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I was initially handling my FWA being out pretty well. Now I'm starting to feel panicky, especially looking at the amount of working slowly building up every day. It's not helping that records keep coming in that practically need their own zip code. In the past 2 weeks, we've had a 2 12-inch chart and an 11.25-inch chart come in. And this is on top of several 2+ inch charts that keep coming. Like what the fuck is going on with these people? And a lot of times, they have all these goddamn freaking records and their injury is something ridiculously minute, like they picked up something wrong.

And instead of just staying home and worrying about raising her crotch demon, the bitch has already been pumping people about the workload. She apparently figured it would get really bad while she was out. And the fact that it's starting to look that way is really grinding my gears and frustrating me to all holy hell that I can't just not care and pump out voluminous half-assed work like her.

And aside from being incredibly frustrated with myself, it also frustrates me how inexcusable this is. It's not like my FWA came in one day and said "I'm pregnant" and immediately went out on maternity leave. Oh no, not her. She made sure to let everyone know ASAP, so my manager had every goddamn right to better prepare for this. But then again this is the same person who gets annoyed that 2 of her employees are talking excessively and instead of coming out and telling them to shut the fuck up and get to work, she shuts her office door.

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So far doing well with work. Frankly, finally having some variety in work tasks is extremely appealing to me.

My manager has told me numerous times that she trusts me to handle many of the tasks in the office and that I should take it as a good thing. She also tells me I need to have more confidence in myself. Which I am well aware of. Every time people tell me that, I feel like saying trust me I know. Of course, my problem isn't so much I need more confidence in myself. I need confidence period, because I have very little, if any. If I had confidence in myself, I wouldn't be working there. I would have graduated college like a normal person, probably working as a radiology technologist like I initially planned on doing. Until mental illness, an ever increasing decline in confidence and self esteem, and an overwhelming fear of touching people got in the way.

For the longest time, if I was having to eat out on Sunday, I would get annoyed. Lately, though, it's all I have been wanting to do. I almost was going to eat home tonight, but convinced everyone to order pizza. And now I feel really guilty and like a real shithead for doing so, not to mention what my digestive system feels like. And I know when I wake up tomorrow morning, my digestive system is going to feel even worse, and I'm really going to curse myself. I'm also feeling guilty for making my parents eat bad, especially with their cholesterol levels. I feel like a rotten child.

"Comfortably Numb"just came up on my iTunes playlist. I wish I was comfortably numb right now. Also, I wish one day in work, a patient would come up to the desk window, no one will be there at the moment, and they say "hello, hello, hello is there anybody in there?". I swear to God, I would give that person $50, because it would absolutely make my day.

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A few days before my FWA left for let's screw my coworkers because of my choices leave, the one who tells like it is but never does announced she was going to be leaving for another job. Her last day was this past Friday. This should be fun, two people being gone at the same time.

For the most part, I didn't really dislike her, but she could be very trying as a coworker. You were damned if you do, damned if you don't with her. If you didn't do something, she bitched. If you did something, she found something to bitch about it. Most of the time I fought with myself whether or not to do something, because I wasn't sure which was the correct thing to do. So the one upside is one less person to walk on eggshells around. Sometimes I wonder if lawyers or doctors are as demanding as some of my coworkers. Apparently when Ms. Hail to the V's stuff is being set up for her next workday, there are many exact specifications of how it's done. Seriously- you're medical assistants, get the fuck over yourselves.

(And yes, I am completely aware of the complete and utter hypocrisy in my complaint of being damned if you do, damned if you don't, because if anyone is like that, it's me. There is basically NEVER any pleasing me.)

However, there is a little bit of bright light at the end of the tunnel regarding being short workers- my FWA delivered yesterday, more than a week early.

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Sundays always get me fired up, especially to complain about work.

I try to be accepting of other people when they vote for the opposite party as me, but this election has made it very hard, if not next to impossible. I really and truly do not understand the mindset of Trump supporters, how anyone can possible like that horrible arrogant pompous buffoon.

