Random Thoughts

I am listening to "A Song Can Change Your Life" by Mark Masri right now. I forgot how pretty that song was. Not quite sure why I stopped listening to it before. I should really be listening to the TV, though, because it's one of my 2 TV nights- it's Food Factory night!

I hate to say this for fear of jinxing myself but my bladder hasn't bothered me in quite a few weeks. And it didn't really occur to me until this week and I started thinking, well, why is that? And then an unsettling thought crossed my mind- was it really bothering me all because of my anxiety? Was my anxiety that bad that it was making me feel those problems? Or think I was?

Ugh, I am so annoyed about tomorrow. I don't want to eat bad! My mom hollered at me earlier that I need to just join in, that it won't kill me (my digestive system begs to differ) and I'll probably just work it off anyway. Still. I want to be bad on my own terms! I wish people would get off my back about my weight and eating habits. I always have to laugh about how everyone tells me I eat terrible yet argues with me when I say I think I might have a vitamin deficiency of some sort. If my diet is that terrible and unnutritious, then why would it be unheard of?

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday otherwise. Saturday my sister and I are supposed to go to the Cheesecake Factory, which means.....PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE!*

*yes, my life is so sad I am excited about cheesecake

The Awsome Of The Day

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Is this time of the year great or what? Pumpkin flavored stuff everywhere! Pumpkin flavored stuff as far as the eye can see!

Post by The Cheesecake Factory.

On another note-  I had the apple pie Blizzard tonight. It was pretty awesome. It reminded me of the Edy's apple pie ice cream that for some unknown reason they no longer sell. It's still not the pumpkin pie Blizzard, though. Which better be the Blizzard of the Month next month and not just sold this month or I'll shank someone for missing it.

Maybe Some Good News?

Whatever this thing is with me worrying about my health all the time, whether it is just still simply part of having OCD or it is undiagnosed hypochondria, I have mentioned before that I will do things to check whether I could possibly have [insert disease of the moment] or not. Like checking my skin and taking my blood pressure repeatedly. I will also read articles over and over again to find things to try and assure myself I do not have it.

I was in the bathroom at work earlier and I started to think about those cysts I have had (don't ask, I tend to think of things in the weirdest places. Like last Sunday I was in the shower and while I was washing my hair, I realized that I completely forgot about trying the California cheesesteak sandwich at the Cheesecake Factory). They form during ovulation and I started to think, well, if I am getting these cysts, is that a sure sign I am ovulating? So I googled it. And found this:

If you do not ovulate, you will not form functional cysts. (from the Cleveland Clinic)

So I am definitely ovulating then? I mean, I can tell....but there is still always that doubt.

On another note, my perfect cousin with the perfect life posted an article about Victoria's Secret kicking out a woman breast-feeding her spawn and how she is never going to shop there again. Yes, I am sure they will miss your business. It's not like there aren't hordes of Love Pink-wearing college-aged girls and overly tanned bleached blonde middle-aged women (usually the former's mothers) to make up for your woe is me I am so oppressed strike.

Random Thoughts

Well a night I looked forward turned into a shit hole. My aunt's friend wanted to go to the Cheesecake Factory for her birthday so we decided this Saturday we would go. We get to my sister's about 4 to head over and had to wait 20 minutes while she finished getting ready. And hubby just stood there and stared as usual. And then he actually asked her "who's taking the baby out to the car?". She tells him that she'll make two trips. And then did so while he just stood there and stared. I don't know how she can stand being married to him. He's such a lazy bastard.

When we get to the CF, there is a two hour wait. We did actually wait two hours, too. We had a dumb waitress. She gave everyone at the table their drinks except my mom's and mine, then goes and waits on another table. Our drinks were still on the carrying tray. Then when my mom said something to her, she apparently kind of got an attitude (I missed that, though). Both my food and my grandmother's got screwed up. Then my sister decides to get a piece of cheesecake for dear hubby, but still includes that in the bill when dividing it up, so we all had to pay about an extra dollar for his piece of cheesecake. And I know damn well if the situation was reversed, she would have made sure that person solely paid for their cheesecake.

Then we decide to go to the Christmas Tree Shop and while I was helping my sister get stuff out of the trunk, I thought she was done and I turned and reached up to bring down the trunk door and I didn't realize she was still there and hit her pretty hard on the head with it. And of course she has to make you feel like real shit, because I didn't already feel like shit, even though it was an accident. I wish I'd just fucking stayed home.

