Random Thoughts

Ugh, I am done with this nausea. I am done with the spotting and bleeding, the cramping, the watching what kind of discharge I have around the time I should be ovulating. Every time I look at what kind of discharge I am having, I feel like one of those women desperate to have a baby and keep track of their cervical mucus, minus the whole desperate to have a baby part.

And I am tired of my hands either being cold or getting red and hot. Right now all of my fingers on my left hand are red and hot and on my right hand, all of my fingers are red and hot and my ring finger is cold. I am starting to worry that this is all hormone related as well. And the sad thing is, the more I stress over this, the worse my hormones are going to get. At this point, I am surprised my adrenal glands haven't completely crapped out on me from all of the stress I put on them.

I also wish I knew what was the reasoning behind the 2 nights of feeling hot. Was it hormones? Was I just simply hot? I doubt it, because I was sleeping under the same amount of covers and I was wearing a t-shirt as opposed to the normal flannels I wear. Was it from the overabundance of sugar-laden carbs?

I was on a certain gossip site last night and there was an article about that Azealia Banks chick ranting about wanting reparations for slavery and before I went into the comments, I anticipated a lot of "WHERES MAH REPARATIONS WHITE DEVILS" comments but was somewhat surprised to find the comments kind of didn't go in that direction. Oh, but that doesn't mean there weren't some nasty comments and you know what? If you believe every person in a certain race is evil, then I feel sorry for you. There is evil in every race and there is good in every race and that is just sad if you can't see that. And then for people to slam people of their own race for realizing that is even fucking sadder. There were black people in these comments- well, claiming to be, although I still think they're all really privileged white girls- tearing into other blacks for not thinking all white people are evil. That's just pathetic. Then again, I think the people on this site are the type you can't please no matter what you say or do. Hate a certain race? RACIST. Love a certain race and show appreciation for it? Then you suffer from "white guilt" and partake in "culture appropriation" and are trying to steal their culture with your "white privilege". THERE IS NO WIN.

I decided to read up on spinal surgery last night- I DON'T KNOW WHY- and much of the article talked about fractures and spinal cord injuries and the more I read, the more I kept telling myself stop reading, you're only going to upset yourself. But did I listen to myself? Noo. And did I get upset? Yes. I am starting to become more convinced that if I ever decide to attempt suicide, there is a very high chance That Thing is going to be the reason behind it.