It's another Food Factory marathon night and earlier they were discussing black forest cake made by a company owned by a father and son. I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't mind eating black forest cake off of the son's body. Or any kind of cake.
I am glad I was able to get out a little on Friday night (nothing overly exciting, my mother and I went to Chick-Fil-A for dinner, then I went and got a haircut and ran into Target and Wegman's) because I did shit today. My mother woke up not feeling well (I haven't been on much so I neglected to mention that my brother-in-law came down with the flu the other day, then the baby had a fever yesterday, now my sister isn't feeling well also; I think we are at the point that this can't be blamed on me anymore) and was running a slight fever, so she didn't feel like going anywhere, as well as my sister was thinking about running places without the baby, which would have meant my mom would have had to babysit him. But then she never called. So I never got anywhere. Not that I really had anywhere to go nor did I feel like going anywhere considering how cold it was outside, but I have been in all damn day! I am going stir crazy right now!
And then to annoy me even more, not only did I not get to do anything today, but next weekend is my grandfather's party and the following weekend is my nephew's party. ARGH! And do you know what is [shamefully] annoying me most about these parties? How much they're going to interfere with my routine. And whether I will be home before 11:30PM next weekend.
This constant need to abide by a routine is starting to get incredibly frustrating. I am starting to get to the point where if I find my routine is going to be disrupted, even just a little, I really fly off the handle. Then again, there isn't much that isn't causing me to fly off the handle these days.
Honestly, with as much as I stress myself out, it's no wonder I am so short-tempered. I don't know how I have never blown up at work. I have come close to it, but always manage to keep it under control. It's very frustrating to be reading something and not comprehend anything and have to go read it over 5 or more times before you finally understand what you just read. And sometimes that doesn't even work. Or I'll type something and then go back and read it to make sure what I put was correct and then have to go back and check over it several more times to make sure what I put was correct. Or I'll get to an end of a chart and I'll be filled with such an overwhelming fear that I might have missed a medical visit or put a wrong date or doctor's name that I have to go back and go page by page and make sure I didn't put any incorrect dates or doctor names or miss any visits.
And the hell and frustration I have to go through just doing my damn job because I allowed my OCD to take control of my life, can you see why I was so enraged when I found out my FWA made that comment about my boss needing to be on my ass? If she really said it, that is, which I don't doubt she did, because as much as she claims to be such a wonderful nice person, she is every bit as 2-faced as the rest of the office, but then again, I can't seem to find anybody in that office who hasn't lied a few times to my face, so I don't know who to believe ever.
And it just frustrates me because for the most part I understand my job. And I guess I must do an okay job with it. And if my life wasn't currently being controlled by mental illness, I could be turning out a hell of a lot more work than I currently do.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Random Thoughts
I saw the last name Dort earlier and then I thought of Bort and started giggling. I don't know how I have been a Simpsons fan for pretty much most of my life and I am just learning of the Bort joke now. Or maybe because it's been so damn long since I saw that episode that it just got buried in my brain somewhere amongst the wreck of Titanic proportions known as my mind. I swear though in that episode where the Russian girl teaches Bart piano that she calls him Bort.
I don't know what my problem this week is, but I have been one nasty emotional bitch. Then again I am around the middle of my cycle so it's quite possible I am just having pre-PMS. But this new coworker of mine, I swear one of these days I am going to completely lose it on her, because she is getting on my last nerve. She was bitching about the radio station again today, that we need to find one that doesn't play the same stuff over and over again. I laughed and said "well, good luck with that, because this station is not nearly as bad as most out there". And then she actually had the nerve to call it a top 40 station. Uh, it's an alternative rock station. You're not going to find most, if any, top 40 on there, you stupid cow. And you're certainly not going to find a lot of the stuff they play on other stations (e.g. MGMT). Plus, I don't know why she bitches about the station considering they play fucking Linkin Park all of the time.
Ugh, I can't believe tomorrow is only Thursday. But on the plus side, it's Food Factory night!
I don't know what my problem this week is, but I have been one nasty emotional bitch. Then again I am around the middle of my cycle so it's quite possible I am just having pre-PMS. But this new coworker of mine, I swear one of these days I am going to completely lose it on her, because she is getting on my last nerve. She was bitching about the radio station again today, that we need to find one that doesn't play the same stuff over and over again. I laughed and said "well, good luck with that, because this station is not nearly as bad as most out there". And then she actually had the nerve to call it a top 40 station. Uh, it's an alternative rock station. You're not going to find most, if any, top 40 on there, you stupid cow. And you're certainly not going to find a lot of the stuff they play on other stations (e.g. MGMT). Plus, I don't know why she bitches about the station considering they play fucking Linkin Park all of the time.
Ugh, I can't believe tomorrow is only Thursday. But on the plus side, it's Food Factory night!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
WTF
Where in the hell is the snow? I just know my boss is going to call in a few hours and say the office is open, despite the fact that we cancelled all of our appointments for today.
What a fucking bust. I want a snow day, dammit!
7:19PM: So what was predicted to be at least a foot of snow turned out to be about 2 to 3 inches. I am usually one of the first people to cut weather people slack, but this time I am pretty pissed.
And we had a delayed opening. Which would have been nice if the damn decision would have been made last night because maybe then I could have, oh I don't know, SLEPT IN instead of being woken up at 6:10AM by my FWA texting me to complain that we were under a travel ban and she wasn't going on the road with that in effect. Then my boss calls me not long after to tell me the morons up north still hadn't made a decision and she'd text us all at 7. She didn't text until 7:30 to let us know that there might be a delayed opening and she would text us all at 8:30. All I wanted so badly to do was fall back asleep and my FWA kept texting me. I was about to text her back and say bitch I want to sleep leave me the fuck alone! Then my boss texted us all a little after 8 to let us know there would definitely be a delayed opening. I never did get to fall back asleep.
I ended up going in (the rental units were not happy). The roads weren't great, but I was okay driving in them. Just a little nervous, but for the most part I think I remained incredibly calm. I think I was more scared when I was leaving than when I was actually out on the roads and driving. Hell, I was not nearly as scared as I was when I had to drive in that ice storm last year. And thank God for my new tires. My old ones would have never held up.
It ended up just being 4 of us in work. No FWA, no boss, etc. It was a nice relaxing day. And best of all, I didn't have to use a personal day!
My appointment ended up getting cancelled (unlike my stupid place, their office made the decision YESTERDAY to close today) and rescheduled for February 17th. I am annoyed that now I have to wait another 3 weeks, but once again, I have waited this long.
I hate to say it, but since I got my blood results, I have been feeling a little calmer, even though I still question the accuracy of testing hormones. I would have rather have had them tested on the third day of my cycle like you're apparently supposed to be. And I would have been closer to that point had I been able to go on the 17th. Except I had to get the damn flu.
God, it needs to be the weekend already.
What a fucking bust. I want a snow day, dammit!
7:19PM: So what was predicted to be at least a foot of snow turned out to be about 2 to 3 inches. I am usually one of the first people to cut weather people slack, but this time I am pretty pissed.
And we had a delayed opening. Which would have been nice if the damn decision would have been made last night because maybe then I could have, oh I don't know, SLEPT IN instead of being woken up at 6:10AM by my FWA texting me to complain that we were under a travel ban and she wasn't going on the road with that in effect. Then my boss calls me not long after to tell me the morons up north still hadn't made a decision and she'd text us all at 7. She didn't text until 7:30 to let us know that there might be a delayed opening and she would text us all at 8:30. All I wanted so badly to do was fall back asleep and my FWA kept texting me. I was about to text her back and say bitch I want to sleep leave me the fuck alone! Then my boss texted us all a little after 8 to let us know there would definitely be a delayed opening. I never did get to fall back asleep.
