The Bitch, Please Of The Day!

Oh you thought you finally heard enough of him on here, eh? Nah! He may have been dethroned (and which I offer my apologies for all of that; I don't know what the hell I was thinking, although I still do suspect I was going through a bit of mania during that time, because once the mania ended, the rest followed suit), but that doesn't mean I still won't enjoy making fun of him:

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino Slams 'Jersey Shore' Housemates Over Gay Implications

Ho, please. I leave you with this line from Brain Candy:

You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it. Your family knows it. DOGS know it! Everyone seems to know it except you.

Random Thoughts

It astonishes me how quick the weekends go. All I know is I hope this week does not go as slowly as last week did. Last week dragged so bad. I felt like I was about to lose it in work.

I seriously am getting more and more excited about getting out of there. It's ridiculous and I hate that I am feeling this way, because I certainly do not want to be losing my job but I just cannot wait to get away from those people. I am so sick of the drama and backstabbing (although I have to face the fact, as well as hate knowing, that drama and backstabbing are both going to be awaiting me somewhere else). I am tired of working with people who are all older than me but have the maturity of grade schoolers. I saw more mature behavior when I worked in the two year old classroom in the daycare I worked at the summer after I graduated high school.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that my next job will contain coworkers who do stuff worthy of submitting to Monday Thru Friday. Now I know I am weird as anything, but I swear no one has any sense of humor in that place. I certainly want to work in a structured work place (which mine is not that either), but I want some frigging fun and jokes as well!

The other day I was discussing a new procedure with the racist bitch in work (I am now going to be doing my job before she does hers) and another coworker (one who I actually genuinely like) and the RB was saying how she hated having to wait to do her job and how she felt really bad making me have to wait and that one day I was there until 5 waiting for her. I wanted to laugh uproariously and say "hold on there honey- 1) I was there until 5:30 that day 2) it was 3 fucking files I had to wait on, which I know damn well you were taking your time doing because you knew I was pissed and 3) I also know damn well you do not feel one ounce of bad making me wait because if you did, you would worry about doing your job instead of texting, playing on Facebook, or talking to people who you hate and who hate you as well". Who is she kidding? I admit that I do have my share of dumb moments, but my mother did not raise a fool.

And speaking of foolishness....I am really kind of hoping this is just hormones talking right now, but for the past week or so, I have actually been worried over the current state of my mind. I am really scared I am going to go completely insane one of these days. The state I am in is very unpleasant and terrifying. There is a line from "You Will Leave A Mark" by A Silent Film that constantly rings through my head- "I am so ashamed of what I have become". And I have. Most of the times I am freaking out on someone, there is a voice in the back of my head saying what is wrong with you? What are you doing?! Stop! But it's like this demon just takes hold and won't let go. However, I almost to the point that if I cannot be completely sane and insanity would still be a more pleasant state than what I am in right now, I will take completely losing my mind.

Anyway, as promised, the screenshot of the Sitch's posting that has me completely convinced:




















A lollipop, Mike? Seriously? Reality stars will take whatever comes their way, won't they?

I have so many gay and phallic jokes running through my head, I can't even think straight.

Comment Of The Day

Wow. What was it the Robot Devil said? Ah yes! That was pretty brutal even by my standards! Although, to be fair, I could think of something a lot nastier to say than not wearing a condom. I'll give you a hint- it has nothing to do with condoms and everything to do with abortion.

When I read through the comments, I see plenty of examples of parents who made the mistake of not wearing condoms. Why in the hell are 99% of these people even allowed to be watching this show?! And I don't know what is worse- the nasty comments towards Mike or the ones that go "omg why do u losers like hiz page if all your gonna do iz hate?!!!! Get a life losers!". While I agree in questioning liking his page if all you are going to do is use derogatory terms, never EVER call someone else a loser or tell them to get a life if the Situation is your idol. Yes, people actually tell him that he is their idol. Or Snookie is. Whenever I read those comments, all I can think is, if I had a gun, I would blow my fucking brains out right this second. Or the other comments are along the lines of oh while we're all hating he's out there making money and laughing all the way to the bank. Big. Fucking. Deal. I would rather kill myself than do any of the crap he does. But then again, what doesn't do that? Simply looking in the mirror makes me want to kill myself.

For God's sakes, people. This is the future of this country?! FUCK!!!!!!! It's enough to make me want to go slam my head into a heavy wall! I swear to God, I think about suicide every single day of my life and I am starting to truly believe I need to just act on it, because judging by the way things are going, I don't see this dumbing down of America getting any better.

9:41PM: I just noticed his usage of the word "your" instead of "you're". AGAIN.

Random Thoughts

Well, that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I finally forced myself to go to bed about 3AM and there had only been one tornado warning issued for further north to me by then. I kept the Weather Channel on while I tried to go to sleep and it took a little time, but I finally fell asleep. I woke up a couple of times during the rest of the night and checked the TV, but I don't believe any more warnings came after that. I was a nervous wreck, though. Not just with the tornado warnings, but just how bad the winds were going to get when the bitch finally touched NJ.

I was a little pissed off that Ativan took so long to kick in. The pill was actually expired, so I am surprised it even worked at all, but I could have used it a lot sooner, like during the three nearly consecutive tornado warnings! That moment of looking outside and seeing all of the light flashing was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I have watched enough of the Weather Channel specials on tornadoes and many times I saw scenes of tornadoes being filmed and it looked just like that. And with the rain being so heavy, I really couldn't see anything, which only scared me even more. But I was certain one was coming at the time.

Of course today, I am getting the lecture from my mother of how I got myself all worried over nothing and even when I told her about the three tornado warnings and how that moment of the light flashing looked just like what I have seen on many storm story shows, I get "well, stop watching so much TV". My response? Well, this is why people end up being killed. Because they don't pay attention to this shit. I hate anxiety with a passion and always imagining the worst of the worst happening, but in the end, it does have an upside. Shit, if I lived in a house with a basement, assuming it was not flooded at that point, I would have drug my bed and whatever else I wanted with me down into it and spent the rest of the night down there.

I hated rushin the weekend, but I just wanted it over. Except now it's back to hell, er, work. But good news! Next weekend is a three day weekend! Huzzah! It's kind of depressing, though, that the end of summer is coming. I love fall, but I am not ready for summer to be over.

But anyway, onto something new. Ah yes, the fight on Durrrsey Shur! The fight I have been anticipating seeing since TMZ first broke the story about it. What a fucking disappointment! I should have known better. I should have known it would be blown all out of proportion by the evil bastards at MTV and also that it would come right at the end of the episode so it would be drug out into another one (which I think is on tonight or something). It was hilarious, though. Ronnie getting all pissy and taking his shirt off. He took his shirt off and means business now, yo! Then him storming in like an angry little Hulk and doing this to Mike. Mike denying getting involved in the relationship. At this point I was about to lose it. Really, Mike? You don't get involved? Delusion, thy name is Mike! That is ALL he seems to do! Then Mike's hissy fit (which eerily reminded me a little too much of the fit I threw after receiving that email from my boss. I was actually scaring myself when I threw that fit. I was so angry and I had no idea what to do with it.).

But the absolute best part was the huge dramatization in the scenes for the next episode. Holy god, that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. Everyone crying (yet not one person stepping in and doing a damn thing to stop the fight. But why should they when it could affect ratings, right?), a flat line bleeping sound effect....give me a fucking break! I will hardly be surprised if I decide to watch it tonight and it turns out to be nowhere near as bad it is portrayed.

I read some comments on the episode on Jezebel and some commenters raised a good point. A commentor by the name of Likeastar1032 said it best:

3) In the previews for the next episode, Sam is the one crying and apologizing for RON fighting and it looks like the housemates will frame it to be her fault, as usual. Again, no accountability for the men of Jersey Shore.