I only knew of two people in work who I was almost definite were voting for the asshole (our most senior employee and totally not surprisingly the miserable old troll). I knew the one who talks a lot was voting for Hilary, the rest of the office I don't know. And not surprisingly my FWA didn't vote at all. But apparently the one who claims to tell it like it is must have voted for him. Which shouldn't really surprise me either, considering she's a pompous buffoon who puts herself so high up on a pedestal she must get constant nosebleeds and her husband is a creepy-looking pompous buffoon who is "nothing but a lazy Jew" (her words, not mine- hence the quotes). He's also a cop and apparently a lot of them endorsed Trump, I'm guessing. And it's probably evil to say, even for me, but he looks like one of those cops who shoots someone for solely being a minority.

Anyway, she was talking about the police unity tour thing her husband does every year and the conversation was nice and neutral (although irritatingly loud considering she can never talk at any volume lower than about 90 decibels). Then all of a sudden it turned into the tour should go fine as long as the marching and protesting are over by then. Then the miserable old troll had to voice her opinion on that. And then the former mentions that Trump is supposed to come to the tour and then has to point how Obama never, EVER offered to come to it. And the MOT goes "oh of course!" and then makes some comment about how he never even addressed all of the police shootings. And funny thing is, the former said one day a while back that her son wanted to vote for Trump and she hollered at him, asking him if he was stupid, so I don't know where the sudden change of heart came from.

But oh god forbid, Obama never offered to come! I wasn't aware that she was with him every moment of the day to know that! Maybe he did! Maybe he didn't even know about it! I certainly never heard of it until I started working there. Or maybe he just wasn't the narcissistic jackass that Trump is with a mission to constantly make himself look good. And have any other presidents ever offered to come? I kept my mouth shut during the whole conversation, because I do not think politics belong in the workplace, but wish I would have though to ask that.

One day the one who talks a lot was being extra talkative and it was really getting under my skin and I mentioned something to my FWA about it. And the conversation was going semi-okay, but in the grand tradition of things, it couldn't go without her turning it around to herself. She says she doesn't even want to imagine how much she'll get on her nerves when she gets pregnant again, because everyone got on her nerves when she was pregnant (welcome to our world, sweetheart!). Oh, and she and her boyfriend are trying for another baby. I felt like holding my hand up and saying stop right there sweetheart, let's get a few things straight here-  one, this has absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about; two I know how babies are made and I don't need to know that your nasty ass and your boyfriend's fat nasty ass are having sex; three, please don't have anymore kids; and four, frankly I don't care.

It's sad when you have to go to bed every night hoping you'll have a heart attack or stroke just so you don't have to go back to your workplace. Why I ever thought working in a small office was a good idea, I have no idea.

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Wow, I'm really starting to slack anymore. Since I have last posted:

- I did end up having to attend the deposition. It was a huge waste of my time, although at least I was still paid. Judging by the questions I was asked, if this is what is being taught in law school, good God. The best part was when her attorney asked me what day of the week did the accident happen and I said a Friday. Kind of threw all of the attorneys in a tizzy. Apparently the accident report had the day before. I'm unsure of a lot of things but I'm 99.99% sure that ice storm happened on a Friday, even came home that day and pulled up weather archives, which said freezing rain happened on Friday January 10th. Now the date could have been an honest mistake on her part. But someone else wasn't doing their research and fact checking. I even went back to previous posts on here and sure enough, it definitely sounded like it happened on a Friday.

