Quote Of The Day

A letter written by Philadelphian Michael Taylor, quite frankly one of the best arguments on health care reform:

TO THOSE against a public health-care option:

Schools, libraries, parks, infrastructure and more are all provided by our government. They are funded with the tax revenue that we the people provide. Why should health care not be among these offerings? Being able to go to a zoo or a park is more important than an American's health?

I've worked and paid taxes for 25 years with only one gap of three months. I'm not a deadbeat or illegal alien. So what happens if I lose my job in uncertain times? Just out of luck?

I'm healthy for the most part, but wear glasses and would like to have my teeth tended to and see my doctor regularly. Not to mention peace of mind if something serious did occur.

Maybe the plan being offered by the Democrats isn't perfect, but why isn't the opposition coming up with something comprehensive for the uninsured? Just saying "No" is very shortsighted, unfair, and plain mean.

It's also time for our elected representatives to strip themselves of their health plans and join the ranks of us regular citizens. That's a perk they voted for to benefit themselves. It's not as if those who elected them had any say in what health plan they get.

I like the comments section, where people are basically suggesting those of us without health insurance get Medicaid. Wow, none of us ever thought of that.

Shit, people, if all of us qualified for Medicaid, we wouldn't be fucking uninsured! No, decent hardworking people who need health insurance don't get Medicaid. I'll tell you who gets Medicaid- the loser patients my sister takes care of. The losers who get knocked up as early as 12 and are on their 5th child by 17 years old because they're too goddamn stupid to use birth control or to even keep their damn legs closed in the first place or they are these wonderful little devoted Catholic girls from a territory that should have been made its own country who are adamantly against birth control because the Catholic religion says it's the Devil but think nothing of having out of wedlock sex even though the Catholic religion says that's the Devil too (what doesn't the Catholic church consider evil?) or they are pregnant with their 7th child with their 7th baby daddy. The losers who don't use welfare to get through a tough time temporarily, but rather leave school and major in welfare for the rest of their lives because they think America owes them something and they shouldn't have to work to make money. Those are the recipients of Medicaid.

Why are people so goddamn delusional? It's like how Justin Timberlake believes he is bringing sexy back. I swear people never make any attempt to research anything. I have a friend from high school who one day posts something on Facebook about how she wishes the physical she needs for clinical was included in her $30,000 plus tuition for license practical nursing school (she is uninsured) and someone leaves her a comment that what is she complaining for; she'll be making double that after a year and she replies with yeah I know. I busted up laughing. Sixty grand as an LPN? Get real! My sister has been a registered nurse for almost 6 years and she is just finally making over sixty grand. Plus, nurse or not, I do not think that an LPN will have nearly as many job opportunities as an RN. Not sure how many hospitals in my area hire them, although I do know my sister's hospital doesn't. I think if they do hire someone with LPN credentials, when they are hired, they are not given that title.

Quote Of The Day

From Family Guy:

Stewie: Alright Violet and Pig-Pen, you've been seeing each other a few weeks now. What seems to be the problem?
Violet: I keep getting bladder infections and I don't know why.
Stewie: Really? You don't know why?

Quote Of The Day

From "The Honking":

Yokelbot: Ye think me be he?
Bender: Sí!
Yokelbot: Nee! I mean, "no"!

An Angry Letter

To the sick fuck who shot 2 dogs execution style:

I am keeping this short and simple- I pray to God if someone finds you, they shoot you the same horrible way you shot those poor innocent dogs.

Otherwise, drop dead and rot in hell you lousy piece of scum.

How Dare They Lie!

Want prosperity? Index ranks Finland as place to be

Excuse me? Finland? Does the media not listen to Middle America? Or Fox News? Come on! Glenn Beck, Manitee, and Rush are the smartest people in the world! America is the best place to live! We have the best health insurance in the history of the entire world!

Lies! All lies! Damn that librul media and damn all those lying libruls!

Another WTF Of The Day

Toadally Unnecessary

Oh good God! Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse!

Wait....stupidity certainly could:

I did

Holy zombie Jesus, I can't stand it.