It's true. Sammi is an annoying pain in the ass cunt from the little I have seen of her, but she cannot be the 100% blame behind this. They are all adults. It is not her fault that two grown men can't handle their steroids and emotions and URST for each other and have to rage on each other.

And speaking of these cretins and blame, I 100% blame them for this hurricane. Since MTV unleashed that disease of a show on society, we have had two winters of constant coastal snow storms, an earthquake the other day, and now a hurricane. Of course, these problems have affected other states besides just Joisey, but maybe the head honcho doesn't want to make it obvious that he or she is punishing Joisey for this show, so the catastrophes are spead to other areas and....you know what? What in the HELL am I even talking about?

7:09PM: He banged his own head on the wall? Really, MTV? REALLY? And the crap afterwards- watching 2 juiced up douchebags fight like two school girls, Jenni standing around crying that she doesn't want the kid to die (okay, I know seemingly benign head injuries can kill, like with Natasha Richardson, but come on)- is making me want to do the same thing to myself.

*rips off naughty nurse costume* Fuck you, Mike! You did this! Take care of yourself!

7:32PM: Why would 7 people leave their roommate with a concussion alone?

7:52PM: What are the statistical odds that 4 of the 5 MGMT songs on my iPod would play back to back on a shuffled playlist? I know....I need to listen to more songs by them. Technically, I know 6 songs by them, 2 of which I know from 104.5 ("Kids" and "Time To Pretend"), 1 from the Music Choice channels ("It's Working"), and the rest from the video suggestion box on Youtube while watching the other three ("Electric Feel", "Flash Delirium", and "Congratulations"), but "Congratulations" hasn't grown on me yet. I am just concerned if I were to listen to any more of their songs, my brain wouldn't be able to handle that much awesomeness.

8:31PM: Okay, I'm a dumbass and do think he kind of has a point, and I am guilty of defending this asshole (I defended him against my WA the other day when she kept making snide comments about him. I was half-tempted to rebut at one time with "what happened to the person we all love, but love to hate like you said before?" but then decided against it), but.....












Really, Mike? How old are you again? Oh, but that's right. All publicity is good publicity, right?

Now....here is what a REAL man has to say to this posting.

10:27PM: Oh god, Bouncy (as Lady Miss Kier calls her) is pregnant? Christ. We'll never hear the end of this. It will be like she is delivering the second coming of God.

Random Thoughts

Well, that was a quick vacation. As expected. It also went a lot better than I expected. The past few days were actually some of the best days I had in a while. It was the first time in a long time where I repeatedly laughed so hard my sides hurt. I just hate how trashy Wildwood is becoming. It is such a huge part of my childhood and seeing it heading down the path it is is just depressing.

Now it is time to head back the hellhole. I hate to see the mess that fucking bitch is going to leave me in my office. I keep praying that tomorrow comes my Me, Myself & Irene moment. I just know all I am going to want to do is pick up my shredding bin, take it in the center, dump it over her head, and scream "clean up your own damn mess, you lazy fucking cow! I'm not your mother!"

I was thinking one day how whenever I complain about guys always going for trashy girls, I pretty much always get the same response- oh those aren't the girls they want to marry. Please! They usually do marry them! Almost every ho I went to high school with is married.

I am so sick of people sugarcoating this relationship shit to me. Just because I have never been in one doesn't mean I don't know anything about them. I mean, for God's sake, I have never had sex and I seem to know more about it than most people who are having it.

So I finally broke down and fanned the Sitch on Facebook. And boy does that boy clog up my newsfeed with postings! I swear, he has posted about fanning *shudders* his brother Marc to get him to 45,000 fans about 6,000 times in the past few days.

It's funny, because when you read through comments on things he posts, a lot of people slam him and it's like, well, why did you become a fan of him? Makes no sense to me. And I am not talking regular bashing. I am talking pretty nasty names, even for a douchebag like him. "Fag" is a cruel word and not acceptable no matter how much of a jackass the recipient is.

I also realized something extremely depressing- any of the people who do actually praise him are all like 12 years old. Tween girls, possibly the most annoying age group of children in history and on earth, who shouldn't even know who he is, seem to be the ones who think he is hot. That is disturbing on so many levels. Jesus....I never realized I had that terrible taste in men. Yick!

I hate to admit, but reading some of his posts, he does actually seem like a really nice guy. And honestly, I don't really find it much of a surprise. And you know what the sad part is? I would actually like to meet him. But I never would. I would never dare put myself in his presence.

But the other day I came across this:












His abs were on vacation? I wonder where they went.

He actually has to brag about unveiling his abs? There have been pictures recently from the filming of the *pukes* 5th season. Before this FB posting. So why is it an unveiling?

And why does he insist on referring to himself in the third person?

Wait a minute....




















Bitch, please.

Picture Of The Day

Browse images: The Situation Shows Off His Abs | Radar Online

They still exist? Oh my.....

Well, why we are feeling mighty horny at the moment, may as well throw this in as well. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this gif again.

Oh god. Abs. So much fabulous abs. And muscles. And look at these pictures. That second picture. I never thought I would ever say this about a man, but holy mother of God, Andrew is beautiful! I can't turn away! I just cann...I mea...ohhhhhhhhh *falls against wall and slides down*

The I Have No Idea What To Call It Of The Day

Went down Seaside Saturday evening. My sister decides she needs to stop in the restroom right across from the Shore Store. There was a pretty large crowd outside and they were all watching the store. My mother and I just hung over by a lamp post amongst the mass of people and I kept my head facing the ocean. I heard some brat, who should not even know who these cretins are, say that Mike was in the store. I was less than 25 feet away from this. This that I have had more sexual fantasies about than should legally be allowed for one human (sickening, isn't it?). *starts hyperventilating, collapses on floor, and rocks back and forth with thumb in mouth*

If I didn't dislike my face so much, you bet your bottom dollar the second I heard that kid say Mike Sorrentino was in there, I would have charged through the crowd like a football player. They were all fucking animals anyway, in the crowd, so who do I care who I hurt? Some fat old ugly ass Puerto Rican bitch almost knocked my mother over running to get a look at Pauly D who was apparently a little ways up the boardwalk. I was half tempted to chase her down, grab her by her hair and pull her to the ground and say "hey bitch, learn some fucking manners! Oh and newsflash- Pauly D ain't going to give your fat fucking grenade ass the time of day anyway!"

I know a lot of people think he is ugly (I want to say I feel bad for him whenever anyone calls him ugly. But then I think of that massive ego and all sympathy evaporates), and I have seen some rather unattractive pictures of him where I can see why people call him ugly, plus there is the whole he looks so greasy that I would probably slide off the bed and break my face if I jumped and attacked him, but I think he looks cute in that picture. He looks normal. And un-douchebaggy.

Besides, I never understand why people complain about Mike being ugly. Look at Vinny. That kid's face looks like a fucking Picasso painting. I don't know why I ever said he was cute. Whenever I see him on the show bitching about grenades hitting on him and pretty much implying how dare they do so and then I look at his face, I want to punch him so bad and then kick him in the nuts.

I seen some comment on Oh No They Didn't that said the person thinks Mike has unresolved sexual tensions for Ronnie. I laughed, then I kind of thought about it. Like I know there was apparently something about Sammi choosing Ronnie over Mike and all that, but....I don't know. I still get the worst gay vibe from Mike, and maybe, just maybe, that is why he starts all that crap between the two of them. Maybe he is a psycho and if he can't have Ronnie, no one can!

I should mention that he would be wise to start sleeping with one eye open, because there is a possibility that his reign as king of my celebrity crush world could be overthrown very shortly.

