Random Thoughts

Wow, I can't believe it's already been 8 years since I went to Musikfest and saw my boys. If I was allowed to choose a moment in life to relive, that would certainly be one of my top choices. Seeing them at the Electric Factory was pretty cool too, but it doesn't compare in any way to seeing them at Musikfest. For one, it was my first time seeing them live. And there was just something about the atmosphere up in Bethlehem and watching the concert with the Steel Stacks lit up behind at night....it was just so cool.

I've been putting off talking about it, but here goes....almost 3 Sundays ago, my beloved furry niece crossed the rainbow bridge. With her having various ailments, we all know it was inevitable. But that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking. I can't stand not seeing her furry little bearded face anymore.

Almost everyone in work said something to me about losing her in some way or another....my FWA not being one of those people. No comment on Facebook, no remark in person, nothing at all. Kind of makes me want to ask her the next time she starts talking to me about her daughter why I really should give two flying fucks about her daughter when she couldn't even give a fuck to say something to me about losing someone who she's well aware was very important to me? And no, it's NEVER just a dog to me.

I never though it was possible for me to dislike people more. Then Covid 19 happened.

Quote Of The Day

From Andrew:

I still feel anxious onstage, and I wish I could just open up and be free, but I think the lyrics and music for the new album is just so personal and writing it was, well, let’s just say that I find the best thing about the music that Ben and I make is that it’s a result of a very special combination of our two personalities. We’re not prolific. We don’t produce a lot. So whatever comes out are like the little, condensed versions of our lives at that time. It means that the music is very personal and watching crowds who aren’t connecting with it or feeding off of it can be strange.

Well, that is depressing. I figured there was some reason why he is so.....awkward on stage. I saw what people were talking about, about how the band barely interacts with the audience, when I was at the Electric Factory show. Either it was just considered a lot to me or Musikfest was just a rare moment, because like I have said before, I thought Andrew was pretty chatty.

Also, I don't know why I keep forgetting to bring this up, but at the Electric Factory show, during "Congratulations", I happened to look further down the bar and there was this middle-aged black woman (WHAT?) in a fur coat with her hands up in the air, her eyes closed, and swaying back and forth like she was in church. It was one of the greatest scenes I saw all night.

Hope everyone had a nice Zombie Jesus day. Or whatever you celebrate. Mine was nice, minus the fact I had a bad case of PMS. And I did not see that kid I graduated with today, thank God. I think if I had, I probably would have had an epic meltdown. My mind is itching for one and Lord knows what is going to bring it on one day. Also, all I keep thinking about is my FWA pumping for information on Friday whether the work is caught up and I want to hit something. And I want to hit something because I am pissed that I am allowing a comment made by some low life bitch who decided to get try and get pregnant because birth control was getting too expensive to bother me.

Random Thoughts

For some reason I keep thinking of high school and how much I hated it and just want to forget about it (go figure; I want to forget it but I keep thinking of it. Okay, mind.). I would like to take all of my yearbooks, any kind of memories of it and just throw it all into a bonfire. I normally like going to my school's semiannual craft show, but I don't even think I am going to go on Saturday, because I want nothing to do with that school. Even though it means giving up one of the amazing cannolis they sell. Oh well. I am sure I will be eating bad that day, anyway.

And ever since I saw the kid I graduated with, I really want to not think about it. Ugh. I just want to scream every time I think of seeing him and I want to throw up from how repulsive it was. Good God I am so horrible. And how do I tell someone how much it is annoying me? I mean, how do you tell someone oh yeah I saw this kid from high school I graduated with who was in a wheelchair and apparently at some point had most of his legs amputated and it grossed me out so much and I was so repulsed that I wanted to throw up when I saw him and now I can't stop thinking about it and I want to throw up every time I think about it because it grosses me out so much? How do you tell that to someone without coming off as an extremely horrible person? I know, it sounds terrible to think that way. I really don't know why it grosses me out so much. I honestly think it has to do with my own obsessive fear of catching some kind of infection that leads to amputations.

Going back to that....awful post about that....awful collaboration, I would like to point out that in my state of rage, I did indeed refer to the Flaming Lips song by the wrong title. It is not "Vaseline", but "She Don't Use Jelly". My bad. This is why I should not type when I am mad.

I am so sick of weekends flying by so quickly. And I haven't even been minding work that much. It's been so nice not having to listen my FWA and her friend whine and bitch about everything and how they are always getting in trouble for everything but everyone else gets away with murder. I keep hoping and praying my FWA decides not to come back. It's also nice not having to get up and turn off the air conditioning when my FWA's friend bitches about it being hot and decides she is going to turn the air on while it's fucking 40 degrees out.

It's been a rainy, shitty weekend. I didn't do much yesterday, except go to the laundry mat (our washer broke) and then went to dinner at Red Robin. My God, I love that place. Those steak fries! And I did get my piece of carrot cake but I was a little disappointed with it. I got it from the same diner I got my first piece from, but it was a little different. For one, it was not nearly as big, which is not a bad thing to be honest, but just pointing it out. And two, I think my last piece was three layers and this one was only two. And some spots were a little stale. But otherwise it was good.

Ever since my last post, I have been thinking of the Musikfest concert. Yes, my life is that sad and boring that I have been reminiscing about a concert I attended almost 2 years ago. I am listening to "Siberian Breaks" right now (right at the 5:55 part "the empty sky surrounds me but I can't see at all.....") and I just want to cry from the awesomeness of it. I have two extremely shitty quality videos on my cellphone from the Electric Factory of that song and one of these days when I can get access to a microdisk slot, I'll upload them. And when I say extremely shitty, I mean extremely shitty. They're fucking awful. But I will still keep them and watch them when I want to.

I swear, the next time I see them, I am going to have a better phone or I will steal my sister's iPhone. I need to have good footage of them to reminisce over, dammit!