If this is real, could you imagine the reaction of the firefighters?

The WTF Of The Day

Fake Obama Thesis Story Goes Viral, Because Of Stupidity

Nelson, rebuttal?



Ahhhhhhh! Music to my ears!

Lyrics Of The Day

"Nobody Home" by Pink Floyd:

I've got a little black book with my poems in
I've got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in
When I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone in
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on
Got those swollen hand blues.
Got thirteen channels of shit on the T.V. to choose from

I've got electric light
And I've got second sight
I've got amazing powers of observation
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home

I've got the obligatory Hendrix perm
And I've got the inevitable pinhole burns
All down the front of my favorite satin shirt
I've got nicotine stains on my fingers
I've got a silver spoon on a chain
I've got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains

I've got wild staring eyes
I've got a strong urge to fly
But I've got nowhere to fly to

Ooooh Babe when I pick up the phone
There's still nobody home

I've got a pair of Gohills boots
And I've got fading roots

Random Thoughts

The great thing about the internet is finding all sorts of information. However, it never seems like I can find anything I am looking for! For instance, the past few weeks I have noticed that whenever I push my car over 50 mph, I will start to smell a burning smell. And thinking that surely someone else in the world has had this problem, I hopped right on to Google and tried several different searches and no answer was found.

Last night, my sister and I ate at Baja Fresh, my first time there. Since I am one of the fussiest eaters on earth (although you wouldn't know it, would you), I went with what I usually get at Taco Bell- a chicken soft taco with nothing on it. The BF website lists the soft chicken taco at 230 calories, but this is with salsa, lettuce, and cheese on it. The first time my food was brought out, it had about 5 pounds of cheese on it, even though I said I wanted nothing on it and the cashier even said no cheese. If the 230 calories is based on that much cheese, how the hell many calories were my 2 tacos really? Figuring I could find it on Google, I have been trying different searches and I am still finding no answer. I need to know, dammit!

It's a shame- when I go out to eat, if something goes wrong with my food order, I am terrified to send it back! I don't have that problem much and usually if something comes out wrong, I try to be nice about the mistake, even though there are times I want to throw the food at the person's head. I mean, is it really that fucking hard to comprehend someone ordering a cheeseburger and saying just bun, burger, and cheese? That does not mean tomato and lettuce! But it usually has to be something pretty drastic for me to send it back, like if I order my red meat well-well done and my burger comes out still mooing. But people are such assholes nowadays, it doesn't matter how nice you try to be about it. I think it's disgusting that people actually spit into customer's food (although some people really do deserve it). If I owned a restaurant and caught my employees doing that, I would....well, I don't know I would do. It would be a spur of the moment choice.

Speaking of nasty shit, I just got off reading a forum where people where bashing fast food and it made me think of an infomercial I seen one night in the middle of an insomniac haze. I think it was for that Colon Cleanse thing and it showed this big hunk of raw red meat with a needle stuck in it and it made me want to vomit! I am getting queasy just thinking about it. Since that, I think a lot when I am eating something and wonder what the hell am I putting in my body. I have never been a real big red meat person and have often contemplated giving it up on many occasions, but I do enjoy eating burgers. I have briefly considered going vegetarian many times over the year, but I just love chicken so goddamn much, I don't know if I could give it up! My body would probably be glad to give it up, but my brain wouldn't! Not that brain is exactly something to listen to. My brain is also the same thing that tells me I am in the wrong body and by wrong body, I don't mean genderwise. I have no problem with my gender, except the whole menstruation and expecting to have children thing. Oh and the fact that we are still receiving considerably less pay than men and our health insurance rates can be higher. But no, I do not mean I feel like I should be a male.

What was it that Homer Simpson said once? That's right- "shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!". Heed that advice, brain, or I will use more than a Q-Tip!

