Random Thoughts

I was driving home from work the other day and "The Speed of Sound" by Coldplay came on and was hit with a gut punching realization that this January 13th was 15 years since I was in the hospital. Fifteen years! And I still feel like it was just yesterday. And every time I think of being in there, I just don't even know how to handle it. It was such a disgustingly dark time in my life that I can't seem to ever shake.

And today while I was driving home, that old Jon Secada song "Just Another Day Without You" came on and it made me feel so depressed. I do like the song, don't get me wrong, but it's just so damn depressing.

I know I need to be patient, but between work and all these new variants, I can't get my second shot soon enough. And I know there's probably no point in dwelling over it- oh hell, give me a break. If you don't know I dwell over everything by now, then I don't know what to tell you. Not to mention I come from a long line of dwellers. But it just seriously pisses me off that my coworkers walk around with no masks. And although I am pretty much by myself most of the time, people do have to come back to use the scanner and they're far too close to me for my liking, even though it is probably at least six feet away from me. But no masks, folks!

And my FWA is the most annoying. Because not only does she come back with no mask, but she'll come back to scan shit and as soon as it starts, she whips out her phone and starts to play on it. And her shit will finish scanning. And she'll sit there and sit there and sit there, completely absorbed in her phone until I am ready to scream BITCH YOUR SHIT IS DONE. Just scan it and get the hell away from me

Random Thoughts

So I finally called one of the imaging places today to get a price quote on a transvaginal ultrasound and it would be $587, but if I agreed to pay it in full the day of the procedure, it would cost $294. I have been having pretty bad cramping the past few days, including right now. It's a weird pain to describe. It definitely feels like it's coming from the reproductive area. I have had enough varying degrees of menstrual cramps to know what they feel like and the pain almost feels like menstrual cramps, but there is something different about it. I guess maybe the best way to describe it is like a deep vague burning. It's not terrible, but it's certainly uncomfortable. It still stays localized on my left side in the front, but spreads across most of my lower back.

I should really have the test done, but I hate to put out that money and nothing is found. Which still doesn't mean anything. I don't know how reliable a TV ultrasound would be in diagnosing endometriosis, if that is what it was. But I certainly can't have a laparoscopy done right now.

I am so stressed and worried that my period is going to come early. And then if I pass the expected date, then I will start worrying that it will not come. And then when it comes, I'll start worrying that it will come early next month or I'll start spotting again. IT. NEVER. STOPS.

Sometimes I go through my iTunes library and think good god, what what I thinking when I liked that song? Even songs I have praised on here in the past, I think oh god why. "Written in the Stars"? "Higher" by Taio Cruz? "Paradise" by Coldplay? Ugh.

And then sometimes there are songs I just can't listen to anymore. When I had a nervous breakdown before, I spent a good amount of time listening to Depeche Mode's Playing The Angel. I can't really listen to anything from that album anymore without having bad memories.

If I hear songs that I used to hear a lot when I worked (with the exception of some songs, e.g. "Kids", "Time To Pretend", "Little Talks", and a few others), I can't listen to them. I used to love both of the songs by A Silent Film that my radio station played. Not anymore. I don't hate them, but I can't bring myself to listen to them anymore. Anything by Death Cab by Cutie, although I suspect that doesn't just have to do with bringing back thoughts of my old job. More like it just sucks to my ears now. I do still like "Soul Meets Body", although for a while there I couldn't distinguish between it and "Satellite" by Guster. I don't know. I'd like to know if anyone else has this problem or if it is just another one of my ridiculous eccentricities. Probably the latter.

I just came across this article:

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Arrest PHOTOS: New Pictures Emerge From Boston Bombing Suspect Manhunt (UPDATE)

So let me get this straight....this guy releases these photos to counteract the Rolling Stone issue? I hardly see how that would happen. And listen, dude, as someone who had fan-girled for many, many years, these pictures are not going to counteract the photos to the millions of fan girls this evil idiot apparently has. If anything, it is going to drum even more sympathy from these dopes.

I still can't believe that he actually has fan girls. I mean, I suspected that it existed, but when I saw actual proof of it.....Gesù Maria Giuseppe.

Video Of The Day

Fun With Google Suggestions

I was simplying Googling if Coldplay would ever release a greatest hits CD and Google offered me their suggestions and this (the one with the red arrow next to it) made me laugh:














Coldplay is not the only satanic thing around:














Google is apparently a lot of things:















Including dead:
















And the grand prize winner....

Video Of The Day

"Talk" by Coldplay:

YouTube - Talk - Coldplay

It's funny how I never would have saw myself as a Coldplay fan. But there is just something I cannot put my finger on about their music that I just absolutely love.

Video Of The Day

"Life In Technicolor II" by Coldplay:

Coldplay - Life In Technicolor ii (HD)

Lyrics Of The Day

"Violet Hill" by Coldplay:

Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

Clearly I remember
From the windows they were watching
While we froze down below

When the future's architectured
By a carnival of idiots on show
You'd better lie low

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

Was a long and dark December
When the banks became cathedrals
And a fog became God

Priests clutched onto bibles
Hollowed out to fit their rifles
And the cross was held aloft

Bury me in honor
When I'm dead and hit the ground
My nerves are poles that unfroze

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

I don't want to be a soldier
Who the captain of some sinking ship
Would stow far below

If you love me
Why'd you let me go?

I took my love down to Violet Hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still

So if you love me
Won't you let me know?

If you love me,
Won't you let me know?

Lyrics Of The Day

"Lost?" by Coldplay, the new song in my life that couldn't describe exactly how I feel any better:

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I would cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh and I'm
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause a long may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh and I'm
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh and I'm
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

(piano solo)

Ohhh and I'm
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off
Ohhh and I'm
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off