Random Thoughts

Evidently, my question on whether to continue or move on from worrying about my foot is clear (continue worrying about it). I felt better and it felt better since I got the results of my x-ray and then over the weekend it started bothering me again. I have been worrying nonstop about it and it feels so uncomfortable (almost like a irritated burning discomfort that only comes when I am, strangely enough, resting) and I don't know whether it is true discomfort or at this point, psychosomatic pain. Either way, it is making me sick to my stomach every time I think about it, which is basically all day long, so I am nauseous from the time I wake up until I go to bed.

This has just been a hell of a week. I had such an upsetting day at work on Monday and I know I have said it before, but this was seriously the closest I ever came to walking out. My boss spoke so horribly to me, reaming me out for doing something that she has told me MULTIPLE TIMES to do. For once, my WA was beneficial, because she was there to back me up on what I was getting in trouble for. I was so upset and shaking so bad, I felt like I was going to burst. I went back to my desk and did nothing for 10 minutes because I had basically shut down mentally at that point.

There have been so many days where I just get so overwhelmed, I have to lay my head down or lay on my bed or on the floor and just not do anything. I am so stressed, really not over anything of significance, but just a bunch of small things. I just want to cry all the time. I have been sleeping pretty much every day I come home from work on the days I don't exercise (it's a long story; I have this fear that sleeping will slow down my revved up metabolism). I can barely get out of bed in the mornings. My whole body hurts from head to toe. My shoulders and neck tingle, which is a very uncomfortable and annoying feeling. I am so fucking depressed and it all started when this crap with my foot started. I became less active when it started, for fear of doing harm, which in turn is making me cranky and depressed because I like to be very active.

Oh boy and am I cranky! My patience is just about nonexistant. Every little thing is annoying me. Every time my father talks to me, I want to scream. My mother keeps talking excessively about the damn Casey Anthony trial. I am not even in the door five minutes after work, and if it's not my father bothering me, it's my mother going on about the goddamn case. I don't fucking care! And every night at dinner, my father has to walk by and rub my shoulder, or he will come in my bedroom and talk to me and rub my back and I just want to scream "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!". I fucking HATE when people touch me for no goddamn reason.

I don't know what else to do. And the foot worry is severely exacerbating my stress over That Thing. I am so stressed I feel like I am very close to breaking down. I can't get my mind to shut off for nothing. It feels like someone put my mind on overdrive and there is no way to stop it.

There have been many times where my stress over That Thing is driving me to the brink of contemplating suicide. I can't deal with wanting this so bad and more than likely never getting it and I can't deal with the shame of it. And one day I was thinking if I were to ever get to the point where I would actually commit suicide over it, and how if my mother were to find out about it, how she would still prefer to have me on Earth even knowing her daughter has such a sick twisted desire, rather than to never see me again. And it was like a punch in the stomach. It made me physically ill to come to that realization. But it still is not enough to admit it to her.

There was a Philadelphia firefighter who recently got in trouble for posing topless for a calendar that benefits widows. A whole big turmoil resulted and his job was affected. I think he eventually got his job back. Well, last weekend, he was found dead of suicide. I was reading an article in the Daily News about him and I just filled up. I just looked at the picture of him and wished I could open my arms, give him a hug, and take away all of his emotional and mental hurting.

So....yeah, in the last RT entry, that last part....I can't even begin to describe how much guts it took for me to admit to that. It took a lot for me to hit the Publish Post button and even after that, I contemplated going back and deleting it. And like I said, it's not something I am ashamed of- far from it- it's just something I prefer to not really admit it. I don't know, I can't describe it. I guess I have this fear that people are going to get the wrong idea. What the wrong idea could be is beyond me, but still. I also don't feel like being subjected to any psychobabble analyses.

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 6.30.11 - Photos – The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Oh for fuck's sake. Mike, just come out of the freaking closet already.

Picture Of The Day

(From this)

*sputters* What th....they look like they are on a date!

I seem to have a very bizarre sense of taste in what I find attractive. We got this bitch, the Situation, reigning king of my celebrity crush world, an overly jacked up, too tan guido. And then we have Andrew Vanwyngarden, of MGMT, a skinny jeans wearing, longish-haired pretty boy, generally three huge turn offs, but for some reason or another, works with him. Could two people be any more different? And even after seeing this picture (Jeebus, that picture is terrifyingly and disturbingly beautiful), I still get a bigger gay vibe from the former. I don't really get any vibe from Andrew, because it just seems like it would be too obvious. Maybe bisexual at the most.

I'm a tad bit creeped out by how Mike is looking at Ronnie. He looks like, ohhh, baby.

Video Of The Day

FINALLY....I found a clip of it!

YouTube - J-Woww punches Mike The Situation in the face jersey shore atlantic city

Fantastic. Schadenfreude at its finest.

Random Thoughts

I am so glad the week is finally over! Although I am REALLY not looking forward to this Monday coming. One, it's getting closer to the end of the month and two, my WA is back. Which means my enjoyment of having conversations with others without worrying about her interrupting is going to be coming to end. Huzzah. Or at least until I go postal on her one day about it.

And if the news I was given about her the other day is true, then I know for a fact that she is, like everyone else, not someone I can trust. And if what I was told is true, I would like to punch her lights out. And if it is true, then she is also even stupider than I could ever imagine. I mean, this piece of news almost made my head explode from the sheer stupidness of it. It hurts my head just thinking about it right now. How, I want someone to explain to me, is it I am a virgin and I know more about sex than most of the people out there ACTUALLY HAVING IT?!!!!!

And seriously- if the she thinks shooting a brat out is going to keep her boyfriend around, she has another thing coming. Dumb-freaking-ass! And they used the pull out method as a form of birth control? Hahahahaha! Bwahahahaah! *falls off desk chair squealing with laughter*

God bless America, the land of opportunity. Soon to be the land of absolute stupidity. I want to know how a fictional movie (e.g. Idiocracy) is likely to become a true story.

At the risk of repeating myself, I really do not know if I will be able to make it 50. I don't want to live on this planet anymore! I am ready to kick the bucket. Bite the dust. Whatever you want.

I wish I knew if the Rapture really was going to come. Because do you know what I would do? Pig out. Then I would go to a sex shop, buy some nasty lingerie and a leather whip, book a flight to Florence, march up to wherever the Durrrsey Shur cast is staying (whip in hand so no one messes with me), grab the Situation by his hair, drag him to a bedroom (just like a caveman with a cavewoman), lock the door, push him on the bed, inform him I have flown a bazillion miles to come to get deflowered by him before we all die. And then to spank him because he has been a naughty boy. And when he tells me he is not interested, I will tell him that I am not asking.

God, I really do have problems, don't I? Come on- someone please assure me that I am seriously not the only person on earth- that is of legal age and not completely hosed out of their mind- who thinks he is cute. Sure, I have seen plenty of people say that yes, they would, with a paperbag over his head, but I would hit it without the bag. I think he is cute (for the most part; I have seen some hideous pictures of him). Guess I just have terrible taste.

No. Let's get to how my time before the Rapture really will be spent. The pigging out part will definitely happen. As for the rest? Alone. Forever alone.

*turns up "Lonely Days" by the Bee Gees, sits in the corner, cries while singing loudly*

Random Thoughts

Oh am I happy this week is a three day week for me.

My sister's bachelorette party was this weekend. It was interesting, to say the least. There was about eleven of us. First we did dinner at Longhorn (first time going there for me and I think I may have just found a bacon cheeseburger that rivals Friday's), then we headed down Atlantic City. We went to Boogie Nights at Resorts. Again, interesting, to say the least. While we standing in line to get in, I could feel my chest starting to tighten at the prospect of having to go in. But once I was in, I relaxed a little and actually was on the dance floor most of the time we were there.

