Random Thoughts

Boy have I been moody and emotional the past few days. Not sure if it's hormones or what.

My parents came home from the wedding last night and for at least an hour plus, I had to listen to my mother go on and on and on and on about it. I nearly bit my tongue off from biting it so hard to keep from screaming I DON'T CARE I DON'T FUCKING CARE! 

Good thing I wasn't feeling up to doing much anyway. All I ended up doing was going to Popeye's for dinner (ate there by myself and everything- stickers for me!), running to the market, and then planting my ass on the couch and reading the rest of the night.

Words cannot describe how much it annoys me that I am actually letting it bother me that I wasn't invited.

When I was going through my Facebook newsfeed earlier, I saw an article posted by Cracked that referenced "vaping". And several comments were made about how douchey it is. It is douchey. All my coworkers walk around with their stupid little vaping pens, smoking them in the office. I can't tell you how bad I want to take their pens and shove them up where the sun don't shine.

I don't get the point of "vaping" constantly and then going out for several smoke breaks. Isn't the whole point of e-cigs to cut down on smoking or something? I also don't understand why my coworkers think it's okay to smoke them in the office. Take your nasty little habit outside. You might not care about getting cancer but I fucking do.

Random Thoughts

I knew my crabbiness and hostility last week was PMS rearing its ugly head; however, I still wasn't expecting to see my period 3 days sooner. I am heading towards the end of it and the post-period symptoms are appearing- heart palpitations, high anxiety levels, severe depression, etc. I also have this heavy feeling in my chest, my head hurts and feels horrible, and I am so damn exhausted I can't even stand it- and I haven't even really been sleeping that terribly.

The other day my boss announced she would be resigning next month. Sure, she drive me nuts, but folks, I'm fucking bugging about this. What in the hell is going to be replacing her? Is it going to be better? Worse? Will I lose my job? As much as I hate to admit it, I can't deny that my boss does allow me to get away with things another place wouldn't, like not having to talk on the phone (although to be fair, no one really uses their phones since the down-staffing in 2011) and she seems to have somewhat of a tolerance for my slow ass. Believe me, I know how frustrating it is when someone doesn't work as fast as others and isn't pulling their weight and believe me, my slow ass frustrates me more than people can imagine. And really, it's only one job that I am incredibly slow at. Unfortunately, that one job happens to be my main job function.

And what's going to happen with requesting time off? Doctor appointments? Etc? UGH.

And since this announcement, my mind has apparently been on a coffee-fueled sermon of pure torture. Reminding me what a loser I am, that if I lose my job it's my fault for being so slow, wondering if buying new scrub tops will jinx me, etc. In addition to constant reels of bad things happening to loved ones and the millions of other things I constantly obsess about.

And I always wondered when one would pop up on Cracked since they started these new personal experience columns and on Sunday I was not disappointed- a column finally popped up about the personal experience of what I presume to be a paraplegic. I can't tell you how hard I have to resist going to read it. Every time I think about it, I want to shoot myself.

Never in my life have I wanted to get away as bad as I do right now. Preferably from myself.

Nope X Infinity

Last night I read an article on Cracked telling the story of 2 people who [barely] survived being mauled by bears. To say I was completely horrified by the time I finished reading it is an understatement. Especially the 25 year-old kid's story. JFC. And since I read it, I have not been able to stop thinking about the story. It even kept me up a good chunk of the night. Not that I ever looked at them fondly anyway nor do I know how much of the article is accurate on bear-human relations, but I will never ever look at bears the same way again.

And not long after I read that article, I saw a picture on my local news's website of a car accident that had occurred earlier in the day and the car had a fucking guardrail right through the middle of it. And naturally my twisted mind took that image and went to imagination town with it. It was at that point I was ready to climb under my bed covers and stay there forever.

Not quite sure why my anxiety has been so bad lately, unless it had to do with my impending period, which thankfully came today, so maybe it will lessen some.

Random Thoughts

Oh joy, it's Sunday again.

I feel so bloated right now and I'm miserable as fuck because 1) I am so bloated 2) I'm due for my period and 3) I'm just a miserable person. I ended up not taking a pill yesterday because I felt so lousy. And now I feel guilty for not taking it. There is no win. No matter what I do, I am going to feel like shit in some shape or form, whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically.

