Random Thoughts

Well, it's nice to finally feel a little more normal. Until the next time. And whether that will be the standard 28 to 32 days from yesterday, or the 10 days from yesterday. I really hope the mid-cycle bleeding doesn't occur. It's horrible what hormones can do to your body. I don't even feel human before my period. I feel like some alien has taken over my body.

On the other hand, this baby drama in the family needs to get the fuck out. I am so tired of hearing about it. Every single time my sister is over, she is bitching about her mother-in-law. And to be honest, she is a bitch who thinks she knows everything, but knows shit (example, the baby shower favors). But my sister knew all of this before she married her husband.

And yesterday she was over and she was ranting about when she delivers and about people holding the baby and basically she sounded like she was implying she doesn't want people holding the baby. Seriously? I am already feel anxious about when I get to hold the baby, that I won't be holding right, or too long, or my sister and her husband will be staring at me like I am doing either or, or both. Now she is going to start this shit? Now my sister has always been kind of bitchy, but she is turning into a royal high-maintenance bitch. Yesterday, all I did was make some comment that I had cramps and she says "I don't feel sorry for you. Mine are only going to get worse. Not to be mean or anything". I just looked at her like, are you kidding me? I wasn't looking for sympathy, nor do I want it. I was just merely stating that I had cramps. That is all. And guess what, honey? You chose to get pregnant. I don't feel sorry for you either.

We're going to be celebrating birthdays tonight. Yay. The whole night will consist of talking about pregnancies and babies. And my brother-in-law sitting and playing games all night, or staring at people with scorn. God, I hate when he does that. And his mother is the same way. At the baby shower, I would look up and see her either staring at me or other people at the table and I wanted to say what are you looking at? I hate when people stare.

But on to a different subject, I feel like crap. Last night my nose was burning so bad on the left side and it was spreading below my eye and down into my upper gums. I eventually boiled water and sat with the hot mug under my nose and a towel over it. Then in the middle of the night I woke up to a stuffed nose and a blob of phlegm in my throat (sorry). But at least my nose wasn't burning anymore. I don't know if I have a cold, but my ears are blocked, my throat hurts, and my nose is stuffed. Every time I blow, it's both clear and yellow, so I am not sure what that means. I am wondering if maybe the probiotics stirred something up.

And speaking of stirring up, I was thinking one day back to when I had anxiety over having MS and how it eventually went away, and I started to wonder okay so that eventually went away, so why isn't this? My fear of having a stress fracture eventually went away, although that was probably because I had the bone scan done. I had no test to rule out MS. So what made it go away? Pills? I can't even quite remember what exactly I was on at that time. Maybe Prozac? I don't know. I have never denied Prozac as being one of the most beneficial drugs I have been on. But that doesn't make me want to be on it. Why can't I get rid of this Addison's fear? I want it to go away, and honestly I think I am at the point where I am not even sure if an ACTH stimulation test could get rid of it, even though that is usually the most reliable test. But I wish I could get it done, although I doubt it would be easy to ever have that happen. For one, I'd have to convince my doctor to refer me to an endocrinologist (I guess?), who would probably not find any reason to perform the test on me. The amount of money I would have to spend would be astronomical. But I can barely function because my mind is so centered on this, so I am not working because of barely being able to function (in addition to finding a job being near impossible).

And normally when one goes away, another comes along. I don't believe I have ever had a new fear come along and tie right into the other. I didn't need this new fear of going through early menopause. It is not helping. At all. Going through early menopause itself isn't exactly all that scary, but rather why I would be. And unfortunately, Addison's disease can be a cause of it.

And now my period is barely visible and I am worried it is over already. I give up.

ETA 7:08PM: Well, looks like birthdays are out tonight. I am going to be an aunt either by the end of tonight or by tomorrow!

LOL- the local forecast is playing "Get Off of My Cloud" by the Rolling Stones

Video Of The Day

MGMT's cover of "Angie" by the Rolling Stones:



This song was so goddamn completely flawless at Musikfest. I really wish they would do a studio cover of it and release a record and/or MP3 of it. I WANT IT. I NEED IT.

ETA 12/6: I just actually watched part of it (I have mostly been only listening to it) and just noticed the part when Andrew's guitar strap falls off (1:22; lol I think I heard somebody laughing at it) and the guy runs up to fix it (1:35). OMG COULD YOU IMAGINE?

I don't even want to imagine what I would do if I ever met him. I wouldn't attack him like a crazy fan or anything, but I probably would be completely speechless. Doesn't help that the boy always looks like he is pretty awkward himself in interviews. I'd be trying to think of something to say without making an ass out of myself and getting incredibly tongue-tied, and we'd both be standing there playing with our hair out of nervousness (any interview I have seen of him, he is always playing with his hair or his ear or scratching at something, and I assume it out of nervousness. But what do I know?). Oh god, it would be so awkward. And it would be the best day of my life.

ETA 12/7: Watch him in these gifs. Jesus. I am getting nervous and fidgeting just watching him.