And what is the deal with Andrew and this Simon guy? I think Simon is from Kuroma, but I don't know. I know there are 4 people in the band, but the only 3 I know are the ones who play with MGMT as well. And I am too lazy to look it up. But I keep seeing these pictures of the two hanging with each other and sometimes on each other (more Andrew hanging on Simon than anything). Are they in a relationship or something? Oh my god, that would be fantastic (and oh my god, I sound like some delusional Tumblr girl). I don't get any kind of gay vibe from Andrew, but I also would not be surprised if he turned out to be gay. If that makes sense.

And speaking of which, here is a picture of Andrew from the past weekend.


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DAMMIT WHY WILL SOMEONE NOT MAKE AN ANIMATED SCHLICK GIRL ALREADY?

Where Have I Been?

How did I not know this exists?

ArtsQuest - PEEPSFEST™ presented by Just Born Quality Confections and ArtsQuest

When I went to Musikfest, I so badly wanted to go to the Just Born factory. Unfortunately, I barely had time to do anything when I got there, so I never got to go. Still wouldn't change [much of] that night for anything. I've seen my boys twice, but every time I think of seeing them live, my first thought is always at Musikfest. Guess maybe because it was my first time seeing them. Or I just unconsciously enjoyed that concert more than the Electric Factory. I don't know. It's not that I didn't enjoy the EF concert (I did- a lot); I just could have done without the obnoxiousness of the fans. I am sure there were plenty of obnoxious fans at Musikfest (and believe me, waiting to get in, I did side-eye a lot of them), but being in such a big, open space, they were a lot less conspicuous.

And speaking of which, I have yet to be reimbursed for that concert. I know my parents are tight on money, but they can manage to scrounge money together for other things. And it's not that I don't have the money and I would just say nevermind to it being a birthday present, but it was the only damn thing I asked for for my thirtieth birthday.

And I have to laugh, because before the concert, my sister offered to go instead of my mom, and then she kept hmming and hawing about going. And then I find out from my mom later on that my sister said she didn't really have the money to go. Oh, but this upcoming summer, she is going to see Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, and Billy Joel. All people whose tickets are probably significantly more money than MGMT's. She has the money for that, but couldn't go with me? Whatever. And even if she isn't a fan of them, I don't want to hear it. I had to sit through fucking Maroon 5 with her before, not to mention the tons of other shitty concerts I have been forced to go to because people just bought me a ticket without asking if I wanted to go.

Yay....?

It's the big day, folks! After roughly 1.25 years, I am finally seeing MGMT live again!

Ugh, why am I so fucking anxious? Like I haven't been having enough palpitations! And I am starting to physically shake inside from nervousness. And dear God, please let a good chunk of the audience be under 21 so the damn bar area will not be so crowded!

ETA 1:17AM: Well, it was definitely not nearly as crowded or as bad as I thought it would be in the Electric Factory. The show was good, although I don't think they sounded as good as at Musikfest. Andrew sounded kind of funny when he was singing. I don't know what it was. And I finally see what people mean in the recent complaints about the band hardly interacting with the crowd. I don't really care, but for someone who didn't seem like he was ever going to shut up at Musikfest, Andrew was pretty silent tonight. I think he spoke to the crowd maybe three times at the most.

The only thing I was disappointed in was once again I did not get to hear "The Handshake". I want to hear that song live, dammit! Oh and they didn't play "I Found A Whistle", either. That made me sad. I really like that song live. But they did play "Kids", so I can scratch that off of my list! And the instrumental part that starts at about 3:00....I swore at one point it was never going to end. And from what I could see, the kid who got to play the giant cowbell looked like he was really cute! Word of advice for anyone who wants to play it- there is a pad or something on the bottom of it that lights up every time you are supposed to hit it.

The only other complaints I had were there was so much weed smoking going on; I had such a headache by the end of the night. I can't get the smell of weed out of my nose! And I know people claim you really cannot get a contact high, but I remained mysteriously calm most of the night.

Oh, and their fans are really fucking obnoxious. Oh. My. God. Rude as hell. I had three guys sitting next to me during the show and pretty much all three them insisted on leaning on the railing, blocking some of my view (oh man, for being pretty far away, I had a really good view of Andrew; what I could see, he was looking FOINE, even though he was wearing a shirt that is like 3 years old; my ovaries were weeping). And then they finally leave. And not even five seconds after they leave, when the band is getting ready to play "Alien Days", this group of girls sits on the stools next to us and the one decides she is going to lean on the railing and have her arm up in the air, completely blocking my view. I was already pretty pissed from the idiot men before, so needless to say I was beyond livid when she did that. I was ready to grab her ratty ass pony tail and yank her back and yell "get the fuck out of my way you stupid cow!".

Oh, and it's fucking December and I cannot tell you how many girls were there in short-shorts, tank tops, and/or their bellies exposed. Many of who shouldn't have been doing either. Who are they trying to impress? Andrew? Uh, he has a girlfriend? And she is a hell of a lot cuter than any of the girls that were there.

And the biggest disappointment of all? I still did not get to meet the band. One of these days....

Random Thoughts

The other day in work, one of my coworkers was talking about smoking. And it turned into a discussion about how no one can smoke anywhere anymore and blah blah blah and my FWA's friend starts talking about why is it such a big deal it's not like anyone is shooting up or something. Um, because some of us chose to not pollute our lungs with nicotine and God knows what else?

I had a wonderful surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning- I was 121 pounds! I was so happy, especially since my digestive system issues seemed to have calmed down. I am sure Thanksgiving dinner just completely ruined that.

