I Would

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Random Thoughts

I feel like I am going to jinx myself by saying this, but I haven't had any spotting since Friday. Let's hope it stays that way. Let's hope everything is fine for the next 2 weeks. And let's hope my period comes after those 2 weeks. My cycle has turned into a huge source of worry. I worry it will come too early, I worry it won't come at all, I worry how bad PMS is going to be, I worry that I will bleed at ovulation time, etc. And to add even more worry, now I am experiencing um, dryness and itching. Definitely not helping my fear of premature menopause.

I usually eat a snack around 9PM every night and of course, I always have diet Coke with it. I did not have any earlier and it's killing me! I want a glass so bad! But I am determined to try to cut down on it. I can't say I am quite ready to give it up completely. One step at a time!

There was a story on my local news a few weeks ago about this 11 year-old boy who was pretty badly injured during a fight with a bully and has been in a coma for several weeks due to his injuries. Well, the local news just reported he died. It really makes me wonder why with all of this shit that goes on anymore between children that anyone would want to bring a child into this world. God, I hate people. This is a time I really hope karma exists and that it comes back and bites those monsters in the ass. I hope their parents are proud.

And speaking of asses, I watch Roseanne on TV Land every weekend when I am working out. And TV Land is going to be airing this new reality show called Forever Young. What I gather from the commercials, a bunch of young assholes are placed in a house with a bunch of old people to teach them to act like young assholes. Who honestly comes up with this shit? Every time I don't think reality TV could get any dumber, I am proven wrong.

ETA 12:56PM: After a Google search, I got this on that stupid show from PRN Newswire:

TV Land today announced it has picked up the new reality series "Forever Young" from Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg 's Katalyst ("Punk'd," "True Beauty"), and 3 Ball Productions headed by Executive Producers JD Roth and Todd A. Nelson ("The Biggest Loser," "MasterChef").

Ashton Kutcher....that says it all.

And MGMT posted this on their Twitter yesterday:

Well? WHAT?!

5:00PM: Don't know what time zone Twitter is on, because I have been checking all afternoon and this was certainly not posted at the time stamp it says:

Boo. That list stinks!

6:35PM: *shaking and crying*

PHILLY OR AC PLEASE!!!! I was discussing with my mom one day if they were to play at either place and apparently she must be planning to go see them with me if I ever get to see them again, because she made some comment about she doesn't know how difficult it would be for her to drive to either place. My mother is pretty much now a fan of them. Every time I have them on in my car (which is all the time), I hear her singing along with them. I am full of glee.

I was listening to "Kids" for the first time in a long time on Sunday and I honestly don't get why other fans dislike it. Yes, they have better songs.....but it's still a great song. I owe my stanning to that song. Well, "It's Working" was what really cemented it, but I wouldn't know who they were if it wasn't for "Kids", although why it took me so long to research who sang it I will never know. Screw those "fans" who think they are better fans for disliking "Kids". Because you're not.

On a slightly off topic note, there are times where I wonder, was anyone I knew in high school an MGMT fan? Then I remember that the two of them and I were in high school almost the same time. I think they graduated the year before me. And they didn't get a record deal until after college, which was like 2005 or so. So no, no one could have been an MGMT fan. I am such a dunce sometimes, but to be fair, celebrities always seem ageless to me. The only celebrity whose age I cannot forget is Harry. Every time I start to think dirty thoughts about him, my logic center decides to come to life and remind me "he's too young for you, sis".

Picture(s) Of The Day

Lovin’ on diet coke (38 photos)

If I didn't like you before, I do now.

BOW TO YOUR GOD!!


see more Derp

I can totally understand that feeling. I get pretty mesmorized by diet Coke, although if someone were hurling a bottle of it at me, like what appears to be going on in this picture, I'd be administering a major ass beating for wasting a perfectly good bottle of diet Coke.

On another note, if one more person clogs up my Facebook newsfeed with those stupid "Hit like if you remember whatever" or "Share this picture so the person can get a transfusion, I am going to put my foot up someone's ass. Preferably those who keep doing so.

Random Thoughts

Boy, am I cranky as anything. I don't even know why. I actually woke up in a good mood and have been relatively pleasant all day. And then suddenly, something crawled up my ass. Kind of like that bug that was up Icky Vicki's ass in The Fairly Oddparents.

Man, that was a great show. Before Poof came along, that is.

