Random Thoughts

Well that was unsurprisingly a quick 3 days off. Quick summer as well. Boo. I was always one to look forward to the end of summer and the start of fall. Now I hate when summer ends. And I think it has to do with 5 years ago when I was going through such a rough time and then ended up being laid off on top of it. My mental state was really not in a good place then and I think I have been subconsciously associating that with fall since then.

I had no one to do anything with last night so I just did my own thing. Went to Popeye's like last time. I was in there with my book and 3 old people. Then I ran to a few stores and came home and at in front of the boob tube and read. It was depressing as fuck. I felt like going and buying a gun and blowing my brains out. Still feeling like that, actually. More so because I have to go back to work. And because of visions of horrible things happening playing nonstop in my head. I swear to God some days when they're really bad I want to take an ice pick and jam it up my fucking nose.

And to make my suicidal thoughts more depressing....it's apparently National Suicide Prevention week. I saw that earlier and thought, Jesus that would be fucking ironic.

I'm beyond frustrated with this bloating and left lower abdominal distention. Every time I put my pants on I want to cry because they feel so tight on me. I'm so disgusted with myself and disgusted with myself for starting to think I'm fat again. I really should go to the doctor and request an abdominal CT scan. That way it could show the digestive system and female organs. An ultrasound wouldn't do much for me unless there is definitely something going on in my women parts.

I bought Nature Made Advanced Dual Action probiotics the other day. I haven't tried them yet, as I am still finishing up the last few of my usual probiotics. I hope they do something good, though.

Anyway, I am currently reading Robopocalypse by Daniel Wilson. I had bought a copy of Amped in the Dollar Tree back in July and I was very interested in it and then I read some reviews on Robo and thought it sounded intestesing, so I checked it out of my local library. I am simultaneously fascinated and freaked out by it. Definitely enforces my belief that technology is great until it malfunctions. It also makes me think of the "Mother's Day" episode of Futurama. Hey Hey! Ho Ho! 100110!

Random Thoughts

Boy have I been moody and emotional the past few days. Not sure if it's hormones or what.

My parents came home from the wedding last night and for at least an hour plus, I had to listen to my mother go on and on and on and on about it. I nearly bit my tongue off from biting it so hard to keep from screaming I DON'T CARE I DON'T FUCKING CARE! 

Good thing I wasn't feeling up to doing much anyway. All I ended up doing was going to Popeye's for dinner (ate there by myself and everything- stickers for me!), running to the market, and then planting my ass on the couch and reading the rest of the night.

Words cannot describe how much it annoys me that I am actually letting it bother me that I wasn't invited.

When I was going through my Facebook newsfeed earlier, I saw an article posted by Cracked that referenced "vaping". And several comments were made about how douchey it is. It is douchey. All my coworkers walk around with their stupid little vaping pens, smoking them in the office. I can't tell you how bad I want to take their pens and shove them up where the sun don't shine.

I don't get the point of "vaping" constantly and then going out for several smoke breaks. Isn't the whole point of e-cigs to cut down on smoking or something? I also don't understand why my coworkers think it's okay to smoke them in the office. Take your nasty little habit outside. You might not care about getting cancer but I fucking do.

Random Thoughts

Last month when we received our phone bill, there had been an extra $1.99 charge for mobile broadband data usage. When it comes to a cellphone, there are only 3 things I do with one- make calls, text, and use the calculator. I have no idea whatsoever when or how my phone ever accessed the web. Well, I just checked the billing for this month and once again, a $1.99 charge was slapped on. I think I just cried for 40 minutes. Reasonable reaction? No, but I think I am long past the point of trying to explain myself. All I know is I am very annoyed. I am really starting to hate this phone. Phones should not be able to access the internet unless they are activated to do so. But then I guess the cellphone carriers can't bilk money out of their customers, can they?

Tropical storm Andrea, or whatever she is, is expected to brush the coast on Friday. Yay. The tropical crap is already starting up. I'm already starting to get worried about any possible tornado warnings. On top of the normal severe weather worries, now I am going to be a nervous wreck throughout the entire hurricane season. I never really had to worry about them before. Now hurricanes and other various tropical systems seem to have a vendetta for NJ. Sandy sucked eggs when she hit, but at least she didn't spawn any tornadoes.

This weather is nuts. All of those tornadoes out west. It's a wonder I haven't been having tornado nightmares out the wazoo. No, instead I had another dream about bugs last night. Giant one foot long bugs that were shitting everywhere. It was disgusting.