I ended up going in (the rental units were not happy). The roads weren't great, but I was okay driving in them. Just a little nervous, but for the most part I think I remained incredibly calm. I think I was more scared when I was leaving than when I was actually out on the roads and driving. Hell, I was not nearly as scared as I was when I had to drive in that ice storm last year. And thank God for my new tires. My old ones would have never held up.
It ended up just being 4 of us in work. No FWA, no boss, etc. It was a nice relaxing day. And best of all, I didn't have to use a personal day!
My appointment ended up getting cancelled (unlike my stupid place, their office made the decision YESTERDAY to close today) and rescheduled for February 17th. I am annoyed that now I have to wait another 3 weeks, but once again, I have waited this long.
I hate to say it, but since I got my blood results, I have been feeling a little calmer, even though I still question the accuracy of testing hormones. I would have rather have had them tested on the third day of my cycle like you're apparently supposed to be. And I would have been closer to that point had I been able to go on the 17th. Except I had to get the damn flu.
God, it needs to be the weekend already.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Random Thoughts
Why the hell is Sarah Palin talking about running for president? That bitch couldn't even handle being governor. What is she going to do, become president and quit a quarter of the way through? The whole world would laugh at this country if she got elected president. Could you imagine that dolt talking to other world leaders? They would eat her alive. Could you see her talking with someone like Vladimir Putin or someone similar? And the best part is she'll quit and blame Obama for it somehow, not because she is an incompetent moron.
So I have been waiting and waiting to go to that appointment, the week finally arrives, and the weather is calling for a massive amount of snow Monday night into Tuesday. I keep hearing conflicting amounts, but last I heard was 12 to 18 inches. Words cannot even begin to express how unbelievably upset I am that I will probably have to cancel this appointment.
And if it's that bad, I probably will end up calling out from work. That company isn't worth risking my life for. Plus I can't remember who exactly it is who makes the decision to close our office, but whoever it is, they are either in Georgia or Texas. What the fuck is that shit?
And if it turns out as bad as it sounds, chances are a state of emergency will be declared and you know what? Any company that makes their employees go out during one of them should be heavily fined. There is a reason they are declared! There is no reason for anyone who isn't emergency to be on the roads during a state of emergency. There is no reason for our office to open. We can't even get all of our patients to show up on a nice normal sunny day. Does the company really think they're going to show up during a fucking snowstorm?
Of course, it's not like I couldn't work from home if needed. Except the company doesn't allow that anymore. And I would not be one bit surprised if my FWA has something to do with that.
I was reading some article in an AARP magazine about women who are having babies long after menopause and some chick in the article says that the bottom line is it's no ones business. Uh yes it is. When these women start popping out babies with deformities and defects, then it is everyone's business. Plus, there is a reason why women go through menopause and can no longer have babies. Why do people have to insist on fucking with Mother Nature?
So I have been waiting and waiting to go to that appointment, the week finally arrives, and the weather is calling for a massive amount of snow Monday night into Tuesday. I keep hearing conflicting amounts, but last I heard was 12 to 18 inches. Words cannot even begin to express how unbelievably upset I am that I will probably have to cancel this appointment.
And if it's that bad, I probably will end up calling out from work. That company isn't worth risking my life for. Plus I can't remember who exactly it is who makes the decision to close our office, but whoever it is, they are either in Georgia or Texas. What the fuck is that shit?
And if it turns out as bad as it sounds, chances are a state of emergency will be declared and you know what? Any company that makes their employees go out during one of them should be heavily fined. There is a reason they are declared! There is no reason for anyone who isn't emergency to be on the roads during a state of emergency. There is no reason for our office to open. We can't even get all of our patients to show up on a nice normal sunny day. Does the company really think they're going to show up during a fucking snowstorm?
Of course, it's not like I couldn't work from home if needed. Except the company doesn't allow that anymore. And I would not be one bit surprised if my FWA has something to do with that.
I was reading some article in an AARP magazine about women who are having babies long after menopause and some chick in the article says that the bottom line is it's no ones business. Uh yes it is. When these women start popping out babies with deformities and defects, then it is everyone's business. Plus, there is a reason why women go through menopause and can no longer have babies. Why do people have to insist on fucking with Mother Nature?
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Random Thoughts
So Thursday night I decided to get on my bike for 15 minutes. I did the same thing on Friday. Today I rolled out of bed at 11:45 (can I just say how nice it not only was to sleep in, but to actually sleep pretty damn good?) and got on my bike for 20 minutes, then later on I did another 10.
Over a week later and I am still not feeling well. Still have a tickle in my throat that is making me cough, still congested, still nauseous, still have a bad taste in my mouth that is making a lot of foods taste funny, still not much of an appetite. I think that last one was why I got on the scale today and was 120 pounds, down 3 pounds since the last time I was on there.
And I am still feeling as depressed as ever. I have been feeling pretty damn miserable for the past few years but I don't remember feeling this bad in a long time. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in the house (preferably in bed). My grandfather's 90th birthday party is coming up in a couple weeks and I am not even looking forward to it. I have no interest in helping planning it or going out and buying things because I am just so goddamn exhausted.
I hate work and my coworkers so much right now. Especially my boss. She's still hacking like crazy and I swear every time I see her hacking, she isn't covering her mouth. Like you work in a medical office, have worked in several hospitals before, what the hell is wrong with you? COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. And yet I am not supposed to 100% suspect her of getting me sick? She told me the one day that she is tired of still feeling crappy and that last Monday (the Monday of the week I got sick) she was so fed up with it that she just decided the hell with it and came into work. I felt like saying oh okay, well, thanks to you doing so I ended up getting sick.
I don't understand why this is making me feel as bad as it is. It was just the flu. A flu that came and went pretty quickly without any complications. What is wrong with me?
Over a week later and I am still not feeling well. Still have a tickle in my throat that is making me cough, still congested, still nauseous, still have a bad taste in my mouth that is making a lot of foods taste funny, still not much of an appetite. I think that last one was why I got on the scale today and was 120 pounds, down 3 pounds since the last time I was on there.
And I am still feeling as depressed as ever. I have been feeling pretty damn miserable for the past few years but I don't remember feeling this bad in a long time. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in the house (preferably in bed). My grandfather's 90th birthday party is coming up in a couple weeks and I am not even looking forward to it. I have no interest in helping planning it or going out and buying things because I am just so goddamn exhausted.
I hate work and my coworkers so much right now. Especially my boss. She's still hacking like crazy and I swear every time I see her hacking, she isn't covering her mouth. Like you work in a medical office, have worked in several hospitals before, what the hell is wrong with you? COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. And yet I am not supposed to 100% suspect her of getting me sick? She told me the one day that she is tired of still feeling crappy and that last Monday (the Monday of the week I got sick) she was so fed up with it that she just decided the hell with it and came into work. I felt like saying oh okay, well, thanks to you doing so I ended up getting sick.
I don't understand why this is making me feel as bad as it is. It was just the flu. A flu that came and went pretty quickly without any complications. What is wrong with me?
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Damn
I just got an email that my lab results are available, but I am not on my desktop to sign in to check them so I will have to wait until after work to check them. Grrrr.
God, I am so exhausted even though I slept well. I am still so damn stressed about getting sick again. I am so over this already.
5:09PM: Time to see my test results. Here goes nothing.
Of course, Avira is updating right now so my computer is running slow as fuck.
5:13PM: Everything is normal.
God, I am so exhausted even though I slept well. I am still so damn stressed about getting sick again. I am so over this already.
5:09PM: Time to see my test results. Here goes nothing.
Of course, Avira is updating right now so my computer is running slow as fuck.