Last night I was reading an article on Cracked about working with dead bodies in a morgue. And while I was reading it, I started thinking about my loved ones possibly facing all of that one day when they pass on and I started to feel overwhelmingly panicky and depressed. And I couldn't stop thinking about it for a long time. Every time I think of my loved ones not being around one day, especially my mother, I just want to commit suicide.

My FWA's friend posted something earlier about how her flaws aren't that bad and she doesn't care what people think about her anymore. No, of course you don't think your flaws are that bad considering YOU NEVER THINK YOU DO ANYTHING WRONG. I mean, for fuck's sake, you were written up NUMEROUS times and still can't understand why you were fired. And if you have to stand there and claim you don't care what people think about you anymore, chances are you probably still do care. I hate people that have to constantly preach that they don't care what people think about them; you know damn well they are the ones that give the most shit.

And speaking of drama, the other day I had to hear from my FWA about how her boyfriend's mother apparently called him a loser behind his back and he basically told her he was done with her. Assuming everything she tells me about her is true, I have to admit that my FWA's boyfriend's mother is frigging wiggity wack. I don't like to play amateur psychiatrist, but if that woman doesn't have borderline personality disorder, then I would eat my hat.

Anyway, later on that night, my sister sends me a text asking me how long the 2 have been together (if ya'll recall, she graduated with the boyfriend and is friends with him on FB), along with picture of a post from the boyfriend stating and I quote "wasted the last seven years of my life". A little while later my FWA posts some post about feeling like she has nothing left.

And despite not giving a shit about the constant drama in her life, I am a nosy bitch and was dying to know what happened so after awhile I asked her if everything was okay and she told me that her boyfriend worked shit out with his mother and was back to defending her constantly and that led to a fight between the 2 and he apparently turned over their coffee table and threw a key holder and the neighbors called the cops on them (keeping it classy as always! and in front of the baby!) and she wasn't even sure if they were still together or not.

A few days later, I had to laugh when she posted pictures on Facebook of the baby with Daddy dearest, meaning they weren't broken up and everything was just fine and dandy now. And of course the post from the boyfriend disappeared off of Facebook (too bad I am not one to really likely to instigate trouble; oh by the way FWA, I guess you didn't happen to see this.....). I just laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. I don't know about anyone else, but if my boyfriend did that shit in front of our one year-old daughter, I'd kick his ass out and tell him to return when he wants to behave like an adult. Especially if my ass is the one paying the bills.

God, people are so fucking annoying. And she just posted 130 pictures of her brat's christening. Why is it necessary to take that many damn pictures? And now she just changed her profile picture of her with the baby....and she's got those damn fucking sunglasses on the top of her head in the picture. Really? You couldn't take them off of your head for 5 fucking seconds to take a half decent picture? I don't think it would annoy me so much if it wasn't for the fact that she sits the entire day in work with those fucking things on the top of her head- even when she is waiting on patients. And the even better part is I remember when she bought those sunglasses and she told me she got them at some flea market and she tried to insist to me that they were designer glasses. She is ridiculous. Like you really could buy designer sunglasses at a fucking flea market.

Okay, I think I need to hang it up for now, I am just grasping at straws of things to bitch about.

God, I am so fucking miserable right now.

NOPE x INFINITY

The 6 Most Brutal Infections You Could Have Right Now

This article is like the shit nightmares are made of. Someone in the comments said they looked up gas gangrene and not to do it. I couldn't resist and OH GOD I wish I didn't. And to make it a million times worse, my computer froze on me right when I had the pictures up!

Random Thoughts

Well, that was a quick 3.5 day weekend. Friday ended up not being too bad of a day. It just ended up being super cold and one of the main reasons I wanted to go to Peddler's was to see it lit up at night and we didn't even get to do that. Oh, and then there was the whole my brother-in-law could barely stay awake driving and was also tailgating people big time. At one point, we were doing over 80 mph and I don't think he was even 2 car lengths behind the car in front of us. And instead of just going around them, he rides their ass until they get over into the other lane. I swear, I have never met someone so fucking stubborn and arrogant in my life as my BIL.

