and the fashion world because these young women are starving themselves and risking their health to be thin. It's an entirely different playing field.

With all of the years I have spent on the internet, I should know by now to just stay out of any threads that involve weight, race, politics, mental illness, and suicide, because ultimately, I leave wanting to punch people in the face. Oh, and threads involving abortion. Can't forget abortion!

I have never needed a time more than lately of needing someone to talk to. I feel like I am about to lose my mind. My anxiety is getting completely out of control. I was laying in this bed this morning thinking about when I finally find a job. And then I started thinking about when winter comes, and if bad snowstorms comes, and how freaked out I get driving in the snow. And I started to get really agitated. I have horrible nasty visions of bad things happening.

And the guilt! Oh for the love of God, the guilt! I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. If I am going out with my sister, I feel guilty that I am leaving my mother home. Yes! At 29 years old! I feel guilty about pretty much 98% of my past. I am absolutely terrified to make any decisions for fear something bad will happen and then I will feel guilty for making that decision. For example- if I am out, and somebody asks me if I have anywhere to go, I am terrified that I will say yes and something happens, and then I will regret saying yes and blame myself for whatever happened. But then I start to wonder, well, what if I say no, and something happens on the way home? Then I will regret not saying yes. And I go back and forth about which would be the best decision to make, and since I can't figure out the answer, I get really anxious and upset and break down in tears. This is the kind of ridiculous bullshit I deal with ALL DAY, DAY IN, DAY OUT. And probably the reason why I am completely incapable of making decisions. I am so sick of it. 

The Bitch, Please Of The Day

Beyonce's Publicist Wishes These Hot Pictures Didn't Exist 

LOL seriously? I am sure every single celebrity and/or entertainer has at least one unflattering picture of themselves. After all, despite the high levels of flawlessness, this exists. Oh, who am I kidding? Still flawless. Get over yourself, Bouncy.

The Bitch, Please Of The Day

Anne Hathaway: Seeing Myself in Les Miserables Makes Me Cry

Aye carumba:

"I was in such a state of deprivation -- physical and emotional,"
"When I got home, I couldn't react to the chaos of the world without being overwhelmed. It took me weeks till I felt like myself again." 

Man, she's really desperate for that Oscar, isn't she? Anne, you weren't a prisoner of war. You weren't a hostage. You weren't fighting a war in a violent country. You weren't in a concentration camp. You were in a movie. My God, could you be anymore histrionic?

And of course you were in a state of deprivation. You starved yourself for the role. If I was some starving child in Africa and read your woe is me I suffered and starved myself for a role, I would laugh until I threw up. Or dry heaved, seeing as I wouldn't have anything to throw up.

I never used to have a problem with Anne Hathaway. In fact, I think I used to actually like her as an actress. But then one time she was talking about how she had depression and anxiety and I can't even remember what it was she said about it, but it pissed me off to no end. And she has just rubbed me the wrong way since then. My sister doesn't like her, either. And she doesn't really know why she doesn't. Bride Wars didn't help my opinion of Anne. She was insufferable in that. So was Kate Hudson, another one I have come to find insufferable for some unknown reason. Come to think of it, that whole movie was just insufferable.

Kind of like with Zooey Deschanel. I had a girl crush on her since I saw the The New Guy in the movie theater (yeah I know it's such a stupid and ridiculous movie, but I love it. I laugh every time I watch it). But over the past couple years she has gotten insufferable. The twee hipster act is annoying. I see clips of that New Girl show and I honestly don't understand how anyone can watch it. She is so fucking annoying! I hate saying that about her, because every movie I have seen her in, I have pretty much loved her. But now, I just can't even watch anything with her.

And apparently I am the only person on earth who thinks she actually looked better as a blonde. That new hairdo looks like a rat's nest.