Unfortunately, it's not an original thing, although I do recall finding them ugly for quite a long time, but I absolutely, positively cannot STOMACH Ugg boots. The first time I seen someone wearing them, I said what the fuck are those? It's not even the actual boots that piss me off so much. It's how people wear them. They don't look too atrocious with jeans, although it looks pretty dumb when they are worn over them. But it's this whole new look of wearing them over sweatpants or with shorts or skirts that makes me want to go into a Hulk-esque rage. One night I even googled how many others share my hate and I came across another blog where someone complained about Ugg boots and some girl, probably some prepubescent little snot nosed shit named Madison with a voice that peels wallpaper, wrote a comment to the blogger about hating Uggs and she went on some tangent about the blogger being jealous and would she buy them if they were cheaper. Jealous? Why is that always the only reason someone can hate on something in this stupid world? Gee, everyone hates Bin Laden; I guess we are all just jealous of him. If Ugg boots cost $0.50, I still would not buy them. If they were free, I still would not buy them. If someone paid me to own a pair, THAT I would do. But then I would just take the boots and give them to a dog to destroy while I sit on my ass and laugh maniacally.

Jealous of boots. Ha! I almost pissed my pants laughing when I read that.

And the thing that makes me laugh is when all these stupid girls flood the comment sections of blogs to say "omgz why do u watse ur tim complaining abut Uggs? get a life, jelous ahter!". Gee, who knew that because you offended some little snot nosed teenager that you can't write about whatever you want IN YOUR OWN DAMN BLOG?

You know, I am all for preserving the environment and keeping it beautiful, but this whole "going green" is really starting to grind my gears. I went up to my community college a few weeks ago to get a new copy of the program catalog and the girl behind the counter tells me they no longer print the catalog; I have to get it off the internet. I don't go for that. I need hard copies of things and I certainly don't have the money to sit and print out the whole damn catalog. I have heard of schools going green and making their students get their books on the computer. What a bunch of bullcrap. I can't read well on the internet. If I try to read an article, I get lost easily and then I get annoyed. Plus, I liked to read and highlight and write side notes with my own damn hand.

PS- why is it so damn hard to find a t-shirt that says "Sweet zombie Jesus!" on it and contains a picture of the Professor? And why is it so goddamn hard to find a set of decent colored purple curtains that are NOT sheer?

The WTF Of The Day

Flight cancelled after passenger sees tarantula

Faleh Hassan Almaleki, Arizona Man, Ran Down Daughter With Car Because She Was Too "Westernized": Police

Dumbass. If you have a problem with westernization, then why the hell would you move to a western country?! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

An Angry Letter To TV Guide

Dear TV Guide magazine:

Is your name not TV Guide? Does that not mean you are to report TV news? Well, then tell me something- why is it that it was announced in June that Futurama is coming back and you have yet to announce one of the greatest TV comebacks in history? When and will you ever?

You can put House on the cover every other week and something about that crappy piece of shit called Grey's Anatomy in the weeks in between (seriously, how many more articles do you need to do on Patrick Dempsey? I think the first 6,000 were sufficient enough) and you put tabloid-esque articles in constantly, like every minute detail of America's most annoying family (although the balloon kid family is moving into that reign; the media, especially HLN, really knows how to beat a dead horse, don't they), but you can't include even a little blurb on the return of Futurama?

And don't tell me to do something about it- I have already sent a letter protesting why there has been no mention of it! Seems it is time for me to send another one!

Sincerely,
A pissed off Futurama fan

Quote Of The Day

Quotes from Bender's Game, my favorite Futurama movie:

Ignus: Quick! Get on the magic bug!
Greyfarn: It's not a magic bug, you dope! It's a magic arachnid! Can't you count the legs?!
Ignus: No.
Greyfarn: (counting) Six, seven, eight! Not six! Eight! I'll kill you, you imbecile!

Professor: Greedy old hag! Taste the wrath of my fuzzy slipper!

Mom: (at baby Walt and Larry) Shut up, you milk sucking leeches!

Dr. Perceptron: You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop! Hammertime!

Dwight: Dude! Who whipped an egger?
Cubert: He who smelt it, dealt it!
Dwight: Yeah? Well, he who denied it, supplied it!
Cubert: Well, he who articulated it, particulated it!
Dwight: Well, he who refuted it, tooted it!
Cubert: Stalemate.