On another note, I decided to try the spicy chicken sandwich again and while it was still not the least bit spicy, it was better than the first time I had it. I also finally tried the Dutch apple streusel cheesecake. It was pretty damn good. Not shockingly it looked nothing like the picture. The first half of the cheesecake was not even cheesecake, just a huge chunk of streusel.

On Friday night I posted something about my workout routine on a website and someone responded that one of the things I am doing isn't going to do anything. Now obviously I read into things too much, so naturally I got a bitch vibe from the comment and felt a little offended. Maybe the person is right, I don't know, but it took 60 pounds off of me and has kept it off for over 2 years. It has also toned up my arms. I am not going to argue with my regimen.

As I have repeatedly said before, I get annoyed with my coworkers and their bitching about things that happen at every workplace. Thursday was one of the first days I actually agreed with them. Now I know from working there before that our sister company is a bunch of bastards. And they'll NEVER admit that laying off people was a huge mistake. My manager has been out for over a week. On Thursday, her supervisor apparently called two lines in the office and no one picked up. The one line she called, the girl was out of office. The other line, the girl was probably in with the doctor. So she starts freaking out probably and calls our most senior employee, who is the stand in manager. She wants to know everyone's extension and what we were all doing at the moment. We've been getting work done this long without a manager, suddenly that day it was a big deal?

On Friday, I spent a good chunk of the day working on one damn report. It was 8 pages long when I left. It was so freaking difficult and I don't even know how I would have time to go over it with my manager when she comes back. But there is no way I can turn it in without checking. I want to cry. I'm so damn screwed. I don't know what to do. How will I approach her about this?

And I have to laugh whenever I ask my FWA what she would do with something, a lot of times she'll just look at it and say I don't know. Really? If you were summarizing this, you would have no idea what to do with this? And this is what I am supposed to rely on for help when I need it? You know, it's really sad how much she fucking annoys me. I know I am no classy beauty queen, but I just look at her, with her ratty hair, nose stud, tongue stud, multiple tattoos, the asinine trashy way she dresses, the forced belching and I think JFC you're going to be a mother? And then that voice! Not only it is screechy and high pitched, but apparently she still has not adjusted to the damn tongue stud and it makes her inflict things funny. I just want to scream every time I hear her talk. Which is ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME.

She's also one of those types always posting shit on Facebook about how she is all sweet and stuff, but mess with her and her inner bitch will come on. Why are so many women proud to be bitches? I know I am a bitch. I'm far from proud of it, though. I really hate my attitude.

Good god, my period needs to come. I feel like I am going to lose my damn mind.

Random Thoughts

Man, I am so glad it's a three day week! I spent all day doing fall cleaning in my bedroom. I am exhausted. And the whole time I was cleaning, I felt like throwing most of my stuff into a pile and lighting it on fire. I feel like I have so much junk and I can't stand it. I have the exact opposite problem of hoarding. The littlest sign of clutter and I want to freak.

Last night, after all of the time I have been waiting to go, I finally got to go to the Cheesecake Factory. And I did not enjoy it. I decided to try the spicy crispy chicken sandwich and because I am picky as hell, I wanted it with no cheese or mayonnaise. When it came out, it looked really delicious. Except not only was it not spicy by any means, it was also bland as hell. I was really disappointed. My fries were salty as fuck. When I don't have to salt fries when I am on my period, you know they are way too salty. My cheesecake was delicious, except for being almost still frozen inside. And the table behind us, there was little girl about 2 years old, maybe 3, who kept standing up and hanging over the booth and staring at us. I don't know what other Cheesecake Factories are like, but ours has booths with very tall backs, probably almost 5 feet tall. I don't understand why parents allow their kids to do that and not holler at them. It was so fucking annoying. Not to mention she had one of those big obnoxious round plastic binks in her mouth.

I don't know if it's just a coincidence, but I think I need to stop going to places I have been craving when I have my period, because it never seems to turn out well anymore.

