Random Thoughts

Wow, I didn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. Not like there is anything exciting to report anyway. I have felt like crap. I'm just getting over my period and having the increased anxiety, nausea, and heart racing that has been coming on at the end lately. Because I didn't already have enough anxiety, nausea, and heart racing the whole week before and during.

We've had a stray cat with kittens running around our neighborhood for about a month. The first weekend of May I had seen an adorable baby bunny in our yard in front of our shed, about the size of a softball. Later on that night, I saw the cat skulking around our shed. We never saw the baby bunny again after that.

This past Monday when I woke up, I felt incredibly nauseous and on edge (from hormones; my period came the next day) and when I was heading out to my car to leave, the mother cat was standing out in the street, watching me with this shady look on her face. So I kept staring at her and then looked under my car to make sure the kittens weren't under my car. Nothing was under there, so I started my car and headed to the back to take out some recycling, all while she kept her eye on me. When I got in front of my mom's car, I saw why she was watching me- there was a gutted rabbit next to my mom's car. I was horrified. I was already nauseous as it was and when I saw that, I had to do everything in my power to not throw up.

On Wednesday, I took a chart to do and apparently at some point the person had passed away and our doctor wanted the autopsy report. And that was what was in the chart. And I read the report. Why? I don't know why. Just morbid curiosity, I guess. I felt sick afterwards, though.

Then on Thursday, my boss left work unexpectedly in the morning after receiving a call that she needed to come home. We got a call at work a little while later that her oldest son had passed away. My boss drives me up the fucking wall, but JFC she didn't deserve something like that.

I told the girls in work that I would keep an eye out in the newspaper for his death notice (since apparently I am the only one in the office who reads the newspaper) and when I was checking it today, I got to the second page and there was an obituary that no lie took up half the page. And then I looked at the name and gasped- it was a kid I had been in marching band with. He had graduated the year before me, so I was only in band with him for one year. But damn, he was intelligent and talented as hell and a really nice guy. Oh, and I had a massive crush on him after seeing him without a shirt on for the first time (he was one of those guys whose body looked nothing special with clothes on but take them off.....humina humina)

This is the THIRD guy I have had a crush on who has passed away. And not just passed away, but passed away tragically (the first was killed in a motorcycle accident, the second was murdered, and this one fell off a fucking cliff). It's starting to give me a bit of a complex.

We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday. And of course my father had to start his shit days before it. My mom is beyond furious with him. The day before she was crying and saying she didn't even want to go to dinner. She was upset the next day and kept breaking down in tears throughout the day. We did end up going to dinner (minus my father) and then coming back and having cake. Aside from all of the drama, it turned out nice.

I swear, if I ever won the lottery, the first thing I would do is buy my mother her own house.

I am not looking forward to having my crown replaced tomorrow. I have myself an absolute wreck already over whether it's going to be painful or not. How sensitive my tooth underneath will be. Ugh.