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I spent the day with my sister, nephews, and mom. At one point, I'm in the midst of telling my sister a story, and as typically he does, my oldest nephew keeps interrupting. I finally at one point hollered "I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW!". Look, I'm trying to be a little more understanding now that he's officially been diagnosed with ADHD, and I am starting to feel guilty....but when you're someone who has a difficult enough time talking, and you're constantly interrupted at work, at home, whenever you're around anyone period, or you're constantly having to repeat yourself to people because they don't hear you, or you're talking to people and they're clearly not listening....well, it's a little hard to not eventually lose your cool.

It's terrible, I love my nephews, but I have a very hard time dealing with them, especially my older one. He's just very overwhelming. My anxiety levels get so high whenever I'm around him.

The other day my parents and I stood around the dinner table anxiously watching the verdict for the George Floyd. Although I definitely think Chauvin was guilty as fuck, I was genuinely surprised he was charged on all three counts. I don't know how anyone can say what he did was not murder. 

Let me emphasize that I think Chauvin was guilty as complete sin and deserves everything thrown at home, but when I was watching the reading of the verdict, I felt this sort of sense of almost pity. Like what so terrible happens to someone in their life to make them so evil? Or is it just simply nature? 

Life is so confusing sometimes.

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I was in the shower earlier listening to "Siberian Breaks" and it got me thinking about how long I've known the song and I realized it's been almost a decade. Just took a look at my iTunes library of when I uploaded Congratulations and it was exactly 9 years ago today I uploaded it. Nine years! WTF! 

Not that I look forward to any work week, but I am especially not looking forward to this week. My manager has been in quarantine the past week and will be again this coming week. Last week, any time I was stuck with just the Gruesome Twosome, it was a fucking nightmare. They did not shut up. And I think two days this coming week will be just them and me. I want to scream every time I think about it. It's bad enough neither of them know how to shut the fuck up, but both of them have two of the most annoying voices I have ever heard in my entire life. Why is it people with the most annoying voices are always the most talkative?

One day one of my coworkers was telling me how she isn't planning on getting the vaccine, and that she never bothers getting any like the flu shot or anything, she takes Emergen-C, she never gets sick, etc. I mean, we won't even point out the fact that the doctor you work with is elderly, has heart problems, and is incredibly high risk....but really? You think taking Emergen-C keeps you from ever getting anything? Okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night. She was going on again about it one day with my FWA, who also unsurprisingly not getting the vaccine. My FWA also said at the same time that she would rather her daughter get the flu than a flu shot. A few minutes later the other coworker decided to share that she never votes. Folks, I can't. I just can't.

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And here we go again, another weekend almost over. And one that is an hour shorter.

Earlier my FWA posted something and complained about cancel culture. Now as I have said before, I am no fan of cancel culture. But for some inexplicable reason, when something that I don't care for pisses off people that I don't care for, I get a jolly out of it. Especially when they get so goddamn offended over it. I mean some people really come apart at the seams, like it actually personally affects them. Like just gripe it about a handful of times and then STFU. Also, if anyone needs cancelling, it's my FWA, for being so offensively stupid.

The other day my manager was sitting at the lunch table once again reading, and the gruesome twosome started talking away. At one point I seen my manager look up at the ceiling, like she was starting to get annoyed. But did she get up and say anything? Oh heaven forbid! Do we want the earth to fall off its axis?!

That former coworker I talked about the other day all of a sudden is on a roll with bitching about Biden. Let me get this straight- she constantly posts memes praising Chump and bashing Biden, and then in another post will post memes that condemn people for acting stupid during the pandemic. I mean....she does realize that Chump is a big part of the reason why people are acting stupid? Well, apparently not. Then again, this is someone who constantly posts about RIL she is, and I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

On another note- it's been a month since my second shot. I'm still here!

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And here we are again- Sunday night. 

I've been in my favorite phase the past week, PMS time, and boy have things been pissing me off left and right. Things that to a normal person make no sense to get bent out of shape about. Not that that isn't a normal thing for me to do on a normal basis, but it's exceptionally bad when I'm PMSing. One day last week, my manager is at lunch and she comes over and asks me if she can lower my radio, she was having a hard time concentrating reading her book. That in itself isn't so much what pissed me off. It's the fact that she is reading LEISURELY and can't concentrate, and I have to deal almost everyday trying to concentrate doing my fucking WORK while my FWA and the MOB talk nonstop about their Jerry Springer lives. While my manager just hides in her office and does not do a DAMN thing about it. THAT is what damn pissed me off so much about it.