And going back to Sandy, I went down Wildwood this past weekend. I will never complain about the long trek from the boards to the ocean again. I wonder how bad the damage would have been to Wildwood's boardwalk had it been closer to the ocean. It's just a shame that the clientele of Wildwood is really going downhill. Not that it was ever great to begin with, but man oh man, has it gotten worse. I'll never forget that time when I was down for the weekend and that huge group of kids came running down the boards. I'd still like to know what that was all about.

I just read some blind over on Blind Gossip about a reality couple who sleeps in separate beds. I don't know why I find it so funny, but I do. I don't see a problem with separate beds for sleeping. If I ever got married, there is no way in hell I want to share a bed with someone. I am annoying to share a bed with. I toss and turn, I hog the covers, etc. Oh, and I probably kick people a lot. I don't get to do it in real life, so my subconscious makes me do it in my sleep.

I have been craving Popeye's since....oh, December. I have still yet to get it. I also have a craving for Cracker Barrel. And probably about a million other places. I just went to the Cheesecake Factory a couple weekends ago and I am already wanting to go back. Next time I go, I am going to try the spicy chicken sandwich. And possibly the dutch apple cheesecake. Last time I went, I had the pineapple upside down cheesecake. It was awesome. I might just want to get that again. Or the pina colada cheesecake, if summer is the season for it. I can't wait for the pumpkin to come back.

And speaking of food, I have not been able to buy my Tastykake angel food cakes that I love oh so much. I am in severe withdrawal. And sad if I can't ever get them again.

Random Thoughts

I am far from a religious person. But somewhere in the deep depths of my rotten evilness, I feel some faith. I don't know if there is a God or not, though. I really don't know what to believe.

Tonight's episode of Family Guy aired on my birthday, and I remember feeling just as annoyed with it as tonight. We get it, Seth- you don't believe in God. I don't understand why he has to be so fucking obnoxious about it. He is just as bad as the obnoxious Bible thumpers he likes to condemn. Can the nativity story be used in comedy? Sure. I thought the Simpsons did the story well and without being tacky. But this....this is just obnoxious.

Also, I am sick of seeing previews for that movie 21 and Over. I feel like brain cells die every time I see commercials for it. Which is about 2 or 3 per commercial break.

I started watching Pretty Little Liars back when it first aired and for a while, I kind of lost interest in it and just had it on for background noise. But now I watch it pretty faithfully, despite how annoying the show can be. Those girls can be so fucking stupid! I've had a girl crush on Lucy Hale since Privileged aired, but Aria can be really annoying. Emily is an awful actor. Hanna is a fucking cow, especially towards her mother. I really can't tolerate how she treats her mother. I have a love/hate for Jenna. Most of the time I can't stand her, but occasionally her bitchiness makes me laugh. Mona is just....my God, that girl is awful at playing a villain. I think I would probably like Mona if someone who could pull of playing a villain played her. The only tolerable person on the show is Spencer. And her breakdown this season is giving me a lady boner of the highest order. I am loving it. And she's absolutely right- why do they care about Alison? Alison was such a frigging bitch. I wish Spencer would just go completely crazy and kill Mona.

I read an article a few years ago about how college is not for everyone and how the trade industry needs people. While I am still not ready to surrender to college not being for me, I have seriously contemplated learning a trade while figuring out what to do with my life. But being a woman in these fields could be a little scary. If I were in a trade where I would have to be sent to houses, I'd be fearful every time I go that someone would try to kill me or rape me or something. Or that people wouldn't trust my judgment, simply because my chromosomes are two X's.

We went to the local diner tonight for dinner and I was set on getting a slice of carrot cake while I was there, even though it is not the best carrot cake. Wouldn't you know they were out of it? Argh! I would much rather have it from somewhere else anyway, but I am still annoyed they were out of it. I don't know who has good carrot cake. The two places I have had really good carrot cake are Jones in Philly and the Metropolitan in the Borgata in Atlantic City. Unfortunately, they are both a bit far, although I wouldn't mind going down Atlantic City right now. Wouldn't mind going to Jones to eat again, either. Their food, especially the carrot cake, was good!

I bet the Cheesecake Factory has good carrot cake. Unfortunately, I am not going to eat a slice of cake that is more calories (over 1500) than I normally eat in a day. The carrot cake cheesecake is good, but I want just plain carrot cake and I don't think it far behind in caloric value. Dammit, I just want a piece of carrot cake! And I still want Popeye's, too!

Video Of The Day

"King and Lionheart" by Of Monsters and Men:



Off topic, but if I don't get Popeye's soon, I am going to go postal.

Random New Years Thoughts

So 2012 will be over in less than 2 hours. These years just keep flying by. I am sitting here, depressed that the holiday season is almost officially over and thinking how it is a year until the next one and OMG that just seems so long, but honestly, it will be here before I know it. October will be here and Christmas stuff will start popping up. And it will be Halloween. And I can finally give my niece or nephew their first Halloween gift that I have had sitting in my closet since October. It was such a cute toy I couldn't pass it up. Then it will be Thanksgiving. And then the holiday season will officially begin. And then comes my 30th birthday.