Last Thursday night, or maybe it was Wednesday night, I was going through the Comcast On Demand list to see if any new music videos of interest, e.g. anything by MGMT, had been added. "Cool Song No. 2" has been on there a while. I am not a big fan of that video so I didn't bother watching it. Sorry, it just freaks me out too much, although that part when the people are standing around the table and making what I presume to be drugs and singing along with the song makes me laugh. But I did discover they finally added the video for "Alien Days". So on Friday morning before I had to leave for work, I sat down and forced myself to watch it. I hate to admit it, and I still would rather have had a much weirder video, but the video is growing on me. It's so fucking cute and sweet, it makes my teeth and pancreas hurt. ARGH.

You know, I have been wanting nothing more than to see them live again since Musikfest and I am not even excited about going to the concert in a little over a week. I don't know what my problem is. It's not that I don't want to see them. I am just getting more nervous about what the crowd is going to be like. And I am anxious about something bad happening. And then I am anxious about things I don't even know about. And goddammit, I want to be up on the stage banging that big ass cowbell! Although let's be real- if I got pulled up on stage to do that, I would completely blank out and just stare at Andrew. What I'd be half-tempted to do is take the stick and nail Ben in the balls with it. Each and every single time it is supposed to hit the cowbell. Drum banging *BAM* here is the deal *BAM* open your eyes *BAM* your life is a lie *BAM* etc. I would practice 24 hours a day just to have the opportunity to do that. Harsh, I know, and I know to take every story on the internet with a grain of salt, but that story just really disgusted me.

I feel like shit today. I'm tired, cranky, and depressed. And it's freaking cold as anything out. I ran to the market with my mother earlier and after we got everything in the car, I literally ran the cart back up. And by the time I got back to the car, my chest felt heavy and my heart was pounding. And it still hasn't let up. I work out five days a week. I should not get out of breath like that. And yet everyone just brushes me off when I say I think something is off in my body (my bet is still on magnesium deficiency). Then again, I am starting to think I could develop a lump the size of a baseball in my head and everyone would still brush me off and tell me I am fine.

Random Thoughts

Last month when we received our phone bill, there had been an extra $1.99 charge for mobile broadband data usage. When it comes to a cellphone, there are only 3 things I do with one- make calls, text, and use the calculator. I have no idea whatsoever when or how my phone ever accessed the web. Well, I just checked the billing for this month and once again, a $1.99 charge was slapped on. I think I just cried for 40 minutes. Reasonable reaction? No, but I think I am long past the point of trying to explain myself. All I know is I am very annoyed. I am really starting to hate this phone. Phones should not be able to access the internet unless they are activated to do so. But then I guess the cellphone carriers can't bilk money out of their customers, can they?

Tropical storm Andrea, or whatever she is, is expected to brush the coast on Friday. Yay. The tropical crap is already starting up. I'm already starting to get worried about any possible tornado warnings. On top of the normal severe weather worries, now I am going to be a nervous wreck throughout the entire hurricane season. I never really had to worry about them before. Now hurricanes and other various tropical systems seem to have a vendetta for NJ. Sandy sucked eggs when she hit, but at least she didn't spawn any tornadoes.

This weather is nuts. All of those tornadoes out west. It's a wonder I haven't been having tornado nightmares out the wazoo. No, instead I had another dream about bugs last night. Giant one foot long bugs that were shitting everywhere. It was disgusting.

And going back to Sandy, I went down Wildwood this past weekend. I will never complain about the long trek from the boards to the ocean again. I wonder how bad the damage would have been to Wildwood's boardwalk had it been closer to the ocean. It's just a shame that the clientele of Wildwood is really going downhill. Not that it was ever great to begin with, but man oh man, has it gotten worse. I'll never forget that time when I was down for the weekend and that huge group of kids came running down the boards. I'd still like to know what that was all about.

I just read some blind over on Blind Gossip about a reality couple who sleeps in separate beds. I don't know why I find it so funny, but I do. I don't see a problem with separate beds for sleeping. If I ever got married, there is no way in hell I want to share a bed with someone. I am annoying to share a bed with. I toss and turn, I hog the covers, etc. Oh, and I probably kick people a lot. I don't get to do it in real life, so my subconscious makes me do it in my sleep.