Professor: So it's you three! I should have known Mom would send her brainless brood to do her dirty work! (pulls Walt's mask off) Walt! The leader amoung imbeciles!
Walt: Hey! They resent that.
Professor: (pulls Larry's mask off) Larry! The sniveling middle child!
Larry: Sorry! Thank you!
Professor: (pulls Igner's mask off) And you, Igner! The evil I could tolerate, but the stupidity (shudders)
Igner: We're owl exterminators!
Professor: Good God! Just knowing we're in the same genus makes me embarrassed to call myself homo!

Mom: What are you laughing at?
Larry: Your laugh. It's just so infectious.
Mom: So's herpes! Now shut up!

Walt: What about Igner?
Mom: That hairless ape? I swear when he came out, I flipped a coin whether to keep him or the afterbirth.
Walt: Yes Mother. You told that story at his graduation.

Walt: Did you see anyone?
Igner: Me?
Walt: Yes, you! You're the only one here!
Igner: If I'm the only one here, then how could I see anyone?
Larry: He's got a point, Walt.
Walt: So does my knee! (knees Larry)

Walt: They've eluded us, Mother. But rest assured, we've already slapped each other, so there's no need to....
(Mom slaps them)
Mom: You'll thank me some day when you are slapping your own kids.

King of Wipe Castle: You calling me crazy? Just cause I've got a hotel in my foot don't make me a BOOGALIE MOOGALIE MOOGALIE!
Titanius: Pardon?
King of Wipe Castle: Stop laughing at me, flying avocado!*
*it comes up fried avocado on the subtitles and captioning, but sounds like flying

King of Wipe Castle: What the....you're not made of Tuesday!

Ogres: Eat the wizard, eat the slut, eat the robot's shiny butt!

Writing My Living Will Part 1

I talked back about it in December, but having had not realized that I could write one without the help of a lawyer, I have finally decided to take a big step towards writing a living will. It's not an easy thing, I will tell you that. I want to make sure that I do this write and I want it basically airtight. I haven't talked to anyone in my family about it yet, but I should with my sister since she is a nurse and I do need to pick out a proxy and then a secondary proxy. Even with one it is still kind of scary because the question arises- will a doctor follow it? I think it is absolute bullshit if someone has an advanced directive and a doctor chooses to ignore it because it goes against his or her beliefs. Look, if you don't like it and don't want to allow a person to die, give the patient to another damn doctor. I refuse to be like freaking Terri Schiavo because some praise Jeebus type refuses to follow through with my goddamn choices and orders. Do no harm? Believe me, you will do no harm by following through with my one specific order.

Shit, after that case in England, I am half-tempted to demand I not be saved in the case of an obvious suicide attempt. I fully believe the doctors not treating her was the right thing to do. The life is Gods group can stand there and say about how glad people are that survive suicide attempts and while I do believe that, how often does it apply? I have thought many, many times in the past believing that maybe a suicide attempt (since so many seem to fail) would be good thing for me. But anymore, I just believe if I were to attempt suicide and survive it, I would not only beat myself up for failing at yet another thing, I more than likely would attempt it again.

One of the hardest parts I have come with drafting this damn thing up is what to do in the case of pregnancy. I have no intentions of ever becoming pregnant (and by the look of things, I not only will not ever become pregnant, I will also more than likely die the oldest virgin in history) I am not sure what NJ's law is on it, although I think it is more lenient than most states. So far the most information I have found is this:

26:2H-56.....A female declarant may include in an advance directive executed by her, information as to what effect the advance directive shall have if she is pregnant.

So by that, I am to assume I have the power to state what my wishes are if I ever become pregnant and something goes awry.

Initially I was going to say to invalidate my orders (except for the one most important order), but then I just read a quote that said a woman should not be forced to be an incubator and I agree! But I still may consider the invalidation of my orders. I don't know.

Dammit, I really wish I could afford to see a lawyer about this.