Then this past Wednesday my Facebook newsfeed has been clogged with posts complaining about the Dr. Seuss books no longer being published....that too has been grinding my gears. And let me point out that many of these posts have fact check disclaimers on them. FFS, people if you're going to whine on Facebook about other people whining, then do some damn RESEARCH. And while I do agree that people are taking political correctness a little too far and getting way too butthurt over shit nowadays, I also feel that to get pissed at these people is ridiculous. Just because YOU aren't offended, no one else can be offended by things? 

ETA 3/9: A former coworker of mine is still periodically posting things on Facebook bitching about the whole Dr. Seuss thing. Good God. Did anybody or you get ill? Die? Was there mass destruction? Did the world end or nearly end? JFC GET OVER IT. LET IT GO ALREADY.

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Two weeks since my second dose and what do you know? I'm still alive. I didn't die. I didn't turn into a zombie. I didn't become a slave to Bill Gates a la the robots to Mom in the "Mother's Day" episode of Futurama. My children didn't turn gay or trans. I don't have kids, but that's not important right now. 

Another weekend almost over. I feel like it's no sooner 4:30 on a Friday and in the blink of an eye it's Sunday and almost time to go back to work. By dinner time on Saturday night I start getting this overwhelming feeling of the blues about the weekend being almost over. I look forward to my [boring] Saturday routine so much that when it's over, it depresses me. Sometimes I swear it's the only thing that gets me through the week.

The song "The End of the World" by Skeeter Davis just came on in my iTunes playlist. I knew that song long before I ever saw Girl, Interrupted, but ever since that movie, I cannot listen to that song without thinking of Susanna finding Daisy after she hangs herself. That scene still haunts me to this day. I love that movie, but I guess with having mental issues of my own, sometimes I have a hard time watching it. It leaves me feeling kind of unsettled sometimes when I watch it. I don't really know why.

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I was driving home from work the other day and "The Speed of Sound" by Coldplay came on and was hit with a gut punching realization that this January 13th was 15 years since I was in the hospital. Fifteen years! And I still feel like it was just yesterday. And every time I think of being in there, I just don't even know how to handle it. It was such a disgustingly dark time in my life that I can't seem to ever shake.

And today while I was driving home, that old Jon Secada song "Just Another Day Without You" came on and it made me feel so depressed. I do like the song, don't get me wrong, but it's just so damn depressing.

I know I need to be patient, but between work and all these new variants, I can't get my second shot soon enough. And I know there's probably no point in dwelling over it- oh hell, give me a break. If you don't know I dwell over everything by now, then I don't know what to tell you. Not to mention I come from a long line of dwellers. But it just seriously pisses me off that my coworkers walk around with no masks. And although I am pretty much by myself most of the time, people do have to come back to use the scanner and they're far too close to me for my liking, even though it is probably at least six feet away from me. But no masks, folks!

And my FWA is the most annoying. Because not only does she come back with no mask, but she'll come back to scan shit and as soon as it starts, she whips out her phone and starts to play on it. And her shit will finish scanning. And she'll sit there and sit there and sit there, completely absorbed in her phone until I am ready to scream BITCH YOUR SHIT IS DONE. Just scan it and get the hell away from me

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After I worked out this morning, I got in the shower listening to "I'm On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen on the radio. It ended not long into my shower, only for "My Heart Will Go On" to come on next. Talk about torture. I can't believe once upon a time I was obsessed with that song and the movie. Ugh.

Because sometimes a little bit of luck comes my way, it appears my vaccine appointment having to be cancelled was a good thing, because I was able to get another appointment with another facility. This past Friday I got my first dose. I've been pretty tired and having a mild headache the whole weekend, although I am not sure if it's due to the shot, my period (because it decided to grace me with its presence on Thursday), and/or both. I go back in three weeks for my second dose. It's exciting, but I am also feeling on the shitty side that I took it from someone who could really and truly use it, even though I was eligible to schedule my appointment and where I had it done, the general public cannot make appointments with. All the articles I keep reading about my fellow New Jerseyans having trouble getting appointments, it's not like I took an appointment from them, since they can't make the appointments there anyway, but I, of course, still can't help but feel guilty. 

Sometimes I think the sole act of just existing makes me feel guilty. 

