Random Thoughts

I am starting to really feel shitty after that fight the other day. I don't feel bad about anything I said; I just feel bad about fighting in general. The worst thing I said was I told my mother she sucks to talk to. She told me she doesn't want to tell me what I am. That has been bothering me. What DOES she think I am? And the fact that she came at me not once, not twice, but three or more times.....that really upset me. My trust in people, including family, is extremely thin right now. This just put a giant crack in it. It is going to eat at me for a long time.

After crying enough tears to fill a small swimming pool before going to bed on Tuesday night, I woke up on Wednesday, hopped on my bike, and put Pitbulls and Parolees on (yeah, for reality, it's actually a really good show) and right when I put it on, they were putting this beautiful white pit down because she was so riddled with cancer. I didn't think it was possible for me to cry anymore, but oh did I. I had so many tears pouring down my face, it was ridiculous.

And my neck is still bothering me. Assuming it is from when I had a panic attack, I don't know the hell I did, but I really strained something. All I know is I was physically shaking and crying really bad during and after the fight, I went into my bedroom, sat down on my head and just really let loose in crying. And then I started to hyperventilate and I was rocking back and forth and trying to get myself under control. Don't know what I did during that time to strain something. It seems to ease up once I take Advil and put some heat on it. But then I go to bed and wake up with increased pain all over again. The pain is more intense when I try to move my head to the left. My anxiety levels have been sky high the past 2 days with thoughts of what else it could be causing the neck pain. And add that into feeling really lousy from fighting and I am just a wreck. 

After the fight, I went to the store with my sister and I was able to return the probiotics without a problem. I am so disappointed; I really wanted them to work. Now it's back to the old reliables.

So I checked on this MGMT status that some kid had posted a sarcastic comment on and everyone was losing their fucking minds over it. If it wasn't obvious that the kid was being sarcastic, then damn, folks. And the kid even admitted he was sarcastic and people were still losing their minds over it. Clearly, when you are a true MGMT fan, you are also illiterate. And I have been waiting for it and finally that dumbass I talked about before left a comment (by the way, his last name is Weber). I swear, if that kid makes one more "you are to mainstream" (sic) comment, I am going to hunt him down and put my foot up his ass. That boy needs to take a seat forever.

I like when I go on their Twitter page and whenever they post something, someone, usually a tween girl, will just post "I LOVE YOU". Yeah, you're following them, I would hope you do. Ugh. And then the ones whose user names end with one of their last names is just creepy.  Have I ever combined my name with Andrew's last name? Of course I have. I couldn't call myself a proper stan without doing so. But it was just for the fun of it. I said it in my head. I would never write it down or say it out loud or anything. And it actually has a pretty nice ring to it, if I do say so myself.

Their performance on Letterman was good, although I think Andrew could have sang a little louder. I thought his glasses were pretty funny. I wonder if he still isn't allowed to play the guitar yet or what. I read an article yesterday reviewing the new album and damn, Andrew looks good in the picture. But I am not sure why people are saying he hasn't aged. He certainly has. I am not saying he looks like an old man or anything, but he definitely does not have as much as the baby face he used to have. No way. You can't look at this picture from back in the day and tell me with a straight face that he still has the same exact face and hasn't aged at all. But whatever, I'd hit it no matter what. Even if one day he woke up and decided man, I have decided I want to become a women, I'd still hit it. Man, I can't wait until that album comes out. Also, whatever happened to them announcing new US tour dates? I thought they were supposed to do that last month. And why do I have the feeling I am never going to get to see them live again?