Actually, I think I got cranky after my sister asked my mother if anyone else was being invited to our itty bitty cookout on Sunday and she said no. Meaning she is not even going to bother inviting my grandparents and aunt. She just lets my father win all the time. And I know, I just know, if anything happens to my grandparents, my mother is going to whine that she is sorry she never said the hell with my father and just invited them. It makes me so damn angry.

It was bad enough that I was never allowed to go anywhere with them when I was little. My father forbidded us to go with them down the shore, or stay over their house, or whatever. And if that didn't make things shitty enough, he told my mother that if anything ever happened to us, he would hold her accountable. This from the same man that didn't even care if he had kids. Who said when my mother found out that she was pregnant with me that he doesn't know if he could love another child as much as my sister. When my mother told me the story about my father saying he would never let her live it down if anything happened to us- in addition to the story that if my mother ever tried to leave him, he would tell a judge that she was an unfit mother- I wanted to punch my father repeatedly in the face. How dare he even THINK of trying to use my sister and me against my mother. And how dare he try to say my mother was an unfit parent.

And then there was a time period where I was finally starting to get to see them more. Up until last year, for some unknown reason. And now it's the same shit all over again. My grandparents are in their 80's. I don't know how much more time I have with them.

And I wonder why I have so many fucking issues?

 I-476 reopened late Friday after truck fire | 6abc.com

Frozen french fries? Did they cook in that fire? Why do tractor trailers carrying the funniest things always crash? I heard about a tractor trailer accident a few months ago and obviously the accident itself wasn't funny, but when the news revealed what the cargo was, I think I laughed for about 15 minutes. I can't remember what it was, though. Dammit.

Speaking of tractor trailers, I almost witnessed someone get rear-ended by one on Thursday. Luckily, the truck driver was able to stop in time, although he was smoking all over the place from slamming the brakes so hard. My heart was in my throat, especially since the truck driver swerved into our lane and we were just getting over into the right hand lane. I swear, if I had seen someone get nailed by a tractor trailer, I would never get in a car again.

 7-Eleven Opens Thousands Of New Stores, Aims For World Domination

Alright! Who doesn't want world domination?! I like 7-11. You should see the big ass diet Coke I can get for about $1.60. The Double Gulp, I think it's called. It's about 54 oz. I also live in the land of Wawa, which is also awesome, but I can get a bigger soda at 7-11 for a cheaper price.

The Bitch, Please Of The Day

White Coke Cans, Designed For Winter Holidays, Get Canned Because Drinkers Think It's Diet

Really? People got it confused with diet?

I can just see the letters written now. Dear Coke WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Things That Make Me Happy

My blog is always so damn full of negativity that I decided to go a different route tonight and list things that make me happy, in no particular order:

1. Ice cream, especially any that involve Oreos
2. Tastycake Angelfood cakes
3. Chicken parm
4. Music, especially at loud volumes
5. Weird NJ magazine
6. Diet Coke
7. Unlimited refills
8. Futurama
9. The Simpsons
10. The Three Stooges marathons every Friday night
11. Bowling, even though I suck at it
12. Bacon cheeseburgers, especially Fridays
13. Onion rings
14. My two cups of coffee with hazelnut cream every morning
16. Chocolate mocha Fiber One bars
17. Wegman's black cherry and peach nonfat yogurts
18. S'Mores statues
19. Orgasms
20. PUPPIES!!! (pretty much all baby animals)
21. McMillan's Bakery cream donuts
22. Butterfinger Crisp bars
23. A good day with my stomach (gross, I know, but what can I say?)
24. Extra mint chocolate chip gum
25. Corn dogs
26. Driving on empty highways
27. Big fat medical books
28. Vanilla frosting
29. Stauffers Animal crackers
30. The shore
31. Dancing like an idiot when I am alone
32. Sleeping
33. Psychological, medical, and legal thrillers
34. Chick lit (yeah, I am guilty)
35. Radio 104.5
36. Fall
37. Peddler's Village
38. Singing, even though I am absolutely terrible at it
39. Falling asleep while it is raining
40. Singing along with a song and realizing I know all of the lyrics
41. Men screaming like girls
42. Seeing comments I made get "Liked"
43. Nesting dolls

Random Thoughts

Thank God it's Friday! Although I am sure Monday will rear its ugly head in no time.

I had a busy as shit day in work today. I came very close to picking up the phone and calling the hospital and telling them to hold me a room because I would be showing up after work. Someone- we will not mention any names- was driving me up the wall.

