Random Thoughts

I read a letter in the NY Daily News a while back that said that it is a good thing young girls cannot serve on juries, as they would probably let the surviving Boston marathon bomber off because they think he is cute. I laughed in horror, because it is true. They probably would. Truthfully, if I had no idea who he was or what he did and someone showed me a picture of him, I'd say hell yeah, he is cute. He looks like this kid Brandon I had a huge crush on my senior year of high school. But being cute cannot make up for the fact that he is a hideous cold-blooded monster.

I was reading an article on my favorite website ever about some lady who said something about not dating black men. Or something like that. I don't remember much, because I zoned out a quarter of the way through. Maybe it's not a polite thing to say, but you know damn well there are plenty of people out there who won't date certain races, whether they admit to it or not. I knew plenty of people in high school who would do such a thing, whether it was only their own race or strictly outside of their own. I will admit that I have a penchant for skinny effeminate white guys with curly brown hair, blue eyes, and extremely little or no facial hair. I loathe facial hair. Last year, I saw a picture of Andrew at some thing in New York and he was way too scruffy....okay maybe he wasn't that bad, but it was still too much. He also looked like he hadn't had a good bath or hair wash in quite some time, leaving me to wonder if those nasty comments about his hygiene are true. And he has a stain on his shirt. I'm not good at reading body language, but even Ben doesn't look like he wants to be near him. Andrew, I love you to death, but come on. Another time I saw a picture of him with somewhat of a mustache and it was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. And this is someone who is so flawless he can pretty much pull off anything. But not that. This is about the most acceptable amount of facial hair.

God, I love that boy's smile.

And as for girls, brown hair and brown eyes always seems to catch my eye.

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster right now. I want to rip my hair out. I want my period to come on just so I feel better. I can't deal with this every month. And birth control doesn't help! I felt even worse suicidal on it. And I still want to have that ultrasound done, but I am so afraid of how bad it will hurt. And that it will show nothing and I'll look nuts once again. It will either show nothing or I'll end up having one of those awful cysts with hair and teeth.

I have come to realize that I am not angry with the best band in the world (plus, I don't think it's their fault, anyway, judging by what I googled on bands and how they get gigs). As usual, the resulting anger is always really at me. Anger that I have no one to do things with and anger that I don't make things happen when I want to do them. And it's also just PMS. Although I have to admit when I seen their tweet after the show and then saw the song rider and saw "The Handshake" on there, I nearly roundhouse kicked my monitor.

I still get so mad that I almost got to hear it live at Musikfest, had it not fricking stormed and delayed the show. I want to hear it live so bad, as well as "Song for Dan Treacy", "Future Reflections", "4th Dimensional Transition", "Someone's Missing", and every "true" fan's favorite, "Kids". And to really be asking for the moon, "Indie Rokkers", "Metanoia", and "Destrokk". And every "true" fan aka the tween girls only in love with Andrew can go suck it if they have a problem with me wanting to hear "Kids". It's still a good song. Hating it doesn't make you a better fan.

Actually, if you are a tween girl, nothing makes you a better anything. You're just awful people. And while the tween girl inside of me would weep- what? he's a good, beautiful man and it's always a sad day when someone like him leaves the market. Don't even ask me to explain why I would cry, because if I knew, I would say why, but this is just one of those things that I myself can't even find or offer an explanation for- I hope one day Andrew and his girlfriend get engaged just so I can watch all these little psychopaths lose their shit on Tumblr.

Truthfully, I don't care what they play; I just want to see them live again. So, so bad. And this time I would like to have the guts to get up and dance when the time comes for it. However, I would be too afraid of  some bonehead recording me, putting it on YouTube, and then I'll end up some infamous YouTube star. Oh god, that would be terrible.

I made a trip to my former workplace with my sister and the baby the other day. Wouldn't you know another girl that works there now is there with her newborn baby? I said that to my sister in the car, that what are the chances the day I decide to visit to show everyone my nephew, someone else has to be there with their brat? And my sister agreed and said she didn't think the girl was too happy about it. I said oh well, she needs to get over it. I don't know who she is or that she popped out a brat or that she would be there the same exact time and day I decide to visit.

So many newborn babies creep me out. I mean, they're cute for their size, but that is about it. They look like aliens. And this girl's baby, every time I looked at him, both of his eyes were in different directions. He reminded me of Opie from Family Guy. I know newborns can't really focus their eyes, but it was still freaking me out. I don't remember my nephew being that creepy and believe me, nephew or not, I would say if he freaked me out. But he didn't. And honestly, when I first saw pictures of him on the internet before I saw him in person, I was a bit hesitant to see him in person. But he looked nothing like the pictures. And now he is so damn cute, I can't stand it. I like babies at this age. They don't talk or walk yet and they laugh at the stupid things I do. One day I was over and had the Music Choice Alt Rock station on and Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" came on and I was sitting in front of him clapping and dancing and he was laughing and smiling. At least someone finds me entertaining.

I went back through some old entries and I remember 2 years ago when I kept talking about That Thing. I still can't bring myself to admit what it was, but it is gone, thank god. It went away not long after my fear of having a stress fracture went away and stayed away. Good riddance.

The WTF Of The Day

Chocolate baby heads are a chocky horror show

After seeing this, I think I am going to back and look at those dermoid cyst pictures (NSWE, NSFPWE, NSFAA, NSFU) to take my mind OH GOD THERE ARE PICTURES OF THE ONES WITH TEETH. There is a picture of one with a big honking molar jutting out of it!

Random Thoughts

I have iTunes open and on shuffle and "Future Reflections" just came on. I have never cared for that song, but I think I may just finally be warming up to it. "Future Reflections" and "Lady Dada's Nightmare" are the only two MGMT songs I have never cared for by them. I doubt I will ever care for the latter, though. It just freaks me out too much.

I contacted my old boss about the side effects I have been having from the birth control. So I am now going to be going off of Ortho-Cyclen (I went back on it yesterday) and going on Sronyx, which has lower hormones. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I am so damn bloated today I want to scream. My digestive system seriously could not have picked a worse time to have a bad IBS flare up, between going on birth control and the holidays.

I was given a prescription to have a pelvic ultrasound done to make sure there are no cysts or anything. I have no idea how to even go about having this done. Personally I think maybe I should have it done, because this bloating is really starting to concern me. But how I would afford it, I don't know. I mean technically I could, but my unemployment ended and there is still no job in sight, so I am hesitant to put out the money for it.

I am reading on ovarian cysts on WebMD and there are all these different types:

• Polycystic ovaries. In polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), the follicles in which the eggs normally mature fail to open and cysts form.
• Endometriomas. In women with endometriosis, tissue from the lining of the uterus grows in other areas of the body. This includes the ovaries. It can be very painful and can affect fertility.
• Cystadenomas. These cysts form out of cells on the surface of the ovary. They are often fluid-filled.
• Dermoid cysts. This type of cyst contains tissue similar to that in other parts of the body. That includes skin, hair, and teeth.

That last one....skin, hair, and teeth? Just like those tumors I talked about before. I am going to go google dermoid cyst on Google images and OH GOD WHY