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As I mentioned before, I had pre-registered with the NJ Vaccine site. I was surprised to come home on Wednesday to an email telling me I could schedule my vaccination. I got right on it and although most places were booked, I was finally able to find a pharmacy that wasn't ridiculously far who could do it on February 8th. Although I was feeling guilty about scheduling already, I had this sense of....I guess you could call it almost relief. A feeling that I was finally maybe, just maybe, not going to have to feel quite so scared anymore (because lets face it- I'm still going to be scared even after I am fully vaccinated).

So you can imagine what a punch in the gut it was to open my email the next day to find an email from the pharmacy asking me to cancel my appointment through the NJVSS booking site, because they were still so booked with 1a phase people and could not accommodate me at the time. Which I completely get and they totally deserve the spots over me. But I still can't help extremely disappointed. And I am getting extremely frustrated because when I scheduled the appointment, the NJVSS sent me a confirmation email and in the email, there were links to change or cancel your appointment. I have been trying since I received the pharmacy email to cancel my appointment so I could make a new one somewhere else and every time it takes me to the page, they ask you to enter in your birthday, but when I try to, there is no box to fill it in! 

The other day, NJ opened up new categories of people who could get vaccinated. Smokers? Really? You knowingly CHOSE to put your lungs at risk! Why the FUCK should you get priority over certain other groups?! It's not like people choosing to smoke nowadays aren't aware of the risks like older generations were. It's well known to be a filthy DANGEROUS habit, so why anyone is still picking up.....I'd like to know the answer to that. My asshole coworkers walk around with no masks on, but because they smoke, they should have priority? 

I read an article earlier about people who have medical conditions that don't qualify yet. One girl had Addison's. Uh, they have to take steroids? That compromises your immune system! Why on earth is Addison's not on the list? Another condition that's apparently not on the list, cystic fibrosis. Are you even kidding me with that? Newsflash- it is a disease that AFFECTS YOUR LUNGS.

I don't understand the world. And don't even get me started on Inauguration Day.

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Cripes, I am not looking forward to this week, although I went 15 weeks of being furloughed, then went back to work and made out just fine. Hell, I went years of not working and went back to work and made out just fine. So, I will survive, but that doesn't mean I won't still bitch and moan about it.

We have a new person starting tomorrow. I can't wait until the first time she does something less than perfect and my coworkers start ripping her apart behind her back. I mean, they're all so perfect, doncha know?

I was just listening to "Fortunate Son' by CCR and it reminded me of an article I read a few weeks ago in which John Fogerty criticized Chump for using it. I mean, really, is Chump that stupid to not even realize what the song is about? Another thing that makes me laugh is how much my grandfather hated Clinton for not serving in Vietnam. He blames Clinton for his son (my uncle) dying in Vietnam. Yet he is a Chumper. Chump of the five deferments. Captain Bone Spurs. The logic, I just can't.

I'm getting so sick and tired of hearing that damn man whine and cry about election fraud. Jesus God, just face it already - people hate you! We no like you! GO AWAY.

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Ah, good ol New Years Eve, we begrudgingly meet again.

Returning to my rant on Covid, last week there was an obituary in the newspaper for a couple who died of Covid days apart from each other. They were both 93 years old. Married for 71 years. Why? Where is the justice in this? You make it all those damn years, only for a goddamn virus to get you? A virus that should have been better contained had we not had an incompetent orange blowhard in office. Then you have assholes who deliberately defy CDC guidelines and gather in large groups with no masks, they get it, and they fucking survive.

I'm constantly hearing commercials for mask wearing, about doing it to protect your neighbors and yourself. When I go into work, do you think I do it to protect coworkers? No, I do it to protect myself and to prevent bringing it home to my family. If they can't have the decency to wear a mask when they're near and/or talking to me, then tell me why should I really give a shit about protecting them?

I've said it before and I'll say it again- I never thought it was possible for me to dislike people more, and then Covid happened. I know humans can be selfish and hateful, but this is just a whole other level even I never would have imagined. It's mind boggling that humans can be so rotten.

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Usually it doesn't take long for the post-holiday blues to start kicking in on Christmas day, but for some reason this year it was a delayed reaction. I don't know if it was due to the complete chaos (although that's a pretty standard thing for any holiday in this household) or the damper the whole Covid pandemic has put on basically everything this year, or what the heck it was. But it's coming, oh my yes. Then you go on the internet and you see gazillions of headlines of how the worst of the pandemic is yet to come, it's going to be a dark winter, predictions are grim, etc, etc....and how are you supposed to feel any better?

