Random Thoughts

I woke up with a little irritation down below this morning, but it eventually went away. And so far I haven't had much, if any, and no bladder irritability. Hopefully it will stay like that, although I'd still like to know what caused it. I still have the heart palpitations, though. And every time I feel hot, I start to panic, which in turn makes me hotter, which makes me even more anxious, and so on. Anxiety is a real bitch. A real powerful bitch.

I had originally wanted to go to the Peddler's Village blueberry festival yesterday, but since my anxiety levels have been so bad, I didn't push to go because I didn't want to go to something that I have been wanting to go to for a couple years feeling miserable as shit, so we ended up not doing much of anything yesterday except spending an exorbitantly amount of time in a Super Wal-Fart and then going to dinner at Longhorn. But we decided to go to Peddler's today and despite being hot and somewhat overcast, it was a nice day. Plus it wasn't mad busy like when we go to Apple Fest.

And now it's back to hell tomorrow. Ugh. At least my manager is out on vacation this week, so it should be a little bit less stressful. After Friday, I am glad she isn't going to be in. She was a real fucking pain in the ass on Friday, especially with what she did in the morning. I was working on a chart and I get an email from someone at our sister company telling me she just wanted to let me know that more records came in for the person's chart I was working on and my manager was included in the email and she writes us both back letting the other person know that I'd print them out and work on them. So I start to print them out and my FWA asks me if I was printing medical records and I said yeah and she asked me who and I tell her who and she tells me she is printing them out. I said "What? Why are you printing them out when [manager] asked me to print them out?" and she says she got an email from her asking her to print them out. I said "well, that doesn't make any sense!" and then my manager came out and I said "why is FWA printing out the same medical records you asked me to print out?". I was so damn tense and anxious that the whole thing just really pissed and I didn't really give a shit how I talked to my manager. And she acted all dumb and a few minutes later she comes out and says it was her fault. Uh, well who else's would it be? But this is what pissed me off- she went up and apologized to my FWA.

I don't understand how someone sends two different people an email asking them to print out the same person's medical records. How fucking stupid is that? I could see if she asked and then maybe just forgot. But you have the damn email right in front of you! I don't understand 99% of the shit that dumb bitch does. Just like the whole thing with lunch the Thursday before the Fourth of July. How on any planet did that situation make sense? And she has the nerve to complain about all of the stupidity at our sister company? Throwing stones and glass houses and all that.

And I love how she just allows people's mistakes to be swept under the rug like nothing. I was working on a chart that same Thursday and it kind of ended abruptly and I thought it was odd so I pulled up the original set of medical records and found several visits and legal paperwork that were not in the chart I had in front of me. Here when it was printed out by the coworker who plays on her phone all the time, she missed printing out at least a good half inch of records. Probably because she was too busy playing on her phone or on the internet while she was doing it. And my manager said something to her about it and that was it. Guess who had to reprint it out and organize it and everything? Not her. And this isn't the first time I have found medical records that were printed out by her that were not completely printed out. I don't know how she works as a medical assistant, but as a regular employee she fucking sucks. I am far from a perfect worker and I make mistakes, but she is just freaking ridiculous. And I know damn well it's because she probably plays on her phone or on the internet when she is doing this stuff.

And I could probably rant about my FWA for about another hour, but I am too damn tired to do so. But I have to laugh how every time she posts something on Facebook her mother and her boyfriend's mother get into these mini spats. You're 2 freaking middle-aged women! Grow the hell up already! And the time her mother said that breast fed babies don't get colic make me laugh and laugh and laugh. Uh, yeah they do. I don't even have babies and I know that. Now I know where her daughter gets her stupidity and obnoxiousness from.

And speaking of parenthood, I can't stand that Apple iPhone commercial with that annoying living the life of dreams song. That song is so fucking annoying! I can just picture a twee Zooey Deschanel-looking hipster thing singing it. It sounds like some Juno hipster crap. Now I actually liked Juno, but the music in it.....lol noo. And that new singing Wendy's commercial....FFS.

And speaking of Apple, I don't know why people bitch about Internet Explorer sucking as a browser (I am not referring to the security complaints) because Safari does a pretty fine job of sucking eggs itself. It crashes constantly, you open a tab, go back, and it reloads itself. Dafuq, Apple?

Also, I am feeling a little irritated and hot now. And here comes the anxiety.

Random Thoughts

So the July 4th party was semi-survivable. You know, I love how whenever I go up to relatives, a lot of times I get "Hi! Where is your sister?". I'm doing just great, thanks for asking!

One point, my brother-in-law made one of many snide comments about my mother and then he says to me "do you ever wish you could say things out loud?". I turned to him and said, "Yes. Yes I do. Very much so." And I'd like for him to be on the receiving end of it.

Sometimes I really want to change my name and run away.

I was just looking at a gallery of summer pictures on the Berry- boy, for a site that likes to make fun of hipsters, this gallery oozed hipsterdom- and it reminded me of this time my mother and I went to the beach and there was the group of teenage guys next to us. One of the guys was being buried in the sand and eventually all that showed was his head. Next thing I know, his friends are sprinkling potato chip crumbs around his head. I can't remember if any seagulls ever came. It was mean, but I started laughing. And I still laugh about it.

