Random Thoughts

I should have shared this sooner, but somehow I didn't get around to it, but I have good news! My neck pain in no longer here! It went away sometime in the beginning of this past week and while I still do not have 100% good range of motion, I am pretty much pain-free. But in the grand tradition of things, one thing goes away and another comes in its place. I am having the week from hell with my digestive system. I am so fucking bloated. And I have been having cramping in the lower left side right next to my hipbone and across my whole back. I am nauseous as hell, I have the worst taste in my mouth, and almost everything I eat is unappealing. I also had a little bit of blood-tinged discharge (sorry) for a couple days.

I think I am going to finally call and make an appointment for an ultrasound tomorrow. I need to go find out what is going on with my women parts, although if there is anything, honestly- what can I do about it? If a cyst is found that needs surgery, I can't do that. Or heaven forbid they find cancer. I don't even know how I would react to that. I mean, I can imagine how I would react, but if someone were to actually say the words "you have cancer" to me, I don't know if I would react as imagined. Right now, sadly, I don't think I would care much. And the diagnosis that would scare me the most- polycystic ovary syndrome. Yes, even more than cancer.

Against my better judgement, I am starting to feel a little guilty for not sending my FWA a congratulations yet. And I am pissed at myself for feeling bad. Damn me and my guilt complex. I am tired of feeling guilty about everything, especially when I really should not.

And something to not feel guilty about- on Friday, my mother and I went to the mall and we stopped in Macy's and while in the jewelry department I saw something shiny on the floor so I took a closer look and realized it was a hoop earring. I picked it up and took a look at the price tag. It was worth $300! I thought damn, this really needs to be returned to jewelry so I took it up to the counter and told the employees I found it on the floor. They went crazy. Apparently they had been looking for it and could not find it anywhere. The one employee thanked me like a million times. This is the second time I have been to the mall and did a good deed. The last time I was there, I saw a lady drop her keys. I started to say something to her, but she was walking so quickly I didn't get a chance to finish speaking. So I picked them up and took them over to her. She was like "omg thank you! I didn't even realized I dropped them!".

Earlier I was going through the TV channels to find something to watch and I started with channel 2, our local bulletin station. "Only Love Can a Break a Heart" by Gene Pitney was on and I thought, wow, I haven't heard that song in a really long time. I actually have it in my iTunes library because I do really like it, but it's not something I listen to often because it's not a particularly good song to listen to when you have severe depression. And then a little later while later I ran to Walgreen's and what comes on while I am in there? I just thought it was weird that I haven't heard is in so long and I hear it twice in one day.

Also, I beg to differ, Mr. Pitney- love is not the only thing that can break a heart.