I don't understand why people are so anxious to say goodbye to 2020. Yes, it was a horrendous year, but when that clock strikes midnight on Thursday, guess what? Covid is still going to be here. It's not going to just magically spontaneously combust and go away, even though that would be like the greatest thing ever right now. Nope, it'll still be here gracing us with its little spiky ass, wreaking havoc.

And being able to get the vaccine, that cannot come quick enough. Although I am getting to a point where I'm not even sure if having the vaccine is going to help my anxiety levels much, although I do believe my anxiety levels won't be nearly as bad as they are not being vaccinated. I was somewhat hesitant on getting it before, but I can't take it anymore. I just want this to go away. Lord knows what kind of side effects it could cause in the future, but I just don't even care anymore. I'm not having kids, so I don't have to worry about any effects in that aspect, no mutants or flipper babies (IT WAS ONLY A COUPLE OF FLIPPER BABIES!!!)

I was reading an article the other day profiling people who have died from the virus and the entire time I read the article, I could feel my blood pressure rising. All of these people died needlessly, yet every single asshole in the Chump administration who have caught the virus through every fault and stupidity of their own managed to survive it. Where is the justice? Yes, I know life is unfair, but come on. This is just rotten.

And one of the things that tore at my soul the most reading the profiles were the loved ones saying how scared the deceased person was when they were sick. That bothered me. A lot. Reading about these people only fuels me in wanting to get the vaccine. Do it for them. Because they didn't get a chance.

I also want it to protect myself from my asshole coworkers. All I want is an answer to why they feel so sure of themselves that they aren't carrying the virus. Is it arrogance? Stupidity? Both? And I also want to know why one person cannot have the decency to put a damn mask on when they're talking to me. You see me with one on, have some damn respect. And I shouldn't have to demand it. Just do it. Have some sense.

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Gotta get through one more day, then it's another week long staycation for moi again! *throws confetti*

Another perk in addition to it being Friday and the last day before vacation- my FWA is off.

The other day when I was driving to work, I happened to put a station on that is mainly just talk (I only have it programmed right now because during the holidays they play Christmas music on the weekends) and the DJ was going on some rant about lock downs killing people and that something like 9 out of 10 people that have died of Covid are DNRs. I....what's your point there, Einstein? So we should just diminish their deaths because they were DNRs? No, they should not have been in that situation in the first place. 

And I'm still trying to understand how lock downs kill people. Seriously- someone explain this to me.

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Another Thanksgiving down the tube. Nothing different. Much to my displeasure, it was still celebrated the usual way. I kept pushing to cancel it, but noo. We all pretty much stayed masked up, though some people got a little lazy throughout the night. I of course kept mine on the entire time (with the exception of eating of course). Luckily it was a fairly mild day, so I went around and opened up as many windows and doors as as I could to at least get some kind of filtration through the house. I don't know how much good that did, if any. 

I went for a walk a couple times after dinner and there were just cars parked everywhere, so clearly the old farts in my neighborhood gave no fucks about Covid. I can just image how the rest of the country was as well. I can't wait to see the Covid numbers in the next two weeks. The past couple weeks will probably be nothing.

I got an email in work the other day from one of my coworkers, she wants to have a glass painting party next week in our conference room, along with pizza and soda. I just shook my head. Like what part of WE'RE IN A FUCKING PANDEMIC does she not comprehend? I know she likes to go around talking about how stupid she is and she never has any idea what is going on in the world, but come the fuck on. I don't expect people to follow the news as much as I do, but these people that live in their own little naive bubbles....it's not cute. 

I love how the news is raving about how there is a light at the end of the tunnel with a vaccine possibly being distributed soon. Why am I going to get excited? If it's doled out the way it's predicted to be, with my age and my health, I'm going to have to wait forever to get it, if I choose to get it. I'd like to say I would, but the idea of it being produced so quickly is a little unsettling. I trust the science, but I don't trust that crooked administration to not bully the production and release of it. But who knows how I'll feel if it really does end up coming?

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193,000 confirmed cases in the US yesterday. I'm afraid to even see what today's numbers are.

I often see people who are against mask wearing saying they're not sheep, etc. Okay, so maybe we mask wearers are, but who are the ones that believe every single thing that comes out of an obese orange sack of shit? Y'all follow everything that lying pile of shit says. Just like sheep. Just like us!

Another reason I can't wait for this administration to be gone is I can't wait until we don't have to see that damn press secretary's face anymore. My God, does she have a punchable face. Oh I'll never lie! And all she's done is LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE *breathes* LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE. 