My coworkers and I were discussing another coworker on Wednesday because frankly, we are all tired of her shit. She comes in late, leaves early, and generally does not do her work the way she is supposed to. And the boss lady just let's her get away with it and when the BL was confronted about it by one of my coworkers, her answer to the complaint was so unbelievable I cannot even repeat it for fear I might go out into the kitchen and stab myself from the unbelievableness of it. We had a delayed opening on Wednesday. We all came in at 10 and left our normal times. She rolls in at 11 and leaves at 3. The minute we found out she left, we all went apeshit.

I think I know why she isn't being fired. Judging by the comments she has been making lately, a little thing called the race card will rear its ugly head if she were to be fired. No. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that YOUR WORK ETHICS FUCKING SUCK, you dumb cunt.

And sometime during the conversation, I found out she had sent a demeaning email about me to our boss. See, once upon a time, a certain job task was delegated to the person in her position, then one day my boss decides to delegate it to me. And sometime after that she delegated it back to my coworker. And failed to tell me. So I was still doing it every once in a while and eventually my coworker said something to me. But just being the oh so nice person I am, I still gave her a hand every so often when I would see it building up or I was reaching the point where if I had to organize one more file, I was going to stick my finger an the electrical socket. Well, apparently that does not fly well with her, for someone to give her a hand. So she ratted me out to the boss, saying I "do not understand" my job description or some other bullshit. I was livid. I flipped out. This coming from someone who basically makes her own schedule and does whatever she fucking feels like. I never knew much of what her work ethic was like until I was given a new job. My work depends largely on her work. And I like to get my work done. Because I am an anal retentive cow. And when my work starts suffering due to someone else's laziness, then the short tempered Neopolitan in me comes out. Which she has seen a brief glimpse of back when this happened.

No, honey, I understand my job description perfectly fine. I was just raised by parents who taught me how to be a team player and to help others out in the workplace if it seems like they need it, despite the fact that almost no one in that place ever bends over to fucking help me.

It's bad enough when she sent me an email before lecturing me on the job I was doing. Well, you know what? I work with what I am given! I can't help it if the shelves are packed to the brim. And my back is crap after doing that damn project back in the spring. But to say I don't understand my job description? You know what? My job description has that as part of my job. I thought she was cool with me and apparently she is just like the rest of the assholes in the world.

God I hate people. Is there anyone I can trust? And I have just about had it with the double standards. Shit I would never get away with in work others do. It's fine for everyone else to do shit, but if I do it, I get in trouble. If I bad mouth someone, the other person immediately defends said bad-mouthed person. But the person who I said the negative comment to can say the same thing and everything is fine and dandy (example- I can say something negative about my father to my mother, she will defend him, and not long after she will say the same negative thing.)

Ugh, I am getting annoyed with people and my weight. I went to dinner with my sister earlier and we were discussing her wedding and she says to me "you don't plan on losing any more weight do you? Just maintain? Otherwise your dress will be gigantic again" (I had to exchange my bridesmaid dress for a smaller size because my first dress almost fell to the floor every time I put it on). She is about the fourth or fifth person to say that to me and it is really starting to piss me off. Not one single person has said anything to her about not losing weight. No one says to her "oh you don't want to lose too much weight and have your dress be too big". Noooo. Only me. Why only me?

Speaking of craziness, I went to see Black Swan last night and....well, it was interesting. That girl on girl scene was something. I won't deny it- I would almost say it was kinda hot. Mila Kunis is very attractive. I was a fan of That 70's Show back in like 2005 or so and I kinda had a girl crush on her then. All in all, aside from the asshole teenagers who sat behind us that (we draw them, I swear) didn't stop giggling the entire movie, it was pretty good. I generally enjoy movies where the main character has a severe case of the batshit. And Nina certainly fullfilled that. Hell, I felt almost entirely sane during and briefly after watching that movie. It felt fantastic.

I saw this preview for some movie and the trailer played "Panic Switch" and I have to say that song is absolutely fantastic at ear shattering decibels. Too bad the movie it was playing for looked so profoundly stupid, I wanted to kick some random person's (the 4 teenagers behind us) ass for it.

Okay, so it should be pretty clear by now that I am not a child person. I guess it's a little extreme to say I hate kids (not that the words have never slipped from my mouth), but I do not like many. Well, one that pisses me off- and I think I may have brought this up before- is the child centric mentality of this country! A tragedy is terrible, but should it involve a child, then it's OMG so horrible. Take, for example, the recent shooting in Arizona. I know 6 people have died. But the only one I hear about is the 9 year old girl. I know absolutely nothing about the other victims. Why do those other victims not deserve the same amount of attention? Look, I can understand that losing a child would be horrible. I would be beside myself if I had a kid and something happened to it. But I would be just as grief stricken if the same thing happened to a family member.

