Random Thoughts

I was getting ready for bed last night so when I got off of the computer I could hop right into bed and "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon came on the radio. I swear, that song gets me every time. And while I was listening to it, I thought about the Sandy Hook shooting and don't ask me why like a year later this is finally occurring to me, but I thought, JFC these people lost their babies right before Christmas. Ugh, I am super hormonal right now.

When I was driving to work Friday morning, "Alien Days" came on my shuffle mix. And I thought about that ignorant bitch that blocked my view during the show and I started to feel really angry and was gripping my steering wheel and all I kept thinking about was how much I missed and how I wish I had had the balls to say something. It's such a pain not having a backbone.

And speaking of the concert, my mother (yes she was my guest to the show again) was talking about it a lot the following day. And she was telling my brother-in-law, who plays the drums, about it and then she said something about if he had been there and something went wrong with the drummer, then they could have pulled him up to play the drums. I laughed silently, then said "nah, they would have just had someone else in the band play them, since they all play several instruments". I wasn't trying to be obnoxious or anything, but it's the truth. Andrew can play them and I think James actually used to be their drummer before Will joined. Or Will was their drummer originally, then left, then rejoined, I don't know I can't remember the story. Wikipedia has him listed as 2005, then 2008 to present. But it's Wikipedia, so take what you want from that. Then again, he was in the video for "Destrokk", so maybe it's right.

I don't think I have ever mentioned it before, by Andrew's fingers freak me the fuck out. They're so so long and bony and....finger-gy. I bet his pinkies are the length of my middle fingers. Don't get me wrong, I'd let those fingers do all kinds of things to me. They'd certainly hold my boobs well, although with the length of those digits, one hand could probably hold them both. But still.

*sniffs* He's so pretty in that picture. And Will needs to keep his hair the way it is because....damn.

I don't understand why every I make any mention of having hypochondria, people are like oh well I do that! (meaning they diagnose themselves with stuff, etc). Do tell- does that self-diagnosis instill such a fear in you that it interferes with your whole life? You can't concentrate for anything because you are so preoccupied with fearing you have this illness? Spending the whole day doing things to convince yourself you don't have it? Yeah. Read anywhere from October 2011 on in here. Or better yet, click on the "Addison's Disease" tag. Sorry, not one part of any of that is a normal fear of disease or having an illness.

I got on the scale today and was really surprised to see it settle at 119 pounds. I have not been doing anything to lose weight. And you would think I'd be happy, since I have the horrible mindset that I can always be thinner, but already I am starting to worry about it. It may just be because I am more active since becoming employed again. An office job isn't extremely active, but I do try and do as much walking as possible. And some days I do a lot of walking back and forth. But already I am tempted to google "unintentional weight loss", which will lead to nothing good.

I was in JC Penney's last week and I needed to buy dress pants, so while I was in the dressing room, I stopped for a second to analyze my body. I thought about how people strive for a thigh gap and although I don't care if I have one or not, I did notice that I do have a bit of one. I think if I had less loose skin on my legs, there would be a more prominent one. I don't understand why a thigh gap is something to strive for, but whatever. I also looked at higher up on my thighs and was disgusted. Again, if I didn't have loose skin, my thighs would look a hell of a lot thinner.

Ugh, reading through the above paragraph sounds like some 15 year old girl on Tumblr, not someone who is about to turn 30 in a little over a week.