- The tooth behind my root canaled one was starting to really give me trouble a few weeks again. I ended up having to have another root canal. Yay me. I had it done at another office this time. Apparently my dental office doesn't refer to the other place anymore. Not sure why, but I'd certainly like to know. The dentist at first seemed hesitant on doing it because I suck so much at describing my symptoms but once he went in the tooth, he said oh I definitely would have needed it at some point. Pretty sure I heard him say I had irreversible pulpitis. And he confirmed the crack in my tooth. I was pretty annoyed though when he looked at my x-rays and said one of my canals in my first root canaled tooth wasn't fully filled and he wants to keep an eye on it. Why was it not done properly in the first place? It wasn't like some general dentist did it, an endodontist did it. It should have been done properly! And if there was an issue, then I should have been told about it, although for all I know, I very well could have been, but since I could barely understand a word she said, who knows?

And that's really been it. Not much has changed. A month later, I'm still feeling blue from the holidays, I still wish I'd get hit by a tractor trailer on the way to work. There are just no words to describe how much my coworkers get under my skin. And this manager needs a reality check. I don't how the fuck she's ever had managerial positions before, because she's a piss poor excuse for one. I can understand having good relations with your employees, but she is way too fucking chummy with people. Especially my FWA. Again- I really and truly don't understand how anyone tolerates my FWA. Even just sitting there doing nothing I want to punch her in the face.

It's weird- I feel so goddamn stupid all of the time and my job makes me feel really inadequate and yet I feel like I deserve better. I basically feel like I'm lowering myself and settling working in this office. There's no kind of incentive in that office. No promotions, no ladder, nothing. And despite how stupid I feel, I feel like I can, and should, make something much better of myself.

I've been following the Weather Channel off and on today, because even though it doesn't affect my area, I'm interested in following the severe weather coverage. All the years I've been reading the Storm Prediction Center, I think only two or three (give or take, I can't remember) times I've seen a high risk day. Especially in the winter months. And I know the last time I was on there, all three of the tornado watches that were in affect were PDS. Scary, scary shit.

And one more thing- after this weekend, I'm so proud of my gender, despite the fact that it's 2017 and we should not have to be marching demanding equality and rights. I also love how on Facebook every single time I see someone criticizing the women's marches, it's always a man. 

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When I got the email regarding the deposition, it mentioned that the lawyer representing our company wanted to meet with me. So I emailed him with my availability and he responded back that me he'd get back to me. Time went on and I never heard a response. We were having system issues so I started to worry that maybe I didn't get the email. Then last Friday I get an email informing me the deposition was canceled. I nearly peed my pants in excitement. Unfortunately my excitement was short lived, for Monday morning came along with an email informing me the deposition was rescheduled to December.

I really don't want to have to do this. And while I appreciate people telling me to just tell what I know, what I plan out saying in my head doesn't always end up coming out of my mouth. Talking to people, especially people I don't know and especially people of a significant position, makes me so unbearably nervous and anxious that anything coming from my head to my mouth tends to get all kinds of fucked up. Public speaking, or at the rate I'm going speaking in general, is definitely not my forte. If I was ever forced to take a public speaking class, I'd say just give me an F.

I feel like I'm saying this a lot anymore, but something has really been up my butt lately. I'm so fucking cranky and irritable and my concentration levels are nil. I'm tired of being bloated and constipated. I have a tooth bothering me. My coworkers are getting on my last nerve.

Especially my FWA. Her stupidity and arrogance is getting under my skin so bad I just want to slap her across the face every time I look at her. She is going to have off a whole week this month. I'd love to know how she even has the time, although I do recall her saying to me one time that she was going to have a week off and she would only be going in to the new year negative so many days. A day or two or something. But still- just because you can means you should?

It would be nice if one day any of the managers decided to pull her head out of her ass and stopped coddling this bitch, although considering she is 31 years old, they shouldn't have to. She should know better at her age. But no, everyone just pampers her.  

And the stupid cow will call out for the stupidest reasons, but now she is actually legitimately sick and won't call out. Probably because then she'd have to give up some of her vacation. So instead she's in work hacking and spreading her germs all over the fucking place. Because fuck everyone else if they get sick as long as she still gets her undeserved vacation. Because nothing matters to her but her and her only.