5:13PM: Everything is normal.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Come On Now
"End Of Our Days" by Howie Day just came up on my playlist and now I am a blubbering snotty mess. And all I keep thinking is, I wish I had the guts to kill myself. Followed by see you're even too chicken shit to do yourself in. What in the hell is going on with me?
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
What. The. Hell.
My God, am I off the wall today. I am so anxious and on edge and emotional. I kept breaking out on warm flashes, especially when I was talking with anyone. I am super nauseous and have the worst taste in my mouth. I decided to take soup for lunch and I always love this brand of chicken noodle and was looking forward to eating it, but when I opened the container I felt like puking from the smell of it. It didn't taste bad, but I felt like puking the whole time I was eating it. My coffee made me want to puke. I opened up a banana and felt sick to my stomach from the smell of it. Nearly everything I have eaten today has turned my stomach. I couldn't concentrate on my work for anything. I'm exhausted. The eyebrow area above my right eye is still hurting every time I move my eyes. The sock on my left foot drove me nuts the whole day.
I don't understand what is going on with me. It's not like I caught fucking Ebola or something. All I had was the flu that was at its worse 2 days tops. For the flu, I think I fared through it amazingly well and quick. Nothing severe. And it really rattled my nerves.
And I thought of something last night- is this sudden overabundance of anxiety from not exercising? I have never gone 4 days straight of not exercising. Maybe exercising was keeping my anxiety in check more than I thought. I can't stand it, I just want to get back to exercising.
I don't understand what is going on with me. It's not like I caught fucking Ebola or something. All I had was the flu that was at its worse 2 days tops. For the flu, I think I fared through it amazingly well and quick. Nothing severe. And it really rattled my nerves.
And I thought of something last night- is this sudden overabundance of anxiety from not exercising? I have never gone 4 days straight of not exercising. Maybe exercising was keeping my anxiety in check more than I thought. I can't stand it, I just want to get back to exercising.
Oh For The Love Of....
I am actually physically shaking right now thinking about going back to work.
Whenever I move my eyes around I have pain above my right eye so now I am worried I might have gotten a sinus infection. And because I can't leave well enough alone, I had to read up on sinusitis. And the complications that can occur from one.
Someone please shoot me already.
7:25AM: well, it's nice when you're supposed to be resting and taking it easy....and you barely slept the night before going back to work.
Whenever I move my eyes around I have pain above my right eye so now I am worried I might have gotten a sinus infection. And because I can't leave well enough alone, I had to read up on sinusitis. And the complications that can occur from one.
Someone please shoot me already.
7:25AM: well, it's nice when you're supposed to be resting and taking it easy....and you barely slept the night before going back to work.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Random Thoughts
Thanks to getting sick, I forgot to mention that I did get paperwork to go have bloodwork done before my appointment next week and I was supposed to go Saturday morning but I felt so horrible I ended up having to go today. The order form was for my TSH+T4, estradiol, lutenizing hormone, and FSH levels. I have read that it's recommended to have certain hormones tested on the third day of your cycle, which I have already passed, but there was nothing specifying I had to have it done any particular time, so let's hope everything comes out okay. And thanks to being sick, my mind has not even thought much about menopause.
My temperature is still running in the 97 range, so I guess my fever has officially gone away. I just still keep getting a nagging cough and I am super congested. I can't even breathe through my nose right now. I have to breathe through my mouth and if I so much as even shut my mouth, I start feeling panicky and like I am going to suffocate. And my nose keeps running like crazy.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I am feeling so anxious right now and my heart is racing about going back and relapsing or picking something else up.
And I swear, if one person says to me OMG WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU, I am going to flip my fucking lid. If you're that worried about me, that is what the phone or Facebook are there for!
My temperature is still running in the 97 range, so I guess my fever has officially gone away. I just still keep getting a nagging cough and I am super congested. I can't even breathe through my nose right now. I have to breathe through my mouth and if I so much as even shut my mouth, I start feeling panicky and like I am going to suffocate. And my nose keeps running like crazy.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I am feeling so anxious right now and my heart is racing about going back and relapsing or picking something else up.
And I swear, if one person says to me OMG WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU, I am going to flip my fucking lid. If you're that worried about me, that is what the phone or Facebook are there for!
Song Of The Day
I swear I made this SotD before, but I couldn't find any post, so here it is. Forgot what an awesome song this was:
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Random Thoughts
A story just popped up on my Facebook newsfeed of how a girl's Ugg boots saved her foot from amputation after she was ran over by a car. I guess that will be more incentive for people to continue wearing those stupid ass boots.
It's amazing- you never know how hateful people are until they have a Facebook account.
When I went to bed last night, my temperature was at 97.9. It was the same when I woke up this morning, although my mom said I still felt warm. It pretty much stayed around that temperature all day and I haven't felt achy or anything all day, just have a nagging cough and congestion. Before I got in the shower earlier, it was 97.2 and then a little while later it was up to 98.0. And my mother just said I felt a little warmer than I did earlier. This is frustrating not knowing how accurate my thermometer is and whether I am actually running a fever or not.
And having anxiety and getting sick, especially when you're someone who very rarely gets sick, is not a good combination by any means. I am starting to feel anxious over how long it's going to take for this to go away and I am going to feel very anxious about exerting myself or being around people for fear that I am going to end up sick again or catch something else. I also made the mistake earlier of reading an article on Yahoo earlier called "Got The Flu? Here's When To Head To The ER" that talked about developing sepsis with the flu. Not a good idea by any means, because now I have myself all stressed out that I am going to get sepsis.
I said something to the nurse yesterday that my boss was sick and I think I might have gotten it from her and she said that while it was possible, I also could have picked it up from anywhere and hearing that was enough to rattle me. Now I have never found my OCD problems to revolve around germs, but this is enough to start me down that path. If I could pick something like this up that easily just being out in public, what the hell other illnesses could I pick up?
It's amazing- you never know how hateful people are until they have a Facebook account.
When I went to bed last night, my temperature was at 97.9. It was the same when I woke up this morning, although my mom said I still felt warm. It pretty much stayed around that temperature all day and I haven't felt achy or anything all day, just have a nagging cough and congestion. Before I got in the shower earlier, it was 97.2 and then a little while later it was up to 98.0. And my mother just said I felt a little warmer than I did earlier. This is frustrating not knowing how accurate my thermometer is and whether I am actually running a fever or not.
And having anxiety and getting sick, especially when you're someone who very rarely gets sick, is not a good combination by any means. I am starting to feel anxious over how long it's going to take for this to go away and I am going to feel very anxious about exerting myself or being around people for fear that I am going to end up sick again or catch something else. I also made the mistake earlier of reading an article on Yahoo earlier called "Got The Flu? Here's When To Head To The ER" that talked about developing sepsis with the flu. Not a good idea by any means, because now I have myself all stressed out that I am going to get sepsis.
I said something to the nurse yesterday that my boss was sick and I think I might have gotten it from her and she said that while it was possible, I also could have picked it up from anywhere and hearing that was enough to rattle me. Now I have never found my OCD problems to revolve around germs, but this is enough to start me down that path. If I could pick something like this up that easily just being out in public, what the hell other illnesses could I pick up?
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Ugh Ugh Ugh
Well, my horrible feeling didn't go away yesterday and I was aching everywhere and coughing some and my temperature had climbed into the 99 range. Woke up today and felt even worse, took my temperature and it was 100.8. Went back to sleep, woke up and took it again and while I was in the midst of taking it I started to feel nauseous and light-headed and like I was going to black out and had to lay down on the bathroom floor until the feeling passed. My temperature was still 100.8. I finally decided to go to a walk-in clinic and was confirmed to have the type A flu. Oh freaking joy. The nurse also had asked me what my temperature had read and I told her and then she took mine and said that she didn't think my thermometer was very accurate and that my temperature was actually 101.9.
