Boy, I love going on to my Facebook newsfeed and being bombarded with people's shared picture posts. I don't care if you love your parents. I don't care if you love your child. I don't care if you want to punch stupid people in the face. I don't care if you think this nation needs to return to one nation under God. JFC I JUST DON'T CARE. No one cares!
Yesterday must have been queen bee Monica's brat's birthday party. And naturally a lot of the girls from work were invited, including my FWA and her friend. It's almost cute how much they kiss Monica's ass and she did nothing but bad-mouth them all of the time (and probably still does).
Actually no, it's just pathetic.
I watched FYI last night when I was getting ready for bed (Food Factory was on) and when I put my TV on this morning, it was still tuned to FYI and I think that show Arranged was on. I've never watched, but I've seen enough commercials for it to know that I want to kick that Christian guy repeatedly in the nads with a pair of steel-toed boots (hopefully until he can no longer reproduce). One of the arranged people, a blonde chick, seemed to be having problems with her future mother-in-law. And as soon as the MIL opened her mouth, I could see why. Apparently this woman feels men and women aren't equal and she doesn't feel that a woman should ever be president and a woman should not a do a man's job and women should cook and clean and men should fix and build things. You know what? If you feel women are that inferior to men, then take your old outdated ass to a Middle Eastern country where they feel the same way about women, you stupid cow.
And speaking of ass backwards thinking, I'm glad the Superior Court ruled in favor of gay marriage on Friday. Seethe, homophobes, SEETHE.
And screw you, Bristol Palin, for raking in hundreds of thousands of dollars preaching abstinence to people and not partaking in it yourself. You're a slap in the face to people who truly do practice abstinence, whether intentionally or unintentionally. FUCK YOU. And fuck Candie's.
Man, I hate Sundays with a passion. Especially when you have to celebrate Father's Day a week later and your daddy dearest is being his typical daddy dearest self.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Random Thoughts
A few days beforehand, I kept an eye on the SPC's site for this past Tuesday, since we were under the threat for severe weather. When I came home from work on Tuesday, an area to the far west of mine was under a tornado warning and I started to get a little nervous that we were going to be next. Sure enough, about a half hour later, the emergency bulletin came on announcing our area was under a tornado warning. The area of rotation being detected was actually pretty far southwest to my area but we were still placed under the warning. I was a nervous wreck, especially when the sky started to get fairly dark and the wind started picking up. Obviously we did not get a tornado (a comforting fact- my local news said that in our area, about 90-95% of tornado warnings never result in a tornado, but do you think that will let me relax some when one is issued? Unlikely.), although a lot of areas did get pretty banged up.There was a suspected tornado in one town, but I think it ended up being determined to be straight line winds.
The following day in work, 3 computers were out in work, including (not surprisingly) my FWA. She did get a new computer on Thursday and she is still bitching that it takes a long time to log in her in and she clocks in late. No, I guess it has nothing to do with the fact that your ass rolls in 8:05, 8:10, whatever. I really have a hard time believing someone can be so delusional.
And naturally when she got her employee review, she got criticized for her attendance. And naturally bitched that it's not fair it's not her fault her computer is so slow, blah blah blah. I felt like saying oh my god, shut the fuck up- your computer does NOT take 10 minutes to load and you are NEVER here before or even BY 8, so cut your shit already.
My review itself was not bad. I "exceed expectations" and am a pleasure to work with. My attendance is "impeccable" and I actually scored a 5 out of 5. But of course my boss still had to bring up about me getting emotional over things, but did admit that I am better with it. You're damn right I am. I'm better with it because I learned to internalize it more thanks to it coming up repeatedly in my past reviews!
And going back to the weather, my area is under a slight risk for storms today. I'm over this already!
The following day in work, 3 computers were out in work, including (not surprisingly) my FWA. She did get a new computer on Thursday and she is still bitching that it takes a long time to log in her in and she clocks in late. No, I guess it has nothing to do with the fact that your ass rolls in 8:05, 8:10, whatever. I really have a hard time believing someone can be so delusional.
And naturally when she got her employee review, she got criticized for her attendance. And naturally bitched that it's not fair it's not her fault her computer is so slow, blah blah blah. I felt like saying oh my god, shut the fuck up- your computer does NOT take 10 minutes to load and you are NEVER here before or even BY 8, so cut your shit already.
My review itself was not bad. I "exceed expectations" and am a pleasure to work with. My attendance is "impeccable" and I actually scored a 5 out of 5. But of course my boss still had to bring up about me getting emotional over things, but did admit that I am better with it. You're damn right I am. I'm better with it because I learned to internalize it more thanks to it coming up repeatedly in my past reviews!