And then when we went to dinner, at one point I seen him stare at my parents with that look on his face and I felt like throwing something at him. It's pretty funny that my sister can't stand how her mother-in-law stares at people and doesn't realize that her own husband does it as well. Then again, there are a lot of things her in-laws do that she doesn't seem to realize her husband does as well. Like how he acts like an impatient arrogant asshole like his father or how he acts like a know-it-all like his mother. It's amazing how oblivious she is to shit sometimes.

I hate those Big Lots holiday commercials so much. I also hate those Wayfair commercials. That song is so unbelievably annoying. And what in the hell kind of crack is Kmart's marketing team smoking? I just saw that commercial with the pregnant women stripper dancing the other night and almost puked my face off. And the one with the men using their beer bellies as drums.....ew. Do people really find this shit funny? Why are so many commercials so annoying nowadays?

Speaking of funny, I don't know why I never checked it out before, but not too long ago I decided to start reading the comments on Cracked.com's Facebook page. I can't decide whether the Facebook comments or the actual Cracked page's comments are funnier. Or on par. There was a photoplasty contest that popped up on my newsfeed back in October and one of the pictures was of Dr. House as an android looking thing and it was something about artificial intelligence coming to medicine and I knew before I even opened the comments that there was going to be multiple House jokes and at least one reference to lupus. I was not disappointed. When I came across the comment that said "error: lupus not found", I guffawed for about 10 minutes. 

And speaking of laughing hard, on Friday I was over on the Berry and there was a section of pictures called Doing Things Differently Photos and a little ways down, there was a picture of a wheelchair parked in a handicapped parking spot and I cackled for about 5 minutes, followed by a feeling of immense discomfort and then immense depression. I was thinking one day how I have said before that I need to just start accepting I am always going to be an outcast and then I thought about how much of one I would become if I ever told anyone about That Thing. 

I didn't end up having any bouts of hot sweatiness during lunch, but then again, my soup wasn't super hot. I did feel a little bit warm the whole time I was eating lunch, but I think a lot of that had to do with my being anxious that I was going to end up super hot and sweaty. It also appears that It has decided to grace me with its presence again. I still don't know why it does that. All I know is I am beyond sick and tired of being worried I am going through perimenopause.

Random Thoughts

I did a summary earlier in work and I have been so unsettled on how I did it. I semi-assumed with the information, although I do essentially have some proof that I am not wrong. But I am so worried this is going to bite me in the ass.

Of course, if the first summary had been done correctly (*cough* FWA), the one for the actual examination report, I would have had a lot less work to do with it (about half the chart!). There was one report in the chart that was about 8 pages long. It had under the patient's information the first date the person was evaluated, BUT the report itself was dated 2 years later BECAUSE IT WAS A FINAL REPORT basically summarizing the person's treatment history with the doctor. The first half of the report was what occurred at the initial evaluation and then several pages of subsequent visits. When my FWA took care of the initial summary, she 1) went by the initial evaluation date and 2) completely skipped the several pages of subsequent visits. Information that should have been in the examination report. And yet no one questioned it. I don't get it.

I notice a lot of mistakes with other people's work and it makes me question why I am so overtly uptight about my own. I was reading through our one at home worker's (not the bitchy one) and she completely missed diagnostic tests taking at the person's examination. That I was really surprised by, because she is usually very thorough and tends to put in more than she needs to, because like me, she is afraid of leaving stuff out. I actually tend to base my work on hers. And then I was even more surprised today when I was going through an old report she had summarized part of and almost half of the records were missing from the bibliography. It almost makes me wonder how much information anyone pays attention to.

I am sure if I fucked up, though, someone would be screaming for my head.

I was reading this article over on Cracked earlier and liked this part:

In elective back surgery, we all look for red flags like chronic unemployment, a long history of workman's comp claims and frivolous lawsuits, and a fine, connoisseur's appreciation for methamphetamine. It's actually scientifically reproducible that candidates with those factors in their background are less likely to recover. Because they don't want to.