I'm so disgusted. I can't even remember the last time I was sick like this, but it's been an incredibly long time. And I am worried how contagious I am and whether I will get anyone else sick, even though everyone in my family has all had the flu shot. Plus, my whole weekend is shot. It was cold today, but a really nice day and I had to stay in the whole day. And not being able to exercise is aggravating me and I probably won't be able to exercise for about a week. Oh, and I have to stay home at least Monday. Yay, I love using my personal time for being sick.
And I'll tell you something else- I will never refuse to get a flu shot again.
8:19PM: took my temperature around 7 and it was 99.2, so some good news (I guess, now that the accuracy of my thermometer has come into question). I took ibuprofen as soon as I got home from the clinic and 2 hours later, took some Tylenol, then 2 hours after that I took ibuprofen again, so maybe that is what is helping. I also no longer feel as achy.
I'm so disgusted. I can't even remember the last time I was sick like this, but it's been an incredibly long time. And I am worried how contagious I am and whether I will get anyone else sick, even though everyone in my family has all had the flu shot. Plus, my whole weekend is shot. It was cold today, but a really nice day and I had to stay in the whole day. And not being able to exercise is aggravating me and I probably won't be able to exercise for about a week. Oh, and I have to stay home at least Monday. Yay, I love using my personal time for being sick.
And I'll tell you something else- I will never refuse to get a flu shot again.
8:19PM: took my temperature around 7 and it was 99.2, so some good news (I guess, now that the accuracy of my thermometer has come into question). I took ibuprofen as soon as I got home from the clinic and 2 hours later, took some Tylenol, then 2 hours after that I took ibuprofen again, so maybe that is what is helping. I also no longer feel as achy.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Ugh
A couple weeks ago my boss was sick. And now she isn't feeling well again. She's been hacking like the hounds of hell. And today I have had this dry tickling in my throat that makes me cough and my voice is kind of hoarse and on the way home I felt achy everywhere, especially in my lower back and legs. So now of course I am worried I caught what she had.
And for me, it's never just oh no I hope I am not getting sick that would suck. No, whenever I don't feel good, then it's constant thoughts of oh good god what did I catch, is it meningitis, is it something deadly (the concern here isn't so much on my part, rather for who might catch it from me), can it lead to sepsis, etc, running through my head nonstop and it turns into constant temperature taking and checking of the skin for any signs of petechiae.
Which reminds me....it's time to take my temperature.
10:21: oh yeah my temperature was 98.0 Fahrenheit. Down 0.1 degree since last checked.
And for me, it's never just oh no I hope I am not getting sick that would suck. No, whenever I don't feel good, then it's constant thoughts of oh good god what did I catch, is it meningitis, is it something deadly (the concern here isn't so much on my part, rather for who might catch it from me), can it lead to sepsis, etc, running through my head nonstop and it turns into constant temperature taking and checking of the skin for any signs of petechiae.
Which reminds me....it's time to take my temperature.
10:21: oh yeah my temperature was 98.0 Fahrenheit. Down 0.1 degree since last checked.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Hey Jealousy
I was reading an article about jealousy the other day and although the article seemed to be directed towards jealousy in relationships, I have been thinking about jealousy in general since reading it. I am pretty sure I have admitted before that I do have problems with jealousy. BIG problems. Definitely one of my worst qualities. And the majority of the time it stems from my own lack of self-worth and insecurities. But how do you explain it when it comes to something like That Thing? Whenever I see someone with what I want (notice how I have gone back to not specifically saying what it was), I am filled with several emotions. And one of them, shamefully, is jealousy. Deep, intense jealousy that makes me want to start screaming and never stop because I am so ashamed of this and don't want it. And also because it's not me.
Boy, one day if I ever decide to finally get back into therapy, some doctor/mental health specialist is going to have a fucking field day with me.
Boy, one day if I ever decide to finally get back into therapy, some doctor/mental health specialist is going to have a fucking field day with me.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Damn You Louis Armstrong
Just heard "What A Wonderful World" for the first time in a long time and now I am a blubbery snotty mess. Don't know why that song gets to me the way it does.
Now I have the joy of going to bed and worrying I won't sleep or I'll wake up too early and/or overheated and that I will get up in the morning and my period still won't be here.
7:26AM: Well, I actually slept pretty great. But still no clear signs of a period.
10:35PM: I think I can [temporarily] breathe a sigh of relief.
I see Andrew has lost his mind on Twitter again. Also,where has Simon been on Twitter? Pretty sure he doesn't go more than a few days without opening his mouth. It's been almost 2 weeks.
Now I have the joy of going to bed and worrying I won't sleep or I'll wake up too early and/or overheated and that I will get up in the morning and my period still won't be here.
7:26AM: Well, I actually slept pretty great. But still no clear signs of a period.
10:35PM: I think I can [temporarily] breathe a sigh of relief.
I see Andrew has lost his mind on Twitter again. Also,where has Simon been on Twitter? Pretty sure he doesn't go more than a few days without opening his mouth. It's been almost 2 weeks.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Song Of The Day
One of my favorite songs from before my time:
A few times that I have had "Siberian Breaks" on, my mom has said that the 5:55 to 8:55 part reminds her somewhat of this song. One day I sat and really listened to it after she said it again and maybe it's just me, but yeah, it does in a way. I can't put my finger on it why that is.
A few times that I have had "Siberian Breaks" on, my mom has said that the 5:55 to 8:55 part reminds her somewhat of this song. One day I sat and really listened to it after she said it again and maybe it's just me, but yeah, it does in a way. I can't put my finger on it why that is.
ARGH!!!!
I have been in one hell of a bad mood today. I feel like the fucking She-Hulk. I don't know if it's PMS or lack of sleep or both. I slept terribly last night (it took me almost 2 hours to fall asleep, I woke up several times, and I did wake up feeling overheated and a little sweaty at one point), so it's more than likely a little of both. Everything and everyone was annoying the hell out of me today*.
*much more than normally
And then to aggravate me more, yesterday my parents decided to call to make reservations for vacation. And they picked August 29th to September 5th. Which would mean one of the days I would need off would be the last day of the month. Despite me telling them MULTIPLE times that I cannot have off the last 5 days of the month. And when I said something, my mother jumped down my throat. Yes, because I am the one who made the stupid rule! I never see them give my sister a hard time when she says oh she can't have a week. No, but everyone has to jump down my throat and expect me to fight with my boss to have off that day. That is really not fair.
Yesterday I had very faint spotting and after dinner today, I was bleeding some. Of course I did get on my bike when I came home from work, so I don't know if it's from that or if it's the actual start of my period. Emotionally and physically I feel like my period is coming on and usually around this time I can come home from work and get on my bike and not have any bleeding, as it seems to only occur in the first half of my cycle. But I don't know what the bleeding was from and I am all worried that it isn't actually my period and it's from riding my bike and not knowing when and if it's going to come is stressing me the hell out even more. I JUST WANT IT TO COME so maybe, just maybe, I can stop feeling like such a fucking crazy person!
On another note, "What About Love" by Heart just popped up on my iTunes playlist. Thanks to Family Guy, now every time I hear it, I want to sing "what about beans?".
*much more than normally
And then to aggravate me more, yesterday my parents decided to call to make reservations for vacation. And they picked August 29th to September 5th. Which would mean one of the days I would need off would be the last day of the month. Despite me telling them MULTIPLE times that I cannot have off the last 5 days of the month. And when I said something, my mother jumped down my throat. Yes, because I am the one who made the stupid rule! I never see them give my sister a hard time when she says oh she can't have a week. No, but everyone has to jump down my throat and expect me to fight with my boss to have off that day. That is really not fair.