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So Tuesday I'm going about my business at work, not having too bad of a day, when I see the little Outlook email preview pop up in the lower right side of my screen. I open up the email and it's from our legal team. I'm apparently being summonsed for a deposition in November regarding our former temp who slipped and fell in the parking lot. I received the email about 10 minutes before I was clocking out for lunch. And I spent that entire 10 minutes shaking on the inside and doing everything in my power to not completely lose it.

I can't believe that this frivolous crap has even gotten this far. And me have to speak in front of fucking lawyers? This should go just wonderfully, considering I am as good at public speaking as Donald Trump is at not being a complete misogynistic pig.

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I realized over the weekend that my three year anniversary at that place is coming soon. God bless me for making it that long. I don't know how I have done it, except for the fact that as I said before, I am really no better than my coworkers and stick around because there's stuff I get away with there that would not fly at other places, except unlike my coworkers, mine still involves my actual job. They won't leave because they know they won't get away with coming in or coming back from lunch whenever they feel like it (e.g. my FWA), taking numerous smoke breaks, vaping in the office, standing around bullshitting for large amounts of times, house or clothes surfing on the internet (again, my FWA), multiple personal calls (guess who)....the list goes on.

And now I get to do it all over again! And our most senior employee is on vacation this week, so it should really be a fun week. Listening to the radio all day (e.g. hearing the same shit over and over and over again), more talking, etc. Yay! I can't freaking wait.

I've been taking those Nature Made probiotics for over a week now. I don't feel like I've been as bloated feeling as usual, but so far they're doing nothing for the constipation and irregularity issue. I know probiotics can take some time to kick in, so I'll at least give them another week and decide where to go from there. I'm also considering adding the acidophilus that I've been taking for years back into the mix. All this having to play around with medications is a real pain in the ass. Intestines! Why can't you just function properly?!

Against my better wishes, I went to the local diner for dinner. And just as we were finishing up, who ends up being seated at the table caddy corner to us? The kid I went to school with. The one who two years ago I was repulsed at seeing. Can't say I felt much different tonight.

My God, there is a special place in hell for me.

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Well that was unsurprisingly a quick 3 days off. Quick summer as well. Boo. I was always one to look forward to the end of summer and the start of fall. Now I hate when summer ends. And I think it has to do with 5 years ago when I was going through such a rough time and then ended up being laid off on top of it. My mental state was really not in a good place then and I think I have been subconsciously associating that with fall since then.

I had no one to do anything with last night so I just did my own thing. Went to Popeye's like last time. I was in there with my book and 3 old people. Then I ran to a few stores and came home and at in front of the boob tube and read. It was depressing as fuck. I felt like going and buying a gun and blowing my brains out. Still feeling like that, actually. More so because I have to go back to work. And because of visions of horrible things happening playing nonstop in my head. I swear to God some days when they're really bad I want to take an ice pick and jam it up my fucking nose.

And to make my suicidal thoughts more depressing....it's apparently National Suicide Prevention week. I saw that earlier and thought, Jesus that would be fucking ironic.

I'm beyond frustrated with this bloating and left lower abdominal distention. Every time I put my pants on I want to cry because they feel so tight on me. I'm so disgusted with myself and disgusted with myself for starting to think I'm fat again. I really should go to the doctor and request an abdominal CT scan. That way it could show the digestive system and female organs. An ultrasound wouldn't do much for me unless there is definitely something going on in my women parts.

I bought Nature Made Advanced Dual Action probiotics the other day. I haven't tried them yet, as I am still finishing up the last few of my usual probiotics. I hope they do something good, though.

Anyway, I am currently reading Robopocalypse by Daniel Wilson. I had bought a copy of Amped in the Dollar Tree back in July and I was very interested in it and then I read some reviews on Robo and thought it sounded intestesing, so I checked it out of my local library. I am simultaneously fascinated and freaked out by it. Definitely enforces my belief that technology is great until it malfunctions. It also makes me think of the "Mother's Day" episode of Futurama. Hey Hey! Ho Ho! 100110!