I could believe the part about worker's compensation. I know that there are plenty of people who truly get hurt and I have seen some really upsetting and sad cases of people being badly injured on the job. And interestingly enough, these are the people that tend to be the most compliant with their care and demanding to go back to work. And then there are some you just shake your head at and debate whether you should laugh or cry at the person (and how they got hurt, because a lot of times it's so damn ridiculous and clearly the person's own stupidity).

Another thing I learned with this job is how frighteningly much pain medications are handed out.

I don't know what I did to my back over the weekend, but it is really painful. The last time I hurt it, I had simply bent over to pick up my towel and felt pain. I don't know what I did this time around. The pain is kind of on the right side of my lower spine and spreads in the hip area and to the front of both of my hips and down the front of my right leg. Earlier in work, I decided to go for a quick walk around the business park and I was in so much pain and having such a hard time walking and my back felt really sore and stiff. These instances of having back pain are occurring more and more and I am wondering if it's time for me to go to an ortho.

For the past few days, I have either been hot or cold, no in between, and it's driving me nuts. Of course, all I can think of is EARLY MENOPAUSE.

Random Thoughts

This neck pain needs to go away. Now I don't know whether it is a sprain or a strain, but I was reading about neck sprains and it was not very encouraging. Most symptoms will decrease in 4-6 weeks? Are you kidding me? It hasn't even been a week and I am already annoyed. I don't think I can take another 3 to 5 weeks of this pain. I like how some of the symptoms listed are irritability, fatigue, difficulty sleeping and difficulty concentrating. I have been extremely irritable, yes, between having my period and this pain. Also due to being exhausted from not sleeping due to not being able to sleep properly. No matter how I lay, it irritates my neck even more.

I don't know why, but every time I manage to injure something, I get incredibly irritable and sullen. It's like my body being injured somehow personally offends me or something.

I still cannot figure out how I could have possibly strained/sprained my neck from having a panic attack. But it had to be from that, because not long after it happened, I started having pain. And I don't want to do anything wrong with getting this to heal and mess up my neck. I already screwed up by not icing it in the beginning. Wish I would have spent a little more time Googling neck sprain or strain instead of meningitis and West Nile virus. Cripes, if someone needed solid evidence that I could very well be a hypochondriac, I would print out my entire Google search history.

I was reading an article on Cracked earlier about horrible people and one of the listed was perfectly able bodied people parking in handicapped spots. And while I certainly agree it isn't right, especially when some of the sights I see parking in them, the argument is a little tiresome. Clearly people are still going to be assholes and do it. And if anything is offensive when it comes to handicapped parking, it's when I see a car parked crookedly and on the lines where a wheelchair lift or ramp can come out. THAT is offensive. How is someone in a wheelchair supposed to get out if a car is parked in the lines? And most of the time it is done by some enormous boat driven by some fossil that probably has no business on the road in the first place.

And speaking of taking up closer parking spots, I won't even get started on those stupid "mother with small children" spots. Give me a fucking break.

I thought about watching them, but I decided against watching the MTV Music Awards this year. No MGMT, no Of Monsters and Men, no fucks given. I was far more interested in watching the Futurama marathon and listening to the New Music Show, which featured "Your Life is a Lie" again. I did receive a text message at one point from my sister, who was watching it, telling me to put it on and see Miley Cyrus. I just can't even muster enough energy to rip into that mess. Plus, if I spend time talking about it, then I am giving her exactly what she wants- attention. All I can say is that girl is repulsive on so many levels. She has a wicked case of the try hards. It actually personally offends me that she is more popular than my favorite bands.

My sister and brother-in-law were stanning for Bruno Mars earlier. Ugh, I do not get the big deal with him. I think he is talented, but his music.....you can have it. I was forced to listen to the CD one day when I was in the car with them and I wanted to jump out so bad. His music always reminds me of doo-wop, which I grew up listening to and actually still liked....until a few years ago. Now every time I listen to it, I want to stab my eardrums. So maybe once upon a time I would have liked his music. Well, there was that one I did like a couple years ago, "The Other Side".

It's weird how music taste can change. Like I used to love listening to Billy Joel, but now his music seriously annoys me.