Yesterday I had very faint spotting and after dinner today, I was bleeding some. Of course I did get on my bike when I came home from work, so I don't know if it's from that or if it's the actual start of my period. Emotionally and physically I feel like my period is coming on and usually around this time I can come home from work and get on my bike and not have any bleeding, as it seems to only occur in the first half of my cycle. But I don't know what the bleeding was from and I am all worried that it isn't actually my period and it's from riding my bike and not knowing when and if it's going to come is stressing me the hell out even more. I JUST WANT IT TO COME so maybe, just maybe, I can stop feeling like such a fucking crazy person!
On another note, "What About Love" by Heart just popped up on my iTunes playlist. Thanks to Family Guy, now every time I hear it, I want to sing "what about beans?".
Sunday, January 11, 2015
NOPE x INFINITY
The 6 Most Brutal Infections You Could Have Right Now
This article is like the shit nightmares are made of. Someone in the comments said they looked up gas gangrene and not to do it. I couldn't resist and OH GOD I wish I didn't. And to make it a million times worse, my computer froze on me right when I had the pictures up!
This article is like the shit nightmares are made of. Someone in the comments said they looked up gas gangrene and not to do it. I couldn't resist and OH GOD I wish I didn't. And to make it a million times worse, my computer froze on me right when I had the pictures up!
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Random Thoughts
Yesterday when my FWA was getting ready to go to lunch, she started ranting to me about her boyfriend's mother. And one of the things she said was that she (his mother) is bipolar and lies a lot and that bipolars are known for lying. I should have stopped her right then and there and said 1) I don't care about your little fucking drama and 2) I guess you would know about lying, considering you're one of the biggest liars I have ever met in my life. And I don't even think she lies so much because she is an evil rotten bitch who likes to manipulate people- I think she lies because she is stupid and because she is so desperate to come off as likable and have people like her. Yes, because lying is really the way to go about doing that.
I just have to laugh at some of the things she complains about her boyfriend's mother, because what she doesn't realize (self-awareness is clearly not her forte) is how much they are alike in personality. That was very apparent at her baby shower.
We have this middle-aged woman at our place who started about a month ago and she is already on all of our last nerves. For one, she is one of those ones who came in acting like she knows everything. She demanded a new desk chair, because she can't work in one with arms. It still hasn't come in so she bitches nonstop about it. We were almost out of paper last week because for some reason our supply order hadn't come in yet, so she was bitching and saying we should order more paper when we put our order in and/or order more times a month. And she kept bitching about it despite us telling her multiple times that this is the maximum of what we're allowed to order and we can't order more than once a month. She butts into everyone's conversation and makes it about herself (sound like someone else we know?). Oh and she is extremely opinionated. Worse than me and unlike me, she doesn't keep her opinions to herself in front of people.
She also has to bitch every time Hozier's "Take Me To Church" comes on, which as you are aware from my complaints plays constantly. Bitch, we're all tired of it we don't need to hear you bitch about how tired you are of it every single damn time it comes on. Yesterday she made some comment that he is one of those people you should never hear from again. I turned to her and not so nicely said "why?" and she gave some dumbass excuse (I don't even care to remember what it was) and whatever it was I said "that doesn't mean he doesn't have good music. And they have played other stuff by him on the station that was good, just not as often as this [Take Me To Church]." Whether "Take" is overplayed or not, you can't deny that Hozier is talented as hell. Bitch, you're a fucking Linkin Park fan, you need to take several seats.
God save her ass if she ever badmouths MGMT in front of me.
Also, she does this annoying laugh that sounds like she is hocking a loogie. It's so gross.
And going back to my FWA and self-awareness, she complained to me one day about the new lady butting into people's conversation. I wanted to laugh hysterically and say to her damn, you really are fucking delusional, aren't you? Everything she bitches about other people she is completely oblivious to the fact THAT SHE DOES THE SAME EXACT THING.
I have ABC Family on and all of the commercials for their drama shows are getting on my last nerve with their dramatic whiny music. But these songs aren't nearly as bad as this song that is played in a commercial for FYI's Married At First Sight: The First Year (I think). Some whiny ass monotonous hipster crap about not having money but they have love and that pays the bills! If there are people out there that honestly believe that, they should be punched in the face.
I have slept better the past few nights. Didn't wake up to any feeling warm or even the start of feeling warm last night. Now watch- tonight I will.
My mood the past few days has been like a roller-coaster. I am fine one minute and then I just completely fly off the handle over the littlest thing. I don't know if it's PMS or stress or both. I am kind of thinking part of it is PMS, because my boobs hurt incredibly bad. I was trying to wash them earlier in the shower and could barely touch them. Of course, I am stressing it will come past 35 days, or not at all. I wish it would come earlier, but I would never be that lucky probably.
Have I ever mentioned how tired of this I am? Or how tired I am of being tired of this?
Also- I was on that Tartlr page earlier and she had reblogged a picture that someone had scanned from MGMT's Funzone Fanzine. There's a fanclub magazine? I am a member of their fanclub! Why haven't I gotten a copy of this yet? *shakes monitor* WHERE'S MAH MAGAZINE?!
I just have to laugh at some of the things she complains about her boyfriend's mother, because what she doesn't realize (self-awareness is clearly not her forte) is how much they are alike in personality. That was very apparent at her baby shower.
We have this middle-aged woman at our place who started about a month ago and she is already on all of our last nerves. For one, she is one of those ones who came in acting like she knows everything. She demanded a new desk chair, because she can't work in one with arms. It still hasn't come in so she bitches nonstop about it. We were almost out of paper last week because for some reason our supply order hadn't come in yet, so she was bitching and saying we should order more paper when we put our order in and/or order more times a month. And she kept bitching about it despite us telling her multiple times that this is the maximum of what we're allowed to order and we can't order more than once a month. She butts into everyone's conversation and makes it about herself (sound like someone else we know?). Oh and she is extremely opinionated. Worse than me and unlike me, she doesn't keep her opinions to herself in front of people.
She also has to bitch every time Hozier's "Take Me To Church" comes on, which as you are aware from my complaints plays constantly. Bitch, we're all tired of it we don't need to hear you bitch about how tired you are of it every single damn time it comes on. Yesterday she made some comment that he is one of those people you should never hear from again. I turned to her and not so nicely said "why?" and she gave some dumbass excuse (I don't even care to remember what it was) and whatever it was I said "that doesn't mean he doesn't have good music. And they have played other stuff by him on the station that was good, just not as often as this [Take Me To Church]." Whether "Take" is overplayed or not, you can't deny that Hozier is talented as hell. Bitch, you're a fucking Linkin Park fan, you need to take several seats.
God save her ass if she ever badmouths MGMT in front of me.
Also, she does this annoying laugh that sounds like she is hocking a loogie. It's so gross.
And going back to my FWA and self-awareness, she complained to me one day about the new lady butting into people's conversation. I wanted to laugh hysterically and say to her damn, you really are fucking delusional, aren't you? Everything she bitches about other people she is completely oblivious to the fact THAT SHE DOES THE SAME EXACT THING.
I have ABC Family on and all of the commercials for their drama shows are getting on my last nerve with their dramatic whiny music. But these songs aren't nearly as bad as this song that is played in a commercial for FYI's Married At First Sight: The First Year (I think). Some whiny ass monotonous hipster crap about not having money but they have love and that pays the bills! If there are people out there that honestly believe that, they should be punched in the face.
I have slept better the past few nights. Didn't wake up to any feeling warm or even the start of feeling warm last night. Now watch- tonight I will.