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I should just stay off Facebook today. Today is the 2nd of 3 weddings for my bitchy cousins (for some reason, all 3 of them had to get engaged around the same time). And of course Hermine decided not to pack a punch and it's a beautiful day out. Of course.

This particular cousin I never really had a problem with until one time we were at a family function and she was going around giving everyone at our table a hug and kiss and just as she was coming up to me, someone came up to her and she walked away with them. I can't even describe how I felt after that. And she really hit my shit list when I contacted her through FB messaging about whether she was coming to my sister's baby shower or not and she blatantly ignored me. And I know she read the message, too. People seem to forget that FB messaging marks when you read messages. Never called, didn't show up, nothing. Didn't respond or show up to my nephew's first birthday either. Bitch, my family has bent over ass backwards multiple times for all of your stupid affairs! You couldn't even once return the favor?!

I often complain about my coworkers and how they bitch and moan about how much they hate it there and I always says that the only reason they're all still there is because they know at any other place they wouldn't get away with the shit they get away with there. And then I thought one day, where the fuck am I any better? I've admitted many times before that the only reasons I stay there are because of the pay and because no one condemns my slow ass and my extreme phone phobia is catered to (although to be fair, no one really deals with phones there anymore). Plus it's close to home. Still, though, where am I any better? I'm really not.

Boy, I woke up in rare form today.

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Ah, finally a three-day weekend again! And tropical storm (as of now) Hermine is heading our way! I don't know yet exactly how bad we're supposed to get hit, but I'm already stressed over it and worrying about any tornado watches, warnings, power outages, etc. ARGH!

Oh, well. Still better than being in work. As usual I have 50 bazillion things I could complain about regarding that place, but frankly....I just don't feel like it.

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I should have known 5 days without my FWA would have been too damn good to be true, because guess who came strolling in at 11:30AM yesterday with her brat? As soon as I heard her voice I though oh good God you have got to be fucking kidding me. Bitch, you're on vacation! Stay the fuck away from work! And stop fucking worrying about who is sitting at your desk!

And her outfit was great as usual. She was wearing a halter top that was from about 20 pounds ago and if she had it pulled down any lower, we would have seen her areolas. Classy as usual.

I wish just once I could go on vacation and come back feeling calmer instead of feeling just as frazzled, overwhelmed and stressed out as I was before I left. If not more! And constantly going on vacation with my entire family doesn't help. Look, I love my older nephew to death but my God that kid stresses me out beyond belief. He's so rambunctious and rough and never once can we go out to eat without him making it completely unpleasant. I have heard that three can be worse than two and let me tell you- I wholeheartedly believe it. His behavior makes me want to rip out my own uterus and ovaries. Between him, my BIL's attitude, and my sister's nonchalant "her time is her time and everyone else's time is her time" attitude, vacation is never pleasant.

Lately I have been so damn exhausted and just feeling overall shitty. Every morning I have to get up for work I just want to cry because I'm so tired. I feel like I can barely function because I feel so exhausted. I'm starting to have more episodes of feeling lightheaded and like I'm going to black out whenever I stand up. Quite a few times it's gotten so bad I've had to stop walking and bend over until the feeling passed. I'm craving salt like crazy. And no, I am not worried that I have Addison's disease, although let's not try to plant those seeds in my head again.

And whatever happened to my digestive system since Myrtle Beach needs to go away. It's like something got thrown super out of whack since then. A couple weeks ago I finally decided to buy Natural Calm after hearing about it for a long time and reading excellent reviews. I took the smallest dose recommended one night while I was down the shore and almost mmediately felt very bloated. And although I felt relaxed, I didn't sleep well at all. And woke up feeling horrible. Was the bloating from the NC or just from eating bad? Did I not sleep well because of it or just because I never sleep well on vacation? And did I feel horrible the next day from it or just from not sleeping well? I don't know, but I have been reluctant to try it again.