The weather has been really nice the past couple days and now it's going to get warm again. And there is talk of possible severe weather on Tuesday and/or Wednesday. Yay. Can we please be done with the severe weather? I know last year we had two instances in September of moderate risk severe weather days. Also, I think that one tornado warning last year was in September as well. It would be nice if either of those didn't happen again. However, now it's time to worry about hurricanes, tropical storms, frankenstorms, etc. Damn, it's a shame no one decided to officially call Sandy Frankenstorm Sandy instead of Superstorm Sandy.

Goddammit, I dread going to sleep tonight.

The WTF Of The Day

The 23 Worst Possible Ideas for Adult Films

Well, at least I managed to learn how to visibly read some Braille. Cool, I guess?

Random Thoughts

My mother told me the other day that my sister told her that my brother-in-law was proud of himself for how the cookout turned out. I just looked at her and said, "I can't justify a response to that". How can you be proud of yourself when you hardly did anything??

I read an article on my favorite site the other day about a certain bad word a celebrity complained about and the poster of the article had a comment at the bottom that it is not his word to use. I'm sorry, when did it become anyone's word to use? Since when do words belong to people, or certain groups of people? What an asinine comment. Has this whole country gone insane?

Ugh, I want to be back down the shore so bad. And even with all of the destruction that has happened in the past 2 years from storms, and God knows what may come in the future, a small part of me would still love to permanently move down the shore one day.

We get booklets every so often from the company we went through to go to NYC a few years ago and they have so many different travel spots and every time I look through it, I get depressed. There are so many places I would love to see. I would love nothing more than to see are Maine (anytime) and pretty much anywhere in New England in the fall. I would love to see the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado. I am missing not going to Myrtle Beach this year and after reading Southern Fried Sushi, I really am missing not going down south. Except for the whole backwards ass thinking of many residents, I love the South. Especially the food.

As for the rest of the world- Quebec. Montreal. New Brunswick (Canada). Nova Scotia. Most of Europe, especially Italy, Ireland, Scotland, Austria, Switzerland, and Germany. And sometimes I would like to just pack up and leave for another country permanently. America is great, but there is just some shit I am really starting to get sick of. And nice to see the President creating a bigger divide in the country instead of focusing on more important issues.

And most of all, I want to go on a trip by myself. Not necessarily to those places, but I would just like to take a mini vacation by myself. A small part of me regrets not ever making my trip to Musikfest a solo vacation like I had intended. I just found my cancellation receipt for my reservation at the Sands Casino the other day and thought, damn, I should have went myself. Not that I necessarily minded going up there with my parents, or attending the actual concert with my mother (bonus: I made her a fan), and I think I would have been a little creeped out walking back to the hotel by myself. But it still would have been nice to do it on my own.

And speaking of MGMT.....oh boy. They posted some promo for the FYF Festival- okay, first off how is that pronounced? F-Y-F? Fiff? Fyf? And why do people doubt me when I tell them it is pronounced M-G-M-T? "Oh are you sure it's not management?". NO! I think I would know how to pronounce my favorite band's name! The only time I laughed at a question on how to pronounce their name was one time on Cracked.com, someone asked is it pronounced "migmeat". Now that made me laugh. But anyway, as usual, the comments turned into a battlefield over "Kids" and how if you like it, you're not a real fan and blah blah blah, mixed in with a handful of smart comments. These "I hate 'Kids' so that makes me a true fan" fans need to take a seat.

And this one kid, Tyler something, who posted 7500 comments on this particular FB post alone about his hatred of "Kids" and of people who like "Kids", he needs to take several seats. Who died and left Mr. Tyler here to make the rules of what constitutes a true MGMT fan vs. a faux one? Ooo, I hate a popular song because the band hates it as well! I'm such a fan! Sit your ass down.

And if MGMT really hates their own song, then they need to take several seats as well. People took to it, it made you big....get over it. Would you rather everyone hate you and you be a nobody?? Sometimes I really cannot comprehend the logic of bands like MGMT. I reread that Relix article one day last week and while it didn't come off as pretentious as when I first read it, there is still something about it that rubbed me the wrong way. I can't figure out what it is.