I have been craving Popeye's since....oh, December. I have still yet to get it. I also have a craving for Cracker Barrel. And probably about a million other places. I just went to the Cheesecake Factory a couple weekends ago and I am already wanting to go back. Next time I go, I am going to try the spicy chicken sandwich. And possibly the dutch apple cheesecake. Last time I went, I had the pineapple upside down cheesecake. It was awesome. I might just want to get that again. Or the pina colada cheesecake, if summer is the season for it. I can't wait for the pumpkin to come back.

And speaking of food, I have not been able to buy my Tastykake angel food cakes that I love oh so much. I am in severe withdrawal. And sad if I can't ever get them again.

Random Thoughts

I am far from a religious person. But somewhere in the deep depths of my rotten evilness, I feel some faith. I don't know if there is a God or not, though. I really don't know what to believe.

Tonight's episode of Family Guy aired on my birthday, and I remember feeling just as annoyed with it as tonight. We get it, Seth- you don't believe in God. I don't understand why he has to be so fucking obnoxious about it. He is just as bad as the obnoxious Bible thumpers he likes to condemn. Can the nativity story be used in comedy? Sure. I thought the Simpsons did the story well and without being tacky. But this....this is just obnoxious.

Also, I am sick of seeing previews for that movie 21 and Over. I feel like brain cells die every time I see commercials for it. Which is about 2 or 3 per commercial break.

I started watching Pretty Little Liars back when it first aired and for a while, I kind of lost interest in it and just had it on for background noise. But now I watch it pretty faithfully, despite how annoying the show can be. Those girls can be so fucking stupid! I've had a girl crush on Lucy Hale since Privileged aired, but Aria can be really annoying. Emily is an awful actor. Hanna is a fucking cow, especially towards her mother. I really can't tolerate how she treats her mother. I have a love/hate for Jenna. Most of the time I can't stand her, but occasionally her bitchiness makes me laugh. Mona is just....my God, that girl is awful at playing a villain. I think I would probably like Mona if someone who could pull of playing a villain played her. The only tolerable person on the show is Spencer. And her breakdown this season is giving me a lady boner of the highest order. I am loving it. And she's absolutely right- why do they care about Alison? Alison was such a frigging bitch. I wish Spencer would just go completely crazy and kill Mona.

I read an article a few years ago about how college is not for everyone and how the trade industry needs people. While I am still not ready to surrender to college not being for me, I have seriously contemplated learning a trade while figuring out what to do with my life. But being a woman in these fields could be a little scary. If I were in a trade where I would have to be sent to houses, I'd be fearful every time I go that someone would try to kill me or rape me or something. Or that people wouldn't trust my judgment, simply because my chromosomes are two X's.

We went to the local diner tonight for dinner and I was set on getting a slice of carrot cake while I was there, even though it is not the best carrot cake. Wouldn't you know they were out of it? Argh! I would much rather have it from somewhere else anyway, but I am still annoyed they were out of it. I don't know who has good carrot cake. The two places I have had really good carrot cake are Jones in Philly and the Metropolitan in the Borgata in Atlantic City. Unfortunately, they are both a bit far, although I wouldn't mind going down Atlantic City right now. Wouldn't mind going to Jones to eat again, either. Their food, especially the carrot cake, was good!

I bet the Cheesecake Factory has good carrot cake. Unfortunately, I am not going to eat a slice of cake that is more calories (over 1500) than I normally eat in a day. The carrot cake cheesecake is good, but I want just plain carrot cake and I don't think it far behind in caloric value. Dammit, I just want a piece of carrot cake! And I still want Popeye's, too!

Random Thoughs

It's Puppy Bowl time! Huzzah! The amount of squee is already ridiculously high. And this year there are finally two puppies with schnauzer in them!

So I finally got to go to dinner on Friday for my birthday with my aunt. It makes no sense how she was off for 5 days last week, but we end up going on Friday, when she is back to work. Whatever. I am beyond sick and tired of even trying to understand her logic of thinking. It ended up just being my aunt, my sister, and me. I was kind of hoping more people would have went. My mother decided not to go, which I was a little pissed off at her for. My aunt never specified when she said about taking me to dinner whether it was just supposed to be the two of us or whoever wanted to go. She asked me who was going and I told her REPEATEDLY whoever wanted to. She never said anything to any of her friends, who are pretty much like aunts to me. And while I don't care that she went, but my sister just kind of invited herself to go.