My mood the past few days has been like a roller-coaster. I am fine one minute and then I just completely fly off the handle over the littlest thing. I don't know if it's PMS or stress or both. I am kind of thinking part of it is PMS, because my boobs hurt incredibly bad. I was trying to wash them earlier in the shower and could barely touch them. Of course, I am stressing it will come past 35 days, or not at all. I wish it would come earlier, but I would never be that lucky probably.
Have I ever mentioned how tired of this I am? Or how tired I am of being tired of this?
Also- I was on that Tartlr page earlier and she had reblogged a picture that someone had scanned from MGMT's Funzone Fanzine. There's a fanclub magazine? I am a member of their fanclub! Why haven't I gotten a copy of this yet? *shakes monitor* WHERE'S MAH MAGAZINE?!
Friday, January 9, 2015
Quote Of The Day
One of my favorite scenes from Beetlejuice:
[in the waiting room of the afterlife]I guess it's just my morbid sense of humor, but I always laugh when the receptionist says "and I'll tell you something- if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident" and she shows her slit "across the street" wrists.
Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when *you* die.
[points at a gaunt man smoking]
Receptionist: That is what happens when *he* dies.
[points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading]
Receptionist: And that is what happens when *they* die. It's all very personal.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Okay Then
I fell asleep without much difficulty last night. Woke up around 3:40AM to pee and I got that dreaded feeling of climbing back into bed and getting hot, although I had woken up feeling pretty comfortable. And sure enough, as soon as I did so, I could feel myself starting to feel hot. So, I started to take deep breaths and forced myself (with extreme difficulty) to start thinking of pleasant things and....I fell back asleep. Woke up at 5:25 and did the same thing and fell back asleep.
I am feeling kind of warm right now. Is it because I just got out of the shower 20 minutes ago? Because I am thinking about it? I don't know what to think anymore.
I am feeling kind of warm right now. Is it because I just got out of the shower 20 minutes ago? Because I am thinking about it? I don't know what to think anymore.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Random Thoughts
For some unknown reason, I just listened to "Fireflies" by Owl City 4 times in a row. Last time I heard that song was when I was in a Wal-Fart in Myrtle Beach back in September. I still like it. Guilty as charged. I have no idea what it's about, but I think it's a cute song.
So I had no problem falling asleep last night. And then I had to wake up at 4:30 feeling hot. Then cold. Then hot again. Then cold. And so on. I never did fall back asleep, either, so I went into work with about 4 hours of sleep. I am exhausted. I could barely stay awake in work and I'd almost swear I half-dozed off a couple of times.
My mom's theory is always it's just the house, the temperature gets funny at night. Well, then why has it never been a problem before? Pretty sure last winter I was sleeping under 4 covers as opposed to the 3 I am sleeping under now. And I slept pretty well throughout December, except for one Sunday night I can recall and from Christmas morning on.
I am already getting nervous about going to bed. I don't know if this is going to keep up until my period decides to come (if it comes, although with as cranky as I have been lately I am thinking it should hopefully be soon) or if it's going to continue on afterwards. I'll lose my fucking mind if it keeps up. I just want a good night's sleep!
So I had no problem falling asleep last night. And then I had to wake up at 4:30 feeling hot. Then cold. Then hot again. Then cold. And so on. I never did fall back asleep, either, so I went into work with about 4 hours of sleep. I am exhausted. I could barely stay awake in work and I'd almost swear I half-dozed off a couple of times.
My mom's theory is always it's just the house, the temperature gets funny at night. Well, then why has it never been a problem before? Pretty sure last winter I was sleeping under 4 covers as opposed to the 3 I am sleeping under now. And I slept pretty well throughout December, except for one Sunday night I can recall and from Christmas morning on.
I am already getting nervous about going to bed. I don't know if this is going to keep up until my period decides to come (if it comes, although with as cranky as I have been lately I am thinking it should hopefully be soon) or if it's going to continue on afterwards. I'll lose my fucking mind if it keeps up. I just want a good night's sleep!
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Random Thoughts
Last night I went to bed with a knot in my stomach. An hour later, I was still awake and I said fuck this shit I am not going another night without sleep and took a Unisom. About 20 minutes later I conked out and didn't wake up until my alarm screeched at 7:00AM. I felt hungover as hell and so badly wanted to call out of work and climb back into bed. But hey, I slept, did I not?!
When I got up, there was something I noticed- I did not feel warm or like I sweated at all. And an unsettling thought came to mind- is something really off in my body and giving me some super mild version of night sweats (minus the sweats)....or is it all just my anxiety? I have felt my anxiety do some pretty nasty shit to me, but can anxiety really be that powerful?
I have 21 days until my appointment. I keep telling myself I have made it this long, I can hold out another 3 weeks, but with how I have been feeling, it's going to be extremely difficult.
When I got up, there was something I noticed- I did not feel warm or like I sweated at all. And an unsettling thought came to mind- is something really off in my body and giving me some super mild version of night sweats (minus the sweats)....or is it all just my anxiety? I have felt my anxiety do some pretty nasty shit to me, but can anxiety really be that powerful?
I have 21 days until my appointment. I keep telling myself I have made it this long, I can hold out another 3 weeks, but with how I have been feeling, it's going to be extremely difficult.
Monday, January 5, 2015
And Here We Go Again
I went to bed last night feeling very chilled and anxious. Was still awake around 1:30 AM so I got up and took Advil to try and relax. Two-thirty rolled around and I was still awake. Around 3, I started to feel overheated and I got up out of bed and started to cry and the more upset I got, the hotter I got. Then I finally calmed down some and I felt a little more comfortable body-temperature wise for a little bit. Then I got very chilled and eventually fell asleep....only to wake up at 4:35AM. And get overheated again followed by feeling comfortable followed by feeling chilled again. I honestly don't know if I ever fell back asleep, so I am guessing I am running on 1 hour of sleep. Today is going to be brutal. And my anxiety levels over something being wrong with my hormones are rising.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Random Thoughts
I am still listening to Christmas music. I am a sad piece of work.
The past 3 mornings I have woken up feeling warm. This morning was the worst. And when I finally got out of bed several hours later, I exercised as usual and I was pretty sweaty. Stayed feeling kind of warm, yet chilled for a few hours. And then I felt really chilled the rest of the day. I wish I could explain the feeling warm yet chilled feeling. It's really difficult to explain, though, except to look at this way- when you're hot, you might take layers off or put a fan on or go outside into the cold weather. But I don't want to do that, because I am feeling chilled at the same. Ugh, that's still not a good way to explain it. All I know is I feel like my body temperature regulation is completely out of whack and can't seem to keep me comfortable.
Earlier I decided to take a look down below at things (why, I don't know) and it was that dark red almost purplish color on the inner part and really white on the outer part. I don't understand why in the second half of my cycle, my vaginal area does that. It's really scary looking. It's something I definitely have to remember to bring up when I go to the doctor.
I don't know if it's the start of PMS or what, but I have been one nasty bitch for the past couple of days. I came home on Friday with such a stick up my ass and was snapping out on everyone and I don't even know why. I was kind of cranky yesterday, but was more emotional than anything. I have been in a pissy mood all day today. And very depressed. Maybe it's all due the fact that I haven't been sleeping well because I dread going to bed that I am going to wake up feeling warm or worse, having an actual full-blown night sweat episode where I wake up drenched in sweat.
Ugh I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Back to a full week of work. No more holidays until May. It's going to be brutal.
And everything is so damn dark and depressing. Our lights are off, most of the houses on my street have their lights off and/or decorations down. I can't stand it. It's rained the whole weekend. Today was above 60 degrees and then tomorrow it's going to plummet into the 30's and later in the week it's going to be in the 20's. No wonder I feel like crap. What the fuck, Mother Nature?