ONTD, surprisingly, seems to be the only place of normal MGMT fans. My only complaint is one of the fans, who has vast knowledge of them, was wrong on one thing- Andrew's last girlfriend was not Swedish. She was Irish. I have no idea where this fan got her info from. It was right there in her bio. And I know not everyone is up to code on last names and heritage, but her last name alone screamed I HAVE IRISH IN ME. Oh no. You do not deny a girl her Irish heritage.

Boy, I wonder if Of Monsters and Men and OMaM fans are obnoxious. I doubt it though, because what I see from fans, it's mostly just begging them to come to their area, or if you go on their Twitter, it's people begging them to follow them back. As for the band themselves, they seem to actually appreciate everything that comes their way. They also seem to love Philly, which right there automatically earns a million points in my book. Makes sense, since my local alt rock station apparently was the force behind their popularity in America. Awesome!

On another note, I saw a commercial with Kate Moss earlier. How is she still a model? Isn't she the equivalent of about 600 years old in the modeling world?

A Crappy Disturbing Post

I was over on Cracked reading an article about the 5 worst things people can do when giving help (#5....oh god #5) and someone posted this down in the comment section:

I know that feeling. And have been on the end of it many times, of people telling me they won't judge me or whatever, only to do exactly that and abandon me in the end. And people wonder why I have no friends? Because I don't trust anyone. Because at this point, I am pretty much convinced every person who spews this bullshit at me is ultimately going to judge me and abandon me in the end. And I'd rather just save myself the hurt and not take not the risk .

And the sad thing is, what these people see is only the tip of the iceberg. They don't know how much emotional abuse I dole out on myself. Or how much of a worthless no good piece of shit I think I am. Or how I stand in front of the mirror and want to scream because I hate what I am seeing. Or how I seriously consider damaging my eyes because I am so fucking sick and tired of analyzing my body for signs of hyperpigmentation. Or how I want to hit my head hard enough to case enough damage to erase most of my memory. Or how much I think about suicide (every day, all day). *TRIGGER WARNING* Of taking an entire bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol. Of hanging myself. Of flooring my car into a concrete barrier. Of plugging my car's exhaust pipe and doing myself in by carbon monoxide poisoning. Or how every bridge I go over, I wonder how terrible it would be to jump off of. Of how I wish I had a gun to blow my brains out. *seriously do not finish reading this if you are sensitive or squeamish* Or how every time I listen to "I Found a Whistle", I think about how I would like to take a knife and cut myself, and then write the lines "such conviction/to paint all the walls with the blood/of the young and the faithful and the good" on the wall with my own blood, and then literally paint the walls with the rest of my blood and with my brain matter. Most of this is just thoughts, not anything I'd probably ever act on, but imagine if they knew this shit.

Article Of The Day

You will know why this was chosen when you read it:

5 Famous Online Copyright Crusaders Who Are Total Hypocrites

As always, I have to read Cracked's comment section and okay, maybe I am little too blinded by my love for them, but.....for the love of God, will people get over the damn "Kids" video already? The kid looked fine in the making of video, and while I can't speak for his parents, I very, very much doubt Andrew and Ben would deliberately allow a video to be made that would traumatize a kid. I have a very hard time believing they would do something like that.

Also, I don't know how I missed this all of the times* I have read their Wiki article, but Sarkozy initially offered them 1 euro for compensation. One euro, which is equivalent, as of today, to $1.30 USD. Seriously? What a dick. Him and his creepy ass Trollsen dating brother.

*many, many times, including one time when I was reading it and some dope snuck in a line under the Formation (2002–2005) section about Andrew and Ben experimenting with homosexuality in college

ETA 3/8: I do not have a user name on Cracked, so no, I am not Torrential_Pain. Although.....

Comment Of The Day

From this Cracked.com article, by soasertsus:

I never thought of "I'm too selfish to have kids." That seems like a good one. I don't want kids for several reasons, but to be honest I just don't like them. The thing is though, if you say you don't like kids you may as well be a monster on par with Adolf Hitler in some peoples eyes, which isn't preferable.