Now I have had well over 100 oz of diet Coke today so I am a bit jumpy and extremely hyper. I was going through the channels and The Wendy Williams Show was on and the Situation was one of her guests, so I left it on for a few minutes. The first thing that came to my mind was, his face looks like it's getting fat. The second thing I thought was, it's absolutely terrifying what I would let him do to me. If he told me the only way he'd screw me is by doing it up the ass, I would silently pull down my pants and bend over. And I would never ever do anal sex under normal circumstances because I believe nothing, absolutely nothing, should ever be inserted into that area (One time when I was going through a really bad bout with constipation, I finally couldn't take it anymore when even ex-lax wasn't working and bought an enema. However, it still took several days for me to finally break down and allow somone to give it to me. And then the first time I went to the GI doctor, my mom decides to inform me the day of the visit- which I suspect was on purpose so I couldn't cancel- that they do rectal exams on the first visit. I almost died. And yes. Yes I did have to have one.). If he came into my work place and told me the only way he would do me is on top of the file shelf in front of everyone with "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship blasting (the fuck?), I would turn up the radio, rip my clothes off, jump on the shelf and let him screw my brains out. All I know is whatever I allow him to do to me, I want it rough. Somehow, though, I have this sneaky suspicion that sex with him would be largely unsatisfying and utterly disappointing.

I'm telling you right now the only two things that I know for an absolute fact I would not do with him- sleep with him in that house and sleep with him on TV. No way. I have no desire for fame. And I would not tell a soul, not even my own family, if I did sleep with him. Well, until the first signs of an STD show up. Then I might say something to my sister and even that would be vague.

God, I really do have problems, don't I?

*points thumb into corner* I think I'll just go sit in the corner and cry for the next 4 hours.

Random Thoughts

I am starting to get a little freaked out. Call me a little paranoid, but why it is every single time I bitch about something on here in regards to work, a few days later it happens? And how did someone find out about being me terrified of phones when I have never actually come out and clearly said I am terrified of phones?

I did finally get my paperwork for insurance and I am really hoping that the insurance company does not give me a hard time regarding my "preexisting condition". I have not treated any of the hundreds of mental illnesses I have in well over a couple years. I would like to go to a therapist, though. I need someone to talk to. Look, I love my family to death, but they kind of suck to talk to. My dad is an asshole when it comes to mental illness, my mom always has to turn it into all about her, and my sister, for someone who has both a nursing and psychology degree, is one of the worst to talk to! I am constantly getting told that I need to talk instead of keeping it all in and when I do make an effort, I get told I complain too much or I am nuts. Or I just get plain ignored.

I am really starting to get sick and tired of getting ignored. Or interrupted! Anymore, it seems every time I talk, I either get interrupted or just plain ignored. I was talking to my mother about something yesterday and my sister just rudely interrupts me while I am in the middle of talking and my mother goes right to talking to her. Glad to know my conversation was so interesting*.

*I was talking about going back to college and pursuing radiography. You know- the college major my entire family suggested to me in the first place and would love to see me pursue.

I hate to have a pity party here, but I am seriously starting to feel like I was put on this earth to just be plain miserable. My relationship and social skills suck, my dad's side of the family has to punish me for being born last, my cousins are ignorant assholes despite the fact that I have tried everything to be nice to them, my coworkers act like they like me yet never include me in anything, my family makes me feel unwanted, my godparents took it out on me because my parents were unable to attend a party for their son (my godmother has the same birthday as me and yet somehow she "forgot"), no one ever stays friends with me despite bending over ass backwards for them and them constantly saying how "sweet" I am. Christ, I can't even order a drink from a bartender without someone making a nasty comment about me*.

*I was at a party last night at a catering hall and I asked the bartender for a diet Coke and one of the food servers- a fat miserable old hag- real rudely says "oh what a surprise; a diet Coke". Totally uncalled for. It's not like I am some 95 pound stick who eats everything without gaining an ounce or some 280 pound cow who just ordered the entire menu. I have to work my ass off to maintain my weight. My BMI says I am not fat. I think I am, though. I like the taste of diet Coke, okay? I took my drink to the table and then I went into the bathroom and cried, despite the fact that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I did. God, I hate people.