I have not felt good all day. My muscles are burning and I keep getting palpitations with not much exertion. And of course, some little bastard that just for the love of all that is holy cannot go away, the fear of having Addison's disease, crept back in today. Which gave me really bad anxiety, which in turn is making me feel even worse. I have taken my blood pressure a couple times already. I can't stand that this will not go away. I don't know what it will take for it to leave my life completely. Every time it comes back into my life, I just want to rip my brain out of my head and put a bullet through it. And all I keep thinking is, see, you stopped worrying about it, now you may have jinxed yourself. I'm so over this.

As if I wasn't feeling depressed enough, now I feel even more depressed due to not feeling good and worrying why I don't feel good. Everything is making me sad. I saw an article on acid reflux earlier and it showed this cartoon drawing of a stomach surrounded by flames and it had tears in its eyes and I thought omg am I doing that do my stomach and then I felt really horrible and depressed. I am frustrated because I feel like I am never going to "get" my job. I don't want to go to the concert on Tuesday, which frustrates me because all I have wanted for the past year is to see them live again. And I still do....just under different circumstances.

I am hoping that maybe, just maybe, I will end up enjoying it like last time I saw them. I am not expecting another Musikfest, because frankly, I don't think anything will ever hold a candle to that show, but if I end up enjoying it more, then great! I certainly won't complain!

All I want to do is tell someone how terrible I feel. How I feel like my head is stuck in a horrible black hole and all I ever think about is how much I want to be dead and how I feel guilty about everything, even over things that make no sense (see above with the acid reflux story) or are out of my control. How inadequate and undeserving of happiness I feel. How I feel dead inside and incapable of loving anyone properly. Like I have no heart whatsoever. How I am tired of snapping out on people (which oddly enough is always the people I am closest to or care the most about that bear the brunt of my wrath). And how I am sick of worrying that I have a disease or something to the point it starts to take over my whole life and how I am sick of being anxious about EVERYTHING, but if I don't worry then I am jinxing myself.

I love the internet and all of the information it can give me. At the same time I feel like life was better when much of this information wasn't at my fingertips. Sometimes I feel like just pulling the plug on it. I think I'd be much happier when it comes to certain things.

I think I need to just go to bed.

Random Thoughts

Man, I am so glad it's a three day week! I spent all day doing fall cleaning in my bedroom. I am exhausted. And the whole time I was cleaning, I felt like throwing most of my stuff into a pile and lighting it on fire. I feel like I have so much junk and I can't stand it. I have the exact opposite problem of hoarding. The littlest sign of clutter and I want to freak.

Last night, after all of the time I have been waiting to go, I finally got to go to the Cheesecake Factory. And I did not enjoy it. I decided to try the spicy crispy chicken sandwich and because I am picky as hell, I wanted it with no cheese or mayonnaise. When it came out, it looked really delicious. Except not only was it not spicy by any means, it was also bland as hell. I was really disappointed. My fries were salty as fuck. When I don't have to salt fries when I am on my period, you know they are way too salty. My cheesecake was delicious, except for being almost still frozen inside. And the table behind us, there was little girl about 2 years old, maybe 3, who kept standing up and hanging over the booth and staring at us. I don't know what other Cheesecake Factories are like, but ours has booths with very tall backs, probably almost 5 feet tall. I don't understand why parents allow their kids to do that and not holler at them. It was so fucking annoying. Not to mention she had one of those big obnoxious round plastic binks in her mouth.

I don't know if it's just a coincidence, but I think I need to stop going to places I have been craving when I have my period, because it never seems to turn out well anymore.

Last Thursday night, or maybe it was Wednesday night, I was going through the Comcast On Demand list to see if any new music videos of interest, e.g. anything by MGMT, had been added. "Cool Song No. 2" has been on there a while. I am not a big fan of that video so I didn't bother watching it. Sorry, it just freaks me out too much, although that part when the people are standing around the table and making what I presume to be drugs and singing along with the song makes me laugh. But I did discover they finally added the video for "Alien Days". So on Friday morning before I had to leave for work, I sat down and forced myself to watch it. I hate to admit it, and I still would rather have had a much weirder video, but the video is growing on me. It's so fucking cute and sweet, it makes my teeth and pancreas hurt. ARGH.

You know, I have been wanting nothing more than to see them live again since Musikfest and I am not even excited about going to the concert in a little over a week. I don't know what my problem is. It's not that I don't want to see them. I am just getting more nervous about what the crowd is going to be like. And I am anxious about something bad happening. And then I am anxious about things I don't even know about. And goddammit, I want to be up on the stage banging that big ass cowbell! Although let's be real- if I got pulled up on stage to do that, I would completely blank out and just stare at Andrew. What I'd be half-tempted to do is take the stick and nail Ben in the balls with it. Each and every single time it is supposed to hit the cowbell. Drum banging *BAM* here is the deal *BAM* open your eyes *BAM* your life is a lie *BAM* etc. I would practice 24 hours a day just to have the opportunity to do that. Harsh, I know, and I know to take every story on the internet with a grain of salt, but that story just really disgusted me.

I feel like shit today. I'm tired, cranky, and depressed. And it's freaking cold as anything out. I ran to the market with my mother earlier and after we got everything in the car, I literally ran the cart back up. And by the time I got back to the car, my chest felt heavy and my heart was pounding. And it still hasn't let up. I work out five days a week. I should not get out of breath like that. And yet everyone just brushes me off when I say I think something is off in my body (my bet is still on magnesium deficiency). Then again, I am starting to think I could develop a lump the size of a baseball in my head and everyone would still brush me off and tell me I am fine.

Requisite MGMT Post/Song Of The Day

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I last discussed them. Dammit, this job is drastically interfering with my stanning! Unacceptable!

I was reading reviews of their performances on the Ticketmaster webpage and damn, some people were harsh. A big complaint I saw, and a lot of times on other sites, is they don't interact with the audience much. I thought Andrew talked A LOT at Musikfest. James talked a few times, but no one else did. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if they don't interact a lot, but I don't think they do it to be assholes. Or maybe they are, who knows? But I always took them, especially Andrew, to just be really, really awkward. Well, maybe not James. He seems like kind of a loudmouth.