Quote Of The Day

More geniusness from Billy West; it never stops:

Some people, without their fame, they would just roll up into a ball and bounce away and I’m like a reluctant famer, if you know what I mean. Celebrity means nothing to me. The word means nothing to me. I don’t know if I said this. I probably already did because I’ve been talking so long. But if you fart the national anthem you can be a celebrity. It’s bloodless. It’s artless. It’s Godless. But, fuck, that’s what people want. And the idea that the word celebrity and the word diva has been watered down into any girl with a belly button now and some gold chain around her neck can be a diva. It doesn’t matter why they call the great talents divas, you know women in the theater. It’s a pass-fail society. It’s like, in my opinion, the guy that can fart the national anthem and is famous is totally equal to someone else who actually has talent and worked their ass off and became famous for having a gift.

That's because you are not a celebrity, Billy. Lindsay Lohan, because for some reason she still isn't dead, is a celebrity. Paris Hilton is a celebrity. Any reality star that is pushing their 15 minutes of fame is a celebrity. If they are in Star or any other rag at least once a week, they are a celebrity. Classifying Billy West, or someone like Lady Miss Kier, in the same group as these people is, in short, an insult. Now for one more quote, on reality TV:

I don’t watch reality shows. These are the kind of people I couldn’t wait to get away from in high school and I’m going to chronicle their stupid adventures, you know?

Exactly.

I guess I can't entirely lose hope that there are still some smart people left in Hollywood.

Random Thoughts

Oh God! My time has finally come! Friday morning, I wake up and the first thing my mother tells me is I got something in the mail that she wishes she could hide from me. Thinking it is another fraudulent Sprint phone bill and that I would have to deal with ripping Sprint another asshole (back in August, I had received a phone bill from Sprint and since I do not have Sprint, I found out someone opened an account in my name, although thank God not with my SSN. But the weird part is, someone, probably the same cocksucker, also opened an account in my sister's name as well! Same type of account and everything. I have never quite spoken to anyone outside of my family as the way I did to the people at Sprint), I look through my mail and find something I have been dreading receiving since I turned 18 (except when I was considering going to school to become a paralegal)....a jury summons! Whoever's trial I am on jury summons for....pray to GOD I do not get picked for jury duty because I would make a horrible juror!

I wonder if a simple "I despise lawyers and laugh hysterically even though I have heard it a gazillion times at the joke about what do you call a gang of lawyers at the bottom of an ocean a good start" would justify me getting out if I have to be interviewed. Nah, I am just kidding, although I really do hate lawyers and I do not trust the legal system.

But seriously....if you were on trial, would you want me on the jury?

It seems like ever since the whole Kanye West thing at the music awards, I have been reading several articles about how civilization seems to be collapsing in society? Collapsing? Baby, civilization has been gone for a long time! Kanye West and the stupid senator that yelled "you lie!" is not an ending to civilization because it already ended!

I heard a lot after 9/11 about how everyone was being nicer to each other, but I never saw it. Maybe it was just the area I live in or people are just a lot more delusional than I thought, but people were still just as rude and nasty after 9/11 as they were before it happened. And even if poeople did become nicer, why did it have to take 4 planes crashing into buildings and a field for society to become nicer? Especially since we are such a great "Christian" nation?

A few weeks ago, my mom and I were out and we were at AC Moore and there was this woman walking around with a pretty brand new baby in her arms and one point, we walked past an aisle that she was down and looked like she had been trying to bend over and pick something up- for some reason, with the baby in her arms still- and so my mom, the ever nice do-gooder, goes over and tells her she'll get it and the girl just stands there. Says nothing at all. Even if she didn't knock whatever it was, she'll still could have had the fucking decency to thank my 59 year old mother. Being a new mother does not excuse you from having manners, you ignorant cow.