And so with my sister going, almost the entire night involved talking about her pregnancy and kids. I am sorry that I am sounding like such a narcissistic twat, but come on! We are out for my birthday! There are a million other more exciting things to discuss than my sister's pregnancy and children! I don't like most children! I don't want to discuss them!

My sister is turning into one of those high-maintenance pregnant women. All she does is complain that nobody watches out for the pregnant girl when we are out. First off, when she is wearing her coat, which is generally all the time, you can hardly tell she is pregnant. She complained on Friday when she went to go sit down in the waiting area and this woman and her daughter grabbed part of the bench before she got over there. My sister had a heavy coat and a scarf on. You could not even tell she was pregnant.

And speaking of waiting areas, why do restaurants that have high traffic never have huge waiting areas? Longhorn, the Cheesecake Factory (which is where I chose to go), etc. Their waiting areas are tiny. And I still will never understand what the big freaking deal is with the Cheesecake Factory, aside from their cheesecake. Their food is good, but it's not that great. We got there after 7PM and still had almost an hour wait. With as much traffic that place gets, they need to build them in a fucking factory! When we had the Spaghetti Warehouse in Philly (RIP), it was in an enormous old building. That's what they need to put the Cheesecake Factory in.

I'm also pissed because they took the Oreo cheesecake off of the menu.

And speaking of RIP....Barney Bush died! I was full of sads when I read that on Friday.

Well it has been 3 weeks since I quit birth control. My digestive system feels so much better. I mean, I have suspected IBS-C, so I still have um, shitty feeling days, but I feel nowhere near as bad as I did on birth control. And the scale is finally back to where it should be. Today I am not feeling too hot after eating Olive Garden on Wednesday, Cheesecake Factory on Friday, and the local diner yesterday and as usual, I'd feel so much better if I could just go to the damn bathroom, but that clearly is not happening. I am finally trying a new stronger pro-biotic and I start tonight. I am a little nervous if it will make me feel bloated until I adjust to the new formula. I have been taking 2 billion of acidophilus. The new pro-biotics are 20 billion of mixed bacterial strains.

But still no period. And it's bugging the shit out of me. And not helping to stop the slowly growing anxiety that all of this is perimenopause. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my brain?

Random Thoughts

And so the holiday season officially begins. Blah. It would be great if one of these years I could actually feel happy about the holidays. The holidays are always my favorite time of the year and it would be nice if just one year I could actually NOT spend the bulk of it wishing I could buy a gun and blow my brains out. Or wanting to burst into tears when we are celebrating my birthday because I wish I wasn't around for it. I dread next year's birthday when I turn 30.

I went out on Tuesday with my sister, brother-in-law, and his brother and wife. We went to see Wreck It Ralph (cute movie, by the way) and to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner (this is the first and will probably be the last time I can say I walked into there and was seated immediately). It was an awkward night to say the least. My BIL was in one of his moods. And the other two are nice, but strange. And do not talk much. I had to sit in the back of the car with them and it was just awkward. Nobody was talking, no music. I kept thinking, Jesus, will someone just say something already? I do not think my sister was in a pleasant mood with them either.

I don't know if I have ever mentioned how when I go out to eat, I always feel awkward about eating. I guess maybe because I still see myself as a fat ass and judge myself on how I eat that everyone else does as well. You know, I find it kind of odd that I always feel invisible, yet I always feel like everyone is judging me. But whatever. When I go out to eat, it's almost torturous at times. And when I went out on Tuesday, it was one of those times. Neither of the other two eat much, and weigh about 5 pounds each. When we got our meals, at first I felt really self-conscious, like everyone is going to think yeah, like you need to eat that. And then halfway through the meal, I thought you know what, fuck this shit and ate my entire meal. Every bit of grilled cheese, every French fry. When I got my cheesecake, I ate every bit of that. I normally always eat everything on my plate when I go out to eat anyway. But I hate that I have to feel self-conscious about it.

It was odd not having Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. It did not even feel like Thanksgiving. It just felt like any other day. I do still wish I had saved my pie, but I knew I would maybe be going to dinner on Tuesday so I figured I'd save my pie for Thursday, eat good Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. Instead, I ended up eating out on Sunday, so I figured what the hell, and ate the pie Sunday. It tends to get a little irritating working out how to eat all week. It would be easier if some people didn't guilt trip me constantly about not wanting to eat certain things.