Not that it would ever happen, but if I ever got the chance to meet Andrew, I would probably just gape at the poor guy, then I would throw my sweatshirt over my face (I am always so cold that no matter what the season, chances are I have a zip-up hoodie on) and bolt like a bat out of hell. Or I would behave like Mr. Krabs when he meets Mrs. Puff.

Also, did that Hank dude officially rejoin the band or what? I know he was filling in on guitar when Andrew couldn't play, but the King is back on guitar and Hank is still playing with them. He is in the promo picture on the Electric Factory page (please tell me I am not the only one who looked at that picture and had to think for a moment which one was Will and which one was Andrew; why do they look so much alike anymore?). He doesn't fit in. He doesn't have curly hair.

And now for the Song of the Day...."And if I don't feel right...."



I downloaded the optimizer and was watching "A Good Sadness" and those definitely look like flying hot dogs. Also, I am pretty sure there may be some flying bacon as well:

Video Of The Day

Not quite sure why I didn't make this VotD sooner, but.....here is MGMT's Letterman performance, with Andrew looking like Grandma Yetta:



I read this article on their performance yesterday and....wow, there are a lot of grumpasaurus rexes. I mean, of course I am going to think it was flawless regardless, so my opinion is pretty much invalid, but I wouldn't go as far as to say the performance was terrible. My only complaint was I had a hard time hearing the singing. And yeah maybe they weren't very enthusiastic, although I would hardly say Will wasn't enthusiastic. He certainly looked excited to be there. Some tweets didn't even make sense, like the one about them not playing the other two minutes of the song. It's a short song, only 2:06 minutes long, so....

There is a comment I want to go nitpick at. Hell, it's such an extremely small minute detail and I should just let it slide, but if you are going to call out someone else for not having their facts straight, at least get your own damn facts straight before you go off.

And Kristopher, you lay one finger on that flawless face....

I have saw pictures on Facebook of the set list for the latest two performances and....."Kids" has been on there. Man, the true "fans" must be losing their fucking minds. If they are going to start performing it again, then they really, REALLY need to perform in my area. I have also noticed that in the pictures from the past two performances, Andrew is wearing the same pair of pants. Now I will wear a pair of pants 2 to 3 times in a row. But I am also obsessive about being clean and if any of the rumors of Andrew having bad hygiene are true, then that is nasty. And is that black netted thing he is wearing at FYF a girl's shirt? Because it looks like a girl's shirt. And now really looking closely, is he wearing the same white shirt both days? JFC, Andrew! Again, I may wear a shirt 2 or 3 times before I toss it in the hamper, but, again I am obsessive about being clean. Also, I am not performing on a hot stage in the heat for several hours.

Also, all of this year, they have posted pictures from almost all of their performances. It really grinds my gears that they never posted any from Musikfest.

ETA 9/1: Christ, the video has already been removed? Geeze, Youtube!

The Awesome/Video Of The Day

*sniffs* I can't believe it's been one year already since I saw them live! And today is a frigging gorgeous day! Sunny, kind of on the chilly side. Like a perfect fall day. Oh, sure, Peter Frampton gets a nice night! He has only been performing for over 150 years! ARGH!!*

*for the record, I have nothing against Peter Frampton

And now......

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ETA 5:03PM: Showed it to Mom. Her response- "they're weird". She thinks that is weird? I guess I'll have to show her the video for "Flash Delirium" one day.

The [Awesome] Tweet Of The Day

Twitter / whoisMGMT: GLOBAL WARNING THREAT LEVEL ...

And I don't know who performed at Musikfest tonight, but tonight was everything I wanted the weather to be like for my trip to Musikfest, so whoever you are, you suck!

What Is The Big Idea????

The 40 Most Anticipated Albums For The Rest of 2013

No MGMT? IMMENSE FAIL

Also, I thought they were supposed to announce US tour dates for November and December last month. LIARS. And screw you, One Republic, for having a beautiful night!

Random Thoughts

Wow, I don't know what is going on with me this week, but I feel like shit. I pretty much assumed it was just due to the change in weather, since it's been somewhat cooler. My throat feels sore, I'm achy (my shoulder joints have especially been sore), I can't concentrate. I go to bed exhausted yet I am still having trouble falling asleep. And despite having been sleeping pretty well otherwise, I wake up and I feel so exhausted. And when I finally get out of bed and go into the bathroom, I look like shit. My eyelids have been so swollen. And I have felt so damn depressed, which I am not sure if I just feel depressed in general, depressed due to feeling so shitty, or a mixture of both.

I started a new batch of probiotics tonight. They are 5 billion CFUs and contain about 8 different strains. I would like for them to work better than my usual pills, but I'm not getting my hopes up. It would be nice, especially since I woke up extremely bloated. Dammit, if there is one vegetable I love more than anything in the world, it is corn. I love corn, especially corn on the cob. And it has to be one of the worst bloaters. Most people I know bitch that corn makes them go to the bathroom. Not me. It does the exact opposite. Then again, there aren't many things that don't constipate me.

I couldn't sleep the other night and I ended up watching the last 10 minutes of some documentary on opiate addicts. And it was showing all of these babies in the NICU who had been exposed to opiates in the womb and were all addicted to the shit. One poor baby had to have drops of morphine in his bottle to help with the withdrawal symptoms. And the doctors and nurses were talking about how it would be awhile before any effects of the drugs would be apparent. And to tell you the truth, the morphine bottle baby already didn't look right. It made me so mad. And yet child-free people are selfish for not wanting to have children? What, it's okay because at least these people are fulfilling their biological duty? Fuck that. It's selfish, pure and simple. My decision isn't going to ruin anyone's life. That is what I am trying to prevent from happening. Shit, any potential offspring sitting in my ovaries should be thanking their lucky stars I am not turning them into human beings. JFC, that is a horrifying thought.

