Yes I am still around!
A few days after my last posting, I came home from Seaside Heights to check my mail, turned on my computer, it sputtered, and that was the end. No more Number 2. I did eventually get a new one about a month later and I did actually delete this blog, but then one night, I decided you know what? I am going to restore it and hold on to it a little longer.
If there is one thing I hate it is waiting for things. I hate getting psyched up for things only for it to come on like a barreling train at 200 mph and then....that's it. It's over. Like Christmas. I look forward to it all year long, then Black Friday comes and before you know it, it's New Year's Eve.
I also
hate how I have waited well over 2 freaking months for the damn "Mother's Day" episode of
Futurama to come on and it finally comes on at midnight last night and I set my VCR to tape it and wouldn't you know, I screwed something up setting it up and it didn't even freaking tape? I got the last few minutes of the previous episode and that was it. I even made sure I set the date to Monday since it was playing at 12:00AM Monday morning and yet it still got fucked up!
I just got back from vacation on Sunday and like every other year, I get home and have a horrible case of the blues. And I am not talking normal post-vacation blues. I am talking not wanting to do anything, not wanting to get out of bed, feeling like I am going to burst into tears every second, hating my life, hating where I live, coming up with crazy schemes on how to get the hell out of this freaking place, wishing everyone would leave me the freak alone, etc. And having
it certainly is not helping my mood by any means. The good thing, it should go away in time (hopefully damn soon) and I will return back to my normal regular every day crankiness.
Unlike most people who go on vacation, it's not like I do anything spectacular while I am on vacation. Basically, in Myrtle Beach, we just go to the pool every day and then either go to Broadway, Barefoot Landing, or maybe something else. Nothing ever that outstanding. But it's still a big change from my normal every day life. Plus, I just enjoy the area a lot. Traveling can be fun. Not particular in the car, but seeing the scenery of different states, experiencing different places and even visiting different stores par to the area and the crazy rest stops we come across....it's exciting. We usually go every year anymore to the area, but it's still a big blow to me when we come home. I feel ridiculous crying over something like this.
I actually wish I had a job to come home to.
Coming home to a message from one of the temp agencies with a job offer isn't something to help my mood. I told my rep that I would be on vacation and she even called me back and verified the dates. Yet she still called me. God! How do these people get freaking jobs?
I can't stand when the evaluation of my life gets really deep. Usually that happens on New Year's Eve, times of really bad depression, once a month, and generally after vacation. It's all I thought about on the way home. I hate, hate,
hate how I am not done school yet. Seven years ago I graduated high school and I am lucky if I have 40 credits done. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who feels like I HAVE to go to college to make me feel accomplished, although chances of feeling better about life when I am handed a degree are slim to none.
The problem is plain and simple- I do not like college. College, to me, feels extremely cold. Most professors don't seem to give a shit whether you pass or not, as long as they are still getting a paycheck. I hate the impersonal feeling of sitting in a classroom with almost 100 other people. I hate sitting in a classroom full of boneheaded preps who were kicked out of a university for drinking too much and who like to take a large portion of the class time asking boneheaded questions, while the other portion of the class time is filled with irritating middle aged women who have to ask questions about everything the teacher mentions, even if it a story the professor is telling about themselves. I hate the general eds, unless they pertain to the major. Yes, I can understand taking anatomy and physiology for radiography, but why philosophy? Or English? If you can't write a complete sentence or read in college, how in the hell did you get in to college in the first place? I learned squat in English 101. Psych and sociology? Enjoyed them, but what do they have to do with any major except psychology and sociology majors?
So where does that leave me? I want an education, no doubt about it, but every opportunity I look has some kind of negative. Online schooling is great, but not always a whole lot of majors to choose from as opposed to going to school in person. Plus, the schools I look at deal with proctored exams at the end and frankly, that is just a huge pain in the ass. Technical schools are too damn expensive in relation to the money you will end up making with the career.
I am not dumb. I will admit to that. Am I smarter than I realize? Probably. My whole problem is what I have ordained "Peter Parker Syndrome"- brilliant but lazy. I know I probably have the brains to do certain things, but I am just too damn fucking lazy. I like learning, don't get me wrong. But I like learning things that I know are going to help me. Learn medical stuff? Excellent. Classes pertaining to major? Excellent. General eds like English and math? Not so much. I like math, too, but if I am going for radiography and my school requires Statistics as the math fullfillment, when am I going to use frequency distributions of empirical data or correlations? If I just didn't have to take them, I don't think I would have much of a problem with college. Unless they pertain to my major!