And going back to the weather, my area is under a slight risk for storms today. I'm over this already!
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Oh FFS
Man, I am really bad with posting anymore.
Yesterday in work, my FWA was bitching to me how Ms. Croquette was complaining about what time she takes her lunch. That it's too late in the day or something.
I woke up this morning feeling incredibly tired despite sleeping fairly decent (for me). I wasn't in a pleasant mood but I wouldn't say I was in a bad mood. Then I get into work and open my email and find an email to me that Ms. Croquette says lunches can't end later than 2:00PM and my lunch has to be from 1:30 - 2:00 instead of the normal 1:35 to 2:05 I take. Oh and that my FWA's lunch was being moved to 1:00 - 2:00 and I am to cover the first half hour she is gone and then the bitchy new woman will cover the rest of the time (because you know it would make too much sense to have someone who has already taken their lunch sit up front for the hour). Once I read that email, I was in a bad mood the rest of the day.
This is such ridiculous shit to get panties in a wad over. Oh they don't make a big stink about how my FWA comes in late or takes longer than an hour lunch. No, rather they make a big stink about what time she takes her lunch, which ends up affecting me. The one who clocks in on time, leaves when she is supposed to, and takes exactly a 30 minute lunch ALWAYS. I ALWAYS clock right back in at 2:05. Five freaking minutes! OMFG the horror! I am 31.5 years old (exactly to the day- it's my half birthday today!). I don't need someone holding my fucking hand and telling me when to do shit when I always ALWAYS comply by the rules. Because someone else thinks she is a special little princess who does nothing wrong ever.
Oh, and then I found out my employee review is Thursday. FML.
Yesterday in work, my FWA was bitching to me how Ms. Croquette was complaining about what time she takes her lunch. That it's too late in the day or something.
I woke up this morning feeling incredibly tired despite sleeping fairly decent (for me). I wasn't in a pleasant mood but I wouldn't say I was in a bad mood. Then I get into work and open my email and find an email to me that Ms. Croquette says lunches can't end later than 2:00PM and my lunch has to be from 1:30 - 2:00 instead of the normal 1:35 to 2:05 I take. Oh and that my FWA's lunch was being moved to 1:00 - 2:00 and I am to cover the first half hour she is gone and then the bitchy new woman will cover the rest of the time (because you know it would make too much sense to have someone who has already taken their lunch sit up front for the hour). Once I read that email, I was in a bad mood the rest of the day.
This is such ridiculous shit to get panties in a wad over. Oh they don't make a big stink about how my FWA comes in late or takes longer than an hour lunch. No, rather they make a big stink about what time she takes her lunch, which ends up affecting me. The one who clocks in on time, leaves when she is supposed to, and takes exactly a 30 minute lunch ALWAYS. I ALWAYS clock right back in at 2:05. Five freaking minutes! OMFG the horror! I am 31.5 years old (exactly to the day- it's my half birthday today!). I don't need someone holding my fucking hand and telling me when to do shit when I always ALWAYS comply by the rules. Because someone else thinks she is a special little princess who does nothing wrong ever.
Oh, and then I found out my employee review is Thursday. FML.
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Random Thoughts
Still feeling bloated as hell, crampy, spotting, and flat-out miserable. And the scale reflected the bloating earlier so now I feel even worse depressed.
Before my boss's son passed away, my FWA had put in a request for some days off. They were still not approved when my boss went out (sound familiar?) so she had to put the request through my boss's boss. She was denied at first, but eventually the little princess got her vacation approved.
Thursday I was doing random things and I happened to notice at one point that only one of our at-home workers was working. A couple of hours later, she was still the only one working. I come to find out that the bitchy at-home worker had off that day. Come Friday, my FWA and the bitchy at-home worker were still off and right before noon, we get a call from my boss's boss that the other at-home worker called out the rest of the day, leaving me the only one to do the job. I was livid. I felt like calling up my boss's boss and yelling WTF is this shit?
My FWA should have never had her vacation approved if the bitchy at-home worker had been approved to have off. Two people can be out in my workplace, but not if they do the same job. And it just infuriates me because I couldn't get 3 lousy fucking days off last August because someone who does not even do my job (except in down time) was also going to be off.
I'm telling you- if these people run our sister company anything like they try to run our office, no wonder their turnover rate is through the fucking roof.