Sorry, Gladstone, I have to disagree with you. Some people are just too selfish to have kids. Although, come to think of it, many selfish people do have kids. Many stupid, selfish people.

Comments Of The Day

From this article's comment section; stupid, I know, but it made me laugh:

Cracked's comment sections are pure gold.

Random Thoughts

Good news- I am not feeling as shitty as my last post. Man, I don't know what the hell was up my ass that night. I was really feeling bad. I didn't end up going to the party, and not shockingly, I am feeling shitty about not going. There are times I start worrying that I could be sociopathic, but I think the amount of guilt and remorse I feel in a given day is solid proof that I am not. I very much doubt a sociopath could feel guilt and remorse like this.

There is not much I do not feel guilty over- if I respond to someone in a way I did not feel was polite, if I don't say the right thing, if something bad happens, even if it is well out of my control, etc. Back in 2005, when I worked in a billing office, there was a doctor's office on the floor below and one day a man came in wanting to know if the office was open, and he starts telling me how his wife was just diagnosed with cancer and I don't remember what I said to him and while I don't recall being rude, I don't think I was sympathetic. More I was just shocked that this complete stranger was sharing with me, another complete stranger, of his wife's illness. But I still feel guilty that I was not more sympathetic to him.

I blame myself for pretty much everything that has went wrong in my life, including developing mental illness. Which for someone who is adamant about not having mental illness portrayed in a negative light anymore, it is a piss poor attitude towards it. I want for society to stop blaming mentally ill people for their illnesses, that it is as much of a real disease as cancer, yet I blame myself for my illness. Illnesses. Whatever.

I read an article over on Cracked about movie stereotypes and one was about disabilities in movies. How death seems to be preferred over being disabled. And that disabled people got all butt-hurt over it. Not that it takes much to butt-hurt people nowadays, especially some disabled people. I remember I read a blog a few years ago by a disabled woman and man, did she bitch a lot. But that isn't important. Look, maybe some people can overcome their disability and all that, but some just can't. I've already made it clear to most people in my life that should a time ever come in my life where I am faced with multiple limb amputation or death, do me the favor of death. I'll be damned to spend a life like that. And huzzah for you if you can do it. I can't. And frankly, a person's choice of wanting death over disability does not affect another disabled person's life.

I read Blind Gossip on a daily basis, mostly for the fun of it, because blind items are always to be taken with a grain of salt. But as soon as I saw this one today, I knew a big storm would be coming. Because Louis was the first person I thought of. And sure enough, the storm of Larry fans did not disappoint. WOW. I really don't know whether to be horrified or laugh, because some of it is pretty damn hilarious. I honestly think there is a very good chance Louis could be gay. I know it's bad to stereotype, but that kid's mannerism just screams GAY. I watched a video of him talking about his parents' divorce and I'm like there is no way in hell this kid is not gay. He's so effeminate! Plus I always have to LOL at how every interview with him I have read, he always has to make just a little too many references to his "girlfriend Eleanor". Like why do you have to keep mentioning it? We know Eleanor is your girlfriend*. We know you are dating* her. There is no reason to keep repeating yourself. Unless you are desperately trying to prove something.

*quotations may or may not be needed here

I don't necessarily believe he's with Harry, though. I don't know if Harry is gay. He puts me in the mind of someone who really has no sexual preference, who would be with someone because they make him happy, man or woman. I think Harry is just someone who loves people in general. He'd love you regardless of gender, race, physical appearance, etc, etc.

But these people really need to chill the fuck out. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the kid, and I really don't want to. The whole management thing does sound like some crazy tinfoil hat conspiracy, but I also do not doubt that it is very possible for PR to pull stunts like that. And if people are forcing a young man to hide his sexuality, this is just beyond cruel. It is heart-breaking. No one should ever have to hide his or her sexuality. If I found out my son was being forced to hide his sexuality for PR, I would hunt down Simon Cowell and shoot him.