The dance floor was a fascinating place. For one thing, it kept getting smelly. And the sights! Oh the horror! Old people grinding against each, fat people in clothing several sizes too small for them.....*shudders*. At one point, I had some foreign kid kind of dancing with me and because I am socially retarded, I had no idea what to do so I just kind of winged it. I must have not been too terrible though, because he didn't run off screaming. I could see my sister watching him, though and later she told me she was keeping an eye on him that he didn't get too close. I just laughed, mostly at the prospect of a guy even coming close to me.

Everywhere I looked, all I could think of was this gif from this article:



Watch that gif closely. Tell me that kid is not at least bi. And you know what else? Where is the original Situation? I have seen plenty of pictures of him over the past few months and I cannot remember the last time I seen him lift his shirt up. Picture 10 of this gallery has him topless, but you cannot see anything. I think the last time I saw the full ensemble was when he was on Dancing With The Has Beens And The Why Am I Famous Agains. Whatsa matter? Sitch getting fat?

There was a lady who impersonated different singers on stage at random points and all I kept thinking was, damn she looks like Lady Miss Kier and if that is her and I am not getting my picture done with her, I am going to be so mad! But I checked her blog and I don't think it was her.

And now it is time to go back to that....place. Oh, the horror again! I am starting to notice an annoying trait. Like the rest of society should probably do, I ask questions when I am having a problem with my work. And I absolutely despise ever having to ask my boss questions. One, she gets nasty sometimes. But this is generally how asking a question turns out:

1. I ask a question
2. Boss starts asking questions that are hardly related to said question
3. I attempt to explain what is going on
4. Boss keeps going on about something else
5. I get even more frustrated
6. Boss flies off the handle about problem and whatever someone else did wrong, badmouths employee to me, uses the F word repeatedly, then starts to bitch about how she will have to hear it from our sister office because whenever something goes wrong, they immediately call her up and start yelling at her.

And then sometimes it will turn into an all out rant about our sister office in general. But the last one is what kills me. She is in charge of the office! Of course they are going to go right to her! Who else does she expect our sister office to holler at? Me?

Random Thoughts

HORRIFYING NEWS OF THE DAY! Out of curiosity, I decided to play around with an ovulation calculator to try to sync up particular symptoms I experience with my period and ovulation and apparently, I am at my most fertile right now. And since we all know I do not want any babies, I should not dare plan on or even contemplate having sex right now!

I almost fell on the floor and wept when I read that. The idea of me having a baby is just too horrifying. I don't understand why those closest to me still like to give me a hard time when I say I do not want children. They have seen me in action. Do they really think I would make a good mother? I know I won't. I want someone to tell me what exactly is wrong with knowing I would not make a good mother BEFORE I actually shoot out a baby instead of doing stupidly like so many idiots that get themselves knocked up AND THEN find out they make terrible mothers? I would so much rather regret NOT having a little snot than to have one and regret it.

Speaking of babies, we received an email in work the other day discussing plans for a baby shower for one of my coworkers. The people who are planning are basically demanding $25 from each of us. Now I am not hurting for money right now, but I do not want to put out that much money. I have much more important stuff in my own life to use that money towards than for someone I hardly know all that well. Frankly, I think they have a lot of BALLS to demand $25 from people in this economy. Then we are expected to bring food as well! Seriously- what the fuck?!

So the Sitch was near my neck of the woods on Friday night, at the Parx Casino. Would I liked to have gone? Sure. But unfortunately, the only way you'd get me in the same room as him is by force or by accident. Despite all of the oh you are so prettys I get and regardless of whether his vile treatment of women is for entertainment, I would stab myself repeatedly before I would ever voluntarily show my face to him. If Mike himself called me and told me he wanted to meet me, I still would not show my face to him. Those thoughts depressed me severely last night.

And as spacey as I have been lately, I could probably sit and have a 45 minute conversation with him and not even realize it was him. Unless he was flashing those abs of his. Which somehow I doubt I am worthy of being flashed the original Situation.

Why should I feel inferior around him anyway? I don't care if he is on one of the biggest reality shows on TV or how many things he is invited to or how much fucking money he is worth....he is still nothing. Is he really going to look back one day and be proud of what he is famous for? Which I have still yet to figure out what exactly that is. His abs? Big whoop. Walk on any beach and you can see tons of young hot toned male stomachs, many probably better looking than his. Is he smart? I don't know. Judging by his behavior on Durrrsey Shur, I'd give a big fat NO. He is dumber than a sack of bricks, by basis of the show. But is he really? I don't know. Part of me wants to say no, he is far from dumb. The other part wants to say no, he just got lucky.

And I may find him cute in some pictures, but every so often the voice of reason pops her head in and reminds me he is NOTHING to look at (in between her mission of trying to dethrone this bastard of his reign as supreme ruler in my world of celebrity crushes). He's greasy, an odd dresser, he's too top heavy, and frankly, he looks like he smells bad.

Speaking of the devil, over on the website TV Squad, every week I looked forward to reading the weekly recap of Durrrsey Shur because the article writer guy is just fantastic. I didn't expect one this week; however, he did write one and he wrote this gem of a sentence:

I thought the most interesting revelation, and accompanying assumption, was that Mike liked to dress his girls up just like him, and how narcissistic that was. The fact that he was sitting like he was visiting the gynecologist for a check up, and looked like a Muppet whose Muppeteer was drunk, made it all the more amusing.

I saw a couple minutes of it and Mike was, indeed, sitting like he was visiting the gynocologist. He always does. Every time I see him on TV, he is sitting with his legs spread apart like he is at the gyno. I already bitched about this before, of how I would like to climb into the TV with a megaphone and scream SHUT YOUR LEGS BOY or something of that nature.

And I am only about 5 months late in asking this, but why is his book called Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore? Isn't creeping like stalking? Actually I have no idea what it means because there is about a million definitions to it when I googled it and I certainly will not buy his book to find out what his definition of it is. Or rather, whoever actually wrote the book he is getting credit for. Wait, what am I talking about? We all know he spent hours slaving over a hot monkey brai- oops, Futurama is really starting to take over my brain- because we all know he spent hours and dedication writing this Pulitzer worthy novel. But hey, I will be honest- if someone gave me a copy, I might just read it. I am sure when I would actually sit down to read it, I will make it to about the first paragraph before I start screaming "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!".

I don't know why I would even bother reading it. It's not like I need lessons on how to creep on chicks, avoid grenades, and get my GTL on at the Jersey shore.

And what is this I hear about Rutgers havingthat cow Snookie speak at the school? I just can't with the whole college drop out NOTHING speaking at a college, so I'll go after the next outrage -$32 FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS?! From the student activity fees?! WHAT THE HELL, RUTGERS? I am very pleased to hear students and parents are outraged. Now I would not say I am human, but I like to think I resemble a little something closer to human than this orange retard, and if I was paid all that money and people were outraged by it, I would make sure to return some, if not all, of that money. That fat bitch isn't hurting. Celebrities really need to remember that their fans are a big part of making them who they are and it can easily be snatched away.

I don't know what I am missing something here, but I cannot fathom the "celebrities" of today that have this mentality that any publicity is good publicity. Are all of these people really and truly going to look back one day and be proud of their antics? I am not going to lie; there are some days- okay, a lot anymore- where I get so frustrated with my job and my life and consider throwing away all of the goodness (what little of it I possess) and morals and goody two shoe behavior. But then the voice of reason pops in her head again (she's a very busy girl anymore) and reminds me- would I really be able to live with myself down the line? Would it really be worth it?

And how do these people- with their clothing lines and books and fragrances and whatever other shit- live with themselves taking money for things that they probably had absolutely no hand in creating other than slapping their names and faces on the products?