Before my boss's son passed away, my FWA had put in a request for some days off. They were still not approved when my boss went out (sound familiar?) so she had to put the request through my boss's boss. She was denied at first, but eventually the little princess got her vacation approved.
Thursday I was doing random things and I happened to notice at one point that only one of our at-home workers was working. A couple of hours later, she was still the only one working. I come to find out that the bitchy at-home worker had off that day. Come Friday, my FWA and the bitchy at-home worker were still off and right before noon, we get a call from my boss's boss that the other at-home worker called out the rest of the day, leaving me the only one to do the job. I was livid. I felt like calling up my boss's boss and yelling WTF is this shit?
My FWA should have never had her vacation approved if the bitchy at-home worker had been approved to have off. Two people can be out in my workplace, but not if they do the same job. And it just infuriates me because I couldn't get 3 lousy fucking days off last August because someone who does not even do my job (except in down time) was also going to be off.
I'm telling you- if these people run our sister company anything like they try to run our office, no wonder their turnover rate is through the fucking roof.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Random Thoughts
Three weeks. It has been about three weeks that I have been having a funky heart rhythm, anxiety, and insomnia. WHAT IS GOING ON? I feel like crap. All I want is to sleep past 6:30AM just one goddamn morning. To not feel like my heart is going to give out any moment.
And right now I feel very bloated and my lower left side is feeling very crampy, as well as across my lower back. I had a little bit of very light reddish brown spotting earlier- right after I got off my bike after dinner. I hope to God this shit isn't starting up again.
I feel so goddamn depressed and I can't even figure out why, except due to being so anxious. I often wonder if I am depressed because I am anxious or anxious because I am depressed; I think it probably goes both ways, but I think it's the former more than the latter.
I am so damn frustrated with my work output. I was hoping that maybe once I was on medicine my concentration levels would improve, but so far there had been very little improvement, if any at all. I still have the attention span of a gnat.
It's graduation time everywhere and it's depressing the hell out of me. I never thought I'd be 31 years-old without a college degree (then again, a lot of shit that happened after high school I didn't expect to happen). And people will stand there and say oh it's never too late to do anything, which yes, is true. But what they don't realize is that even if I finally finish my degree one day it will still eat at me that I didn't finish when I was supposed to. Years from now, it will still eat at my that I dropped anatomy lab in the middle of the semester because I was so paranoid I was going to end up failing. Do you know what my average was when I dropped it? I had a fucking A average.
If I could go back to the time in 2005 when I decided to quit Effexor cold turkey and slap myself, I would. Believe me, I was having problems long before that, but that was the final push.
I wish I could go away for a really long time.
And right now I feel very bloated and my lower left side is feeling very crampy, as well as across my lower back. I had a little bit of very light reddish brown spotting earlier- right after I got off my bike after dinner. I hope to God this shit isn't starting up again.
I feel so goddamn depressed and I can't even figure out why, except due to being so anxious. I often wonder if I am depressed because I am anxious or anxious because I am depressed; I think it probably goes both ways, but I think it's the former more than the latter.
I am so damn frustrated with my work output. I was hoping that maybe once I was on medicine my concentration levels would improve, but so far there had been very little improvement, if any at all. I still have the attention span of a gnat.
It's graduation time everywhere and it's depressing the hell out of me. I never thought I'd be 31 years-old without a college degree (then again, a lot of shit that happened after high school I didn't expect to happen). And people will stand there and say oh it's never too late to do anything, which yes, is true. But what they don't realize is that even if I finally finish my degree one day it will still eat at me that I didn't finish when I was supposed to. Years from now, it will still eat at my that I dropped anatomy lab in the middle of the semester because I was so paranoid I was going to end up failing. Do you know what my average was when I dropped it? I had a fucking A average.
If I could go back to the time in 2005 when I decided to quit Effexor cold turkey and slap myself, I would. Believe me, I was having problems long before that, but that was the final push.
I wish I could go away for a really long time.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Random Thoughts
So the good news is I didn't have to deal with any pain when I went to the dentist on Monday, seeing as I got 2 shots of Novocain. I also found out that I was not having my crown replaced right then and there; rather, I'd have to go through a temporary crown again for 3 weeks and then get the permanent. Had I known that I would have probably have just said forget it. I ended up spending nearly 2 hours there. Then when I finally get back to work, I take a look in the mirror at my crown and realize that in one spot there is a giant space between my gum and the crown, like a piece had chipped off and the girl stuck it on there like that. So I call the office back and they tell me to come back in after work (I was not about to go back up right then and lose more time).
