Random Thoughts

Back during the fall, I was feeling somewhat good. I was having less trouble with my digestive system, my mood was kind of well, really good. Of course I had the voice in the back of my head reminding me that what goes up must come down, and I knew ultimately a crash would come. And it appears that it has finally come. I am having a horrible OCD flare.

First things. My furry niece's cancer is back. My mom has to have back surgery again. My g-pop might possibly have cancer. 

On New Years Eve, I woke up with an extremely irritated throat and burning in my chest. I assumed it was a reflux flare or something, but the rest of the week my throat continued to be irritated and by the weekend I was coughing and congested. That Sunday night I lost my sense of smell and taste and it continued, so the next day I went to CVS to get something and then decided to go to the Minute Clinic where I was diagnosed with a sinus infection and given my good old buddy doxycycline. By Wednesday I had started to feel somewhat better and my taste and smell were coming back. But the closer I got to the end of my prescription, I started to worry that everything would come back after I finished the prescription.

And let me remind you that whenever I have been diagnosed with a sinus infection, I always get terrible fearful that it's not going to go away and it's going to spread to my brain or blood. This time around I also had an area in my left lower gum bothering me that I was fearful was an abscess that was going to spread as well. Now I get anxious about a lot of things in life, but not much can surpass sepsis.

The good thing is, my prescription ended and I had no recurrence, just the typical digestive system mess antibiotics like to leave me with. But then this past Tuesday I started having this burning in my chest and esophagus. My throat is irritated and I have the worst taste coming from the same area. I keep getting this burning hunger feeling every so often. I'm belching more than often. My stomach and esophagus feel raw and irritated. I don't know if it's a bad acid reflux flare or what. Of course I know I'm never too young for cancer, especially with my reflux history and family history, but in the grand tradition of things, I tend to worry more about less serious illnesses. I'm more worried that it's H. pylori or an ulcer or both. I've been taking Pepcid which helps but not entirely. I'm afraid to eat for fear of how whatever I eat is going to affect me. I'm worried about vomiting. It has me such a big time mess.

If people could experience how I'm feeling right now, you'd completely understand why I want to put my foot up every person's ass who is all tee hee I like a clean house I'm so OCD tee hee!

Song Of The Day

Hmph

Tomorrow will be 14 years since I was admitted to that place. It certainly was not the most pleasant experience, and my mental state at that time was bad (at the time, if you had told me that I would one day not be the least bit afraid of MS, I would not have believed you in any way, shape or form), but it was not terrible. Why I cannot shake the trauma of the entire experience is beyond my understanding.

Random Thoughts

Another holiday season come and gone.  Another round of post-holiday blues that I know will eventually cease but is still a pretty rough ride to tough out.  And with the way things have been going, before I know it, I'll be in stores and saying holiday stuff already?

Considering how every little noise under the sun annoys me to the point of full blown aggravation, I've often wondered if I have misophonia.  And one of the noises that annoys me is hearing people cough.  And I just so happen to be lucky enough to work in a place where everyone and their fucking grandmother constantly coughs all day.  Between that and the sound of people collating, along with many other things, I am going to go fucking crazy one day.  And since New Year's Eve, I've had congestion, post-nasal drip, an irritated throat, and now an intermittent cough.  Do you know what it's like to be the source of one of your own trigger noises?  I'm absolutely getting on my own nerves hearing myself cough.  And I can't even escape it.