And you know what really bugs the shit out of me? These people that watch these shows because they are "like watching a car wreck" and then stand there and bitch about the stars' astronomical pays. NEWSFLASH- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. You are part of it all!

And now that I have called the kettle black, I am going to go punch myself repeatedly.

I really need to get a handle on whatever is ailing me, because I am starting to get increasingly belligerent and it's bothering me. The way I have been speaking to people is awful. The only comfort I find in it is if I were to be admitted to the hospital, I have a little more of a backbone than the last time I was there and I will not keep my mouth shut like I did last time when the mental health technicians spoke down to me because if there is one thing in this world I despise, it is being talked to like I am 4 years old. And I keep flying off the handle over everything. I had a dress fitting on Friday and for two weeks I have been a nervous wreck about going back and trying on my dress and not much to my surprise, I could not breathe in the dress when I put it on. I have not gained weight and if anything, the scale was down a pound or two since my first fitting. So naturally I burst into tears and had a meltdown. And then trying to explain this shit to people who barely speak English and were not understanding me only frustrated me more. And forget even trying to get across to these women about having stomach problems and how you can wake up, have one cup of coffee, and your abdomen expands about 2 inches.

I need to get laid. I really do. But since I do not have a sex buddy, I need to just settle for the fact that I am in desperate need of an orgasm right now and I am just too damn tired to try to do so.

And for some bizarre reason, that whole sentence made me think of this scene from Family Guy:

The WTF Of The Day/Signs Of The Apocolypse

'Jersey Shore' star The Situation schools Justin Bieber in 'Never Say Never' promo video

*eye twitch*

I think my brain stroked off again. The last thing I remember hearing is "my name is Professor Situation" and then I woke up with my face planted in my keyboard and the video was over.

Holy hell! Look at his face! Every time I see Mike anymore, his face looks so damn bloated. There was a picture of him in the new TV Guide and I swore I saw a second chin going on. Look at him!:


















Look at his face compared to it *searches frantically for older picture* here. And hey, look! It's Moe, Larry, and Curly! Bwahahahaha! Don't know where Shemp is, though.

And you know what else? "Professor" is spelled wrong on the chalkboard.

I first seen this article when I was on lunch at work and when I read the first comment by yerkiddingright I had to fold my arms on my desk and stick my head into them because I was laughing so hard and god forbid should my sinister laughter disrupt some people.

I found this picture of him and one of the first things I thought was, after questioning why he was with the mayor and has sunglasses and no shirt on, if I was to press one of my boobies up against a window, they would be roughly the same size as his man boobies. Do not ask. Just do not ask.

I say, are those stretchmarks I see? And is his shirt pink? Come to think of it, I think I remember reading somewhere that he took his shirt off because he left the tag or something on it. Or I'm having pipe dreams again. I don't know. I am so damn forgetful, I'm starting to have difficulty remembering what is real life and what have I dreamt anymore. Damn psych drugs!

Thanks to him, every single fucking time I hear or read the word "situation", I think of him (for some strange reason, this also always comes to mind). One night I was in the shower and I had a CD playing that I burned a few years back and Yaz came on and I was dancing in the shower. And then I realized what the name of the song was. My eye started to twitch violently. One night on Action News, they were talking about the gas line explosion in Philalphia that killed a gas worker and I swear to God, every other word out of the reporter's mouth was "situation". Finally at one point, I screamed "SHUT UP!" at the TV screen and my mom comes in and says "what the hell is your problem?!". I don't remember what the answer was I gave her. I don't know if she knows his name now, after that little debacle at dinner that one night, although she did say to me at dinner one night "guess what your boyfriend said?" and proceeded to tell me how she read in a magazine that he says in his book that he likes to put girls in the hot tub to sterilize them before he hooks up with them. I'd already read it in a Newsweek in work, so I just laughed. Mom's never made any comments about him before, but I do not think she was very pleased with that.

But really now....where does he get off? I hope he gets in the hot tub as well because if anyone needs to be sterilized, it's El Sitcho here. Good God. Fucking pig. Fucking sexy pig.

Jesus. I'm sorry, but he looks really fucking hot in that video. Nerdy glasses, girly scarf, bloated face and all. I don't know. I think he looks good with extra weight on him. Like with Lady Miss Kier- ah, ya'll thought I forgot about her, didn't you *laughs, the turns serious* NEVER!- it reminds me that he is in fact, human. Well, something close to it. *sits on desk in cliche naughty school girl outfit, crosses legs, and pulls 2 apples out of bra* I'm ready for my lesson, Mr. The Situation.

Did I really just say that? Ugh. Oh well. *whistles "Don't Stand" by the Police*

Random Thoughts

Thank God it's Friday! Although I am sure Monday will rear its ugly head in no time.

I had a busy as shit day in work today. I came very close to picking up the phone and calling the hospital and telling them to hold me a room because I would be showing up after work. Someone- we will not mention any names- was driving me up the wall.

My coworkers and I were discussing another coworker on Wednesday because frankly, we are all tired of her shit. She comes in late, leaves early, and generally does not do her work the way she is supposed to. And the boss lady just let's her get away with it and when the BL was confronted about it by one of my coworkers, her answer to the complaint was so unbelievable I cannot even repeat it for fear I might go out into the kitchen and stab myself from the unbelievableness of it. We had a delayed opening on Wednesday. We all came in at 10 and left our normal times. She rolls in at 11 and leaves at 3. The minute we found out she left, we all went apeshit.

I think I know why she isn't being fired. Judging by the comments she has been making lately, a little thing called the race card will rear its ugly head if she were to be fired. No. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that YOUR WORK ETHICS FUCKING SUCK, you dumb cunt.

And sometime during the conversation, I found out she had sent a demeaning email about me to our boss. See, once upon a time, a certain job task was delegated to the person in her position, then one day my boss decides to delegate it to me. And sometime after that she delegated it back to my coworker. And failed to tell me. So I was still doing it every once in a while and eventually my coworker said something to me. But just being the oh so nice person I am, I still gave her a hand every so often when I would see it building up or I was reaching the point where if I had to organize one more file, I was going to stick my finger an the electrical socket. Well, apparently that does not fly well with her, for someone to give her a hand. So she ratted me out to the boss, saying I "do not understand" my job description or some other bullshit. I was livid. I flipped out. This coming from someone who basically makes her own schedule and does whatever she fucking feels like. I never knew much of what her work ethic was like until I was given a new job. My work depends largely on her work. And I like to get my work done. Because I am an anal retentive cow. And when my work starts suffering due to someone else's laziness, then the short tempered Neopolitan in me comes out. Which she has seen a brief glimpse of back when this happened.

No, honey, I understand my job description perfectly fine. I was just raised by parents who taught me how to be a team player and to help others out in the workplace if it seems like they need it, despite the fact that almost no one in that place ever bends over to fucking help me.

It's bad enough when she sent me an email before lecturing me on the job I was doing. Well, you know what? I work with what I am given! I can't help it if the shelves are packed to the brim. And my back is crap after doing that damn project back in the spring. But to say I don't understand my job description? You know what? My job description has that as part of my job. I thought she was cool with me and apparently she is just like the rest of the assholes in the world.

God I hate people. Is there anyone I can trust? And I have just about had it with the double standards. Shit I would never get away with in work others do. It's fine for everyone else to do shit, but if I do it, I get in trouble. If I bad mouth someone, the other person immediately defends said bad-mouthed person. But the person who I said the negative comment to can say the same thing and everything is fine and dandy (example- I can say something negative about my father to my mother, she will defend him, and not long after she will say the same negative thing.)