You know, I don't know what part of "I am trying to watch what I eat and lose weight" is so hard for people to comprehend. I especially hate when people have the theory of oh, just because it is there, doesn't mean you have to eat it. Well, smartass, if it was that easy, I would not have a weight problem. I love these people that condemn people for having no control over their eating habits, but are the first ones to whine that sexual inhibitions are out of their control. Now we all know my social skills and attitude are far out of the ordinary, but I strongly believe sexual inhibitions can be controlled a lot more than people say. I call bullshit when the first thing out of someone's mouth is "our feelings and actions just couldn't be controlled omg!!!!". But anyway, I am getting away from what I am talking about. There are plenty of times I can resist temptation, but the point is still I am trying to watch what I eat. Sunday night, my father brings home a freaking dozen donuts for 3 people. My grandparents bring an apple pie today after my mother insisting on making pumpkin bread last night since she knew they were coming over. And the one that ticks me off the most- I mentioned to my aunt that I love Butterfinger Crisp bars, so my grandmom says there is a present in the bag for me. Not one BC, not 2, but 4 freaking BC bars.

I am also really starting to get sick and tired of how it is always okay for mother to bash my father constantly, but the millisecond I say something against him, she is right there, defending him.

I get so goddamn annoyed with the way women from my mother's generation and older treat men. I know it's how they were raised at the time, so I don't hold it against them necessarily. But it is just so freaking annoying! The men are such goddamn sissies! My grandfather fought in World War 2, yet can't even give himself eyedrops. My father gets a little cold and was home from work for 2 goddamn weeks. And my mother complained that he was being a pain in the ass being home, yet she was a big part of treating him like a big sissy. Making his lunch and stuff. I was like Mom, he has a freaking cold! He is not dying! I especially can't stand how they do everything for the men, like they are so goddamn helpless. On Thanksgiving, the men sit all day long. All of us women get stuck cleaning up. I feel like walking in and screaming, "hey this ain't 19 goddamn 55. Get your asses up and help clean up this fucking mess!"

You know, I just love people who blantantly disregard rules. Rules are set for a reason. Lately, every time I am on Facebook, I look up at the "People You May Know" section and I have seen people there that I know for a fact are NOT 13 years old. I don't care if the page is set to private or not; the rule is no one under 13 is allowed on Facebook! And considering the idiocy of the parents of these children....oh boy. I don't even know why someone as young as 13 should even be on Facebook or Myspace. Their wall postings are probably as stupid as the text messages they send to each other. Not that adults don't make stupid wall postings. Really? You are in labor? There is blood squirting all over the place? The baby's head is sticking out? Good god.

Webpage Of The Day

Good news, everyone! Apparently the Professor has a Twitter page!

ProfFarnsworth

The WTF Of The Day

Boehner Hate Crimes Position: Sexual Orientation A Choice But Religion Isn't

Religion isn't a choice?

WHAT on EARTH is this man babbling about? Even if it did end up turning out that sexual orientation is a choice (which it isn't), how is religion not a choice?

It's all good, though. By next week, he'll have some other bullshit to spew. Quite possibly the complete opposite of what he just said. Afterall, that seems like all many Republicans do. One week, they say one thing. The next week, it's the complete opposite. Or god forbid, they offend Rush Limbaugh. Then it consists of insult Rush Limbaugh, then apologize for it.

01010111011011110110111101101000011011110110111100100001!

Due to my evergrowing computer nerdiness, I have decided to google what my name is in binary code and it is:

0100111001101001011010110110101101101001

Quote Of The Day

Quotes from the Professor:

Please, Fry! I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor!

Good news, everyone! The University is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all!

Good God! Just knowing we're in the same genus makes me embarrassed to call myself homo!

Mom: You broke my heart, Hubert.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some bad news.

[on Gunther running away] Oh, I always feared he would run off like this. Why? WHY? WHY didn't I break his legs?

Boring? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome, and boy bands roamed the earth?

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [whispers] Shh, be very quiet. We're in the ear.
Amy Wong: [whispers] Okay, Professor.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: WHAT?

[on his younger girlfriend] Some people think I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.

Leela: Are you saying I'm going crazy?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No, no, no one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

[on Cornwood] Oooh dreadfully real. If you die here you'll really be dead. But instead of science, we believe in crazy hocus-pocus. It's like Kansas.

It's the Apocalypse all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Sold your body? Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

[on the dead brain slug originally on Fry's head] Poor little fella. Died of starvation.

Uh, what? Oh, yeah, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood...[leaves room, mumbling]

Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver!

Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage.

Holy zombie Jesus!

Sweet zombie Jesus!

Nibbler has gone somewhere I one day hope to go... the toilet.

I expect you'll want to see my angry crotchety grandpa discount card!

I don't have time for this, I need to buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it making people wait behind me while i complain.

Leela: Uh, Professor, this ship does 99% the speed of light. Why are we doing 35 miles per hour?
Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why!

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye! [leaves]

Cubert: [into Professor voice machine] Good news everyone, I'm a horse's butt!
Professor: What!? That's not good news at all!

Even I laughed at me when I invented this cross-species analyzer! But I guess I showed myself!

Good news, everyone! I was up all night inventing and then finally....I invented!

Farnsworth: This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill.
Fry: I can't swallow that!
Farnsworth: Well then, good news! It's a suppository.

The WTF(s) Of The Day

U.S. Losing Ground on Preventable Deaths

But....but I thought we had the best healthcare system in the world?

GOD! What other lies has Fox News been telling us?

And there is also this gem, written by some person who I can't even waste my time finding out the name of, on Mary Cheney having a child:

I respect Dick Cheney, but I don't understand why he is allowing his daughter to take innocent children into her lesbianic home. Can anyone claim that these kids won't be scarred for life? So sad. Also repugnant, IMNSHO, is the use of "they are expecting a child" when, for obvious reasons "they" could not POSSIBLY have conceived. It is the slight of hand that the left does with rediculous name reversals (like "FAMILY PLANNING") that implies something that in fact does just not happen...As much as I don't like it, God will have to sort this out in the end. Who is the father? Yes, you selfish lesbians, there is ALWAYS a father. Not that the baby will benefit from one. sick. I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for this occasion? Yathink? Congratulations on your baster bastard?

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/07/conservative-base-not-han_n_313021.html

First....respect and Dick Cheney in the same sentence?

Considering the obnxious amount of arrogance Cheney displays by not even doing anything....is Cheney really going to allow this statement to pass without tearing this person another asshole? Hello? This is the man who shot his best friend. Do you really want to piss him off?

Damn it, I really miss Lil Bush.

The WTF Of The Day

I have been saying for quite some time now that this country needs to just break in 2 and go our separate ways. In the midst of finding any articles written by others who feel the same way, I found this glorious gem, which rather than piss me off like I expected, made me almost piss my pants as well as break a couple ribs from laughter:

Break Up of the United States of America and Civil Upheavals - Imminent Danger

Mr. Koenig, while I won't argue with you that there are extreme liberals out there who very well would make a country like that (likewise with conservatives)....you truly are hysterical. It really is no wonder America is becoming the laughingstock of the world.

Now Is The Perfect Time

Since TD Bank is currently going through a nightmarish conversion of systems and every customer and their grandmother and their grandmother's mother is up in arms, I thought, why the hell not? I am going to jump on the bandwagon. If you would like a drinking game to play, now is a good time because "incompetent" will be used many times.

I personally have not experienced any of the difficulties because getting my ass out to deposit my checks is like pulling teeth, but I have many other complaints. Oh, many many.

First off, I have an account with them that I opened in 2005. I just let it sit and one day I go in (this year) to finally make a deposit and I am told my account is dormant. I received no letter telling me my account went inactive nor dormant. I lost interest earned due to a monthly fee. Accounts are giving a maximum of 3 years before they are escheated, so I am fucking lucky my account was not considering I was over the 3 year limit, because I am almost 100% positive I never would have received any warning of my account being turned over to the state.

Now people can stand there and say it was my responsibility to keep my bank account active, but hell, when I was training to be a customer service rep 5 lovely months ago, I asked if the bank was required to notify the customer of an account going inactive or dormant and the answer was YES. But then again, my trainer was pretty fucking incompetent.

For those who complain about customer service, I could sit here and tell you why when you call, you have to deal with incompetence, but I won't right now. I have lost far too much sleep and more of what little is left of my self-esteem over it. But I will tell you this- the moronic idiocy goes several ways- rep, customer, and a completely incompetent training program.