Random Thoughts

I did some research on the message I received when I tried to claim my benefits the other day and it seems I have to call and reinstate my claim. Great. I have myself sick to my stomach all weekend about calling the unemployment office. I am dreading this. I want to cry.

I honestly wish there was a way I could just scream STOP and put my life on pause. Put it on hold until I figure out how to fucking pull my life together. I found this thread hidden in the City Data Unemployment forum and it gave me a strange sense of comfort. I constantly have the idea of suicide on my mind, and honestly I do not recall the last time in my life I did not think about it, but having to lose my job and go on unemployment has ramped it up big time.

I would never tell anyone in my family this, but one of the reasons I was pushing so hard to go to Musikfest was I was seriously contemplating ending my life and I wanted to make sure I saw them live before I would do it. If my family knew how much I think about suicide on a daily basis, they would have me at the hospital faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August*, despite not having any real plan or method.

*yes I have been watching a lot of Spongebob

And probably due to my excessive stress levels, I have had an exceptionally bad bout of heartburn the past few days. I wake up every morning feeling like I am going to puke, I feel violently hungry, and I have a really bitter taste in my mouth. I've taken Pepcid, but it is not taking it away.

I read an article a long time ago on ONTD about some singer Cher Lloyd having urine thrown at her at some British musical festival. And I thought wow, no singer is that bad to have something gross like that happen. And then....and then I heard her song. Good god. I just....I can't even begin to comprehend how someone that awful can get a record deal.

I also remember reading an article a long time ago that someone threw a bottle of urine at Will during some musical festival MGMT was performing at. It apparently was not true, according to a fabulous email written by Andrew. I love that picture of Andrew in the article.

On Friday at about 9PM, a bulletin came across the TV for a tornado warning in PA. Of course I got nervous and was watching the radar to see if the system would be coming to my area (it didn't, thank goodness). One area was hit pretty hard and it was confirmed that a tornado did hit. I know fall is second season, but it still seemed strange to hit now. And even stranger was it was an EF-1. Any tornado reports in this region that I have heard recently- well, since I started getting into watching weather and reading news on it- are usually EF-0's.

I did get my pumpkin pie Blizzard this weekend. I anticipate at least one more before October ends, although I am not fond of having to go to the mall again. Ugh, I hate that mall.