More and more I'm starting to feel like I need to take a vacation in the crazy house again.

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Another weekend down, back to work again. Blah! But hey, at least my FWA is on vacation all week so I don't have to hear that obnoxious laugh for five days.

When I first get logged in to my computer at work in the morning, one of the first things I open up is my email. On Friday, I do such and I see an email from someone I don't know with a subject line of "[name] vs. [company]" and I kind of start to feel a little nervous. I open it up and see it's addressed to my manager's boss and me and starts off with the introduction that the person is from the legal team. So I really start feeling scared but then I read the rest of the email and quickly went from scared as fuck to pissed. Some chick we had as a temp two years ago is suing the company after slipping and falling in the parking lot. And my manager's boss had signed the incident report and I apparently was listed down as a witness in the report and this legal person had a few questions for us.

Frankly the only thing I remember is that it happened during that unexpected insane ice storm we had and when I had pulled up to work, she was on the ground next to her car. I did not actually see her fall. What I want to know is how I was put down as a witness, because this is news to me. I'm going to guess my old manager just took it upon herself to put me down as a witness without telling me, asking me for any witness report, or anything of that nature.

I swear.....people.

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So update on my digestive issues (not that anyone cares)- I stopped the Miralax, upped Peri-Colace intake, had some success and was back to an acceptable 123, 124 pounds on the scale last Saturday. Was doing okay but now I'm feeling miserable again. Of course I ended up getting my period sooner than I expected (which is good, because I'm going down the shore for a few days soon and won't have to worry about it coming now) so that might be contributing to it, but I'm worried that this is going to be an ongoing thing. And if it is, what is causing it? And for the love of God, how can I get it to go away??

I suspected all of the past week that my period was coming. For one, that one Saturday I had a bout of really heavy discharge and usually it comes about two weeks after that occurs. And two, I was so drained feeling and miserable that I kept thinking, there is no way it's not coming soon. And sure enough, it graced me with its presence on Friday morning.

And I should know that when I want to rip my coworkers' faces off more than usual that I'm due for it. And Thursday I was really feeling it. My FWA comes strolling in at 10. My manager says nothing to anyone about her coming in late and considering the stupid bitch is our front desk person, I think my manager kind of should let people know. But it's not like it's the first time she's lacked communicating with her employees about things. But this is the best part- not only does my FWA come in at 10, a few minutes later I hear her go out with the rest of the smokers for their 10 o'clock smoke break. Barely even the fucking door and she feels entitled to take her break still. And then not even two hours later, they're out on another one.

And would my manager say anything to her? No. She was right out on the smoke break with them. Them two are so fucking chummy with each other it's disgusting. You're her manager, you stupid bitch! She is your employee! Not your fucking BFF!

Don't get me wrong- I'm glad to finally have a manager who doesn't spaz out over stupid shit like, but my God, this one has less cojones than my old one.

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Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to all those who have served!

And thank goodness for not having to be in work for one day. Any day away from those asshats is okay in my book. And any day away from the ever building workload is okay as well.

And then I found out last week that one of the girls who does the same job as me up in our sister company (there are two girls there that do the same job as me) is apparently going to be out for about a month due to health issues and the other girl is apparently having health issues of her own. Which means we'll probably be expected to take on some of their work as well. I swear to God, I have never seen an office with so many damn people going out on extended leaves for health issues as much as that office. It really makes me wonder just how bad that office is run.

I keep dreading the day my FWA comes in and announces she's pregnant again. I think I will just have an absolute breakdown when she's out on maternity leave. Because of course she'll have to be sectioned again, because of course her recovery period couldn't be dramatic-free, which means she'll have to be out longer than the usual time and probably even longer than what is expected in general. Because god forbid anything ever not be dramatic with her.

UGH. I really do not want to go back tomorrow.

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Holy crap, a post two days in a row! To what do we owe this honor?