And one more thing- I love that commercial for The Eric Andre Show on Adult Swim where a whole bunch of guys dressed alike (a character, I assume- I have never watched the show) are running up the street screaming and then one guy is running behind them with a microphone. I laugh every time I see it. I think there used to be an extended one where they were all beating the crap out of someone at the end, but I don't see that one anymore. Or I imagined it.
The past 3 mornings I have woken up feeling warm. This morning was the worst. And when I finally got out of bed several hours later, I exercised as usual and I was pretty sweaty. Stayed feeling kind of warm, yet chilled for a few hours. And then I felt really chilled the rest of the day. I wish I could explain the feeling warm yet chilled feeling. It's really difficult to explain, though, except to look at this way- when you're hot, you might take layers off or put a fan on or go outside into the cold weather. But I don't want to do that, because I am feeling chilled at the same. Ugh, that's still not a good way to explain it. All I know is I feel like my body temperature regulation is completely out of whack and can't seem to keep me comfortable.
Earlier I decided to take a look down below at things (why, I don't know) and it was that dark red almost purplish color on the inner part and really white on the outer part. I don't understand why in the second half of my cycle, my vaginal area does that. It's really scary looking. It's something I definitely have to remember to bring up when I go to the doctor.
I don't know if it's the start of PMS or what, but I have been one nasty bitch for the past couple of days. I came home on Friday with such a stick up my ass and was snapping out on everyone and I don't even know why. I was kind of cranky yesterday, but was more emotional than anything. I have been in a pissy mood all day today. And very depressed. Maybe it's all due the fact that I haven't been sleeping well because I dread going to bed that I am going to wake up feeling warm or worse, having an actual full-blown night sweat episode where I wake up drenched in sweat.
Ugh I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Back to a full week of work. No more holidays until May. It's going to be brutal.
And everything is so damn dark and depressing. Our lights are off, most of the houses on my street have their lights off and/or decorations down. I can't stand it. It's rained the whole weekend. Today was above 60 degrees and then tomorrow it's going to plummet into the 30's and later in the week it's going to be in the 20's. No wonder I feel like crap. What the fuck, Mother Nature?
And one more thing- I love that commercial for The Eric Andre Show on Adult Swim where a whole bunch of guys dressed alike (a character, I assume- I have never watched the show) are running up the street screaming and then one guy is running behind them with a microphone. I laugh every time I see it. I think there used to be an extended one where they were all beating the crap out of someone at the end, but I don't see that one anymore. Or I imagined it.
God I Hate Commercials (And Big Pharma)
TV Land must have some kind of sweet deal with Lyrica and Humira, because I swear they play commercials for them EVERY DAMN COMMERCIAL BREAK. Especially Lyrica. Guess Pfizer really wants to push those fibromyalgia diagnoses.
And speaking of Lyrica reminded me of something that happened in work a few weeks ago. My boss emailed us asking us if we include all medications in our reports or just ones that pertain to orthopedics and neurology. I wrote back that I include all and the reason I do so is because so many medications have side effects that can affect the bones or nervous system and also because so many medications have off the box usage, like Cymbalta being an anti-depressant and is also used for pain. And of course, my FWA has to chime in as well and say that Lyrica and Celebrex are anti-depressants and are used for pain as well. I can't tell you how much I wanted to hit "Reply All" and say that neither are anti-depressants. Celebrex is an NSAID, Lyrica is an anti-epileptic. But I wouldn't put it past doctors to use them as anti-depressants.
Also, if I see that Progresso soup commercial with the girl in her ugly bridal party dress one more time I am going to scream. Every time the Progresso person says "don't you love the dress?" and she says "I love my sister", I want to kick something.
And speaking of Lyrica reminded me of something that happened in work a few weeks ago. My boss emailed us asking us if we include all medications in our reports or just ones that pertain to orthopedics and neurology. I wrote back that I include all and the reason I do so is because so many medications have side effects that can affect the bones or nervous system and also because so many medications have off the box usage, like Cymbalta being an anti-depressant and is also used for pain. And of course, my FWA has to chime in as well and say that Lyrica and Celebrex are anti-depressants and are used for pain as well. I can't tell you how much I wanted to hit "Reply All" and say that neither are anti-depressants. Celebrex is an NSAID, Lyrica is an anti-epileptic. But I wouldn't put it past doctors to use them as anti-depressants.
Also, if I see that Progresso soup commercial with the girl in her ugly bridal party dress one more time I am going to scream. Every time the Progresso person says "don't you love the dress?" and she says "I love my sister", I want to kick something.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Random Thoughts
I was on that one Tartlr page last week and someone had asked the girl to post pictures of Andrew and his ex and a minor storm brewed between the girl, who loves Andrews's ex so much it's creepy, and some anonymous person who apparently dislikes her. It was embarrassing. These people who are obsessed with them are creepy, whether they dislike her or love her.
After I ate lunch earlier, I got back on the computer and my local news had posted a story that a white John Doe was found in the Schuylkill River and as soon as I saw it, I thought I bet it is Shane Montgomery. Not even 5 minutes later, another story popped up that it was him. I very rarely cry at news stories, but I did when I seen that. How sad. Obviously at this point the chances of finding him alive were super slim, but still. His poor parents. And like my sister asked, it is worse that they found him after the holidays or would it have been worse before?
And those poor people on the Air Asia flight. And their poor families. And even worse for the families of the Malaysian Flight 370, because they have still yet to find that.
And going to annoying people, my FWA posted of Facebook earlier that her brat has a cold and Mommy isn't happy! Get used to it, honey- kids are germ magnets and catch shit all of the time! And she really better get used to it if her brat is anything like her and "catches" everything, although I fully doubt she ever catches anything. But we all know she'll use her daughter being sick as an excuse to get out of work as much as possible. Her time off accrual was up one day- she went into the new year at almost -37 hours of paid time off and almost -220 hours of unpaid time off. Two hundred and twenty hours of unpaid time off! She's has to be making well over $14 an hour at this point, so if you figure she makes about $14.50, do some math, and that's over $3,100 a year before taxes that she is not getting paid. And then she has the balls to stand there and whine about never having money? Try working more, you stupid cow! Although I wouldn't put it past her to keep her pay at a certain amount so she can continue getting WIC.
She just posted this on Facebook about 10 minutes ago:
Oh, grow the fuck up.
After I ate lunch earlier, I got back on the computer and my local news had posted a story that a white John Doe was found in the Schuylkill River and as soon as I saw it, I thought I bet it is Shane Montgomery. Not even 5 minutes later, another story popped up that it was him. I very rarely cry at news stories, but I did when I seen that. How sad. Obviously at this point the chances of finding him alive were super slim, but still. His poor parents. And like my sister asked, it is worse that they found him after the holidays or would it have been worse before?
And those poor people on the Air Asia flight. And their poor families. And even worse for the families of the Malaysian Flight 370, because they have still yet to find that.
And going to annoying people, my FWA posted of Facebook earlier that her brat has a cold and Mommy isn't happy! Get used to it, honey- kids are germ magnets and catch shit all of the time! And she really better get used to it if her brat is anything like her and "catches" everything, although I fully doubt she ever catches anything. But we all know she'll use her daughter being sick as an excuse to get out of work as much as possible. Her time off accrual was up one day- she went into the new year at almost -37 hours of paid time off and almost -220 hours of unpaid time off. Two hundred and twenty hours of unpaid time off! She's has to be making well over $14 an hour at this point, so if you figure she makes about $14.50, do some math, and that's over $3,100 a year before taxes that she is not getting paid. And then she has the balls to stand there and whine about never having money? Try working more, you stupid cow! Although I wouldn't put it past her to keep her pay at a certain amount so she can continue getting WIC.