Things I Don't Get

I've had a shit ton of caffeine (well over 100 oz of diet Coke) today so if my post is a little jumpy....deal with it.

Going back to the one thing I want, I have mentioned before that I have contacted others who are in the same position. What differs me from them is the fact that these people tend to, um, pretend. They will actually do what they want without actually having the thing that would give them that lifestyle. And I could get a lot of slack from them if they were to read this, but I really do not agree with it. I think it's incredibly disturbing. I don't give a shit if it supposedly makes them feel better. It's not right. I think maybe why my view on this particular type of person has changed so drastically is partly because now anytime I see one, I can't help but think, are they really? Or are they like these people I talk with and just pretending? The other part is....I am just a bitch.

Have I ever thought of doing it? Certainly. Would I ever? Highly unlikely. Not in public, at least.

There are many times where while I would do almost anything for this that I actually pause and think, well, what if it actually did happen? How would I really feel? In all honestly, it does still kind of scare me. Boy, you know, it's really hard to say things without actually saying it.

For the past two days in Dear Abby, there has been a debate going on about thongs. I hate thongs. Partly because they look incredibly annoying and partly because they are a breeding ground for urinary tract infections and after that Brazilian model dying, I am really terrified to get a UTI. But the thong argument always boils down to the same point- women wear them to disguise panty lines. But here is the thing- most women I see wearing them are not hiding any panty line. I can still see the panty line of the thong. I see women wearing black or colored thongs under white pants. And the thing that grosses me out the most is when old or fat women wear them and they're walking and their asses are all jiggling and going BOOM BOOM BOOM. It makes me want to projectile vomit. I can feel bile spewing up my throat just thinking about it.

There has been all this hoopla over that Blagovich or whatever the hell his name is and while what he did was wrong, frankly, I don't see what the big stink is. Politicians abuse power all the time. Sarah Palin did and I don't see her ass getting impeached. Bush and Cheney sent thousands to their deaths, allowed the ones that actually made it home to get inadequate care, and polluted the environment and yet no one seems to be doing much to push for them to get impeached. If anything Blago should get impeached for, it's that horrible hairdo.

I saw Bride Wars last night. I don't get why my fellow gender members dream of such elaborate weddings. I dream of a wedding, certainly, but it is never anything spectacular. No Vera Wang wedding dresses or fancy schmancy wedding cakes with ingredients I can't even pronounce. Why are wedding cakes so fancy anyway? Whatever happened to pound cake with white icing? I want my wedding cake from Stock's Bakery in Philly. And I want this on top of it.

Pink Panther 2? Space Buddies? One word- why?

Movies Theaters

This was initially going under the Things That Annoy Me list, but I realized there is so much to complain about, it needed it's own entry.

Movies are ridiculously expensive nowadays. You practically have to take out a small mortgage just to buy a ticket. It's so absurd. And the price of drinks and popcorn is unbelievable. The theater I go to charges $4.75 for a soda, although at least they finally started giving a free refill on large sodas. But still- I can get the same size soda at Wawa for $1.27. I can buy a 2 liter bottle of diet Coke for about $1.25, more or less depending on what store you go to.

There also seems to be an overabundance of certain people who seem to be genetically unable to shut the fuck up. Maybe you do not care that you spent $10 to go to a movie and not even watch it, but I do. We went to the movies on New Years Eve to see Marley and Me and there were these two fat ghetto bitches and a little boy there and none of them shut up the entire movie. The real fat one left her phone on and it kept ringing and she kept answering it and she kept talking loud and finally towards the end of the movie, a man got up and went over to talk to them and they abruptly left the theater, but not without the real fat one telling the man to suck her dick, which aside from the fact that she doesn't have one, was completely inappropirate considering 1) she was the one at fault and 2) she had a little boy with her. I hate people sometimes. I really do. And this is not something that happens once in a while; it is EVERY SINGLE TIME I go.

And I am not going to stand up and say anything. If you saw some of the scary clientele that come to my theater, you wouldn't want to say anything, either.

The other way people can ruin the movies is when they bring babies and small children. If you can't find a babysitter, don't come the movies. It's as simple as that. Find something else to do. Babies are not going to have any inkling of what goes on anyway and children are too rambunctious due to severe lack of discipline to sit still and watch a movie. If you want to bring your screaming baby or child, fine, then you can pay for my ticket. It especially grates my nerves when a baby is brought to a late night horror or R-rated movie.

These things are especially irritating since the quality of movies has gone downhill so bad. Even movies that look and sound really good end up sucking when you actually see them.