It's been almost a year since I started taking Prozac. I have noticed somewhat of a positive response to it, but I have also noticed a few negatives. One, I can't remember the last time I actually wanted to have an orgasm or tried to have one. I think one woke me up in the middle of the night a month or so ago, but that's about the last one I remember. And two, I can't even remember the last time I actually genuinely laughed at something. It's not that I have lost my sense of humor, I still find things funny, but I just find that I no longer can actually laugh at anything.

I'm still taking it five days a week and keep contemplating adding another day, but every time I go to do so, I chicken out that if I start to take more of it, I'll gain weight.

And because I don't dislike work enough, now I loathe even more. Last year, a middle-aged lady was hired to work out of our office as a medical assistant for doctors for our sister company that travel to our area. She was originally part time, but a few months ago she was hired full time. And I've hated work even more since she started full time. I've talked about her before- she never fucking shuts up. She'll start talking and talking and talking and talking and jump from one topic to the next. She's completely overwhelming to talk to because she just completely hijacks every goddamn conversation. I almost have full blown anxiety attacks whenever she corners me and talks to me. That's another thing- she corners you and gets within a few inches of you when she talks to you. And that is a big no-no for someone who has intense personal space issues.

Between her excessive talking and constant up and down, I'd almost swear she has some kind of hyperactivity disorder. I've never seen someone get up and fly around an office so much so quickly as she does. She'll leave food and drinks on our break room table and then sit at her desk and get up every so often to go eat or drink whatever she has on the table. I don't understand the purpose of that. Just eat at your fucking desk like a normal person.

She also never listens. There are things she has asked me multiple times and I've given her answers, as well as my coworkers, and then she'll stand there and say no one ever told her that. She's like talking to a fucking wall. And it's always she has a quick question. Nothing is ever quick with her. She always has to go on this long ramble before she finally semi gets to the question. And I say semi because her questions never make any sense so you never really know what she's asking. And every single time, without fail, as soon as she gets an answer, it's always followed by "that's what I thought" or "that's what I was going to do". WAT

But the thing that annoys me the most about her is she is everywhere I goddamn turn. No matter time what I pull up to work, it's almost guaranteed she'll be not far behind. She takes a break the same time I do. Or the same time I used to, seeing as I no longer really take breaks. Oh and now all of a sudden she takes lunch the same time I do. She literally clocks out almost the same time I do. No matter where I go, she is there. I'm starting to feel like I have a fucking stalker.

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So it appears my period is finally coming. It's only about a week late. Thank God this didn't happen back during when I was freaking out and thinking I was going through early menopause or I probably would have ended up in the nuthouse.

I'm starting to see more and more holiday things disappearing and I am feeling the post-holiday blues more and more and the dread of long cold winter days and nights. 

And now it's that time of the year where it's just weeks and weeks of work and no holiday until Memorial Day weekend, minus any PTO I might take. I don't understand why we get no holidays whatsoever until then. At least give us Good Friday or something.

So I go back to work this past Tuesday and find out that the holiday party was actually that day. I swore it was on Wednesday, but when I pulled up my email, sure enough it was scheduled for the 29th. I felt like such an asshat. I was the only one who didn't participate in the Pollyanna thing, although judging by the gifts some people bought, I certainly didn't miss out on anything.

I'm so over the people in that place. It's not a good sign when you'd rather be nailed by an 18-wheeler than have to look at those people every day.

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Four days down of break, one more to go. And then it's back to work on Tuesday. Ugh. I am really not looking forward to going after being off for so long. Especially because Wednesday is when we're having our stupid holiday party at work and I am not looking forward to that either. And we're supposed to do something called a white elephant Pollyanna and thank god it's optional, because frankly it sounds incredibly dumb to me.

I know, I know, I am such a grouch, right? Guilty as charged.