And going back to my coworkers. That day we had the meeting regarding the new rules, my manager made some remark about not coming to work sick and we all know better anyway. Oh really? My coworkers rarely miss work if they're sick. And yes, even I am guilty of it, although most of the time I've went to work sick was either post-nasal drip or a sinus infection. I did go to work with the flu that time a few years ago, although in my defense I had no idea that is what I had until I was tested at the weekend. But these people will come to work with fevers, vicious coughs, and confirmed illnesses. Also, I can't wait until Thanksgiving is over (not really). I have no idea where these assholes are going to be, but I'm sure they're going to go about their business like nothing is going on in the world. So YAY, now I'll have that to worry about!

I've made it this far in the pandemic without having a nervous breakdown, although when our numbers started improving, my anxiety did as well. That is no longer the case. And considering this looks like it's going to be really bad, well, I don't know what's going to happen. I'll either trudge through it again or completely lose it.

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Going back to Chump....let's discuss his "downplaying" of the virus. He likes to "downplay" it. What he is doing isn't downplaying, it's flat out LYING AND DENYING. Oh, it's going to go away. Oh, we're turning a corner. How long have we been hearing those phrases? And where are we right now? Over 10 million total cases. A mind-boggling 144,000 new cases yesterday. An even more mind-boggling 240,000+ deaths. California and Texas now have over a million cases. We flattened our curve in Joisey and now our numbers are blowing up again. Yeah, we're really turning a fucking corner here in the USA!

And what's the asshole doing now? Pissing, moaning, and sulking because he didn't win the election (gee, why EVER could that be). I honestly won't be the least bit surprised if he stops doing any presidential duties from now on, he's that much of a sore loser. He doesn't give a shit about anyone. I don't understand why his supporters can't understand that. Chump doesn't give a shit about anyone but Chump.

I've been on a clean-cation this week. Apparently I have a lot of time accumulated (I was under the impression I would lose time while I was furloughed, but apparently we're given the opportunity now to make it up), so I took off this week to CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN. Not what most people would consider a good and/or normal way to spend time off, but it's not like I have much of a life, especially now with the pandemic. And I don't mind cleaning. Totally not looking forward to going back to work on Monday, though.

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I didn't doubt for one second that Chump was going to act like a complete and utter prick if he didn't win the election, but JFC, this is getting ridiculous. He didn't win, so it's automatically a crooked election? GTFOH. I'm so goddamn sick of that evil bastard and his evil bastard family. GO AWAY. 

And I'm so sick of this damn virus. And I'm sick of hearing everyone complain about how sick of it they are and they are just going to live their lives. Do you think the virus gives a fuck that we're tired of it? No. No, it does not! A Facebook friend posted some meme one day about not living your life in fear and just have the holidays because you never know if it will be someone's last. That's all fine and dandy and true to a point....but you can also make it someone's last by having the holidays and being or someone else being unknowingly infected! JFC, what do people not understand about ASYMPTOMATIC CASES???

And my coworkers....they're really starting to piss me off. Since our numbers are going up in Joisey, we've got some new rules in work. And the day it was announced, we had a group meeting and of course, it turned into a joke fest and everyone just laughing it all off. I work with quite a few people who are not what I would call particularly healthy, so perhaps maybe they should be taking it more seriously. Most are overweight, obese territory. Hypertension. The miserable old bitch is over 65, has diabetes, and had a heart attack last year. And unsurprisingly, she's the one that brushes it off the most. And most days when someone comes back to talk to me or sits near me, I feel like screaming WOULD IT KILL YOU TO PUT ON A FUCKING MASK?! 

I've had times where coworkers have asked me if I want them to put one on. I shouldn't have to be asked! Be respectful and just goddamn do it! It's not a nice thing to say by any means, but I've often said that if I were asymptomatic and passed it onto my coworkers, I would have a very hard time feeling bad about it.

I've been having a meltdown for the past couple of days because I ate in a restaurant on Saturday night. I've been on hyperalert. I wasn't happy about doing it, although I did my best to stay vigilant, e.g. kept my hands clean, didn't touch my face, kept a mask on the entire time except when eating or drinking. The million dollar question, the question I am constantly asking myself....was it enough? 

I can feel a headache brewing since earlier this evening and even though I've been getting them in relation to my cycle (I'm due for my period any day now) since long before Covid ever came around, I still can't help but worry. Having health-related anxiety and OCD during a pandemic is an absolute bitch.