So I head back up after work and once again I have to get numbed (only one shot this time) and a new temporary crown was made and put in. My cheek and the area around my crown were super irritated and sore afterwards; my cheek is no longer bothering me and the area around the crown is just finally starting to feel better. I'm so damn annoyed. Had I known all of this, I would have just kept my permanent crown as is.
My anxiety levels were so bad on Monday- between what they would be doing to me at the dentist and whatever this post-menstrual rise in anxiety levels thing going on lately- that I was physically shaking sitting in the dentist chair. I don't think it was until around Wednesday that I finally started to notice a decrease in my anxiety levels and heart palpitations.
I am starting to wonder now if when I upped my Prozac dosage and felt off the wall if it was really the Prozac or if it was because I was at the end of my period. Or possibly both. But I am starting to think it more because I was at the end of my period. I'm back down to every other day and still felt off the wall when I was at the end of my period. I still cannot seem to get back to that feeling I had when I first started Prozac every other day. It was nothing to brag about, but I still felt somewhat more relaxed and not as off the wall. And I can't seem to feel that way anymore.
My boss's son's funeral was on Wednesday. Surprisingly the company not only allowed us to attend any of the services, but actually paid us for it. I went in the morning with my FWA, the coworker I no longer trust, and my favorite doctor. While we were sitting in the church, I kept looking at the coffin and I started thinking of having to face this one day with my own family members and my chest would start to tighten and I wanted to start screaming.
I borrowed the book Gone Girl from my sister and I have never been so infuriated by the end of a book in my life. I would say the book was pretty good, but the end of the book completely ruined it. Amy was such a terrible person I wish Nick would have killed her at the end. No, scratch that. I wish both of the main characters died at the end. Slowly and horribly.
So I head back up after work and once again I have to get numbed (only one shot this time) and a new temporary crown was made and put in. My cheek and the area around my crown were super irritated and sore afterwards; my cheek is no longer bothering me and the area around the crown is just finally starting to feel better. I'm so damn annoyed. Had I known all of this, I would have just kept my permanent crown as is.
My anxiety levels were so bad on Monday- between what they would be doing to me at the dentist and whatever this post-menstrual rise in anxiety levels thing going on lately- that I was physically shaking sitting in the dentist chair. I don't think it was until around Wednesday that I finally started to notice a decrease in my anxiety levels and heart palpitations.
I am starting to wonder now if when I upped my Prozac dosage and felt off the wall if it was really the Prozac or if it was because I was at the end of my period. Or possibly both. But I am starting to think it more because I was at the end of my period. I'm back down to every other day and still felt off the wall when I was at the end of my period. I still cannot seem to get back to that feeling I had when I first started Prozac every other day. It was nothing to brag about, but I still felt somewhat more relaxed and not as off the wall. And I can't seem to feel that way anymore.
My boss's son's funeral was on Wednesday. Surprisingly the company not only allowed us to attend any of the services, but actually paid us for it. I went in the morning with my FWA, the coworker I no longer trust, and my favorite doctor. While we were sitting in the church, I kept looking at the coffin and I started thinking of having to face this one day with my own family members and my chest would start to tighten and I wanted to start screaming.
I borrowed the book Gone Girl from my sister and I have never been so infuriated by the end of a book in my life. I would say the book was pretty good, but the end of the book completely ruined it. Amy was such a terrible person I wish Nick would have killed her at the end. No, scratch that. I wish both of the main characters died at the end. Slowly and horribly.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Random Thoughts
Wow, I didn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. Not like there is anything exciting to report anyway. I have felt like crap. I'm just getting over my period and having the increased anxiety, nausea, and heart racing that has been coming on at the end lately. Because I didn't already have enough anxiety, nausea, and heart racing the whole week before and during.
We've had a stray cat with kittens running around our neighborhood for about a month. The first weekend of May I had seen an adorable baby bunny in our yard in front of our shed, about the size of a softball. Later on that night, I saw the cat skulking around our shed. We never saw the baby bunny again after that.
This past Monday when I woke up, I felt incredibly nauseous and on edge (from hormones; my period came the next day) and when I was heading out to my car to leave, the mother cat was standing out in the street, watching me with this shady look on her face. So I kept staring at her and then looked under my car to make sure the kittens weren't under my car. Nothing was under there, so I started my car and headed to the back to take out some recycling, all while she kept her eye on me. When I got in front of my mom's car, I saw why she was watching me- there was a gutted rabbit next to my mom's car. I was horrified. I was already nauseous as it was and when I saw that, I had to do everything in my power to not throw up.