And finally, since it was the first night, my requisite Musikfest comment- why does Carly Rae Jepsen deserve such a nice night?! Ugh!

Random Thoughts

My mother told me the other day that my sister told her that my brother-in-law was proud of himself for how the cookout turned out. I just looked at her and said, "I can't justify a response to that". How can you be proud of yourself when you hardly did anything??

I read an article on my favorite site the other day about a certain bad word a celebrity complained about and the poster of the article had a comment at the bottom that it is not his word to use. I'm sorry, when did it become anyone's word to use? Since when do words belong to people, or certain groups of people? What an asinine comment. Has this whole country gone insane?

Ugh, I want to be back down the shore so bad. And even with all of the destruction that has happened in the past 2 years from storms, and God knows what may come in the future, a small part of me would still love to permanently move down the shore one day.

We get booklets every so often from the company we went through to go to NYC a few years ago and they have so many different travel spots and every time I look through it, I get depressed. There are so many places I would love to see. I would love nothing more than to see are Maine (anytime) and pretty much anywhere in New England in the fall. I would love to see the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado. I am missing not going to Myrtle Beach this year and after reading Southern Fried Sushi, I really am missing not going down south. Except for the whole backwards ass thinking of many residents, I love the South. Especially the food.

As for the rest of the world- Quebec. Montreal. New Brunswick (Canada). Nova Scotia. Most of Europe, especially Italy, Ireland, Scotland, Austria, Switzerland, and Germany. And sometimes I would like to just pack up and leave for another country permanently. America is great, but there is just some shit I am really starting to get sick of. And nice to see the President creating a bigger divide in the country instead of focusing on more important issues.

And most of all, I want to go on a trip by myself. Not necessarily to those places, but I would just like to take a mini vacation by myself. A small part of me regrets not ever making my trip to Musikfest a solo vacation like I had intended. I just found my cancellation receipt for my reservation at the Sands Casino the other day and thought, damn, I should have went myself. Not that I necessarily minded going up there with my parents, or attending the actual concert with my mother (bonus: I made her a fan), and I think I would have been a little creeped out walking back to the hotel by myself. But it still would have been nice to do it on my own.

And speaking of MGMT.....oh boy. They posted some promo for the FYF Festival- okay, first off how is that pronounced? F-Y-F? Fiff? Fyf? And why do people doubt me when I tell them it is pronounced M-G-M-T? "Oh are you sure it's not management?". NO! I think I would know how to pronounce my favorite band's name! The only time I laughed at a question on how to pronounce their name was one time on Cracked.com, someone asked is it pronounced "migmeat". Now that made me laugh. But anyway, as usual, the comments turned into a battlefield over "Kids" and how if you like it, you're not a real fan and blah blah blah, mixed in with a handful of smart comments. These "I hate 'Kids' so that makes me a true fan" fans need to take a seat.

And this one kid, Tyler something, who posted 7500 comments on this particular FB post alone about his hatred of "Kids" and of people who like "Kids", he needs to take several seats. Who died and left Mr. Tyler here to make the rules of what constitutes a true MGMT fan vs. a faux one? Ooo, I hate a popular song because the band hates it as well! I'm such a fan! Sit your ass down.

And if MGMT really hates their own song, then they need to take several seats as well. People took to it, it made you big....get over it. Would you rather everyone hate you and you be a nobody?? Sometimes I really cannot comprehend the logic of bands like MGMT. I reread that Relix article one day last week and while it didn't come off as pretentious as when I first read it, there is still something about it that rubbed me the wrong way. I can't figure out what it is.

ONTD, surprisingly, seems to be the only place of normal MGMT fans. My only complaint is one of the fans, who has vast knowledge of them, was wrong on one thing- Andrew's last girlfriend was not Swedish. She was Irish. I have no idea where this fan got her info from. It was right there in her bio. And I know not everyone is up to code on last names and heritage, but her last name alone screamed I HAVE IRISH IN ME. Oh no. You do not deny a girl her Irish heritage.

Boy, I wonder if Of Monsters and Men and OMaM fans are obnoxious. I doubt it though, because what I see from fans, it's mostly just begging them to come to their area, or if you go on their Twitter, it's people begging them to follow them back. As for the band themselves, they seem to actually appreciate everything that comes their way. They also seem to love Philly, which right there automatically earns a million points in my book. Makes sense, since my local alt rock station apparently was the force behind their popularity in America. Awesome!

On another note, I saw a commercial with Kate Moss earlier. How is she still a model? Isn't she the equivalent of about 600 years old in the modeling world?

Random Thoughts

So the July 4th party was semi-survivable. You know, I love how whenever I go up to relatives, a lot of times I get "Hi! Where is your sister?". I'm doing just great, thanks for asking!

One point, my brother-in-law made one of many snide comments about my mother and then he says to me "do you ever wish you could say things out loud?". I turned to him and said, "Yes. Yes I do. Very much so." And I'd like for him to be on the receiving end of it.

Sometimes I really want to change my name and run away.

I was just looking at a gallery of summer pictures on the Berry- boy, for a site that likes to make fun of hipsters, this gallery oozed hipsterdom- and it reminded me of this time my mother and I went to the beach and there was the group of teenage guys next to us. One of the guys was being buried in the sand and eventually all that showed was his head. Next thing I know, his friends are sprinkling potato chip crumbs around his head. I can't remember if any seagulls ever came. It was mean, but I started laughing. And I still laugh about it.

I always expect there to be weird shit on late night TV, but nothing quite like what I saw on Saturday night. I had insomnia as usual, so I went out to the living room to watch some TV. And I came across this movie called The Baby on TCM. I watched maybe 10 minutes of it and it was one of the most disturbing movies I have ever seen. I couldn't even tell you what it was about, except that there was an intellectually disabled young man (look at me being all PC, but I have too much of a soft spot for intellectually disabled people to use the R word anymore) that the family called the baby. The whole time I had it on, I kept thinking what on earth am I watching?