Right now I just loathe my coworkers so much. And I can't stand how tight they have gotten with the new manager. Every time they go out on smoke breaks, she goes out with them. And I'm sorry but I really do not think that is appropriate for a manager to do. But once again we have another manager who has no cojones and just wants to be everyone's BFF.

And Ms. Hail to the V....that ginger-headed bitch is really and truly starting to get under my skin. Whenever she comes on, she says nothing. No good morning, no anything. Just comes in straight to her desk and sits down. Everyone else says good morning to her, but I just ignore her. I used to waste my breath saying good morning but after so long I just said the hell with her. She wants to be a rude ass bitch, then fuck her. And I don't want to hear the excuse she is "awkward". I'm awkward as fuck and I still make an effort to have some manners even though it's the last thing I want to do. Besides, she made 2 babies with men, she can't be that fucking awkward.

Sometimes I wonder if she still holds something against me for coming in with my nephew on the same day she brought her son in back in 2013, before I was hired back. And if so, she needs to get over it. I didn't work there, I had no idea that she had a baby or that she was going to bring her Opie from Family Guy-looking alien in the same day I decided to bring my nephew in.

And the one day I mentioned to my FWA about my back bothering me (it's been bothering me a lot lately) and she said something about hers bothering her (of course it does) and how her daughter massaged it for her. I felt like saying JFC does every goddamn topic have to involve your daughter? I don't give a flying fuck about her daughter!

God I am so freaking grouchy right now. My period is late (no, I'm not pregnant), I'm starting to feel the post-Christmas blues, I ate way too much the past few days, and I'm just cranky.

Random Thoughts

Merry early Christmas! It's currently 70 degrees right now in my neck of the woods. WTF?

Yesterday we had a cake in work for my birthday. Someone asked the MOB if she wanted a piece and she goes "no it looks too sweet" (it was vanilla cake with buttercream). And she said it a couple more times. And then starts saying how she doesn't like vanilla icing, blah blah blah. I just walked away when she started with that. I felt like saying to her "First off, last I checked, it's not your birthday. Second, we don't need to hear your opinion on everything. And last, do you have to be so fucking negative about everything?". Like just say no thank you and STFU.

I know I can be a miserable person but JFC, her negativity just sucks the life and fun out of everything. She's like a fucking Dementor. We had Christmas music on on Monday and she did nothing but nonstop bitch about it. Despite saying she doesn't care what is on, but that she can tune the music out. So then tune it out and STFU.

I always have to laugh how she looks down at music and top 40 radio (which I am guilty of myself but never mind that). Bitch, you're a fucking Linkin Park fan. Take several seats.

Random Thoughts

So now we're back to normal chilly weather (it's in the 40's right now) and come my birthday it's going to be in the 60's and about 70 on Christmas Eve. What is this weather? Kind of makes me nervous for when spring comes. I hope it doesn't mean an increase in severe weather.

My FWA is whining on Facebook because her brat is sick. Again. I swear, every person I know who has breastfed, their kids are constantly sick. What happened to "breast is best"? My nephew wasn't breastfed and I don't even recall ever seeing him really sick, if at all. I wasn't breastfed and I'm rarely, if ever, sick (not counting in the head). Minus the bout with the flu last year, but that was for the first time in a really, REALLY long time. And I got over it pretty damn quickly.

I thought maybe once Thanksgiving was over, our workload would die down some. But it hasn't. We have been so damn busy. I just did about 6 hours of overtime this past week and thanks to having off Monday, it's going to be all straight pay. Which sucks, but money is money I guess. It's just crazy, though. The doctors are working a lot, we're short-staffed (especially because this year it seems like everyone waited to use their PTO),  the medical records are huge, clients are sending in records like a day before the appointments because they no longer get penalized for it, etc.

I never understand that last one. Once upon a time, if clients sent records in so many days before an appointment, the records were automatically turned into an addendum report. Which was an extra charge. And the PTB stopped that. Which makes no sense, because that's extra money they could be making. And last I checked, isn't corporate all about the benjamins?