I always expect there to be weird shit on late night TV, but nothing quite like what I saw on Saturday night. I had insomnia as usual, so I went out to the living room to watch some TV. And I came across this movie called The Baby on TCM. I watched maybe 10 minutes of it and it was one of the most disturbing movies I have ever seen. I couldn't even tell you what it was about, except that there was an intellectually disabled young man (look at me being all PC, but I have too much of a soft spot for intellectually disabled people to use the R word anymore) that the family called the baby. The whole time I had it on, I kept thinking what on earth am I watching?

And speaking of disturbing, it's known that I tend to have a lot of disturbing thoughts run through my head at any given time of the day. And one night I was thinking of rape. I don't know why, but I was. And I was thinking if it ever happened to me, I would probably commit suicide (there are a handful of things in life that would definitely push me over the edge. The edge I am constantly on, although as of right now, I am just sitting on the edge, not planning on going over, but something could still come and push me over). I am pretty indifferent on the value of virginity, but if someone were to take mine from me without my consent, it would be devastating.

I was reading an article on ONTD one night about how Zooey Deschanel prohibits pictures or something at She & Him shows. Ugh I just can't with her. She is so goddamn annoying anymore. And every time I see the word "adorkable", I want to roundhouse kick someone in the head. I mean, sure some people are obnoxious about pictures at concerts, but I see nothing wrong with taking a few pictures. I am still kicking myself in the ass for not having any pictures from Musikfest. It's not like I would have taken 700 pictures or something. Unless I was in the front row. Then I would have taken like 1,583 pictures of Andrew alone. Nah, just kidding. If I had had my camera with me that night, I would have probably taken about 5 pictures at the most. Even one picture would have been sufficient. Just something to document the best night of my life!

But somewhere in the thread, someone complained about people who sing at concerts. I was guilty of that. I didn't sing loud or anything. I don't even think my mother could hear me and she was right next to me. I didn't realize that it was a concert annoyance, so now I feel kind of dumb. But I listen to their music so much it's just kind of habitual to start singing with it. And what else was I supposed to do? Just sit there and not do anything? Get up and dance? Oh I would have loved to have gotten up and danced, but 1) the spot we were sitting in was too open and 2) I wasn't about to dance on wet metal bleachers.

I spent the whole weekend of June 21 being disappointed that I couldn't go to Firefly music festival. I would have loved to, although I am not quite sure if I could handle the music festival scene. Firefly was rated one of the best family music festivals by AARP magazine (what? My parents have a subscription and I read it), but I am still not fond of crowds like that. A few days later when my local radio station posted about MGMT's new album coming out, quite a few people in the comments complained about their performance at Firefly. Now whether what anyone said is true, I don't know. Frankly, I am not a good judge of their performances, because they could get up on stage and fart and I'd still say it was flawless. Well, no that isn't true. I have seen earlier performances and I wouldn't call them flawless. I liked their performance of "Brian Eno" at Lollapalooza 2010 that Comcast On-Demand insists on putting on their line-up constantly (if it's not their V-Fest performance of "Electric Feel"), but while I don't want to say it was horrible, let's just says Andrew's live singing has greatly improved since then. And especially since V-Fest. But if it was truly not good, then I am not as disappointed that I didn't get to see them.

Oh, who am I kidding? I am sure I still would have enjoyed it. 

The Bitch, Please Of The Day

Anne Hathaway: Seeing Myself in Les Miserables Makes Me Cry

Aye carumba:

"I was in such a state of deprivation -- physical and emotional,"
"When I got home, I couldn't react to the chaos of the world without being overwhelmed. It took me weeks till I felt like myself again." 

Man, she's really desperate for that Oscar, isn't she? Anne, you weren't a prisoner of war. You weren't a hostage. You weren't fighting a war in a violent country. You weren't in a concentration camp. You were in a movie. My God, could you be anymore histrionic?

And of course you were in a state of deprivation. You starved yourself for the role. If I was some starving child in Africa and read your woe is me I suffered and starved myself for a role, I would laugh until I threw up. Or dry heaved, seeing as I wouldn't have anything to throw up.

I never used to have a problem with Anne Hathaway. In fact, I think I used to actually like her as an actress. But then one time she was talking about how she had depression and anxiety and I can't even remember what it was she said about it, but it pissed me off to no end. And she has just rubbed me the wrong way since then. My sister doesn't like her, either. And she doesn't really know why she doesn't. Bride Wars didn't help my opinion of Anne. She was insufferable in that. So was Kate Hudson, another one I have come to find insufferable for some unknown reason. Come to think of it, that whole movie was just insufferable.

Kind of like with Zooey Deschanel. I had a girl crush on her since I saw the The New Guy in the movie theater (yeah I know it's such a stupid and ridiculous movie, but I love it. I laugh every time I watch it). But over the past couple years she has gotten insufferable. The twee hipster act is annoying. I see clips of that New Girl show and I honestly don't understand how anyone can watch it. She is so fucking annoying! I hate saying that about her, because every movie I have seen her in, I have pretty much loved her. But now, I just can't even watch anything with her.

And apparently I am the only person on earth who thinks she actually looked better as a blonde. That new hairdo looks like a rat's nest.