Ugh, I am getting annoyed with people and my weight. I went to dinner with my sister earlier and we were discussing her wedding and she says to me "you don't plan on losing any more weight do you? Just maintain? Otherwise your dress will be gigantic again" (I had to exchange my bridesmaid dress for a smaller size because my first dress almost fell to the floor every time I put it on). She is about the fourth or fifth person to say that to me and it is really starting to piss me off. Not one single person has said anything to her about not losing weight. No one says to her "oh you don't want to lose too much weight and have your dress be too big". Noooo. Only me. Why only me?

Speaking of craziness, I went to see Black Swan last night and....well, it was interesting. That girl on girl scene was something. I won't deny it- I would almost say it was kinda hot. Mila Kunis is very attractive. I was a fan of That 70's Show back in like 2005 or so and I kinda had a girl crush on her then. All in all, aside from the asshole teenagers who sat behind us that (we draw them, I swear) didn't stop giggling the entire movie, it was pretty good. I generally enjoy movies where the main character has a severe case of the batshit. And Nina certainly fullfilled that. Hell, I felt almost entirely sane during and briefly after watching that movie. It felt fantastic.

I saw this preview for some movie and the trailer played "Panic Switch" and I have to say that song is absolutely fantastic at ear shattering decibels. Too bad the movie it was playing for looked so profoundly stupid, I wanted to kick some random person's (the 4 teenagers behind us) ass for it.

Okay, so it should be pretty clear by now that I am not a child person. I guess it's a little extreme to say I hate kids (not that the words have never slipped from my mouth), but I do not like many. Well, one that pisses me off- and I think I may have brought this up before- is the child centric mentality of this country! A tragedy is terrible, but should it involve a child, then it's OMG so horrible. Take, for example, the recent shooting in Arizona. I know 6 people have died. But the only one I hear about is the 9 year old girl. I know absolutely nothing about the other victims. Why do those other victims not deserve the same amount of attention? Look, I can understand that losing a child would be horrible. I would be beside myself if I had a kid and something happened to it. But I would be just as grief stricken if the same thing happened to a family member.

Now I have had well over 100 oz of diet Coke today so I am a bit jumpy and extremely hyper. I was going through the channels and The Wendy Williams Show was on and the Situation was one of her guests, so I left it on for a few minutes. The first thing that came to my mind was, his face looks like it's getting fat. The second thing I thought was, it's absolutely terrifying what I would let him do to me. If he told me the only way he'd screw me is by doing it up the ass, I would silently pull down my pants and bend over. And I would never ever do anal sex under normal circumstances because I believe nothing, absolutely nothing, should ever be inserted into that area (One time when I was going through a really bad bout with constipation, I finally couldn't take it anymore when even ex-lax wasn't working and bought an enema. However, it still took several days for me to finally break down and allow somone to give it to me. And then the first time I went to the GI doctor, my mom decides to inform me the day of the visit- which I suspect was on purpose so I couldn't cancel- that they do rectal exams on the first visit. I almost died. And yes. Yes I did have to have one.). If he came into my work place and told me the only way he would do me is on top of the file shelf in front of everyone with "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship blasting (the fuck?), I would turn up the radio, rip my clothes off, jump on the shelf and let him screw my brains out. All I know is whatever I allow him to do to me, I want it rough. Somehow, though, I have this sneaky suspicion that sex with him would be largely unsatisfying and utterly disappointing.

I'm telling you right now the only two things that I know for an absolute fact I would not do with him- sleep with him in that house and sleep with him on TV. No way. I have no desire for fame. And I would not tell a soul, not even my own family, if I did sleep with him. Well, until the first signs of an STD show up. Then I might say something to my sister and even that would be vague.

God, I really do have problems, don't I?

*points thumb into corner* I think I'll just go sit in the corner and cry for the next 4 hours.

Random Thoughts

Happy belated New Year!

It's absolutely amazing. This is the first New Years in many years I did not end up in my bedroom sobbing after the ball dropped. Brain, whatever is going on up there....keep it up. Please.

I don't remember why I was discussing high blood pressure with someone one day, but it made me think back to the day after I was admitted to the hospital. A nurse came and told me the dietician would be coming and talking with me due to my blood pressure being a little high when I was admitted (they do all kinds of fun shit when you are admitted to a crazy place- temperature, weight, height, BP. Make you strip down to your underwear and shake out your bra and underwear. Yes. Because my method of suicide*, which was spelled out clearly to the crisis counselor, would have fit into any place in my body.). Let's review all of this for a second. I am stressed to the point of being suicidal over the ideation I have MS. I am told I have to "voluntarily" admit myself to a psychiatric hospital for 96 hours (after being told by my therapist at the most a 48 hour hold) or else I will be taken to an ER by a cop and more than likely involuntatily admitted. I had to strip down to my skivvies in front of some cow who I don't know from Adam.

Hm. Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I certainly cannot see any part of that story that would be the reason behind my blood pressure skyrocketing.

*carbon monoxide poisoning by stuffing my car exhaust pipe

My mother has a big mouth. Both Friday and Saturday my sister was around and the four of us went to dinner on Saturday and my mom starts telling me this story about guess where "my girlfriend" went and I demand to know which girlfriend she is referring to and she says Elisabeth Hasselcrack (her being "my girlfriend" is news to me) and apparently she went to Seaside or something and saw Snooki (or something) and then my dad mentions about one of the guys being arrested and my mom goes "oh is that your boyfriend who was arrested?" and my sister goes "who is your boyfriend?! Ronnie?!" and I said "no!" and then she says "who is it? Mike "the Situation"?!" and looks to my mom, who says "I don't know his name" and then my sister says "he was the one on Dancing With The Stars" and my mom goes "oh yes!" and it turned into this whole big fiasco of my sister laughing hysterically and telling me she now can hold this against me whenever I and I quote "make me feel guilty for watching Jersey Shore" and making some comment about how greasy looking he is (which he is. Good God, I saw Durrrsey Shur on one night and it was just him in that side panel thing putting words together and his face was so fucking shiny. I shouldn't laugh at this, but it's fun to laugh at him). I swear to God, she didn't leave me alone about it for about 2 hours. When we got home she was still ribbing me about it and I went off to use the bathroom and all I heard was loud guffawing and when I came out, the new issue of the TV Guide was in my place at the kitchen table and it was opened to the cast picture and she drew a heart above him. I slammed it shut and yelled "oh you can all kiss my ass!". That only made everything worse.

This is exactly why I told my mom to never say anything to her.

Ugh, my right wrist hurts. I am certainly not looking for it, but I keep waiting for the day when carpal tunnel syndrome rears its ugly head on one, or both, of my wrists.

Speaking of ugly head rearing....I swear, I will never agree to be part of a bridal party again. The one bridesmaid who I anticipated wouldn't do shit is not disappointing. My mother went ahead and planned the bridal shower without really discussing it with anyone else, although to be fair to her, every time we tried to get the phone numbers of the bridal party, we were pretty much ignored. But she was so goddamn determined to book the shower because my cousin's daughter decides to book her wedding a week after my sister's, so my cousin is harassing my mother wanting to know when the shower is. I told her fuck my cousin (who is also my "godmother") and fuck my second cousin. But my mother makes the plans anyway and puts me in the absolute awkward position of having to inform the other bridesmaids that oh my mom planned part of the bridal shower. And now my mother wants to get the invitations out and no one is giving us addresses and she is getting all over me about it. I don't know what to tell her to do! Everyone keeps promising us addresses and no one is providing them to us. Never, ever do I want to do this again.

I started this entry off in a great mood. But now I am getting really freaking cranky because I am freezing my ass off, my mother has been on my ass all day, and I realized something that was supposed to be lighthearted and fun is starting to turn into something I am taking a lot more seriously than I wanted. And it's bugging the hell out of me.

I can't go through it again. I just can't.

