Fuck This

I am such a snotty wet faced mess right now and I am hot, which is only making everything a hundred times worse. And you would think I would take into consideration that being such an emotional basket case would be a good sign, that it may be PMS and my period will be coming, but no. Instead, I discovered that PMS can apparently worsen during perimenopause, so I am taking that into consideration instead as yet another sign.

I just want an answer. I just want the shit to stop.

I don't know in the hell I am going to make it through the work week. I don't know in the hell I am going to get through anything. All I know is I would like to go to bed and never wake up.

ETA 7/28/14: I am lucky if I got 4 hours of sleep last night. Between the nasty storm we got (holy fuck, the lightening was INSANE; I could see the brightness of it with my eyes closed) and my head, I didn't fall asleep until sometime after 3. I don't understand what in the hell it is about Sunday nights. I worry about this all of the damn time, so why is it only Sunday nights I end up with bad insomnia? I woke up with puffed up eyelids and had bags that had their own bags under my eyes. My eyes were so swollen, I couldn't even get my contacts in. I looked like hell. Well, I always look like hell, but I looked like super hell this morning.

I wanted to call out so bad but I sucked it up and went in. I am not my FWA, you know.

And not trying to sound like an attention seeker, but you know what isn't helping? Getting the silent treatment from my mother or my sister ignoring my texts. I swear, for people who claim they worry so much about me all of the time, I can't help but wonder if anyone would really give a damn if something happened to me.

Yesterday I was going through the pack of coupons we got in the Sunday paper and there was a coupon for $1.00 off 2 packs of Kotex pads, which I use. I ripped it out and then thought, oh shit, like I am really going to buy pads ahead of time now? The last time I purchased pads, I bought 2 packs and when I got out to my car, I cursed myself for buying so many. All I could think was, great, now what if you don't get it ever again after this period?

And then in work earlier, I was organizing a chart and out of curiosity, I started to read through the person's report. And she was at the doctor for.....atrophic vaginitis. The other day, another one was at her doctor because she felt she was going through the change. I just about fucking lost both times. These kinds of medical records have nothing to even do with our doctors! And they both just had to be there for me to see!

8:11PM: Didn't feel like watching Futurama (it was a newer episode and one of the ones where Bender is super obnoxious) and didn't feel like watching Full House (although I don't know why I put it on anymore when my commercial is no longer on) so I put TV Land on to see if Roseanne is still playing at night and there is a commercial on for Estroven. FML.