Random Thoughts

I swear to God, I know I have bad PMS, but my tolerance of stupidity is almost nonexistant now. I was at the market earlier and there was this lady pushing a cart with her two kids in it, and the one kid was sitting on the ledge on the front of the cart. One wrong move and he would have fell backwards and hit something and probably injured himself. But it's okay. Mommy would have just went and sued Shoprite because she is a stupid moron who doesn't know how to parent.

I was also on a site earlier reading through comments and once again, I was coming across comments complaining about white people. You know what? Go to hell. Yes, I agree that there are many, MANY stupid white people. But there plenty of stupid people in other races as well. Every race has an incredible amount of stupid people. Humans are just stupid in general.

And in another section, someone called Jay-Z a coon (sorry). When confronted, she said she's black, she can use it. My bad. I forgot it is okay for different races to use derogatory terms.

My eyes are rolling so far into the back of my head, I have no idea how I am typing.

And I am also tired of seeing commercials for the X-Factor. Who in the hell are Britney Spears and Demi Lovato to tell other people they can't sing? Britney, the queen of autotune and Demi the Disney product. I can't stand her face and if any of the things I have read on Blind Gossip are true about her, then I really can't stand looking at her. If she really is there preaching sobriety and still doing drugs, someone should punch her in the face. And while I actually kind of like "Give Your Heart A Break", that "Skyscraper" song makes me want to go postal. The first time I heard it was at the bowling alley and a quarter of the way through, I was ready to start hurling bowling balls into the speaker system. It's like listening to a screeching dying cat.

Boy, my area really lucked out on those storms on Saturday. South and North of me got hit and somehow right before the system came my way, it started to break apart. I went to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law and it started to get kind of dark and when we got to Chili's, it started to rain some. And that was all it did the rest of the night. I was still kind of nervous the whole night, until I got home and checked the radars and saw that the system was moving out of the area, and then I began to relax. I wanted to sit on the floor and sob in relief. I was such a wreck. When I was heading out, I sat in my bedroom and kept thinking, god I hope this is not the last time I sit in my bedroom, and I was worried about leaving my parents home. 

I went to claim my biweekly benefits on Thursday, only to discover my first extension benefits have been exhausted. I may be eligible for another extension, so now I have to wait and see what happens with that, so I am going to be a nervous wreck about that. I just want to cry. I don't want to be on unemployment anymore. I just want my damn job back. I don't care if it was over a year ago I was laid off, it is still affecting me just as bad as my last day.

I don't want to feel worse, but at this point, I am begging to hit rock bottom.

Moronic Quote Of The Day

Adam Levine on why he is a man whore:

There are two kinds of men. There are men who are fucking misogynist pigs, and then there are men who just really love women, who think they're the most amazing people in the world. And that's me. Maybe the reason I was promiscuous, and wanted to sleep with a lot of them, is that I love them so much

So we women being beautiful is the reason you can't keep your manhood in your pants? Right.

But it's not even the complaining about misogynists while being misogynistic that annoys me. He sounds like one of those men who claims he thinks all women are just omgz soo beautifuls! Hey Adam, if I found a woman I thought was really pretty, just a regular Jane, or even an actress or singer, would you sleep with her? Probably not. Because every time you have a chick on your arm, it's a model. Your last chick (a term I use loosely to describe her, because she looka like a man) was a model, your new chick is a model, probably every chick before those two (and after fame came along, because I mean, you do realize none of these mannish bitches would sleep with you if you were some regular Joe Schmoe who fixed plumbing for a living or drove a truck or something, right? Right?!) were models. Which means he doesn't think all women are beautiful. Only models. *glares at monitor* Just like someone else I know.

And I swear, if I read through one more comment section and see the wrong usage of "your" or someone saying "just saying" after leaving some really stupid and/or scathing comment, I am going to throw my monitor across the room. Why I feel the need to take my anger out on my monitor, I don't know. I generally don't question my motives when I am mad.

Man, did I wake up in a bad mood today.

Oh God I Can't Take It Anymore

Assuming this is true....someone please make this insanity stop!

The Unborn Baby Ewok In Snooki's Womb Is Ruining The Creative Integrity Of Her Shit Show