But maybe it just simply is he is gay and hasn't accepted it. The kid is almost 21 years old . That does not mean he is completely sure of his sexuality. I'm almost 29 years old and I still have no concept of my sexuality, whether I am straight or bisexual, although I am fine with whatever it ends up being. Maybe he can't, or is not ready to accept it. But the way some Larry fans are acting, it's not going to help. You can't demand for someone to come out of the closet if he or she is not ready to do so. Knowing that fans will still support you can help, although will they support him if he is NOT dating Harry? And sure, it may help a fan who is having trouble accepting his or her own homosexuality. But it doesn't mean he still will be willing to accept that it is who he is. Or maybe there are people in his family who aren't okay with gay people. Who knows? We don't.

This is all hypothetically speaking, of course. I am in no way saying he definitely is. I don't need psycho fans or the princess himself coming after me.

I won't lie- I do look forward to hearing more on this. And the term "beard" makes me giggle.

I went to the Cheesecake Factory on Saturday and after an hour plus wait, we were finally seated. And I discovered my favorite meal, the ginormous grilled cheese, is not on the menu anymore. I was still able to get it, but I am so tired of every meal I like being taken off of the menu at restaurants. And grilled cheese is pretty much the simplest meal in history, so why get rid of it? I've had their pulled pork sandwich before and enjoyed it, but it would have been overwhelming at eight at night. I had their pumpkin cheesecake for the first time and oh my god, was it good.

And speaking of pumpkin, I need a pumpkin pie Blizzard fix soon.

ETA 10/17: Another BI went up yesterday. Why people are questioning this one as a different one makes no sense, when it clearly is a continuation of the first one.

Oh lord....if this happens, Tumblr, and Larry fans, will fucking EXPLODE.

ETA 10/23: Oh mama.

LOL AWWWW. Wuv. Twue wuv. If I didn't know who these two were, just two random guys taking a picture at what looks like an airport, I'd definitely think they were a couple.

And this: 1D's Louis Tomlinson hosts charity football, looks great in uniform

Cheesus, him in that uniform....damn. I would. I so would. And I would hate myself every second of it. And great. Now I am all riled up and thinking of this picture as well.



ETA 11/11: Odd. That last blind item disappeared. After Bieber and Selena broke up. So I guess that one was probably about them?

Quote Of The Day

BalticAvenue17 in response to this article:

Few people know this, but One Direction actually started out as a punk group called f**k You I'm Going This Way/ Then Satan came along, ripped their souls out with his Freddy Krueger hand (got it on eBay for about $3.50), and replaced them with a group of screeching imps that were making Hell a little too unbearable for him and his employees.

Quote Of The Day

I know nothing about this, but the comment made me laugh so hard, I almost passed out (written by commentor pafoofa, from this cracked.com article):

Nothing Brett Michaels ever does will reach the evil he released on humanity when he had Pauly Shore do a cover of Unskinny Bop. If you have the misfortune of hearing this song, you will never smile again.

This one made me laugh even harder (from commentor Sahasrahla):

Revelations 6:66 "And lo, a supergroup was formed, consisting of Creed, Nickelback, and David Hasselhoff, featuring Justin Bieber. And from the people there was much was much wailing and gnashing of the teeth, as well as bleeding of the ears."

Quote Of The Day

From this cracked.com article, commentor Licalatypus on annoyance #4 (Women Take Forever to Leave Parties):

You haven't seen anything until you've been in a sicilian family. The process of leaving accounts for 25% of the entire time you spend there. Not exaggerating.

I can certainly agree this. Just by basis of watching my mother leave a party. Now to be fair, my mother is actually half-Sicilian, but that does not stop her from taking 54 years to leave a party. Unfortunately, I am one of those antisocial types that wants to generally leave a party as soon as I get there, so it's like torture trying to leave a party when my mother is there.

Quote Of The Day

From this cracked.com article, DOB on the War On Christmas:

I think one year, in one town, in one store -- years ago -- employees were instructed to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." And we, as a nation, have been paying for it ever since.

Ah, yes. The good ol' War On Christmas. I could think of a bazillion things that are taking Christ out of Christmas, yet somehow saying "Happy Holidays" seems to be the only thing.

Fuck you Bill O'Rielly, for ever starting this shit.

The Awesome Of The Day

If Error Messages Had a Sense of Humor Article | Cracked.com