Random Thoughts

Good news- I am not feeling as shitty as my last post. Man, I don't know what the hell was up my ass that night. I was really feeling bad. I didn't end up going to the party, and not shockingly, I am feeling shitty about not going. There are times I start worrying that I could be sociopathic, but I think the amount of guilt and remorse I feel in a given day is solid proof that I am not. I very much doubt a sociopath could feel guilt and remorse like this.

There is not much I do not feel guilty over- if I respond to someone in a way I did not feel was polite, if I don't say the right thing, if something bad happens, even if it is well out of my control, etc. Back in 2005, when I worked in a billing office, there was a doctor's office on the floor below and one day a man came in wanting to know if the office was open, and he starts telling me how his wife was just diagnosed with cancer and I don't remember what I said to him and while I don't recall being rude, I don't think I was sympathetic. More I was just shocked that this complete stranger was sharing with me, another complete stranger, of his wife's illness. But I still feel guilty that I was not more sympathetic to him.

I blame myself for pretty much everything that has went wrong in my life, including developing mental illness. Which for someone who is adamant about not having mental illness portrayed in a negative light anymore, it is a piss poor attitude towards it. I want for society to stop blaming mentally ill people for their illnesses, that it is as much of a real disease as cancer, yet I blame myself for my illness. Illnesses. Whatever.

I read an article over on Cracked about movie stereotypes and one was about disabilities in movies. How death seems to be preferred over being disabled. And that disabled people got all butt-hurt over it. Not that it takes much to butt-hurt people nowadays, especially some disabled people. I remember I read a blog a few years ago by a disabled woman and man, did she bitch a lot. But that isn't important. Look, maybe some people can overcome their disability and all that, but some just can't. I've already made it clear to most people in my life that should a time ever come in my life where I am faced with multiple limb amputation or death, do me the favor of death. I'll be damned to spend a life like that. And huzzah for you if you can do it. I can't. And frankly, a person's choice of wanting death over disability does not affect another disabled person's life.

I read Blind Gossip on a daily basis, mostly for the fun of it, because blind items are always to be taken with a grain of salt. But as soon as I saw this one today, I knew a big storm would be coming. Because Louis was the first person I thought of. And sure enough, the storm of Larry fans did not disappoint. WOW. I really don't know whether to be horrified or laugh, because some of it is pretty damn hilarious. I honestly think there is a very good chance Louis could be gay. I know it's bad to stereotype, but that kid's mannerism just screams GAY. I watched a video of him talking about his parents' divorce and I'm like there is no way in hell this kid is not gay. He's so effeminate! Plus I always have to LOL at how every interview with him I have read, he always has to make just a little too many references to his "girlfriend Eleanor". Like why do you have to keep mentioning it? We know Eleanor is your girlfriend*. We know you are dating* her. There is no reason to keep repeating yourself. Unless you are desperately trying to prove something.

*quotations may or may not be needed here

I don't necessarily believe he's with Harry, though. I don't know if Harry is gay. He puts me in the mind of someone who really has no sexual preference, who would be with someone because they make him happy, man or woman. I think Harry is just someone who loves people in general. He'd love you regardless of gender, race, physical appearance, etc, etc.

But these people really need to chill the fuck out. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the kid, and I really don't want to. The whole management thing does sound like some crazy tinfoil hat conspiracy, but I also do not doubt that it is very possible for PR to pull stunts like that. And if people are forcing a young man to hide his sexuality, this is just beyond cruel. It is heart-breaking. No one should ever have to hide his or her sexuality. If I found out my son was being forced to hide his sexuality for PR, I would hunt down Simon Cowell and shoot him.

But maybe it just simply is he is gay and hasn't accepted it. The kid is almost 21 years old . That does not mean he is completely sure of his sexuality. I'm almost 29 years old and I still have no concept of my sexuality, whether I am straight or bisexual, although I am fine with whatever it ends up being. Maybe he can't, or is not ready to accept it. But the way some Larry fans are acting, it's not going to help. You can't demand for someone to come out of the closet if he or she is not ready to do so. Knowing that fans will still support you can help, although will they support him if he is NOT dating Harry? And sure, it may help a fan who is having trouble accepting his or her own homosexuality. But it doesn't mean he still will be willing to accept that it is who he is. Or maybe there are people in his family who aren't okay with gay people. Who knows? We don't.

