I am absolutely loving this weather, but my head feels horrible! My nose feels like I got soap up it, it's stuffed up, and I keep getting dizzy if I bend over or move my head too much. If I lay down, my ears get so clogged-feeling, I feel like I am going deaf.
Something really needs to be done with my ears, which is more than likely the source of all the trouble right now. Sometimes I even wonder when I stand up and get light-headed if my ears have anything to do with it,
since two sacs in the ear can apparently cause it. The article says it is more common in older people, but with all of the trouble I have, I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of the problem. I never know if I am actually experiencing a drop in my blood pressure because 1) I do not always get light-headed, so I don't always know when I am going to have it to keep a blood pressure cuff close by and 2) my blood pressure cuff is a wrist machine and it's a little difficult to make sure your arm is at the same level sitting down and standing up.
Mom and I got at it again on Tuesday night. She was telling me some story, she didn't think I was paying attention, so she made some smart ass remark accusing me of ignoring her (which I wasn't), and I went off. And then we were going at each other and pretty much saying the same shit we say to each other. Although this time she actually called me evil. Oh and I don't remember why she said it, but at one point she turned to me and said "gee, why don't you go cut yourself again?". That was a low blow and it really pissed me off.
That was probably one of the closest times in a long time I ever came to wanting to end it all. I seriously thought about calling a suicide hotline, but I am always paranoid to call them, that they will trace where the call came from (even though I have always been under the impression suicide hotlines are supposed to be anonymous, but I don't know) and send a cop to take me away (although with how I have been lately, I have been thinking that if I did actually have decent medical, I would go somewhere. Some days I would like to go away for a long time).
But even if I were to ever decide to actually commit suicide, I doubt I would ever do it as a spur of the moment thing. Oh no. I would plan out an entire fucking itinerary. Last meals, places to see, people to meet, people to bitch out, people to beat the snot out of, drugs to be tried (what? you think I am going to die without smoking pot or trying ecstasy at least once? can't be any worse than some of the psychiatric drugs I have been on), virginity to be lost. And I would certainly not end it all in this area. It would more than likely be in some major city in a hotel room. And with "Time To Pretend" blasting, because for some unknown reason, as much as I like the song, I always start to feel more suicidal than usual when I hear it, particularly at the "we'll choke on our vomit" part, although I actually fantasize more of blowing my brains out at that part. Why, I cannot answer that, especially since blowing my brains out is one of the last suicide methods I would ever use.
I finally got to Cracker Barrel last night and much to my disappointment, the pineapple upside down cake was not on the menu. It was on the promo menu for a long time last year. So just for the hell of it, I decided to shoot a message on Facebook about it. And look, I will be honest, I didn't word the question properly. I know that it was only a promo and that it was a limited time thing, so I just merely wanted to know why it was on the promo menu so much longer last year. I got one stupid response telling me it was a promo, because durr I didn't apparently know that
despite stating that I know it was seasonal.
And the second response came from some 3 named hillbilly hick named Sherrye with a picture of her crotchspawn as a profile picture and who works for Cracker Barrel who apparently did not think the first answer was sufficient enough for my apparent stupidity, so she felt the need to add in her extremely obnoxious two cents, complete with the usage of "uhhh" and multiple exclamation points after her statements. Again, it was one of those times where I wish I could have put my fist through the monitor and had it come out the target person's. Let's put it terms that she clearly only understands- uhhh, I understand it was a promotion. Uhhh, I understand it ended. Sorry I was not clearer in my explanation for your dumb ass.
And quite a few of her responses to other commentors were obnoxious as well. If I saw my employees talking to my customers like that, I'd fire their asses. Nice way to represent yourself on your employer's page, dumbass. Do you talk to your customers the same way? Don't get snippy with other people because you're a stupid uneducated hick moron.
I apologize for my extreme crankiness. Today did not help when my mother finally got the balls to invite my grandparents and aunt over for lunch and my father decided he is tired of veal loaf and he did not want ham, so he was going to go get something to eat. And was gone for over 2 hours. Now let's see if he eats either one tomorrow. Not that we aren't well aware that the whole reason he went out was because of my grandparents and aunt were coming over.
