A [Non] Angry Letter To Longhorn Steakhouse

Dear Longhorn Steakhouse:

I love you so fucking much.

That is all.

No, wait, just one little complaint- if I say I do not want lettuce, tomato, onion, or pickles on my burger, just cheese and bacon, that means NO LETTUCE, TOMATO, ONION, OR PICKLES.

Now that is all.

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

A [Non] Angry, But Strongly Worded Letter To Local News Stations

Dear Local News Stations:

The Penn State story is horrible. I do not deny that.

However, having to talk about it for half the news broadcast every time the news is broadcasted is getting irritating. I do not really need to hear (or care to hear) about alumni opinions. Or their children's opinions of it. Or their children's children's opinions.

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

An [Non] Angry Letter To Tastycake

Dear Tastycake:

I love your angel food cakes so fucking much.

That is all.

*takes last bite and moans erotically*

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

A [Non] Angry Letter To Chocolate Mocha Fiber One Bars

Dear Chocolate Mocha Fiber One Bars:

I love you so fucking much.

That is all.

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

A Letter To Christina Hendricks

Dear Ms. Hendricks:

We get it- you have massive tits. Now stop showing them off (come on, I had huge boobs once upon a time, albeit not that massive, and I know they can be hard to hide, but....bitch, please- it's obvious you are not trying) and then bitching when people say stuff about them.

Sincerely,
S-Cubed

A [Non] Angry Letter to Seth MacFarlane

Dear Mr. MacFarlane:

You put me in the mind of someone who is a pompous ass (there is just some air about you that makes me think that), but I would never deny that I would totally fuck your brains out if given the chance. That said, the fact that you finally done something to piss off Sarah Palin- as if it takes so much- I would do everything to you. I would let you geschmoegen my gaflavity with your googus. I would absoluely wreck you.

I tip my hat to you, good sir. Giggity giggity goo!

Sincerely,
A Family Guy fan