On Wednesday, I took a chart to do and apparently at some point the person had passed away and our doctor wanted the autopsy report. And that was what was in the chart. And I read the report. Why? I don't know why. Just morbid curiosity, I guess. I felt sick afterwards, though.
Then on Thursday, my boss left work unexpectedly in the morning after receiving a call that she needed to come home. We got a call at work a little while later that her oldest son had passed away. My boss drives me up the fucking wall, but JFC she didn't deserve something like that.
I told the girls in work that I would keep an eye out in the newspaper for his death notice (since apparently I am the only one in the office who reads the newspaper) and when I was checking it today, I got to the second page and there was an obituary that no lie took up half the page. And then I looked at the name and gasped- it was a kid I had been in marching band with. He had graduated the year before me, so I was only in band with him for one year. But damn, he was intelligent and talented as hell and a really nice guy. Oh, and I had a massive crush on him after seeing him without a shirt on for the first time (he was one of those guys whose body looked nothing special with clothes on but take them off.....humina humina)
This is the THIRD guy I have had a crush on who has passed away. And not just passed away, but passed away tragically (the first was killed in a motorcycle accident, the second was murdered, and this one fell off a fucking cliff). It's starting to give me a bit of a complex.
We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday. And of course my father had to start his shit days before it. My mom is beyond furious with him. The day before she was crying and saying she didn't even want to go to dinner. She was upset the next day and kept breaking down in tears throughout the day. We did end up going to dinner (minus my father) and then coming back and having cake. Aside from all of the drama, it turned out nice.
I swear, if I ever won the lottery, the first thing I would do is buy my mother her own house.
I am not looking forward to having my crown replaced tomorrow. I have myself an absolute wreck already over whether it's going to be painful or not. How sensitive my tooth underneath will be. Ugh.
We've had a stray cat with kittens running around our neighborhood for about a month. The first weekend of May I had seen an adorable baby bunny in our yard in front of our shed, about the size of a softball. Later on that night, I saw the cat skulking around our shed. We never saw the baby bunny again after that.
This past Monday when I woke up, I felt incredibly nauseous and on edge (from hormones; my period came the next day) and when I was heading out to my car to leave, the mother cat was standing out in the street, watching me with this shady look on her face. So I kept staring at her and then looked under my car to make sure the kittens weren't under my car. Nothing was under there, so I started my car and headed to the back to take out some recycling, all while she kept her eye on me. When I got in front of my mom's car, I saw why she was watching me- there was a gutted rabbit next to my mom's car. I was horrified. I was already nauseous as it was and when I saw that, I had to do everything in my power to not throw up.
On Wednesday, I took a chart to do and apparently at some point the person had passed away and our doctor wanted the autopsy report. And that was what was in the chart. And I read the report. Why? I don't know why. Just morbid curiosity, I guess. I felt sick afterwards, though.
Then on Thursday, my boss left work unexpectedly in the morning after receiving a call that she needed to come home. We got a call at work a little while later that her oldest son had passed away. My boss drives me up the fucking wall, but JFC she didn't deserve something like that.
I told the girls in work that I would keep an eye out in the newspaper for his death notice (since apparently I am the only one in the office who reads the newspaper) and when I was checking it today, I got to the second page and there was an obituary that no lie took up half the page. And then I looked at the name and gasped- it was a kid I had been in marching band with. He had graduated the year before me, so I was only in band with him for one year. But damn, he was intelligent and talented as hell and a really nice guy. Oh, and I had a massive crush on him after seeing him without a shirt on for the first time (he was one of those guys whose body looked nothing special with clothes on but take them off.....humina humina)
This is the THIRD guy I have had a crush on who has passed away. And not just passed away, but passed away tragically (the first was killed in a motorcycle accident, the second was murdered, and this one fell off a fucking cliff). It's starting to give me a bit of a complex.
We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday. And of course my father had to start his shit days before it. My mom is beyond furious with him. The day before she was crying and saying she didn't even want to go to dinner. She was upset the next day and kept breaking down in tears throughout the day. We did end up going to dinner (minus my father) and then coming back and having cake. Aside from all of the drama, it turned out nice.
I swear, if I ever won the lottery, the first thing I would do is buy my mother her own house.
I am not looking forward to having my crown replaced tomorrow. I have myself an absolute wreck already over whether it's going to be painful or not. How sensitive my tooth underneath will be. Ugh.
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