And speaking of disturbing, it's known that I tend to have a lot of disturbing thoughts run through my head at any given time of the day. And one night I was thinking of rape. I don't know why, but I was. And I was thinking if it ever happened to me, I would probably commit suicide (there are a handful of things in life that would definitely push me over the edge. The edge I am constantly on, although as of right now, I am just sitting on the edge, not planning on going over, but something could still come and push me over). I am pretty indifferent on the value of virginity, but if someone were to take mine from me without my consent, it would be devastating.

I was reading an article on ONTD one night about how Zooey Deschanel prohibits pictures or something at She & Him shows. Ugh I just can't with her. She is so goddamn annoying anymore. And every time I see the word "adorkable", I want to roundhouse kick someone in the head. I mean, sure some people are obnoxious about pictures at concerts, but I see nothing wrong with taking a few pictures. I am still kicking myself in the ass for not having any pictures from Musikfest. It's not like I would have taken 700 pictures or something. Unless I was in the front row. Then I would have taken like 1,583 pictures of Andrew alone. Nah, just kidding. If I had had my camera with me that night, I would have probably taken about 5 pictures at the most. Even one picture would have been sufficient. Just something to document the best night of my life!

But somewhere in the thread, someone complained about people who sing at concerts. I was guilty of that. I didn't sing loud or anything. I don't even think my mother could hear me and she was right next to me. I didn't realize that it was a concert annoyance, so now I feel kind of dumb. But I listen to their music so much it's just kind of habitual to start singing with it. And what else was I supposed to do? Just sit there and not do anything? Get up and dance? Oh I would have loved to have gotten up and danced, but 1) the spot we were sitting in was too open and 2) I wasn't about to dance on wet metal bleachers.

I spent the whole weekend of June 21 being disappointed that I couldn't go to Firefly music festival. I would have loved to, although I am not quite sure if I could handle the music festival scene. Firefly was rated one of the best family music festivals by AARP magazine (what? My parents have a subscription and I read it), but I am still not fond of crowds like that. A few days later when my local radio station posted about MGMT's new album coming out, quite a few people in the comments complained about their performance at Firefly. Now whether what anyone said is true, I don't know. Frankly, I am not a good judge of their performances, because they could get up on stage and fart and I'd still say it was flawless. Well, no that isn't true. I have seen earlier performances and I wouldn't call them flawless. I liked their performance of "Brian Eno" at Lollapalooza 2010 that Comcast On-Demand insists on putting on their line-up constantly (if it's not their V-Fest performance of "Electric Feel"), but while I don't want to say it was horrible, let's just says Andrew's live singing has greatly improved since then. And especially since V-Fest. But if it was truly not good, then I am not as disappointed that I didn't get to see them.

Oh, who am I kidding? I am sure I still would have enjoyed it. 

Random Thoughts

I read a letter in the NY Daily News a while back that said that it is a good thing young girls cannot serve on juries, as they would probably let the surviving Boston marathon bomber off because they think he is cute. I laughed in horror, because it is true. They probably would. Truthfully, if I had no idea who he was or what he did and someone showed me a picture of him, I'd say hell yeah, he is cute. He looks like this kid Brandon I had a huge crush on my senior year of high school. But being cute cannot make up for the fact that he is a hideous cold-blooded monster.

I was reading an article on my favorite website ever about some lady who said something about not dating black men. Or something like that. I don't remember much, because I zoned out a quarter of the way through. Maybe it's not a polite thing to say, but you know damn well there are plenty of people out there who won't date certain races, whether they admit to it or not. I knew plenty of people in high school who would do such a thing, whether it was only their own race or strictly outside of their own. I will admit that I have a penchant for skinny effeminate white guys with curly brown hair, blue eyes, and extremely little or no facial hair. I loathe facial hair. Last year, I saw a picture of Andrew at some thing in New York and he was way too scruffy....okay maybe he wasn't that bad, but it was still too much. He also looked like he hadn't had a good bath or hair wash in quite some time, leaving me to wonder if those nasty comments about his hygiene are true. And he has a stain on his shirt. I'm not good at reading body language, but even Ben doesn't look like he wants to be near him. Andrew, I love you to death, but come on. Another time I saw a picture of him with somewhat of a mustache and it was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. And this is someone who is so flawless he can pretty much pull off anything. But not that. This is about the most acceptable amount of facial hair.

God, I love that boy's smile.

And as for girls, brown hair and brown eyes always seems to catch my eye.

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster right now. I want to rip my hair out. I want my period to come on just so I feel better. I can't deal with this every month. And birth control doesn't help! I felt even worse suicidal on it. And I still want to have that ultrasound done, but I am so afraid of how bad it will hurt. And that it will show nothing and I'll look nuts once again. It will either show nothing or I'll end up having one of those awful cysts with hair and teeth.

I have come to realize that I am not angry with the best band in the world (plus, I don't think it's their fault, anyway, judging by what I googled on bands and how they get gigs). As usual, the resulting anger is always really at me. Anger that I have no one to do things with and anger that I don't make things happen when I want to do them. And it's also just PMS. Although I have to admit when I seen their tweet after the show and then saw the song rider and saw "The Handshake" on there, I nearly roundhouse kicked my monitor.

I still get so mad that I almost got to hear it live at Musikfest, had it not fricking stormed and delayed the show. I want to hear it live so bad, as well as "Song for Dan Treacy", "Future Reflections", "4th Dimensional Transition", "Someone's Missing", and every "true" fan's favorite, "Kids". And to really be asking for the moon, "Indie Rokkers", "Metanoia", and "Destrokk". And every "true" fan aka the tween girls only in love with Andrew can go suck it if they have a problem with me wanting to hear "Kids". It's still a good song. Hating it doesn't make you a better fan.