I don't understand my brain at all. It's like my brain is working as two different sides. One side lets me know it is ridiculous for something to bother me, but then the other side battles with it. Goddammit, it is really hard to explain something without going into detail. Oh wait, I know a good example- the guy I was head over heels for a couple years ago. I knew deep down I never really had a chance with him and frankly, I didn't know him really all that well. I think I was more in love with an image of him. But I was so freaking devastated to find out he was engaged. And I knew I was being ridiculous and I even said it out loud repeatedly and yet I still could not help bursting into tears whenever I saw him or any wedding stuff. Why did I know I was being ridiculous, but I still reacted irrationally? I have never been able to solve that mystery.

Random Thoughts

Merry belated freaking Christmas everyone! Another year of making plans to watch A Christmas Story and another year of failing to see it again. People cannot understand how is it possible for me to miss it when it's on 24 hours straight, but somehow I get too busy when the marathon is running. One of these years I will actually see it. One of these years.

Despite the repeated protests of not having much on my list, I think I made out pretty well. I received quite a bit of jewelry. Pretty much everything on my list (what existed of one) was given to me. The only thing I did not receive was a new set of handweights. I need 3 pounders.

And I love the snowstorm yesterday. The one that, as of my birthday, had a 75% of going offshore and not hitting us. Right. Those statistics were quite accurate. I was up most of the night last night worrying about how I was going to get to work. The roads in my neighborhood were an absolute mess. There was no way I was getting to work, so I had to call out. Against my better judgement. And now I am one day short of PTO time next year. I never get why places force you to take PTO time. If I don't want to get paid, that is my prerogative. I would think most workplaces would be fucking ecstatic when an employee wants to decline being paid.

I had to laugh because this morning I was absolutely off the wall over how I was going to get to work and at one point, my father turns to me and says "hey, you paid for it, but that car is in my name and I don't want anything happening to it". I was already pretty pissed off and that almost sent me through the roof. I wanted to turn to him and say "excuse me? Oh now it's not just if you pay for something, it's if it is in your name as well?". Or just go absolutely apeshit. My father has this piss poor attitude that he is in charge of everything as long as he pays for it. He constantly throws crap like that in my mother's face. He is constantly taking her car- the car she paid for with her own cash and has her name on the title- on errands and when she made a comment to him about not putting in gas money despite taking it repeatedly, he made some wise ass comment about oh who pays for the insurance. My mom, although I am very much like her, is different in some ways. If my husband spoke to me that way, I'd knock him on his ass.

And for the record, my name is on that car title as well. And I reminded him of that and then simply left the room because I knew if I stayed in the room much longer, I'd have to do everything in my power to keep myself from knocking him on his fat ass.

I don't understand this weather anymore. Up until last year, every time a snowstorm came, it was always Pennsy that was slammed. Now all of a sudden, these stupid coastal storms keep popping up and slamming NJ and Pennsy barely gets squat. Is this our punishment for Durrrsey Shur?

Speaking of the devil....okay, so I know I am pushing into overload territory here, but I took a trip up to the library last week- due to needing books to read due to the new issue of Weird NJ still not being out yet, but finally came out right afterwards- and I did happen to find that issue of US Weekly, so I snuck off and read it and....wow. Assuming everything in the article is true, the Situation is freaking unbelievable. I don't understand what his problem is, except that he is no diva; he is a freaking whackjob. It almost sounds like he wants nothing to do with anyone else on the show, even Pauly D, who is supposed to be his best friend. He is not the one only one on the show. Mike, you did not cure cancer. Get the hell over yourself.

And he honestly wants to stand there and whine about being lonely? Oh ho! Join the club! Look, I do feel bad for him if he actually feels lonely because right now I feel so friggin lonely I want to scream and it is a lousy feeling, but at the same time I have to wonder. Maybe he really isn't doing anything wrong, who knows, but if he acts anything like he does on the show....well, Mike, I can't imagine why you would drive people away from you. Here is an idea, Mikey- step back and take a giant look in the mirror at yourself- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take a look at yourself before you call another person ugly. Yes, for some strange reason or another, I find you cute. But I can also say you look like a middle aged old man going through a midlife crisis, you have a big ass nose, your face has enough grease to fry French fries in, your abs are freaky looking, and your arms are disproportionate to the rest of your body. I'm sorry, Mike, you are not perfect.

Really step back and take a look at how you treat women and don't give the bullshit that you love your mommy and your sister and that it is all meant to be lighthearted because newsflash, Mike- it's not funny. Do some of them probably deserve to be treated like crap? Probably. To be truthful, I don't even feel sorry for most of the girls that get treated liked crap by him. And Jesus, for someone who hates "grenades", most of the women he supposedly hooks up with are ugly as shit. These bitches actually make me feel attractive when I look in the mirror. Mike, man....damn! But it's still not funny. And I am sure there are girls that don't deserve the nasty ass treatment he gives. I don't think the checkers girl deserved the treatment she got.

And don't go around slapping people.

And for the love of God- enough with the fucking leader who has to make all the decisions crap!

I almost feel bad saying this, but I hope when his fall finally comes, it comes in A BIG WAY. Maybe when his time comes, he'll take it so bad, he'll decide to take a long walk off of a short bridge. But he cannot take that long walk without screwing me first. And before he screws me, he is gonna meet my mom. Mom'll knock that ego down a few pegs with bitchiness and guilt tripping.

My mother is a scary woman. We won't even touch on my grandmother.

It pains me to say this, but deep down, I do not believe he is a bad person. I think a lot of the slamming of him, albeit hilarious at times, is out of bounds. Other than his misogynistic behavior and girl tantrums, he seems pretty well-behaved. I mean, he isn't in the tabloids passed out drunk or high or mowing people down with that weird ass car of his or anything like that. Is he?

His car ain't bad, mostly because it's black, but I am not a fan of Bentleys. They always seem like such old man cars (please suppress all urges to make any Situation looks like an old man jokes). Plus, the way he customized it....*rolls eyes*. He puts me in the mind of someone that would buy something a little sportier, like a Lamborghini or something. Now, if it is a stick shift, that is a whole different story. There is something about watching someone drive stick shift that just, uh, drives me absolutely wild.

In one of the interviews I skimmed over about him, he mentioned something about being a underwear model and frankly, I never could understand how someone would give him that opportunity because as I have repeatedly implied before, his abs simultaneously freak me out and make me drool (his abs are his Facebook profile picture; freaks me the hell out every time I see the picture; I liked it better when this was his profile picture. And no, I am not a "fan" of him, but he frequently comes up as a suggestion under "Discover more pages" and my sister's fiance is a fan of him). Well, now that I have seen pictures of him when he was younger (I need to find the webpage again), I am going to willingly take that back. Jeebus Christmas, that boy was fucking ripped once upon a time. What in the hell happened? He still is, but believe me, those abs look nothing like they did once upon a time. But then again, he is....uh, how old is he again?

And one more thing- I was reading this article and it had this excerpt from his Pulitzer worthy "book" (I was in Barnes & Noble on my birthday and I walked by the table where his book was last time and someone had taken a copy and placed it front cover down- I lol'd):

chicks do dig guys with shaved legs

We do? Wow, I'm so glad he knows how the female spec....wait a minute....is he implying that he shaves his legs? Bwahahaha! I swear, if that boy ever comes out of the closet, it's going to be absolutely freaking fantastic. Almost as fantastic as it coming out that someone got a hold of his birth certificate and he is really about 45 years old and going through a huge midlife crisis.

If he ever came out, I hope it would be similar to this.

I'm sorry; I am a little stressed over going into work tomorrow. I am afraid I am going to get in trouble for calling out, mostly because I was unable to actually talk with someone when I called out. I left 2 messages, but it was on the general voicemail since oh bright one here does not have any of her coworker's private extensions. Oh and I have to deal with getting my time clock account unlocked, since it was locked due to me trying to change the password and I apparently hit the maximum amount of attempts to change my password. Don't know what the hell I was doing wrong, but it would not accept any of my attempted new passwords.