She just posted this on Facebook about 10 minutes ago:
Oh, grow the fuck up.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Random Thoughts
Happy New Year to all! It was nice to have another day off and this time wasn't ruined by me waking up early feeling nauseous and warm, although I did wake up early to use the bathroom and for some reason, it occurred to me that although I did have it on the TV, I never actually saw the Times Square ball drop and I dwelled over it for a while (I swear, OCD is a fucking nightmare, but sometimes it just plain doesn't make sense). I'm sad to see the holiday season end, but before I know it, I'll be out in the stores and seeing Christmas stuff popping up again.
Plus, I am eager to go to that gynecological appointment at the end of the month. I just want an answer, although I am terrified it's going to be exactly what I fear it to be. It just seems like every time I turn around, I have a new symptom and when it's googled (I know, I know) it can be a symptom of menopause. At this point I am starting to think everything under the sun can be a menopause symptom. I've had this new thing lately where when I move my head certain ways, I feel like my hands and feet are buzzing, along with the head buzzing that I have been dealing with for 9 years since I went off of Effexor. I have no cervical problems, so I doubt very much it's that. I have also been having sensitivity with my hearing and loud noises give me the same buzzing feeling in my head just like when I turn it. And when I get off of my bike, I get this twitching feeling in my legs, mainly in the thighs, something I swore I used to only get right before I was due for my period, but now have nearly every time I exercise. But I am not supposed to be worried that there is something wrong with my hormones, right?
I can't believe it's been 9 years since I went off of Effexor. Which means January 13th will be 9 years since I was hospitalized. And I am no better than I was then. Worse, in fact. I definitely believe I am more of a train wreck than I was then. Just almost 60 pounds lighter.
A couple months ago, I sent a message to that girl I had been talking with who kind of just dropped off the face of the earth and was surprised to actually get a response from her. She was all apologetic that she hadn't kept in contact and asked me how things were and I wrote her back again and talked about some things and asked what was going on and how she was doing. Never got a response. A few weeks later, I sent her a message with some music suggestions (she had asked me before to recommended any good music, seeing as we had similar tastes). Never got a response. I think I am officially giving up keeping in contact with her.
I really miss talking to that guy Sam. I still would like to know whatever happened with him. I know he had health issues, so I am hoping he didn't die or something. Or there is always that sickening feeling that he was really a fraud and was mind fucking me. Which would be horrifying, because I told him things that my own family doesn't know about me. He knew about That Thing. And he did not judge me one bit for it (at least, not in email). To have someone not only not stop talking to me after telling something like that, but to not criticize me for it either meant a lot.
Ugh I don't feel like going back to work tomorrow, although at least it's Friday. But then Monday will roll around quickly and from this point on, there will be no days off until Memorial Day and it will be weeks upon weeks of work or until I decide to say fuck this and take a day off. No one will be out on maternity leave this year so I will feel more relaxed in taking time off. Last year I didn't take one day off the entire time my FWA was out on maternity leave because I felt so guilty in doing so and I was pretty burned out. I think that was one of the things that pissed me off the most about asking for 3 days off in August and not getting approved for it; I had not taken a day off since February. And the way my manager has been letting people take off together, it infuriates me even more that she left me hanging like she did. We just had 3 people off the day after Christmas, 2 of which do similar jobs. But I couldn't get immediately approved to have off the same time as someone who very rarely does my job. Go figure.
There was a gallery of would you rather pictures on the Berry last night and the first one was give up cheese or give up oral sex and I was astonished by the amount of people in the comments saying they don't what they would rather give up. I honestly never realized so many people were in to oral sex. I know I am an oddball, but I am truly and utterly repulsed at the thought of oral sex, whether giving or receiving (more so at receiving, I think; I am a fanatic about keeping down below clean and no matter how much I do so, I still always feel dirty so the idea of someone putting their mouth down there fucking grosses me out beyond belief). Surely I cannot be the only person on earth who feels that way, but I am starting to think that I am.
I was just on Yahoo Answers and there was some kid complaining because he is 14 years old and still a virgin. I....I don't even know where to begin with that.
Plus, I am eager to go to that gynecological appointment at the end of the month. I just want an answer, although I am terrified it's going to be exactly what I fear it to be. It just seems like every time I turn around, I have a new symptom and when it's googled (I know, I know) it can be a symptom of menopause. At this point I am starting to think everything under the sun can be a menopause symptom. I've had this new thing lately where when I move my head certain ways, I feel like my hands and feet are buzzing, along with the head buzzing that I have been dealing with for 9 years since I went off of Effexor. I have no cervical problems, so I doubt very much it's that. I have also been having sensitivity with my hearing and loud noises give me the same buzzing feeling in my head just like when I turn it. And when I get off of my bike, I get this twitching feeling in my legs, mainly in the thighs, something I swore I used to only get right before I was due for my period, but now have nearly every time I exercise. But I am not supposed to be worried that there is something wrong with my hormones, right?
I can't believe it's been 9 years since I went off of Effexor. Which means January 13th will be 9 years since I was hospitalized. And I am no better than I was then. Worse, in fact. I definitely believe I am more of a train wreck than I was then. Just almost 60 pounds lighter.
A couple months ago, I sent a message to that girl I had been talking with who kind of just dropped off the face of the earth and was surprised to actually get a response from her. She was all apologetic that she hadn't kept in contact and asked me how things were and I wrote her back again and talked about some things and asked what was going on and how she was doing. Never got a response. A few weeks later, I sent her a message with some music suggestions (she had asked me before to recommended any good music, seeing as we had similar tastes). Never got a response. I think I am officially giving up keeping in contact with her.
I really miss talking to that guy Sam. I still would like to know whatever happened with him. I know he had health issues, so I am hoping he didn't die or something. Or there is always that sickening feeling that he was really a fraud and was mind fucking me. Which would be horrifying, because I told him things that my own family doesn't know about me. He knew about That Thing. And he did not judge me one bit for it (at least, not in email). To have someone not only not stop talking to me after telling something like that, but to not criticize me for it either meant a lot.
Ugh I don't feel like going back to work tomorrow, although at least it's Friday. But then Monday will roll around quickly and from this point on, there will be no days off until Memorial Day and it will be weeks upon weeks of work or until I decide to say fuck this and take a day off. No one will be out on maternity leave this year so I will feel more relaxed in taking time off. Last year I didn't take one day off the entire time my FWA was out on maternity leave because I felt so guilty in doing so and I was pretty burned out. I think that was one of the things that pissed me off the most about asking for 3 days off in August and not getting approved for it; I had not taken a day off since February. And the way my manager has been letting people take off together, it infuriates me even more that she left me hanging like she did. We just had 3 people off the day after Christmas, 2 of which do similar jobs. But I couldn't get immediately approved to have off the same time as someone who very rarely does my job. Go figure.
There was a gallery of would you rather pictures on the Berry last night and the first one was give up cheese or give up oral sex and I was astonished by the amount of people in the comments saying they don't what they would rather give up. I honestly never realized so many people were in to oral sex. I know I am an oddball, but I am truly and utterly repulsed at the thought of oral sex, whether giving or receiving (more so at receiving, I think; I am a fanatic about keeping down below clean and no matter how much I do so, I still always feel dirty so the idea of someone putting their mouth down there fucking grosses me out beyond belief). Surely I cannot be the only person on earth who feels that way, but I am starting to think that I am.
I was just on Yahoo Answers and there was some kid complaining because he is 14 years old and still a virgin. I....I don't even know where to begin with that.
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