Actually, if you are a tween girl, nothing makes you a better anything. You're just awful people. And while the tween girl inside of me would weep- what? he's a good, beautiful man and it's always a sad day when someone like him leaves the market. Don't even ask me to explain why I would cry, because if I knew, I would say why, but this is just one of those things that I myself can't even find or offer an explanation for- I hope one day Andrew and his girlfriend get engaged just so I can watch all these little psychopaths lose their shit on Tumblr.

Truthfully, I don't care what they play; I just want to see them live again. So, so bad. And this time I would like to have the guts to get up and dance when the time comes for it. However, I would be too afraid of  some bonehead recording me, putting it on YouTube, and then I'll end up some infamous YouTube star. Oh god, that would be terrible.

I made a trip to my former workplace with my sister and the baby the other day. Wouldn't you know another girl that works there now is there with her newborn baby? I said that to my sister in the car, that what are the chances the day I decide to visit to show everyone my nephew, someone else has to be there with their brat? And my sister agreed and said she didn't think the girl was too happy about it. I said oh well, she needs to get over it. I don't know who she is or that she popped out a brat or that she would be there the same exact time and day I decide to visit.

So many newborn babies creep me out. I mean, they're cute for their size, but that is about it. They look like aliens. And this girl's baby, every time I looked at him, both of his eyes were in different directions. He reminded me of Opie from Family Guy. I know newborns can't really focus their eyes, but it was still freaking me out. I don't remember my nephew being that creepy and believe me, nephew or not, I would say if he freaked me out. But he didn't. And honestly, when I first saw pictures of him on the internet before I saw him in person, I was a bit hesitant to see him in person. But he looked nothing like the pictures. And now he is so damn cute, I can't stand it. I like babies at this age. They don't talk or walk yet and they laugh at the stupid things I do. One day I was over and had the Music Choice Alt Rock station on and Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" came on and I was sitting in front of him clapping and dancing and he was laughing and smiling. At least someone finds me entertaining.

I went back through some old entries and I remember 2 years ago when I kept talking about That Thing. I still can't bring myself to admit what it was, but it is gone, thank god. It went away not long after my fear of having a stress fracture went away and stayed away. Good riddance.

The Possibly Awesome Of The Day

I have never heard of the Cosmopolitan, since I am probably the only person in America who has never been to Las Vegas, so I looked it up and it appears to be a casino hotel. So they do play in casino hotels! I wasn't sure if it was too mainstream or something for them, but I guess not. OH GOD THEN MAYBE THERE IS HOPE THEY WILL COME TO ATLANTIC CITY. Or even possibly one of the Philly casinos. But AC would be cool. Especially if it was the Borgata. I love that place. I'd lose my freaking mind if they came there. I swear I remember hearing they played there before, but I could be wrong. And no, I am not thing of BOGOTA, Columbia, either.

I was reading a thread over on my absolute favorite gossip site one day about Pink. I don't care for Pink. I think she has a good voice and all, but that "I am such a bad ass rocker" attitude is a huge turnoff. You're not rock, Pink. And I think one person said something about not caring for her, and another member replied with something about how good her shows are. I know I am weird, but I don't care for big elaborate concerts. MGMT's performance at Musikfest was exactly what I look for in a concert- people singing and playing instruments. The height of their visuals was a screen with some wacky imagery in the back. That was it. And Andrew talked a lot between numbers, and I think once or twice James talked. I laughed at one point when Andrew said "geeze Louise" about something. He is the only other person in my generation besides me who I have ever heard say that. But I am getting off topic here. I don't want to see fancy dancing, pyrotechnics, fancy circus tricks, etc. If I wanted to see all that, I would go to the circus or I would go see a musical.

And speaking of ONTD, I noticed that recently they changed their membership policy. At first the commenting seemed to get even more obnoxious than before; however, I am starting to see new members calling the old community out on their bullshit. I fucking love it. 

Bwahahahahahahahahaha

Harry Styles Dating Kimberly Stewart: "She Is Exactly His Type," Source Says

Wow. The lengths One Direction's PR team will go to paint Harry as a cougar hunter is just sad now. Do they even try? Or have they even realized how ridiculous it is and just phone it in?

I remember reading this article right before Musikfest, although I am pretty sure I remember it being a lot longer and Andrew mentioning that he used to watch Beavis & Butt-head (AWESOME), and I don't know how this particular part escaped my attention:

He indicates the new disc will have a sound close to the last album, "Congratulations."

Well....that will go over well with the Congratulations haters.

ETA 4/29: I just finally got around to hunting it down again, but here is the original, much longer article I was referring to. I also half-expected Andrew to make some kind of reference to the Phillies during the show, but he disappointed me.

Random Thoughts

Well, let's try this again. I just had a multi-paragraph entry typed up and I accidentally hit Undo, clearing out the whole thing.....JUST as Auto-save was saving it. It cleared out everything. I want to punch my monitor, and then throw my keyboard against the wall right now.

I am having chest pains again (they started before the above happened), although this time they are not radiating from below my belly button to my chest. They're just in my chest. I don't think this is my heart either, though, because I feel like it would stop if I just belched.

My mother and I went over my sister's yesterday, since hubby had to be somewhere. When we turned onto her street, hubby was coming up the road. When we got inside, my mother asked my sister if he knew we were coming. He did not. Personally, I don't think she should have to say anything to him about us coming, but being secretive about it is kind of insulting.

My sister will follow almost everything he says to her, and many times it seems like she can't function without him doing things for her, and it makes my inner feminist want to slap her. It's 2013, for God's sake! Women don't have to obey their husbands anymore unless they live in the Middle East or are one of those nutbag Christians.