This is all hypothetically speaking, of course. I am in no way saying he definitely is. I don't need psycho fans or the princess himself coming after me.

I won't lie- I do look forward to hearing more on this. And the term "beard" makes me giggle.

I went to the Cheesecake Factory on Saturday and after an hour plus wait, we were finally seated. And I discovered my favorite meal, the ginormous grilled cheese, is not on the menu anymore. I was still able to get it, but I am so tired of every meal I like being taken off of the menu at restaurants. And grilled cheese is pretty much the simplest meal in history, so why get rid of it? I've had their pulled pork sandwich before and enjoyed it, but it would have been overwhelming at eight at night. I had their pumpkin cheesecake for the first time and oh my god, was it good.

And speaking of pumpkin, I need a pumpkin pie Blizzard fix soon.

ETA 10/17: Another BI went up yesterday. Why people are questioning this one as a different one makes no sense, when it clearly is a continuation of the first one.

Oh lord....if this happens, Tumblr, and Larry fans, will fucking EXPLODE.

ETA 10/23: Oh mama.

LOL AWWWW. Wuv. Twue wuv. If I didn't know who these two were, just two random guys taking a picture at what looks like an airport, I'd definitely think they were a couple.

And this: 1D's Louis Tomlinson hosts charity football, looks great in uniform

Cheesus, him in that uniform....damn. I would. I so would. And I would hate myself every second of it. And great. Now I am all riled up and thinking of this picture as well.



ETA 11/11: Odd. That last blind item disappeared. After Bieber and Selena broke up. So I guess that one was probably about them?

Random Thoughts

Oh digestive system, how I hate you so much!

I have not had trouble like this in a long time. I am fucking miserable! I don't know what has my digestive system in such an uproar, but last Friday, I was between 121 and 122 pounds. This past Friday, 124 pounds. I almost went through the roof when I got on the scale and seen that. I know damn well I did not eat enough last weekend to gain 3-4 pounds. And I was on the ball from Monday on in keeping within my normal calorie range.

And then I made the mistake of going to the Cheesecake Factory last night for dinner. Generally when I go out to eat, I clean off my plate. It's very rare I don't finish every single thing on my plate. And I still have been successful in losing and maintaining my weight. But for some reason, this past week, my appetite has been on overdrive (which made it very difficult to keep within my calorie range, but I was still successful), so of course when I went to dinner last night, I cleared everything. A few pieces of bread, all of my grilled cheese, all of my fries, the entire slice of Oreo cheesecake and a couple forkfuls of my sister's cheesecake. And I am suffering for it today. I am so bloated and miserable and I look and feel like I am pregnant and I am walking like I am pregnant and all I want is one goddamn simple thing.

You know, the Cheesecake Factory does have very good food, but that place is like a madhouse. My God, just going and coming from the hostess stand was like risking your life. People who I have no idea how they even afford to eat there come in with a large number of people in their parties and they ALL have to rush up to the hostess stand like it's their last freaking meal. And I do not much care for seating like they have there, where parties of two are practically right on top of each other. And we had these two teenage girls next to us who were of the airheaded giggly kind. And the one kept looking over at us and it was annoying me.

One thing that is annoying me whenever I go out to eat is how many people I see playing on their phones. Families out and the parents are talking to the kids and the kids are engrossed in their phones. The airheads next to us, both girls sat and played with their phones the entire time they were there. The table next to them, same thing. What is the point of even going out with people if you aren't even going to pay attention to each other? My brother-in-law does that as well. Every single holiday, he sits in the dining room with us and plays on his phone the entire time. I think it is incredibly rude. When we had my sister's birthday cake a couple weeks ago, he sat and played Angry Birds almost the entire night until one point my sister hollered at him.

I like technology a lot, but there is something about cellphones that just irks me. I can't stand watching people texting all the time or whatever they are doing. And when I am talking to someone and they whip out their phone and start typing, I always have to bite my tongue to keep from going absolutely ballistic. I am talking to you, for fuck's sake! Pay attention!

And that reminded me of that commercial for AT&T, where the guy and the girl are on a date and she accuses him of watching a game on his phone and he denies it, but he really is watching it. If I was that man's wife, girlfriend, or whatever, I'd have to grab my fork and stab his hand.