Winter is not even over yet and I am already dreading the spring and summer months with severe weather. I don't know how people can live in tornado-prone areas. We are not prone to them and I am a wreck when the warm months come around. And judging by the past two years, now I have to dread a hurricane coming again. Or superstorm. Or frankenstorm. Whatever.

Normally on New Years Eve, we go to dinner and to the movies. We only went to dinner. We went to Longhorn. I told my mom we should do call ahead seating and she insisted no we will be fine, not realizing last year when we went and it was empty it was because it was New Years Eve eve. We ended up having to wait about 40 minutes, which was about the estimated time I was giving when I asked. My dad starts complaining loudly and the lady sitting next to me on the bench kept looking over at him. I felt like climbing under a table. And other than telling the waitress I wanted no lettuce, tomato, pickles or onions on my burger and it came out with pickles, dinner was good. I finally had the piece of cheesecake I have been dying for, although nothing still beats cheesecake from a diner. Two of my local diners make the best cheesecake.

Speaking of embarrassing, one time we went to Popeyes and my dad tells the cashier he doesn't want any cajun on his food. I was like you fucking kidding me. It's Popeyes. Louisiana Kitchen.

Man, I could go for some Popeyes right now.

I don't want midnight to come. I am afraid how I am going to react. I don't really want to talk to anyone at midnight. I am pretty angry with my aunt. She told me a couple Sundays ago that we would do something for my birthday. I just brushed it off as her usual big plans that she never goes through with. On my birthday, she asks me if I decided where I wanted to eat yet. I was surprised and thought gee, maybe she is actually going to go through with her plans for once. Haven't heard anymore about it though. I really shouldn't be surprised. But that doesn't make the hurt and disappointment any less. I am so tired of people. I really am.

Oh and I didn't take my birth control pill tonight. I already feel overwhelmingly guilty going off of it. I am also having doubts, like oh what if the weight gain was only temporary.

My sister's baby shower is in 2 weeks. We still have numerous people who have not RSVP'd, even though we asked to do so by December 28th. Why is it so difficult for people to RSVP? You pick up the phone and say I am coming or not coming. It's not that difficult. And then one of my cousins calls and asks if she can bring her tween daughter. What the hell, people? It wouldn't be so bad if 1) this wasn't a pay per head shower and 2) her daughter wasn't a miserable little snot who doesn't even acknowledge my sister. Does she even know who my sister is?

And the best part of my Facebook status asking people to RSVP.....my FWA leaves a comment "your sister is pregnant?". Because I didn't announce it or like any ultrasound pictures or tons of pictures of my doggy niece stealing my sister's pregnancy pillow or anything.

Oh, and how could I forget? Somewhere in 2013, MGMT's third album should hopefully be released. And maybe they will go on tour and come to my area. *squeals* Oh god I hope so!

ETA 2:07PM: Still hardly any RSVPs, despite my FB post about calling ASAP. I swear, I am related to some of the dumbest and/or rudest asses on earth. And the annoyance at some of the people who are not coming. See, Mom? This is why it is pointless to bend over backwards to attend everyone's parties. And now she is starting to finally realize that.

I am not sure going off of the pill was such a good idea. I am such an emotional wreck right now. I keep crying. I had bad indigestion last night, which may have not really had anything to do with it. I had horrible insomnia. My breasts are even more sore. My heartburn is flaring up worse. I had a hard time going to sleep, then I woke up at a little before 6AM, could not fall back asleep, burst into tears over not being able to sleep, finally started to doze off after 7AM....and my phone vibrates loudly. Burst into tears again. Eventually finally fall back asleep. It didn't occur to me until this morning that I wasn't having much trouble sleeping since I started the birth control. I woke back up around 11AM and felt like a complete zombie. My head felt so fuzzy. I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep for the next couple weeks.

Reading people's experiences of quitting birth control are scaring the hell out of me. So many people have seemed to GAIN weight after going off of them, although most seem like they have been on the pill for many years and it seems to be a lot of Yasmin users. I have only taking 21 days worth of pills, so I honestly don't know how much that could affect someone, although if these symptoms I am having are from stopping it, then it's a little scary. But I find it a little hard to believe that by me not taking the pill last night, I could start experiencing withdrawal effects already. But what so I know? What I do know is I am really not keen on staying on these pills. Taking man made hormones just seems very unsafe.

I can't even describe the feeling in my head right now. All I know is it is so insufferable, I wish I could get away from myself.