I went to some stores with them on Saturday and we stopped back at the house to drop off groceries before going to eat. I was on the floor holding the baby and my sister gave me a bottle to feed him. He was doing okay and then he started drooling out everything he ate. My BIL starts making comments about it and he wouldn't let up. I was ready to yell, well, instead of standing there nit-picking and making comments, why doesn't someone help me?!

Luckily today when my paternal aunt and uncle had visited, I didn't have to go. I thought for sure my mother would have expected me to go, but when I complained about going, she said why would you have to go? That was a relief, especially since I had a bad case of insomnia and felt like shit when I woke up. I would have screamed if I had to sit there and listen to everything about my bitchy cousin and watch my BIL play on his phone the whole time. I have to laugh at my sister complaining about being tired of visitors. I can see why, since I don't like visitors in general, but, uh, newsflash- you had a baby. Everyone will want to see it.

Ugh, people are so strange when it comes to babies. Yes, they are adorable and all that, but I laugh at how every time my sister posts anything about the baby, it will get about a hundred likes. Everything that has to do with babies.....why do people lose their minds over it? And I know people are proud of their babies, but why do their profile pictures have to be of the baby? Why can't they have profile pictures of themselves with the baby?

Speaking of shitty, I swear since I have went off birth control, I have been dealing with things I never dealt with before. I don't ever recall having insomnia every so many days like I have, or having vaginal itching. I also feel like I have had this constant vague bloating that will not cease for anything. It could just be the stronger probiotics, but I am pretty sure I had it before.

Also, it is either a lingering withdrawal effect or it had entirely nothing to do with birth control, but I noticed I still have a rather bad case of the misandries. My father is a disgusting pig when it comes to the bathroom and my mother constantly is screaming at him for leaving the seat dirty. And because he is fat and lazy and heaven forbid he should have to take a few extra steps to go to his own bathroom, he uses mine a lot. Which knowing how disgusting he is when it comes to the bathroom, it really, REALLY irks me. And I went in my bathroom the other day and when I got up off the toilet seat, I happened to notice a giant shit stain on the back. I wanted to scream bloody murder. I don't particularly have anxiety over germs, but that is just fucking disgusting.

And so far, I have been doing pretty good with cutting back on diet Coke. Last Friday and this past Monday, I had 3 glasses, and Saturday I definitely had more than I should, but I will excuse that, since Saturday is pretty much my free-for-all day anyway. I had a glass with dinner tonight and I am debating whether to just say the hell with it and have another glass later or just stick to the 2 glass maximum. I almost want to, but then I feel guilty doing so.

Guilt. Now there is a feeling I have no concept of *eye roll*. My constant unrelenting guilt is one of the only things that prevents me from wondering if I am a sociopath.

I decided to order a new MGMT t-shirt and when I went to order it on Monday, I used IE, since I was having trouble with the site on Firefox. After I filled out all I needed, I hit submit and was met with "To display the webpage again, Internet Explorer needs to resend the information you've previously submitted. If you were making a purchase, you should click Cancel to avoid a duplicate transaction. Otherwise, click Retry to display the webpage again". I wasn't sure what to do so I hit Cancel. Which meant the order didn't go through. I wanted to scream, since I had used a coupon code to get 20% for signing up. I went back to the main page and was greeted with a box to sign up for offers and receive 25% off my first order. So I filled it out with a new email address. This time I went back to Firefox and tampered with NoScript and this the order went through. I was ecstatic at saving more money than I had originally was going to save.

And now I am [impatiently] waiting for my order to be delivered. Last I checked, it was currently in Allentown and the expected delivery date is Monday. It's a pretty wild shirt, although I am trying to remember if it was the one I originally wanted at Musikfest or if it was different. I'm kind of thinking it was the same one. And I hope the material of it is like the one I did buy, because the material of that one is really nice. Despite their creepy ass ads, and creepy ass everything, American Apparel does make nice t-shirts.

ETA 3/15: It's here! HUZZAH!

Good thing I went with the large. My other t-shirt is a juniors (I think), and this is a man's, so I wasn't sure whether to order a medium or a large. I don't think I would have had any trouble fitting into a medium, but I worry so much about gaining weight and it makes clothes shopping really difficult. I am always worried about buying clothes that aren't ridiculously big on me, but that I could still fit into if I put on weight.

The Awesome But FML Of The Day

For fuck's sakes, can they ever come somewhere that is not so close, but so far?

Lord....Red Hot Chili Peppers? Tom Petty? Foster the People? Passion Pit? Ellie Goulding? The Lumineers? Imagine Dragons? Matt and Kim? Youngblood Hawke? Sure, I only know maybe one or two songs by each of these artists (except for the first three and globviously except for MGMT) but.....this is a damn good line-up. I would totally go to this. If I had people to go with. Kind of expensive also, but I would totally spend $218 even if I only got to see MGMT.

I turned on the Tango Traffic channel last night ( I like to listen to the music on it) and left the room to do something and when I came back in, "Angie" by the Rolling Stones was playing. I wish MGMT would do a cover of it again and release it on MP3. It was so good at Musikfest. That whole concert was good. My life is so sad, that sometimes I want to break down and cry at how awesome that night was (aside from the ridiculous heat, the nasty storm that made its grand entrance an hour before the gates were to open, the scary Atlas Sound dude (for God's sake, when you make Andrew look chubby, you are doing something wrong), the almost 2 hour late start time, and the whole looking up at the sky during "Siberian Breaks" and seeing lightening while sitting on metal bleachers). I want to relive that night again so bad, except this time I won't be stupid enough to not sneak my camera in. ARGH! Best night of my life and I don't even have pictures of it! All because I am such a goody fucking two shoes and always have to abide by the rules!

On a completely unrelated note....I need a piece of carrot cake. Stat. And preferably with nuts on it. Does anyone know where I can get really awesome carrot cake? Also, I have still not gotten my Popeye's fix. *punches monitor*