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Is there ever going to be an end in sight to this damn pandemic? I'm beyond over it, as I am sure plenty of others are. I will forever wonder how bad it would have been in this country had we had someone competent in charge and not some vile pathological lying fat pussbag. 

And then these damn anti-maskers. I can't with them. Really, I want someone to explain to me how wearing a piece of material across your face is taking away MAH FREEDUMB and MAH RIGHTS, because I'm really failing to see how it does so. I don't know about anyone else, but I put mine on and then I go about my business. I go to the store, I go to work, etc. I do almost everything I did before, and the only reason I say almost is because there are things I am in no hurry to do and that's not because of wearing a mask. 

I wonder how many of these anti-maskers are good wittle Christians. Do you really think Jesus would have had a problem wearing a mask? I'm far from religious nowadays, but from what I recall from my days of CCD of what he did for humanity, I can't imagine the son of God having an issue with it. 

On another note....how is it September already? This year has only been a few centuries long.

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Per annual tradition, I was down the shore for six days last week. At night, the boards were a social distancing nightmare. And a huge majority of the people not wearing masks and/or social distancing were teenagers. I always had a mask on when I was up on the boards, but it wasn't very reassuring.

Right before I left for vacation, I managed to resist taking my thermometer with me. However, as soon as I came home, I started right up again, although I can pat myself on the back over the fact that I have greatly reduced the amount of times I am taking my temperature a day from 8 to 2. Some days it might be 3 or 4, but still better and less stressful than taking it 8 times a day. And you better believe I'm going to keep on it until at least next Friday, when I am at what I assign the 14 day mark.

I can't even explain why I take my temperature. I know a high percentage of Covid patients have a fever as a symptom, but the fact that there are so many asymptomatic people as well kind of defeats the purpose of relying on taking my temperature as a judge to whether I could have it. Just because my temperature is normal doesn't mean I'm not carrying it. But it was just a compulsion I think I happened to pick up after my mom had a Covid exposure scare (the county health department requested that she email them her temperature twice a day) and haven't been able to break entirely.

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So I will soon be through my first week back to work. It's....well, it's work.

My biggest shock is nobody is wearing masks. I can't understand why. The miserable old bitch said to me oh we're all okay in here. Oh really? So you are a Covid-19 test now? For someone who thinks she knows everything, she's apparently very blissfully unaware how ASININE it is to assume you're all okay. Or she's just that arrogant. I know I work with some dumb people, but this....this I just cannot comprehend.

And stupid me on Monday didn't keep mine on (save the lecture, I've been beating myself up plenty about it), but come Tuesday I said fuck this, I'm not messing around and wore mine the entire day as well as all of today. And will continue to do so. I'm not taking any chances in such a little place.

Also, today we had patients in (and to make matters worse, we had two doctors on schedule; why on earth in the middle of a fucking pandemic when people are supposed to be distanced from each other we would allow more than one doctor in boggles my mind) and at one point, I took a break to run out to my car and I almost screamed when I went in the waiting room. Now it's a small waiting room, maybe about 7 or 8 chairs at the most, but....almost every seat was filled. It was a social distancing nightmare.

Whenever I'm out and look around at everyone with masks on, for some reason it makes me feel sad. I don't really know why. It just does. Just like one day I watched a Domino's delivery person do a no-contact delivery at the house across the street from me and it made me feel sad for him. I don't know why. And in a way seeing people with masks on or social distancing is kind of touching. It makes me want to go up to people and say thank you. Thank you for doing your part in protecting your fellow humans.  

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Guess who is going back to work tomorrow? This bitch. Because nothing in my mind can ever make a damn bit of sense, I was depressed and bored being home. Now I'm depressed about going back. I am pleased to be getting back into a routine, though. And highly relieved that I am being brought back.  

I was invited to a small cookout last Sunday and since then, I have been in overdrive of keeping an eye out for any potential symptoms. And believe me, every single little ill feeling, ache or pain, tickle in the throat or chest is a major cause for concern. And not helping matters is my period ended this past week, and typically after my period ends, I end up feeling somewhat under the weather.

Although it's been going on periodically for awhile now, I get this funny feeling in my chest like I'm going to start coughing heavily, but nothing ever comes. I often wonder if it's related to having reflux. I just hope I haven't let it go untreated so long that I've reached the point where I'm actually starting to aspirate acid into my lungs, although that's what I would get for not treating it for so damn long.

Although I have finally started treating it and now I'm having issues getting my medication. FML.