Random Thoughts

I woke up pretty miserable this morning- partly due to waking up at 5AM and not falling back asleep (I wake up at 7), partly due to my stomach problems flaring up, and partly due to absolutely no reason at all- and when I got to work, all seemed to be pretty mellow- until I heard that voice. "The man" was in. I haven't been in work when he was in in a very long time. Ugh.

And what happens? I am on lunch and I happen to be on the Daily What when he comes strolling into my workspace and I see him keep staring at my screen. I was clocked out so I was not going to bother hiding the screen. I was not doing anything wrong. He didn't say anything, but if anything is said to me this week, I am going to make sure I am well prepared to defend myself. We were told to clock out if we want to spend personal time on the internet. Most people in the office still don't (I see people on Facebook all the time; I refuse to go on Facebook when I am at work; I don't want them knowing my password and log in and all that) and heck, sometimes I don't (I might refresh the MSN homepage and brief through the headlines real quick- 30 seconds at the most, it would be ridiculous to clock out for it), but right then and there I was. I will object if I have to, dammit!

Every holiday season, a group of about 6 of us get together and go shopping and dinner and all that fun stuff. Our trip this year was this past Sunday (we ate at 99 *sniffles*. I can't even begin to describe how upset I am over its closing). Except for the rain, it was actually pretty nice. I only wanted to stab about 15% of the people I came across, as opposed to my usual 95%.

I also happened to come across this while I was in Best Buy. I was going to take all of the copies and move them into the Horror section (yes, I am prone to going into stores and getting uncontrollable urges to move things around in stores, but usually I never go through with my plans because I have worked retail and it is kinda mean, although Saturday, I was in Target and I saw that the issues of Men's Fitness were hiding in the back of the magazine rack, so I took all of the copies and moved them to the front and I ended up back there on Monday and much to my surprise, no one had moved them back), but after giving side eye up and down the aisle, I concluded that there were simply too many people around and I certainly did not want to be accused of actually wanting to purchase a copy. Bitches, please- if I want a DVD on how to get fabulous abs, I am going to purchase a DVD by someone who, you know, actually has fabulous abs.

I also saw the "I Like It" video with all of the dipshits while I was in Sears. Oh and it was Schnozz here that I thought was singing the song the first time I heard it (look, before any Enrique fans get their pantalones in a bunch, it was 7AM in the morning and Enrique had a hat on, so I couldn't see his face real good, okay?). I think I saw the video right after D-Listed posted an article about his aural holocaust of a rap "song" (I listened to 5 seconds of it and....OH GOD! The horror!).

I found this picture of him and....what is he doing? He does realize he still has his shirt on, right?

Random Thoughts

Boo! It's Sunday! *blows loud raspberry*

I want any skinny people to tell me how they manage to stay warm in the winter months. I am so fucking cold and no matter what I do, I cannot get warm. I can barely recall the last time, with the exception of vacation in Myrtle Beach, when the words "I am so hot" came out of my mouth. It's not like I have no body fat, for God's sake. I had substantial bloodwork done in August ($855 worth!) and all come back in normal ranges, so I am not anemic or have a hypothyroid.

Ugh, everyone is getting on me about a Christmas list. I cannot think of absolutely anything I want and I have to come up with a birthday list as well! I have had this problem for a very long time. I am very anal about owning a lot of things, so it always makes it difficult to come up with a list. This is why I always laugh when people ask me if I ever feel like I get ripped off at the holidays. Noo. My only complaint is plenty of people seem to forget about my birthday.

I wish that spawn of Palin would STFU. It's bad enough we have to hear from Mommy Dearest constantly. Now her too? Like mother, like daughter. Defensive as shit, always flying off the handle yet never ONCE actually denying what they are being accused of. Reminds me of me. I do crap like that. And we all know I am fucking nuts.

I once was almost feeling sorry for her with all of the weight jokes being tossed around, but the way she was behaving the last few weeks, any sympathy flew out the window. How does someone spend so much time dancing and gain weight like that? I mean, look at me for example. I am a freak of nature. Do you know how some people will eat bad and then compensate by over exercising? I cannot compensate my bad eating with exercising. For some reason, if I go above 30 minutes of exercise, 5 days a week, I tend to hold weight or even gain weight. The summer of 2009, I went through a brief period where I was doing that. I am talking a little bit of overeating and spending an hour or more exercising because I felt so horrible and guilty for overeating. And I actually gained weight! But I have never ballooned up like this bitch. The most I gained was 2 to 5 pounds and it might have been muscle for all I know. It takes an extra 3500 calories to gain a pound! How many calories a day was she consuming? About 20,000?

On a side note, I am very proud to say I have not engaged in any bulimic behavior since September. And I have actually lost weight! Huzzahs are in order!

Last week, some controversey blew up in Philly about the renaming of some wooden shack stores from "Christmas Village" to "Holiday Village" or something (I actually was there last year and I almost died of a heart attack on the spot when I came upon a stand that was literally bursting with nesting dolls) and then it concluded with the original name being kept. Yeah, I thought it was kind of stupid to change the name, but ugh, did the War On Christmas soldiers come charging out of the woodwork. I am beyond the point of being sick of hearing about this crap every year.

UGH! I wish everyone would just STFU.

I was reading the GQ article on the Sitch being the Burning Sensation of The Year, or whatever he was nominated for, and I came across a photo gallery and there was THIS. Two thoughts ran through my head- the first thing I thought was, dayum, does he have a penchant for tight pants or something? The second thing I thought was, what, no sock this time around, Mike?

*tilts head and leans closer to screen* I don't know; what do you all think? Was that definitely a sock in the last set of girl pants? I think it was.

Ha. He's all sweaty in that picture. Makes me think of the sketch from Kids In The Hall when the Chicken Lady and the Bearded Lady go to the strip club and Chicken Lady says "and I stuck a quarter in his belly button and it stayed there. Wanna know why? 'Cause he was sweaty" or something like that. Man, that was one of the BEST KITH sketches. My sister never even cracked a smile at any of the KITH sketches, but even she laughed at that one.

And I like how light conveniently shines across his chest and part of his abs. I half expected heavenly music to start blaring out of my computer speakers.

Photos - The Year in Us Weekly - September 27, 2010 - UsMagazine.com

Hey! Why do not I not recall ever seeing this issue in work? Oh. Right. Hm. I'll have to see if my local library has an issue so I can read about the Situation's "diva antics".

lol- diva antics. I'd love to know just how much of a drama queen that boy is.

This Is Uncomfortable And Humiliating!

Now if they could put it in the form of a situation....glue ye eyes to the screen at 0:41:

Watch Bloopers From The Situation's Workout DVD

You watched it! You can't UN-WATCH IT! *laughs sinisterly*

By all means, Mike, try not to hide it so much next time.

I can't believe I actually blushed watching that part.

I like the part when he gets all touchy feely with the other guy's back:




















I wonder if that is the part when he calls the guy "butter" (sound is not good). Freudian slip? And why is he wearing that damn black hat in an exercise video? Then again, he did wear said hat in the ocean (I think Superficial user noneofurbeezwax delivered a perfectly acceptable answer to the question of why is he wearing a hat in the ocean; I think it's an acceptable answer to my question as well, eh?). And did you ever watch the way he puts his hands on his hips? He does it so....girly.

Anyway, I haven't made made my daily Futurama reference yet today, so....wait, what the hell am I talking about? I have already made two in this article alone! Oh well....now is the perfect time to put this clip I have been waiting [rather impatiently] to good use: